"Wherever they tell me to go. That's how I ended up here." I say it like the trade wouldn't be a big deal. 
"Did I step in it?" Gage asks, angling his glass between me and Sawyer.
"I just didn't know," Sawyer says, and her tone is stiff. 
"At this point, it's unlikely to happen until after this season is over."  
We stare at each other for a beat because this isn't the time or the place to be having this conversation, and I can't read how much, if at all, she cares that I could be off the island at the end of the season. 
"Okay," Ember says with false enthusiasm. "Who wants desert?"
***
I've gotten the silent treatment before, but this is the first time I've cared. As soon as we're alone in the car at the end of the evening, I'm tempted to call her on it. It's kind of bullshit. She's the one who's said all along that we're done at the end of this season. If that's not what she wants, she needs to tell me. If it is what she wants, she's got zero reason to be pissed at me or anyone else for seeking a trade.
"You're mad because..." I start when the silence is only making me mad in response.
"I just don't understand why you wouldn't have told me."
"I don't understand why you'd care, since the trade would happen at the end of the season." 
"Of course I would care, Logan," she says, and as soon as I hear the tears in her voice, the tension in me eases.
"You were the one who wanted us over at the end of the season, doc. That was never me." But this time, I keep the bite out of my tone.
"We're at different stages in our lives."
"Not drastically different."
"I want a healthy relationship with marriage and kids sooner rather than later."
"Are you implying our relationship isn't healthy? Because that'd be news to me."
"No, I just..." She lets out a deep sigh. "Do you want to be traded?"
"Do you want me to be traded?"
"Oh my god. Can we not? Can you just give me a straight answer?"
"Being traded is neither here nor there to me at the moment." I shrug. My answer isn't really honest, but it's not exactly dishonest. She must know she's the biggest factor in whether I'd want to stay. "If I got traded to a team in cup contention, that would be a good career move for me."
"Is that likely?"
"Don't know. I just found out about the trade rumors right before you picked me up. Every year there are rumors. That's what happens when you're worth a lot of money and the team you play for is generally not good."
"The Bullets are—"
"Going to be lucky to make the playoffs at the rate we're going."
"You're one of the top scorers in the league. The whole league."
"Yeah, which is why the team's overall performance is such a red flag." The irony, somewhat, is that Dalton wanted me to play like shit at the start of the season, so he could justify trading me. That had been my line of thinking too. I didn't think I could play better, but I knew I could play worse. No team wants an expensive star player who isn't performing like a star. 
Instead, I got Sawyer, who's made me infinitely better on and off the ice, but the end result is the same. I'm worth more as a trade with the shape the team is in right now.
"You think they'll trade you."
"I think there's a very good case to get rid of me for those who'd like to see me gone."
"If you were traded you'd go?"
"What choice do I have? I didn't want to come here. It's the nature of the game. You go where you're wanted."
"It just doesn't seem right to me," she says, and her voice is watery again. "That you can play so well and they just get rid of you."
"You made me too good, doc." I raise her hand and kiss the back of it because I hate when she seems sad. This conversation is leaving a bitter taste in my mouth too, but I'm trying hard to hide it. "Lots of people will want me now."
"That's awful," she whispers. "I don't even want to think about it."
But to me, that's just hockey. What bothers me is how clear it is that she has some kind of attachment to me. She won't admit it. She won't tell me she wants me to stay. Or even that me, beyond this season, is any kind of priority for her. 
So, I won't fight a trade, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to forget moments like right now when I feel so close to her and still so fucking far. 
What do you think?
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