My Tough Mudder Memoire

And then we got to climb up the black diamond hill, a massive, STEEP ascent. I’d kissed Mike, grabbed more TUMS and headed up that sucker with a determination to not cry in public. The pledge I had sworn to said no whining and I didn’t whine. I just went for it; pausing when needed and then attacking the next ascent with intent to murder it. Off in the distance I could see a giant slip and slide beckoning me on, an obstacle that seemed pure fun as a reward for not throwing in the towel now. I made it to the top without crying and even cracked a joke that made some of the others who looked like they wanted to die laugh. One guy was saying that he was done, that climb had finished him off. So me and my sarcastic mouth spat out “Oh come on, that was just foreplay!” I was stretching out and waiting for Juli, surprised to find myself recovering quickly and ready to keep going. My feet hurt, but nowhere near as bad as I expected. By now many others were complaining of blisters and cramps, many who looked far fitter than I having already quit long before this point. There were even a few people off in the bushes, throwing up what little they had in their stomachs. I applauded loudly for one man who carried his friend up the last stretch of the hill as his buddy went into full muscle seizures, dehydrated and out of gas. But Juli reached the top and we headed off, knowing that soon, soon we would get to go on the slip and slide.

Obstacle # 16 Greased Lightning : Have some fun sliding down this massive slippery slope into a frigid, muddy pool of water at the bottom. And there was a sign taunting us before we reached it: Real Mudders go down head first. Since I am about as juvenile when provoked as possible and survive into adulthood, I shot myself down head first. And discovered two very important things: 1) I could not see with the water splashing up into my face, so I had to feel the pool of water below with my hands and hold my breath at the last second 2) going down head first on my chest was a lot less fun for girls than guys because BOOBS! I didn’t see Juli come down behind me but I know the photographer cracked up as I fixed my bib number, commented on how breasts were not made for sliding and had my picture taken. It was a lot of fun regardless and I will totally go down chest and head first again next year, if this obstacle surfaces again. I’ll just know what to expect this time.