"It was after." 
"Have you had problems with eating in the past?" 
Odessa swallowed again. "Uhhh,  yes. I had a problem with eating just a few years ago."
Addison nodded. "Do you think what triggered your first eating disorder caused this one?"
She just nodded and looked down at her hands again. 
"Can you tell me why it first started? What happened?" 
Odessa grew up listening to her mother and father argue. They often thought she wasn't listening but being a curious child. She always seemed to hear them. She knew her father wasn't as innocent as he made himself out to be. But she was young and when you're young,  your father is your hero. Odessa didn't want to believe that her father was anything less than perfect. 
She took a deep breath and flexed her hands. "Um. . . my parents got divorced when I was younger. It was a few months after my fourteenth birthday. I didn't understand why. My father was a good man who did bad things but he was still my dad." Her voice started to shake. "One day he texted me really late at night and asked to borrow a few dollars. He said he was hungry.  I gave it to him, of course. A few weeks would go by and then he would ask again and the price would go up. I didn't question it because I just wanted to help.  It went on for months and then it just stopped. I never saw him again."
Her bottom lip trembled and she suddenly felt like she was that little girl again when her dad stole money from her mom to buy drugs. Her shoulders slumped over and she covered her mouth with her hand. She couldn't remember the last time she talked about her father.  She didn't like to to because it hurt way too much. Confessing her problems to a total stranger made her feel guilty in a certain way.  
Addison stared at the blonde with sympathetic eyes.  She had stopped half way in her writing and just looked at her. She had children of her own; a daughter and son, twins. She had a wonderful husband that took care of them. She tried to find ways to relate to the girl but she couldn't personally. But she had seen a lot of kids go through the same situation as her and even if she couldn't relate, she sympathized. That was her job. "That must have been really hard. I'm sorry." 
Odessa whipped her tears and sniffled. "It got easier.  
Well, not easy — it just less hard to cope with."
"Did your father's absence started your depression?" Addison asked. 
"Yes. It was hard for me to sleep most nights. I started to get really quiet and I isolated myself from everybody. But I had my mom and my friends, so somehow I learned to control my emotions."
Her therapist nodded her head and wrote down notes in her notebook. She tapped her pen on the paper.  "And at what point would you say your eating disorder started?" 
Odessa rubbed her clammy hands on her jeans. She looked around the room and the decorated walls. "Can I have some water, please?" She asked quietly.
"Of course." Addison stood up from her seat and walked over to the small fridge by her desk. She pulled out a bottle of water and handed it to her. 
Odessa thanked her silently and unscrewed the cap,  taking a long sip. The cold feeling nursed her tight and scratchy throat. "So, um. . . After he left, my dad, I lost completely went off the deep end. I felt really alone. At one point, I felt like I had to prove something about myself to everyone. So when it came to guys, I did whatever they asked of me. Most of it was. . . Sexual. I was scared that if I said no, they would leave and never talk to me again."
"So you have this desire to be loved?" 
She gave a small shrug. "In a way, yes. Until a girl I was friends with spread a rumor about me at school. That's when it got worse. Like. . ." She paused again and her eyes glossed over. "I would skip lunch and not eat the whole day. I would throw up at night from my stomach being empty. It went on for weeks. No one knew about it. . ." She took another pause. "Until my mom walked in on me purging. I felt like such a terrible person. I told my best friend, Oliver. Then I told my other best friend Hailey, and then my best friend, Grayson. They really helped me. It took some time but I got to a point where I knew I was hurting people and myself. I tried forgetting everything that happened and tried focusing on me, but it's still so hard."