𝓕𝓔𝓐𝓡𝓢 ||𝚌. 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒...

may 23. the day of nick sturniolo's space camp release party. a party which i will be attending.

the week leading up to the day in question was a blur of work, school, studying for finals, and excitedly talking with georgia about the party.

and now the day has arrived.

since i don't own my own car, georgia is going to pick me up and take me to the party. she texted me twenty minutes ago to remind me that she was on her way, but this time, i didn't need the reminder.

i'm more nervous than i usually am for something like this, and i can't seem to figure out why. fitting into social settings is not a weak area in my life. in fact, i enjoy parties. not for the same reasons others might—the wild atmosphere, the drinking, and all that other stuff people get up to—but for the opportunity to talk to people. people are interesting to me, and i've found that everyone has something to say, even those who don't look it.

this party shouldn't be any different. i should be excited to get to talk to nick, and to the models, and to anyone else in attendance. and it's not that i'm not excited . . . i'm just extremely anxious too.

anxious about what?

something in my gut is telling me that these weird, knotted-up feelings in my chest are about chris, but i know that that's ridiculous. i have no reason to be nervous around him; i don't even know him! maybe these feelings are just an accumulation of all the other stress and excitement in my life.

yeah. that's all it is.

i take a deep breath to calm myself down and check my makeup in the bathroom mirror. i spent a little extra time getting ready this evening, doing my laundry earlier in the day so that i could pick out the perfect outfit. i left my brunette hair in its naturally wavy state, only touching up on a few face-framing curls.

i take time putting my shoes on and tying the laces. i make sure that my bag has everything i need. i check the time again. georgia should be here any minute now, so i make my way downstairs.

logically, i know i shouldn't feel nervous about seeing chris again, but there is a small pit in my stomach that still won't go away. i had a good time with chris the other day. he is kind and funny and attractive, and because of that, my mind is telling me that i should be nervous to see him again. but i don't like him like that. i tell my mind to shut up, pushing those thoughts far, far away as i walk outside.

the evening is warm and the streets are mostly quiet. i stand on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building, taking in the fresh outdoor air while i wait for georgia's car to pull up.

i don't have to wait long. a minute later, georgia's white vehicle turns the corner and slows to a stop in front of me. i hop in through the passenger-side door.

"thanks for picking me up," i say, a phrase that begins many of our conversations. she drives me around a lot.

"no problem." she eyes me for a moment. "you look cute."

"thanks!"

she arches an eyebrow. "a little too cute."

"thanks?"

"almost like you're putting a bit of extra effort in."

i shrug. "nothing wrong with that, right? you never know where you could meet someone important, you know, for business. i'm sure you're the same sometimes with potential employers for your modeling, right? these are important people we're hanging out with tonight. maybe someone knows someone who knows someone, you know? never hurts to make a good first impression."

she puts the car into drive and steps on the gas. "you ramble when you're nervous."

"hey!"

she pauses to think about it. "though i guess you ramble even when you're not nervous . . ." she glances at me. "are you nervous?"

"no! maybe. i don't know."

she smiles like she knows something i don't. it makes me uncomfortable.

"don't be nervous, bree. nick is one of the nicest people i've met, and you'll see how welcoming he is once we get there." she looks at me again and smiles. "and i'm sure that the potential employers you're trying to impress will think you look very cute. i'm sure he's just as eager to see you as you are to see him."

"huh?"

"i mean, 'they'," she corrects. "the hypothetical potential employers. that's what i meant."

"you're acting weird."

"never mind. let's talk about something else."

okay . . .

"we can talk about our finals coming up," i suggest.

georgia groans. "not that. anything but that. i'd rather go back to talking about chris."

i gawk at her. "what do you mean? we were never talking about chris!"

she pulls a face. "you didn't pick up on my subtle hints?"

"what are you talking about? why would we be talking about chris?" and why are my cheeks heating up?

"do you like him?" she asks bluntly.

"georgia, how could i like him if i don't even know him?" i ask, incredulous at her preposterous assumption.

"i like harry styles and i've never even met him."

"that is not even close to the same thing."

"fine. but you don't have to get all defensive, i was just asking. you've been talking about him quite a bit since you met him two weeks ago."

i cross my arms. "no i haven't." have i? i remember bringing him up a few times, but nothing out of the ordinary, right?

