Love & All Things Broken

** This chapter includes scenes of emotional abuse, parental manipulation, and psychological control, as experienced through a child's point of view. Reader discretion is advised, particularly for those sensitive to toxic parent-child dynamics or coercive family behavior.

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I sat in the car, holding my phone tight in my hands, trying to think about what to say. It was hard to focus though—Mom's been silent the whole ride. When Mom is quiet, she is mad.

Her lips seemed tight, and she just kept tapping the steering wheel.

I turned to face the window so I wouldn't see her mad face. Thinking about what dad had told me — that it was okay to take my time if I wanted to get the video just right. I really wanted Felicity to know that I was sorry. I feel so stupid—that I hadn't thought of her when I found the purse. It was in my closet, but I should have at least thought of her. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings though.

I looked back at my phone, and smiled a little, thinking of the surprise we'd planned. I'd helped dad do the grocery shopping for their dinner and he taught me how to cook it and put it all together. I'd had a lot of fun with that. I don't usually help in the kitchen—mom doesn't really cook, though Felicity always lets me help if she's cooking. Dad also let me pick a bouquet of flowers that are from just me. He did his own too, but I got to have my own picked out for Felicity which was really cool and super fun to do. The lady at the flower shop helped me put some colors and different flowers together for it.

I really hope she likes the bouquet. I was kinda sad, though, that I didn't get to be there to give them to her.

Before I knew it, we had pulled into the driveway. Mom cut the engine fast and got out like she was late for something.

Inside, I followed her to the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom?" I tried.

She didn't look up. "Put your things away."

I hesitated. "Okay. Um... also, Dad said I could record a quick video. For Felicity. Can I do it here?"

That got her attention.

She turned slowly from the counter, face blank. "A video?"

"Yeah, for Felicity."

"Why?"

"I didn't get to see her before we left and I just wanted to say—"

"No."

I blinked. "What?"

"No, Macy. There will be no video message to that woman."

I stared at her. "What? But—why?"

Mom's eyes got wide and her look got really sharp like a switch flipped. "Because she is not your family. She's your father's wife—we've talked about this before Macy."

"I know, Mom," I said quietly. "But I really l—"

"That's enough Macy. Can't you see what she's doing? She's making you feel guilty so you'll fix her problems for her. That's not fair to you or me."

"But Mom! She didn't ask me to do anything!" My voice cracked. "It's something I wanted to do. I feel bad, Mom. I hurt her feelings and I didn't mean to—"

"Macy! It breaks my heart that you care more about that woman than me. I'm your mother. I'm the one who's been here for you, doing things for you, taking care of you for your whole life." she wasn't yelling, but she wasn't not yelling.

I felt my face flush and I know I started to really cry. "That's not fair."

Her eyes narrowed. "Do you want to lose your phone for the rest of the week?"

I opened my mouth to say something else, then stopped. My throat hurt. I looked down at the phone in my hand. "No," I whispered.

Jessica held out her palm. "Give it to me."

"Wait. No, Mom pl—"

"Now."

"But Mo—"

"I said hand it over! Right now!" I handed it over. My fingers were trembling. She was so mad.

She pocketed my phone, turned on her heel and walked off, leaving me standing in the kitchen with nothing. I didn't know what to do.

I slowly went up to my room, my chest tight and tears flowing down my face. I closed my door and sat on the bed. Lying down, I turned away from my door and stared at the wall. I had never seen Mom like that before. So angry. So... mean.

I told Dad I'd send a video. I just wanted to say I was sorry.

Now he might think I forgot.

Felicity might think I don't care.

What do I do?

Sitting there, I kept thinking. And then I remembered—the computer.

"Macy!" I heard Mom yell from across the house. I got up, too scared not to. I walked slowly to my door.

"Macy!" I heard again.

I opened my door and started toward the Den. She yelled again, and I called out, "I'm coming."

"What's taking you so long?"

When I turned the corner she exclaimed, "Are you crying? Why are you crying?!"

"Because you took my phone and now I can't do the video."

