Howl into the Night

Artwork by leilazayd

Published: Jan 19th, 2025

Trigger warning: References to sexual assault, "R" word, panic attacks, recovering

Potter had left a plate for him under a Statis Charm. Draco ate everything and brought the plate downstairs. Potter was angrily washing dishes if the bangs against the sink were any indication. Draco almost retreated in fear that he had done something, but Potter turned and spotted him.

"Draco! Sorry... just venting. You ate everything?"

Draco lowered his eyes and nodded, still unsure if Potter was mad at him.

Potter came closer and took the plate out of his hand. Then he eased closer. Draco breathed in the sweet, soothing smell and relaxed.

"I'm sorry if it seemed like I was mad at you, but I'm not, okay?" Potter whispered, and Draco met his eyes and verified he was calm.

"Sorry... I just...."

"You don't have to explain anything. Want to read some more books?"

Draco nodded.

"After you drink your potions, okay? You need your strength."

Draco frowned but obeyed. Nutrient Potions weren't tasteful. They spent the morning reading various books and ate lunch. Draco didn't like reading about werewolves, just like he didn't like talking about them.

"This isn't helping me understand anything," Draco muttered.

Potter sighed and closed the book he was reading. "They don't seem to be written by werewolves... just healers and hunters."

Draco shivered at the thought of hunters. Wolves had hunters, too. Like when he tried to run away. They stalked him for hours... letting him run... but then they caught him and broke his foot with a rock. Then they....

"Draco? Draco!" Potter yelled, but then he gently pressed into the bite mark.

Draco's eyes immediately focused on him, and he could breathe, again.

"You, okay?" Potter asked, and he nodded. "Want to talk about it?"

Draco went to shake his head but stopped. "I... I... escaped... once... near the end. They hunted me down... hurt me."

Potter knelt at his knees and took his hand, rubbing the rope burn scars. "I'm sorry. I don't know... what things hurt you to hear."

"Everything does, Harry... just... please don't let me... please bring me out of it," he begged.

"I will, okay? We'll work on it," Potter... Harry... promised. "Do you want me to just read the books?"

Draco considered it. He knew Potter would hide things from him... but he also wouldn't have to think about wolves as much.

"There's another option, too," Potter started, and Draco looked at him. "Remus... he could come over and help explain things to...."

The last words faded as Draco went rigid and his breathing stopped. His panic went into overdrive, and he latched onto Potter, who was in front of him as if his life depended on it. He gripped him tightly around his arms and pressed his face into his chest. He couldn't hear what his master was saying.

"Please! Please don't give me to him! Please!" he said, desperately. "I'll do anything! I'll be good! Please!"

He could feel Potter trying to struggle out of his grip, but he only latched down harder.

"Draco, let go, now!" Harry ordered firmly, and Draco was compelled to let go, though he didn't want to. He went to his knees in between his legs.

"I'm sorry, master! Please don't give me to another wolf! I'll please you," he pleaded, his hands between them in supplication. He couldn't disobey. He was debating dropping to the floor and presenting himself.

Potter slowly raised his arm, making him wince as he prepared for a blow, but Potter's hand touched his back, his bondmark, and Draco collapsed right into his chest, crying. His panic died down, but the realization of what he had just said was creeping in. Holy bloody Merlin! He was fucked in the head, wasn't he? Potter slowly pulled him into his arms onto the couch as he cried harder into his shirt.

"Cry... just cry, Draco," Harry said, as he kept on rubbing his mark. "I won't do any of that. You're staying here with me. No one will ever hurt you like that, again. I'll kill them if they tried. You're safe, Draco. Safe with me. I won't let anyone take you away from me. Just breathe... breathe in and out slowly. That's it... in... and... out...."

"I'm sorry..." he cried out. "I don't...."

"Shhh... just breathe... it's alright... nothing is wrong. Just keep breathing slowly. I'm not mad. Everything's fine... everything's fine..." Harry kept repeating, and Draco almost believed him. He leaned his face into his shirt more and just kept breathing in his scent.

After an hour of Harry rocking him gently in his arms, Draco finally relaxed and could breathe normally. Harry stopped rubbing his neck and looked down at him.

"How are you doing, Draco?"

