Get your biceps out of my face

                                        

                                              
I was standing in front of Jake's door with a stolen stop sign in my arms. Just another ordinary day for Jill.
                              
This was my thank you gift for Jake's little poem.
                              
The stop sign meant a lot to us. A few years ago, the guys and I went out. That evening I winded up roaming the streets with Jake.
                              
I don't remember that much about it but we came across this stop sign. Jake had asked me to pole dance for him which I respectfully declined by kicking his ass. Literally kicking his ass.
                              
All of a sudden Jake had grabbed a Sharpie and started writing on the stop sign. Why does the guy have a Sharpie with him at all times? So he can always give his conquests his phone number. Considerate guy, isn't he?
                              
Anyway when he was done, the sign said 'STOP fucking around'. Pretty lame but it was the most awesome thing ever that night. We could've seen an apocalypse and it wouldn't even trump that sign. Drink responsibly, kids.
                              
Since then that stop sign became our thing. If we'd ever get BFF matching tattoos it'd say 'Stop fucking around'. But we won't. Ever. That'd be gross. Plus, Jake frequently fucks around so it wouldn't be accurate.
                              
You know how people always go visit the graves of their loved ones every once in a while? Jake and I visit the stop sign sometimes, just for good times' sake. We're sentimental like that.
                              
Now he could see the stop sign whenever he wanted to. The borderline creepy note was just an excuse to give it to him.
                              
So you might wonder how you steal a stop sign. You're probably imagining me and Gwen with black hoodies stealing that sign in the middle of the night and running from a shouting neighbor that caught us. Or even a police car chase.
                              
Oh how I wish life'd be that interesting. After Gwen's toenails had dried we just went to the stop sign during the day, grabbed it, went back to the car and drove home. It took us ten minutes at most.
                              
The sign had detached pretty easily from the pole so there was no challenge whatsoever. It'd almost made me sad. What's the point in doing something illegal when it's boring, right?
                              
I had wrapped the sign in some toilet paper and put a bow on it. I didn't use wrapping paper, I'm not fancy like that.
                              
"Jilly! I didn't know you were coming." Jake said when he had finally opened the door. It was a big risk coming to his house unannounced. There was always the chance he wasn't home or he was home... But not alone.
                              
"Am I interrupting fun Jake time or is the coast clear?" He was fully clothed so I was hoping for the best.
                              
"Come in." He stepped aside, eyeing the mystery item tucked underneath my armpit. It least if I were sweating, the toilet paper would absorb it. That was a gross image. I'd say sorry but I'm not.
                              
"Is that... thing for me?" Jake asked. I'd be creeped out too if someone'd come to my house with a thing wrapped in toilet paper. But it had a cute little bow on it so Jake had no right to complain.
                              
"It is! You're gonna love it." I said with a huge grin on my face. I couldn't wait to see his reaction.
                              
"You're being creepy." Jake deadpanned and plopped on his couch.
                              
"Probably. Open it!" I handed him the gift and waited anxiously for him to open it.
                              
It took him long enough. He eyed me suspiciously and then he started unwrapping it carefully. Why couldn't he just rip the damn thing off?
                              
"You didn't!" Jake gasped.
                              
Oh I did, Christmas came early this year. He threw the toilet paper on the ground and started studying the stop sign as if he'd never seen it before.