"Macy. You better stop crying right now. I've had it up to here with this. Enough!"

"I'm trying. I'm sorry, Mom." I really tried to pull back my tears. The hiccups came though and I just couldn't control it.

"You know what? You're grounded. I think you need some time to think about what family really means. So, no phone, no hanging out with friends, no video games. I'm doing this because I love you, and I can see she's clearly confusing you."

"What?! But Mo—"

"Enough. Grounded for two weeks. Do you want it to be longer?"

"No." I looked down at my hand and whispered, "I'm sorry," again.

"Brad and I are going out to dinner. You're going to stay in now since you lost the privilege of coming out with us. You'll have to find a frozen dinner or something in the freezer for dinner now."

"Ok."

"Then it's straight to bed. You are not to watch TV and I will be keeping your phone until further notice."

"Ok."

Brad will be home in a few to get me. Go to your room until we've left. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night. I need some space tonight, honey. It hurts too much to see how easily she's turned you against me."

"But Mom, I didn't mea—"

"Enough Macy. Go to your room."

I turned around and walked to my room, head down. She's never liked Felicity and is usually pretty mean about her, but she's never been mean like this to me. I don't understand why things are so crazy. The tears running down my face just wouldn't stop.

Once I got around the corner, I ran to my room and threw myself on my bed. I buried my head in my pillow, not wanting Mom to hear my crying in case it would make her madder.

I decided to wait until she and Brad were gone. Then I could go to the den and use the computer. Maybe I could send dad an email and let him know I was sorry but I couldn't do the video tonight.

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I heard Mom and Brad walking around in the kitchen, talking and laughing—like she hadn't made me cry all of half an hour before. Waiting for them to leave, I sat on the floor by my bedroom door. I waited, and waited. Finally, I heard them head out the door. I raced to the window to watch their car pull out of the garage and leave the driveway.

Once I was sure they were gone, I ran to the computer, doubling back to put something in the microwave from the freezer—in case mom came back and saw me out of my room.

Sitting in front of the computer, I opened an email and tried to think of what to say. I didn't want to tell dad anything that would make him mad at Mom. If I did, then he would tell Mom and then she would get mad at me. Plus, I didn't want to hurt her feelings too. She's just mad right now because she thinks I love Felicity too much. I can fix that. I just need to not talk about Felicity to her anymore. Then she won't worry about it and won't be mad at me.

I watched the cursor blink. I didn't know what to say. I think I started and stopped different versions like ten times before I actually decided what to say. Hands shaking, I sent the following:

To: Dad ()

From: Macy ()

Subject: Video

Hi Dad,

I'm super sorry I didn't send the video yet. I still want to...I just didn't get the chance tonight. I was trying to think of the right words and how to say stuff the way I mean it. I want her to know I'm really sorry, and that I care about her a lot. Could you tell her for now? Just til I send the video, okay?

Oh – and please tell her that I didn't forget. And that I meant everything we planned. I hope she liked the flowers.

I'll try to do something tomorrow if I can.

Love,
Macy

I read it over and over again, and clicked send. I closed out my email after making sure I signed out. Should I delete my browser hi온라인카지노게임? I decided to do it—just in case. Then I closed everything down and turned the computer off. I didn't want Mom to see that I had gone online since she told me to stay in my room. What if he didn't check his email today?My stomach felt weird and nervous. I didn't like feeling this way.

Maybe I should make Mom breakfast in the morning to make it up to her. I don't want her to be mad. Is Mom right? Do I care about Felicity too much?

Going to the kitchen, I got out the dinner from the microwave—Stouffers fettuccini alfredo—and wolfed it down. After tossing the fork in the dishwasher and throwing the container in the recycling, I poured some water and headed back to my room. I had homework that I could work on anyways, so maybe that will distract me until it's time to go to bed.

I really hope Mom still isn't mad at me when she wakes up. And that Felicity and Dad aren't mad that I didn't send the video.

I just wish someone would tell me the right thing to do. So I could stop messing everything up.