"I... don't know. I'm sorry... I... remember... things... he..." Draco started. The flashback was acute. He tried to bury himself in his mind. Greyback would let the others have him... if he didn't... do it right... beg... he was his master... Alpha. He would grip him by the neck when he thrust into him. Right in front of everyone... if Draco didn't urge him on... or if he cried... then Greyback would let the others have him.

"You can tell me if you want, Draco, but you don't have to. I know... they hurt you a lot. I know you need to find yourself. Heal. I'll be here to help you and never give you away, okay? You understand that, right?" Harry reassured him.

Draco let out a little sob. "Yes... Harry. I... don't think that. I... he... would... give me... to the others... if I d-didn't...obey... as punishment. I'm sorry... I... got... confused."

Harry breathed in and out and had some tears in his eyes, when Draco dared to glance up at him. His voice was shaky. "Thank you for telling me, and I'm sorry he hurt you like that. I know you were just... confused. I-I want to make sure that you... lucid-you... really knows the truth, okay? I don't want you to have any misgivings about me... about staying here."

"I don't, Harry. I'm sorry... please don't send me to St. Mungo's. I know I'm fucked up. I'm sorry," Draco cried harder. Harry could do that... give up on him.

"I'm not sending you anywhere, okay? Please stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. I'm sorry for not... preparing you for such a difficult topic. Of course, that would have frightened you. It was stupid and reckless of me. I'm sorry I triggered you."

"Everything triggers me..." he lamented. "I'm insane, ain't I?"

"No, you aren't, Draco. You're hurt. They hurt you badly, and we have to figure out how to heal you. I talked to... can I say his name? How are you feeling?"

"I think I'm okay, now," Draco replied, and Harry ran his hand across his neck, again.

"Remus?" Harry tested. "Remus said that even he whines, growls and feels weird when people touch his bite mark. Everything you're going through is normal wolf reactions, and you'll eventually get a handle on them. He didn't say how long, but I can ask. I'll ask him anything you want. But Draco... he's not... one of them, do you understand?"

Draco nodded, but couldn't look at Harry. "Please... I can't... other wolves... just scare me, okay? I can't defend myself... and they always smell... like they want to have me."

Harry rubbed his neck for a while, letting his bask in the calming feelings. "He won't hurt you like that, okay? But I certainly won't invite him over anytime soon. But I will see him, and so will my friends... okay?"

"Okay... I'm just not ready to meet someone like that."

"I won't let him come over, I promise, but where we are going... to the cage next week. It's one of his, but he won't be there, okay?" he said, rubbing the bite mark, again. "I'll air it out with spells, but...."

"I'll smell him," Draco finished. "I think it'll be okay. I'll be on edge, like the healer's office, but I shouldn't freak out."

"Good, that's good, Draco," Harry said, but took another deep breath. "Draco? You... called me... master."

Draco went red. "I'm sorry."

"I know. You... it's called disassociated... but... do you... think of me... like that? As your... master?"

Draco blanched. He took long breaths to stay in the moment. "I... don't... know."

Harry nodded and was now looking concerned. "I see."

"It's... well... me-me... knows... that you aren't, but wolf-me... I don't know what it thinks," he said, tears coming out.

Harry rubbed his neck, again, but stopped. "Do... Do you think it's because.... I keep touching you... here?"

Draco really hoped that Harry wouldn't stop doing it. He stared up at him, concerned.

"Re-Remus said that... werewolf bites are... like a mental link to your emotions. If I've... hijacked your emotions... I'm sorry."

Draco grimaced but considered it. "No... I felt... safe... the second I smelled you. Back there... and then at the hospital, too. My wolf... recognized you... as you."

"Me?"

"The one who can save me. Strong." Stronger than Greyback, Voldemort and his father. Alpha, his thoughts echoed, but he didn't voice them.

"Okay... but you know... I don't want to be... that to you... right?"

Draco blinked and met his eyes. "I know, that's why... I trust you."

Harry sighed. "Okay... are you ready to get up? Time for lunch."

Draco didn't want to, but eased up off of Harry. "Thank you... for... bringing me out of it, again."

"It's my job, Draco. To keep you safe," Harry replied with a smile and Draco smiled back.