Since I was a kid, making it into the World Hockey League was the ultimate goal. No relationship could match my first love, and after my rough childhood, I wasn't putting my heart on the line.
When Bellerive makes a successful bid to move the Califo...
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The team is struggling. I'm having the best season of my career—goals and assists in every game. But beyond the first line, which is one of the best in the league, we've got no depth. Before this season, the shallow talent pool was a problem. Everyone knew it. The reality has never been this stark. I could end up being the league's top scorer, and my team might not even make the playoffs.
So, when my agent calls to tell me he's hearing rumblings of a trade, I'm not surprised. Dalton told me at the start of the season he didn't think I belonged in Bellerive, and I'm sure my very public and much-loved relationship with Sawyer is a deep wound. Every time he sees pictures of her happy, I pray he feels like the loser he is. Being with Sawyer is the equivalent of winning the cup—a once in a lifetime chance. To squander that is the highest form of stupidity.
"Have you heard what teams the Bullets are talking to?" I ask with the phone pressed to my ear. Sawyer will be here soon to pick me up, and I don't want her hearing any of this. Trade rumors happen, and until there's a deal on the table, I'm not going to worry.
"You know all this, but you're a high value player. Without you, the Bullets have the cap room to go after a decent second or third line. That's where they're looking. They also need someone who's good enough for your current line and doesn't cost your price. I'd expect a deal with quite a few moving pieces."
"Our record makes it so obvious that the team's talent beyond the first line is almost zero. My line steps off the ice, and the opposition is scoring like it's open fucking season."
"Defense is definitely a weakness. And you're right. The games have all been high scoring. In the Bullets favor when the first string is out, and not at all in your favor for every second your line sits on the bench." He takes a deep breath as though bracing himself. "How much pushback are you going to give a trade? At the start of the season, I'd have said zero. But this thing with Sawyer Tucker seems to have legs. Would she move? Long distance?"
Neither, but I don't say that. If things stay as they are, I might be grateful for a trade. If she's going to keep the one season and done relationship rule, I can't imagine seeing her every day, working with her, watching her fucking date other people.
I might make fun of Dalton for the misery he's experiencing at how happy she is with me, but it's only because if I were to end up in his shoes, the depths of my own despair are as clear as polished glass.
Watching her with someone else would be the slowest, most painful death. Worse, I imagine, than getting to game seven in the cup match and not being able to deliver. That would haunt me, but seeing Sawyer with someone else might well destroy me.
"I don't know how much I'd care about a trade. Maybe a lot. Maybe not at all." That's as honest as I can be.
"I guess it's good that you're not in the "fuck no" category yet in terms of a trade. Thought maybe you might be."
"Is that all you called about?"
"Just checking your temperature," he agrees. "And I was asked to remind you about your biological family. They're waiting to hear from you."
My phone vibrates with a text. I told Sawyer I'd come down to meet her in the car rather than her coming up.
"Yeah, I'm not getting into that. If you hear anything more concrete about a trade, let me know," I say. "I've gotta go."
"Talk soon," my agent says before hanging up.
From the back of one of the island chairs, I grab my sports coat. Sawyer's family is hosting a dinner to celebrate Ember and Gage's first pregnancy, which, strangely enough, is not their first child together.
Sometimes when she tries to take me through her family dynamic, my head spins. No one but Ava is talking to their mother, who, given the stories Sawyer has told me, sounds more like a mafia boss than a mother.
Gage's first child was with Ember's sister who died, and now Gage and Ember are married. Hollyn and Nathaniel were high school sweethearts who were torn apart by lies that I couldn't follow, only to be reunited when Hollyn came back to the island with her younger sister, Kinsley, when their aunt died.
Ava has an on-off relationship with Officer Foster, who Sawyer thinks actually works more for her mother than Bellerive.
And then there's Sawyer, who went on a single date with King Alexander when he needed to find a wife, campaigned for the scum of the Earth, Dalton Worthington, and is now, officially, the first woman I've ever been in love with. Thank fucking god Alex and Dalton were such duds.
"That was quite a look on your face when you came out of the building," Sawyer says as I slide into the passenger seat.
"Giving myself the SparkNotes recap of your family dynamics before we're sitting around the dinner table. Is your father coming to Nathaniel's house?"
"In a show of solidarity for our mother, he never attends the sibling get togethers without her." She gives me a sideways glance with a hint of a smile. "Honestly, I don't think he ever cared all that much about family events. It was easier for him to say yes to my mother. Avoided a fight. Now, he's still avoiding a fight by staying on her good side. If he wasn't a serial cheater, I might even think he loved her."
"Are all families fucked up?"
"In some way, probably," Sawyer says. "How many families have you met that seemed without issue?"
"Chayton and his dad get along great. Folded me right in," I say, watching Bellerive's coast zip past through the window. "They might be the only ones." Of course, like me, Chayton's mom also died. It was one of the things we bonded over. But he remembered his mom, and I could never decide if that was better or worse.
"Still getting pressure to meet your mom's family?"
"Another comment about it tonight. But if they're fucked up, I don't need that."
"That's not really your worry, is it?"
"I've been lied to enough in my life."
"I've been thinking about this," she says, "An easy way to find out if they'll tell you the truth might be to ask them to write a letter explaining what happened with your mom from their point of view. Maybe their version won't match exactly, but you'll know if the big stuff does."
I turn to face her, and then I run my hand along her thigh and give her a little squeeze. "Your brain is a wonder."
She lets out a laugh and catches my hand before I can take it back. "You liked that?"
"Liked? Nah. I loved it. I love all of you," I say without hesitation. After I finally said it, it's like I can't help telling her all the time all the things I love. And yeah, that might make the end harder, but I can't imagine the end of us being any fucking harder than I'm already anticipating. For the rest of my life, she's going to be the woman I compare every other woman to. I lift up her hand and kiss her palm. "I love all of you."
Summer is here! I'm going to TWO updates a week from now on.
