The rocking sensation paired with the vibrations is exquisite. Like nothing I've ever felt before. I clutch onto him, overcome with how amazing my body feels, and the intense pressure building in my pelvis. Not like a normal orgasm. My senses are on high and climbing higher with every thrust and retreat.  
He kisses me, and I grip his ass, urging him deeper. My whole body is electrified. There are goosebumps on Logan's arms, and I want to ask, but my brain is short-circuiting.
"It's so," he mutters. "I don't know... So... God, doc."
He's never been at a loss for words before, but I know exactly what he means. I'm drunk with desire. So full of want and need that I don't think I could string a complete sentence together no matter what was at stake.
"Logan," I whimper. "It's... I'm going to..."
"Yes," he says. He brushes my hair off the side of my face, and his forehead is against mine, making the whole experience feel so much deeper and more connected than I expected. 
Scary connected. Like I never want to be anywhere but here, with him. Never want any of this to end. Just me and him like this. He hitches one of my legs onto his hip, and pinpricks of anticipation dart across my skin.
"I can't," I whimper again.
"You can," he says. 
But I don't know if he wants me to hold on or let go, and my brain can't form the words. Everything in me is becoming centered on how close I am to shooting off the edge—and that's what it feels like this time. As though something is building in me that'll be truly explosive. And I want it so badly, but at the same time, I just want to stay in this moment. But I don't know how much longer I can linger when my body is so primed, so ready. 
"Can you?" I manage to ask.
"I'm just holding on for you, doc. Cause, fuck, you feel so good. I'm barely... I'm barely keeping it together."
"I'm close."
"Tell me."
"Oh, god," I say, clinging onto him. "Oh, god, Logan." And I hear my breath hitch, the claim he made earlier, but I barely have time to register before I'm rocked with an orgasm so powerful that my hips kick off the mattress of their own volition, and I let out a cry of pure pleasure, hips rotating with the force of my orgasm.
Logan grips my ass and pushes deeper before burying his head in my neck and letting out a deep groan of satisfaction. "You're incredible. You're so fucking incredible. I'll never get enough of this. Of you."
***
When Logan comes out of the bathroom, he flips off the light and crawls into bed with me. He tucks me against him, so my back is snug against his front. "I'm glad you're here," he murmurs against my ear.
"I overreacted at the clinic earlier. I'm sorry."
"No, I shouldn't have said anything. I don't even know what I was trying to say."
I rotate in his arms, even though it's too dark for me to see him with the curtains firmly closed and all the lights out. It just feels like I should be facing him, and I slide my hand along his bearded jaw, hoping maybe I can read something with my touch. The connectedness we just had, and the darkness now have given me the courage I lacked before. 
"I want to be really clear. I'm with you because I want to be. That's the truth. I want to be here right now. Even when I'm not with you, I want to be with you. Maybe I went to that first away game because Tamiko asked me, but I stayed because of you. I stayed for you."
Logan kisses my forehead and cups the back of my head, but he doesn't interrupt me. 
"And yes, I also like to be needed. But the best part about being with you is that I feel cared for and valued and protected. You are my safe place. You understand that I want to feel needed, but you'd never wield that need like a weapon. You're not going to take advantage of me, and that matters. A lot. More than you'll ever know." 
Tears pool at how true that is. Being with him is a sanctuary, and I want to be that for him too. With each other, we don't have to have our guards up because we know the other person isn't out to hurt or harm us. 
"If I haven't been making you feel like I'm choosing you, then I'm sorry. So, I want you to hear me when I say that even though you might need me, I'm in this bed with you right now because I want to be. Every road game I went to was because I wanted to be there. I see you, Logan Bishop. All of you, and I pick you. I've chosen you. Every day I choose you."
"I love you." His voice is gravely with emotion, and I wish I could see his face. "I fucking love you more than I've ever loved anyone. My heart is going bananas in my chest right now that I just told you that." He lets out a strained chuckle, and he's taken my hand to press it against his chest. "Can you feel it? Worse than your hardest cardio set."
I open my mouth, and he puts his other hand over it. I'm not even sure how he's seeing me to know where my mouth is.
"If you're going to say it back, don't. Not right now. And if you're not going to say it, I don't need to know that. Say it when you feel it, so it's not just in response to me saying it. I want to know in my gut that you really mean it—if you ever feel it."
My heart is hammering too because I never let myself think about love with Logan. Not in a real and conscious way. Earlier, he said that marriage and kids are something he envisions as ten years from now, and my biological clock is telling me that I don't want to wait that long. He'd still be a youngish dad, but I'd be an old mom, and I don't want that.
"I promise that when I say it, you'll know I mean it." 
How unfair would it be to say it when I already know our timelines don't match? He's exactly the man I need in my life right now, but that doesn't change how far off our timing is. Maybe we're only meant to heal each other, so we can find whoever we're supposed to spend forever with.
That thought doesn't make me happy; it makes me so bitterly sad that tears spring to my eyes again. Seeing him with anyone else would be the deepest cut, one I don't even know how or if I could heal. 
Rather than giving into my misery, I tug Logan into another kiss, a kiss that'll lead to more close contact, even if it's not the kind of closeness he craves, the kind he deserves.
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