The bad girl and the dork

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Translation: I hate Mondays and it's too early in the morning to talk.

If I would've auditioned for a part in a zombie movie I'd definitely get the part. Not because I looked and felt like one but because I was craving some brains for breakfast.

Sarcasm people, please don't think I'm a cannibal. Although I've heard people taste like chicken. Oh god it's too early to be thinking about eating people.

My stomach growled.

So I was thinking about eating brains and then my stomach reacted. I don't even wanna know what this says about me. My mom would probably throw a bible at me if she knew what was going through my mind most of the time.

Do you ever get those moments where you're glad that people don't know what you're thinking? I'm always glad about that.

My exorcism is only a mindreader away.

That didn't even make sense. Urgh, Jill, just get out of bed.

After a quick shower I went downstairs. My mom was reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. I mumbled something that resembled brains.

Mom chuckled "Good morning to you too" How can she be so awake this early? It's a gift.

I yawned "Yeah whatever" and grabbed some cereal.

"Aren't you a ray of sunshine" Mom said, not even looking up from her newspaper. Maybe my mood was just radiaing off of me.

Either that or she looked up when I wasn't looking. It's not like I'm very perceptive right now.

After my drive to school I still felt like a zombie. Usually the music in the car wakes me up but it just didn't do its job today.

Having math didn't really help either. George, you know my super cool teacher, had to poke me when class was finished because I'd fallen asleep. He wasn't mad though, I don't think he's familiar with that emotion.

Seriously, it's impossible to get him in a bad mood. It's like teaching is a wonderful thing to him and school is like home. That poor guy.

Luckily I was back to my old self by the time it was lunch period. We were sitting in the cafeteria because it was cloudy outside. Maybe I'd had trouble waking up because the sun wasn't shining? Yes, let's blame the sun.

"So Jake, any cool stories? Who was the chick you left with at Snake's party?" Gwen asked curiously. Everyone looked at Jake. Yes, it's pathetic how much we love Jake's stories.

Jake looked at all of us with an amused face and chuckled "Sorry, nothing interesting, just quick and easy"

The guys chuckled but Gwen scrunched her nose. So did I. Quick and easy sounds like a microwave dish, not a person.

"You know, I've been watching Code's clip all weekend" I grinned proudly. Code poked me in the ribs and I spasmed because I hadn't seen it coming. Everyone laughed at me.

Some kids at other tables were looking too. Fine, I guess I had that one coming.

"I think we've all been watching it" Snake snorted.

"Shut up. My dog just loves me" Code pouted, looking like a five year old that couldn't play with his toys anymore. I pinched his cheeks and he poked me again. This time I saw it coming and was able to dodge it. Personal victory for me.

"Bus and Code. I ship it" Gwen smiled.

Code poked me again. "Hey! What was that for?" I slapped him playfully.

Code laughed "Well, I can't reach Gwen so you're my victim" Now it was my turn to pout.

"Oh I've been meaning to tell you Jill, I saw Michael this weekend" Gwen looked at me expectantly. Michael. That name did ring a bell. Where did I hear that name before?

Gwen rolled her eyes and sighed "You know, the guy from the party"

Did I meet someone at Snake's party? I wasn't that drunk, I still remembered everything.

Oh.

Ohh!

Michael! Surfer dude! I was surprised Gwen had actually looked at him since she was in such a hurry to get out of there. I chuckled at the memory.

"I remember!" I was a little too proud of this fact. I was supposed to have a good memory but it had failed me deeply today.

"I got a good look at him. He's a cutie!" She nudged me and wiggled her eyebrows. I see where this is heading.

I rolled my eyes "I know but we had to say goodbye abruptly at the party" I gave her an accusatory look. She bit her lip.

"Oops" She shrugged

"He was sporting a black eye though"

I frowned. He didn't look like the violent type. He actually seemed like the opposite. I guess I shouldn't judge, I'd only spoken to him a few hours. Maybe he fell on his surfboard or ran into a door or something. Oh man that would've been a sight to see.

"He probably just did something clumsy" I shrugged. I didn't really know why Gwen was telling me this.

"No, it definitely seemed like he got into a fight" Gwen looked concerned. Now she was even concerned about strangers.

Lunch period was already over before it had even started properly.

Crap!

