Chapter 17 (Felicity)

                                        

                                              
I'd spent yesterday relaxing at the beach and poolside. I read two books and did absolutely nothing else. It was calming. It was rejuvenating. It was mine. 
But time waits for no man.
I had that weird feeling in my stomach—the one you get before traveling. Sighing, I zipped up my suitcase with a quiet finality. The room was still, the way it always felt after a few days alone—bed mussed, quiet, a little too easy to leave behind. I'd wanted to make the bed out of habit, but caught myself—nope. I wiped down the counters—needing to hide the evidence of makeup dust and toothpaste so housekeeping didn't think a slop had been here. I tossed the half-used toiletries in the trash and arranged the wet towels in a pile.  
I wasn't sure if I felt rested. Maybe clearer. A little lighter. But I felt like I could almost nap at this point. 
The flight home was in three hours. I'd checked in early, paid for my extra bag—annoyed as I thought back to the days when a checked bag was free—and ordered a Venti iced coffee that I pretty much guzzled. I'd probably regret that later when I had to get up and pee endlessly, but the need for coffee outweighed everything else in that moment. My phone was on Do Not Disturb, but I kept checking it anyway—like muscle memory. There were a few work emails, one from Delia asking if I was okay, and a string of messages from Kelly, who was basically narrating her day in voice memos like I was on speaker in her living room.
In the Uber on the way to the airport, I found myself looking back at Caden's last messages about my birthday. I felt like a lifetime had passed since I spoke with him. I sent him a short one saying, "I'll be home this afternoon." Sitting back, I downloaded my boarding pass, put my phone on airplane mode and locked it. 
Going through airport security had to be the worst part of traveling. Luckily, I had Clear—but it seems like everyone else does these days too. Once I was finally at the gate, I took a breath. I found a seat near the window, plugged my phone into the outlet next to me and opened my Kindle. I couldn't seem to concentrate though. Nothing I did let me focus on the book—no matter hot and steamy it was. So, I sat back and closed my eyes. Meditating, praying, relaxing. Taking time to just ... be. I reflected on this past weekend. I'd had an amazing time—built memories that I never dreamed of. I met a group of women who I know I will see again. It was a unique and surprising birthday. I felt a small corner of emptiness hiding inside though. One I really didn't know how to explain. I breezed past it though, ignoring it feeling better than facing it.
The plane started boarding on time. I shoved my carry-on in the overhead and my purse under the seat. Buckled in, I smiled at the woman who slid in next to me. Gray hair, an indescribable shirt that was covered in animal print and flowers. She had a book in hand—definitely a bodice-ripper novel! She politely returned my smile and got herself situated.  
As the plane filled up, an agreed silence between us settled in. I listened—not really though—to the flight attendant walk everyone through the safety measures. I contemplated that, in reality, I don't think I would actually know what the hell to do if evacuation were necessary—would I really know how to turn my seat into a flotation device? Where was that blow up thing again? I snickered to myself thinking if we go down, I'm not sure it would matter. Fuck that was morbid! I actually laughed out loud at my own thoughts then. 
My seat companion looked at me a little strangely but still asked "Home or vacation?" 
"Home," I said. "I mean—I'm returning from vacation—well, sort of. I was here for a solo birthday trip."
Her eyes lit up. "Oh? Well, happy birthday."
"Thanks." I paused. "It was a big one."
"Let me guess. Forty?"