"i feel like you have. and i just thought since you look extra cute today, and since you seem nervous but eager, you know . . ."

"you're reading way too much into my completely normal every-day actions." when in doubt, gaslight, am i right?

"okay. you just never talk about boys, that's all."

"i wasn't talking about him specifically! just about riding roller coasters and all that." i furrow my brows at her. "is it so wrong that i was excited about getting over my fears?"

"no no, that's fine." she turns into the left lane. "it's just that i don't think you've mentioned matt once."

woah, she's observant. haven't i been mentioning matt too?

now that i think about it, maybe not . . .

i really liked matt. he was sweet. quieter than his brother, but made sure i was okay.

but when i think about matt, i don't feel the same as when i think about chris. the same rush of heat to my cheeks, the same skip in my heart, the same knots in my stomach . . .

okay, what is going on? i don't even know this guy.

"i don't like him," is my only argument. and a weak one at that.

georgia just nods.

i sigh, losing all the fight in me. "georgia, even if i did, you know that i don't . . . you know . . ."

"date?"

i shake my head. "it's not even that. it's just that— a boyfriend isn't something that i think i want in my life right now." or ever.

because of fear, fear, so much fear.

georgia's face softens. "then i respect that. i won't bother you about this ever again if that's what you want." she looks at me from the corner of her eye. "unless you change your mind and you want me to bother you."

i let out a harsh laugh. "i can assure you that that won't happen."

she accepts my response. "okay then."

-

the house we end up pulling up to is a nice one. georgia informed me that the location of the party is just a rental, but whoever booked it must have quite a bit of cash in their possession, because the place is luxurious.

georgia practically skips up to the front door while i trail behind her. i breathe in the smell of the evening. fresh-cut grass, cooling pavement, and outdoor air. taking deep breaths helps ground me, and i catch up with georgia, a little more confidently this time.

she knocks on the front door and turns to give me an excited smile. almost instantly, the door is thrown open.

"georgia!" the guy who answers the door exclaims, pulling her into a hug. i know who he is immediately: nick sturniolo. of course, he does like look chris and matt, but the way he carries himself is so different that i can't ever imagine mixing them up. plus, the nose ring is a pretty clear indicator.

"nick!" georgia replies in the same excited tone. "thank you so much for inviting me!"

"of course! you were so sweet and fun, i wanted you to be here tonight."

i bite back a grin. seeing nick being all sweet and friendly is such a contrast to how he yelled at his brothers the last time i saw him. he strikes me as the type of person who has murder in his eyes one second, and shooting stars in them the next. i like him already.

"awe, thank you, that's so nice," georgia replies graciously. "i'm so happy to be here." she turns and gestures at me. "and this is my friend bree. have you guys met?"

"not officially," i say, stepping forward and shaking nick's hand. "but i was in the waiting room with chris and matt while you were . . . uh . . . gently encouraging them to leave the premises."

nick laughs. "so sorry you had to see that." he steps back and opens the door wider. "come on in!"

the next five minutes are a blur of introductions of the party guests. one of my downfalls is my inability to remember names, so i mostly gather a sense of their occupations: friend, friend, friend, model, photographer, marketer, and some more friends. most of the people here are close friends of nick's, here to celebrate the launch of his brand. the rest are a few people who worked to make the launch happen. and i guess that georgia and the one other model are here because they really hit it off with nick at the shoot. i feel a swell of pride for my friend. yeah, she's pretty great. it's no surprise that nick loves her.

i try not to feel too bad about being the only tag-along at the party. everyone else has a reason to be here, almost like they earned their place . . . whereas i kinda just showed up. at least georgia is meeting most of these people for the first time as well, so i don't have to feel like i'm the only one who doesn't know everyone.

i pull myself together. i used to pride myself on getting to know people, especially at parties, leaving spaces with more friends than i walked in with. and everyone here seems really nice.

suddenly, i hear a familiar voice. "anyone want a drink?" the voice asks, calling out from the next room over.

my heart reacts before i can. slowly, i turn around and, finally, spot the person i've been thinking most about leading up to this night.

chris sturniolo walks in from the kitchen around the corner, pepsi in hand. his eyes land on mine. my eyes lock onto his. i couldn't tear them away if i tried.

the world stops for a few seconds. i think i forget how to breathe. just from seeing him again.

one . . . two seconds pass.

and then he smiles at me.

and then everything is okay again.