I had forgotten my wallet at dad's yesterday and I wanted to ask if Kate had it with her during lunch but I'd totally forgot. Maybe I could spot her in between classes.

It's urgent since it's kinda illegal to walk around without your ID and licence and stuff.

After class I hurried towards Kate's locker. She was talking with one of her friends. I think her name is Tash or something? I really don't care.

When Kate saw me approaching she looked surprised and then happy. Yeah, we only talk to each other during Biology so this was a rare occurrence.

"Jill! Hey" She smiled at me and Tash looked at my feet and worked her way up to my face with a look of disgust. She seemed like a nice person.

"Hi Kate! I was just wondering-"

Tash rudely interrupted me with her high pitched voice. Her voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. I had to suppress a shudder.

"Excuse me, Kate and I were talking" She looked at me with contempt. She was starting to get on my nerves but I decided to ignore her. She wasn't worth it.

"This will only take a sec. Kate, I left my wallet at dad's place yesterday, did y-"

Tash interrupted me again. Seriously even toddlers know not to interrupt people. For a queen bee her social skills aren't that great.

"You're such a slut. You're always hanging out with those guys, do they share you or something? It's not like they're your friends. I mean, Jake doesn't befriend girls, he uses them and tosses them aside. This must mean you're pretty good in bed then, huh, since he keeps you around? Girls like you disgust me"

She looked pretty smug saying this.

Really? Wow. Low blow. I don't care that she dissed me but there was no reason to involve my friends in this.

I sighed

"Are you done now? So what's the deal? Are you PMSing or did your daddy say you couldn't use his credit card anymore? I'm sure daddy had a good reason for it. It's sad that you're this insecure that you have to take it out on other people. Seriously, I pity you. Whatever crawled up your butt this morning, I hope it finds its way back out."  I said casually.

Yeah, I don't get bullied, I talk back.

She looked at me like a fish out of water. If she didn't shut her mouth any time soon, a bug would fly in that gaping hole and boy would that poor little bug regret that.

Kate didn't look at either of us, she was staring at her hands. I guess it's awkward when two of your friends are having an argument. Well I wouldn't really call it an argument. The girl was just having a hissy fit.

I hadn't noticed a lot of people were staring at us. Right, I probably just dug my own grave by talking back to Miss Popular. Whatever.

I was walking back to my locker when someone put their arm around my shoulder. I looked up and was gazing at Jake.

"I wanted to come in between when she started offending me but it looked like you didn't need my help" He winked at me.

People were still looking at us, some of them were whispering.

"Yeah, she was being a pain" I groaned.

"Come on, let's get out of here" Jake walked me out of school. I didn't want to stay there either, Monday's sucked anyway.

Jake smirked "Let's go for a ride"

Well that got me in a good mood. If I could marry that motorcycle I would. The sad thing is, I'm not even kidding.

I grabbed the spare helmet and jumped eagerly on the bike. Oh man, this was gonna be awesome.

"Where are we going?" Jake seemed to be thinking. There aren't a lot of interesting places to go to.

"Let's just drive and then I'll drop you off at your home afterwards" He said after a while. Sounded like a plan to me. He sat down and I held onto him.

We drove around for thirty minutes, not going anywhere in particular. We took some crazy turns and I was enjoying the wind and the scenery. Even though we were driving fast, I could still see everything.

There's just something about motorcycles that gives you a sense of freedom.

We arrived at my house way too soon.

"We should do this every day!" Needless to say, my mood had improved immensely. I returned the helmet.

"I already do this every day" He smirked at me and ruffled my hair a bit. I didn't care, I probably already had helmet hair.

"Don't rub it in. Let's go inside" Jake followed me inside. My mom was at work so we had the house to ourselves.

When I got inside I checked my phone and noticed I had a few texts. The first one was from Kate.

I'm really sorry about Tash, I'm so ashamed! I have your wallet, you can come by tonight if you want. xx

I sighed. She shouldn't apologize for her friend's behavior.

The second text was from Gwen. I opened it.

Heard you kicked some plastic ass today. Wish I could've seen it!

I smiled. Gwen would've paid money for that, I'm sure.

"Word got around fast huh?" Jake was looking at me. I almost forgot he was in the room. Wow, I really don't pay attention to my surroundings when I'm texting.

"Yeah, Kate apologised and Gwen's proud" Jake smiled and shook his head

"Gwen would've paid money for that little show at school" Jake's eyes twinkled in amusement. Was he reading my mind or something?

