Epilogue: cover it up with Oprah's face

                                        

                                              
5 years later
                              
I hissed when the needle touched my ribs.
                              
"Did I forget to mention getting a tattoo on your ribs hurt?" Gwen asked innocently.
                              
Before you start thinking how cool I am for getting a tattoo underneath my left boob, let me explain to you what it is.
                              
A chemical structure.
                              
Yep.
                              
I decided to match Chase's tattoo by getting a chemical structure of serotonin. I'm a disgrace to my kind.
                              
At least it was free?
                              
After high school Gwen went to art school and most artsy people end up working at McDonalds after they graduate. Gwen didn't. I introduced her to Brad and now she's working at his tattoo parlor.
                              
As a result she was sporting a sleeve. My favorite tattoo on the sleeve was a mermaid that looked like me. I told her I would've preferred an 'I love Jill' tramp stamp but she didn't listen.
                              
Oh and hear this. Gwen's hair is blonde.
                              
Pause for effect.
                              
It's her natural hair color, who would've known, right? Life's full of surprises.
                              
"Mean." I replied.
                              
"Whatever. When's your housewarming party?" Gwen asked casually as if she wasn't torturing me with needles.
                              
After my graduation, which was today, Chase and I were moving in together. We got a little apartment.
                              
"Next weekend probably. We could make it into a pool party." I answered.
                              
"You guys have a pool?" Gwen gasped. I really shouldn't surprise her like that when she's hurting me. What if she slipped?
                              
"We have the most awesome kiddie pool in our living room. Van loves swimming in it." I smiled at the memory. Van had jumped in and he seemed like the happiest creature ever.
                              
"Aw, I love Van. Are you even allowed to have pets in your apartment?" Gwen asked.
                              
"Who cares?" I replied. Van was part of the family.
                              
Get your hankies people.
                              
Bus died a few years ago. He had been an old dog but it was still very sad. Chase had a hard time with it since he had played most with the dog.
                              
So last year for his birthday I got him a little puppy and we named him Van. Well, we named him Minivan but now he's a little bigger so we changed it to Van.
                              
Talking about my dorky boyfriend, Chase is currently getting his PhD at Harvard and he's working with Hugh. You know, the 'hot' british guy my mom's dating? He still makes her happy and as long as it stays that way his balls will remain intact.
                              
"I hope you're not wearing anything tight for your graduation 'cause it might hurt a little." Gwen warned me. Great, she said that now.
                              
After high school I decided to become an opera singer. My dream is to give singing lessons to rich kids and when I'm sick of that I'll become a housewife with three kids.
                              
If you still haven't figured out I'm joking then maybe you should go see a doctor.
                              
Do you really wanna know though? It's kinda boring.
                              
So I got my bachelor's degree at a local college in Boston and now I'm finishing my master's at Harvard. I decided to major in Criminal psychology with a minor in neurology. So basically I found something that had both Law and Biology. Aren't I the perfect fucking match between my parents?