Romeo and Juliet, a drarry ve...

SCENE IV.  Part 1. A street cafe.

Enter RON and HERMIONE

HERMIONE

Where the devil should Harry be?

Came he not home last night?

RON

Not to his father's; I spoke with his mum.

HERMIONE

Ah, that the loss of your sister, Ginny.

Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.

RON

Bellatrix, the sister of Lucius Malfoy,

and the Captain of the Muggle Police

Hath sent a letter to his father's house.

HERMIONE

A warrant and challenge, on my life.

RON

Harry will answer it.

HERMIONE

Any man would stupidly answer it!

If they quarrel, they will be exiled or killed!

RON

Harry won't. Not Harry.

He will answer the letter's master,

How he dares, being dared.

But he'll hold to the peace order.

HERMIONE

Alas, poor Harry! he is already wracked with grief

I thought that he seemed better at the ball.

But his heart is stabbed with a love-song;

And now is to encounter Bellatrix?

The biggest hot-head muggle ever?

RON

Why, what is Bellatrix?

HERMIONE

More than the queen of cats, I can tell you.

O, she is a vain captain of compliments, too.

She fights as cruel and violent as any.

But a skillest marksman at muggle firearms,

She is the most dangerous woman I've seen

RON

Bloody hell

HERMIONE

The woman is pox of all wizards and witches

Her antics of lisping slurs, affecting fanatics;

By Merlin, she is very good at stirring the flames.

And making our peace that much harder to obtain

Enter HARRY

RON

Here comes Harry!

HERMIONE

Without his never-ending grief, I note,

What happened to him? I wonder.

Harry, bonjour! there's a French salutation

You gave us the counterfeit words last night.

HARRY

Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

HERMIONE

The ship, sir, the slip; can you not defend yourself?

HARRY

Pardon, good Hermione, my business was great;

And I had not the time to waste on words.

HERMIONE

That's not as much as to say, as you said,

It constrains me to the point of frustration.

HARRY

Meaning, you're pissed that I'm prevaricating?

HERMIONE

Thou hast most kindly hit it.

HARRY

A most courteous inquisition.

HERMIONE

Nay, I'm at the very pink of courtesy.

HARRY

Pink for flower.

HERMIONE

Right.

HARRY

Why, then is my friend well flowered?

HERMIONE

Well said: I follow thy jest now till

Thou hast worn out my patience,

Like the soul of a singularly worn shoe.

HARRY

O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness.

HERMIONE

Come on Ron, help me; my wits faint.

HARRY

Giving up so soon? I'll cry a victory.

HERMIONE

Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase,

I have had enough wild-gooses in our adventures

None of which match thy wits than, I am sure,

I have in our time helped you through it all:

Was I not with you there for all those gooses?

HARRY

Thou wast never with me for anything

when thou wast not there for the goose!

HERMIONE

I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

HARRY

Nay, good goose, bite not.

HERMIONE

Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting;

it is a most sharp sauce.

HARRY

And is it not well served into a sweet goose?

HERMIONE

O here's a wit of boomslang, but aye me, enough!

HARRY

I can stretch it out longer if thee prefers it.

HERMIONE

Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?

But now art thou sociable, now art thou Harry, again?

For this driveling heartache, you've been emoting,

Is like a whining maiden lamenting on her monthly cycle

RON

Stop there, stop there.

HERMIONE

Thou desirest me to stop? Tell thy tale to stop me.

RON

Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large?

HERMIONE

O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:

for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and

meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.

HARRY

Here's to thy win in that regard! No more!

To be continued....