"Just what I was thinking!" We laughed. I grabbed some drinks and snacks and we went to the living room. This felt weird. I rarely got alone time with Jake.

That reminded me of the other day. I had wanted to talk to him alone but I wasn't sure if now was the right time. But then again, I probably wouldn't get another chance anytime soon.

"I've been meaning to talk to you actually" I didn't really know how to initiate this conversation. Maybe I'm just seeing things and it's nothing.

Jake looked as if he was thinking about something. Maybe he knew what I wanted to talk about. "Oh?" he said hesitantly.

I usually don't beat around the bush but I didn't want to be blunt about this either. See this is why I don't have serious conversations with my friends.

"Yeah, you've been acting different lately" Okay, now I was really beating around the bush. When did I become socially inept?

He looked as if he knew exactly what I was talking about though. He didn't seem surprised.

"I figured if someone would've noticed, It'd be you." He looked at me in discomfort. It was pretty clear we were both out of our comfortzone.

I waited for him to elaborate. I gave him some time because it seemed as if he was searching for the right words.

"Yeah, I think it happened when we were talking about relationships" I decided to help him a hand. A part of me was telling me that I was overstepping my boundaries but that was just silly. Jake and I had been friends since we were fourteen or something.

"I know. It's just... What you said. It struck a chord." It was weird seeing Jake this vulnerable. He always oozes confidence.

It's weird that I'd struck a chord. Jake and I had talked about relationships many times before. Why was this time different? Had something happened? Did I say something I usually didn't say? I honestly didn't remember everything I'd said that day.

The only thing I clearly remembered was Jake's reaction. He had a similar expression now.

"What part exactly?" He shifted his body on the couch so he was facing me.

"About the void that only relationships can fill I guess. You said hooking up just reminded you of that void and I hook up to fill it. I guess that's the difference between us" Jake scratched the back of his head.

I was shocked. I really didn't think he had the need to have a serious relationship and he actually wanted meaningless flings. It had never occurred to me that he wanted more. This was just his coping mechanism.

"Honestly Jake, I did not expect that" He chuckled but his expression was still vulnerable.

"You know when we first met I kinda had a crush on you" Wait what?! Did he really just say that? Is he joking?

My jaw dropped. To me, he'd always been a player. I never got the expression he wanted something more from me. I mean, he'd always say sexual things but that's just Jake, you know?

"Seriously?" I had to be sure he wasn't joking. He had a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, seriously. And then you started dating whatshisface and I got over you. I guess it's because you were one of the only girls that approached me as a friend and liked me for who I was instead of how I looked. That was foreign to me. You didn't want anything from me except for being my friend."

It's true. I'd always resisted him. I don't know I guess he wasn't my type. I'd always seen Jake as a friend. Maybe because in my head he was labelled as a player and didn't seem like boyfriend material.

"I only crush on your motorcycle I guess" I shrugged. That got me a chuckle.

It didn't explain everything though. We'd met years ago and we'd talked about relationships so many times before. Why now?

"Do you have a crush on someone now? What's different this time Jake? It doesn't add up" I looked confused.

"Damn Jill, you're too smart for your own good" I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"I hadn't realised I was filling a void until you pointed it out. And to answer your question, I guess there is someone I like"

Did I hear that right? My little player has a crush on someone?

Jake sighed. He looked sad. Isn't it a good thing to have crush? To finally be ready for something more?

"What's wrong? You're Jake! Go get her" I nudged him playfully but he didn't respond to it.

"That's the problem. I'm Jake. People don't think I'm capable of a serious relationship. Even you didn't think so before this conversation, admit it" He looked at me. Suddenly he didn't look older anymore, he looked like a boy.

"You know I don't lie. So yes, I'll admit it. But you just showed me this other side of you and I guess that's the hard part. Letting people see that side of you. Letting people show you're vulnerable" I touched his shoulder lightly.

I'm not good at comforting people. Maybe it's because I'm too honest. I don't sugarcoat things.

"It's not worth it" He sighed and rubbed his temples with his fingers.

He looked really affected by this. Had he been keeping this to himself the entire time? I wish I'd confronted him earlier. I guess we don't have serious conversations with each other because it's hard to start them.

Maybe I should be more attentive with my friends and just ask if everything's okay every once in a while. It'd be easier for them to talk since I guess there's some kind of treshold. We're all proud people that want to seem confident but who are we kidding? We all have our doubts.

"Do you really think it's not worth it?" I already knew the answer to this but I needed to hear him say it. Of course it was worth it. He was just afraid.

"No. But she deserves better" I sighed.

I wrapped my arms around him and he rested his head on my shoulder. We stayed like that for a while. I was running my fingers through his hair to relax him and it seemed to help.

"That's bullshit and you know it. Yes, girls only know you as the player but I know the real Jake and he's definitely worthy. If that girl doesn't even want to give you a chance then she's the one that's not worth it"

Jake sat up straight, looking at me with an expression on his face that I didn't recognise. I had no idea what was running through his head right now. I just hoped he took me seriously because I was saying the truth.

"Thanks. I guess you're right it's just easier said than done" There was a faint smile present on his face

"Of course I'm right" I winked and he rolled his eyes.

"Look I don't know the right answers and I probably can't tell you what you want or need to hear. Just know that I'm here for you every step of the way and please don't hesitate to talk to me when you need to. It looks like this has been playing through your mind for a while now."

I felt like a bad friend. I should've known something was up and I shouldn't have waited this long to confront him. This is what friends do! They go to each other when they need to talk and that's clearly missing here.

Not just with Jake but everyone. Well, not Gwen, she just tell me when something's wrong.

I remembered what Chase had said about Code. Was he going through something too? Were we all being oblivious and selfish?

"I know, I know. I'd been debating on telling you. I didn't want to tell the others because you're the only one that does real relationships. Jill, why are you looking like that? What's up?"

Great, I didn't want the conversation to take this turn. This was about Jake, not me. I sighed.

"I just feel like a bad friend. I should've noticed earlier, I should've said something earlier. Friends should be able to tell each other everything, right? And it's not just us, the other guys too"

I started eating the snacks I'd put on the table. I guess I was stressing a little.

"You're anything but a bad friend. Jill, we're not girls okay? Guys don't do feelings. If you wouldn't have confronted me it would've eaten me up alive because I wouldn't have talked to you otherwise. If anything, I need to thank you for being such a good friend."

I guess that made sense. Guys don't do feelings and the guys had definitely rubbed off on me. I wasn't a very emotional person either.

We all tended to keep everything to ourselves. Sometimes that worked and sometimes it didn't.

"I guess. Just promise me that next time you just leave your testosterone on your bike and come talk to me okay? You won't grow boobs by talking about feelings"

He laughed. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed that laugh. He really hadn't been himself lately. I wondered if anyone else had noticed? Were we really too caught up in ourselves?

"That's too bad, I would play with them all day" I grinned. I was happy he was back to his old self.

"Yeah you're really missing out" I wiggled my eyebrows and we laughed again. This was nice.

I didn't ask who the girl was. He would tell me when he was ready, I was just glad he wasn't keeping it all to himself anymore.

After that emotionally exhausting conversation we decided to watch a movie. I was in the mood to watch The Exorcist. Probably because I could relate to the girl.

Jake yawned and rested his head on my shoulder again. "Thanks Jilly"

I shifted a little, getting cozy and rested my own head on his head. "Anytime Jakey"

I could feel his facial features change into a smile on my shoulder. I was smiling too. I liked this side of Jake.

We sat like that and watched the movie in silence. Well, I watched. Jake had fallen asleep after a few minutes. I guess talking about feelings really is exhausting.

I felt myself falling asleep too but then I heard the door open.

"Jill?" My mom was back from work.

"Shh" I didn't want her to wake Jake, he looked so peaceful sleeping.

She came into the living room and saw Jake and me lying on the couch. She raised her eyebrow suggestively.

I shook my head.

It seemed like she didn't really believe me but she went into the kitchen anyway. No questions asked.

Well, I'm sure she would ask me when we were alone.

Jake woke up when the movie was about to end. Talk about timing.

"I should get going" He said while stretching and yawning. As if he hadn't slept enough.

He said goodbye to my mom and I walked with him to his bike.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning since your car is still at school"

Oh right. I'd totally forgot about my car. So tomorrow morning I was going to school in style. Awesome. I was already looking forward to it.

Jake laughed at my enthusiastic expression.

Before he left he gave me a firm hug and he drove away.