Healing Draco Malfoy

Chapter 68

Published: December 26, 2024

"Holy-bloody-fuck!" Draco swore as Harry applied more pressure to the stretch. He hadn't felt this much pain and, consequentially, relief since he left the hospital. No pain, no gain, his muggle physical therapist always said, but she never risked this much stretching. Of course, Harry would always heal the over-stretching he did. That was how Harry could heal injuries faster than anyone else could... well, one of the reasons.

"Okay?" Harry checked, as Draco whimpered when Harry's magic soothed his spasming muscles.

"Y-Yeah... it's been a while," he said with a little laugh.

Harry smiled. His hands were almost jittery when they touched him. Draco figured that meant Harry missed touching him as much as he missed Harry touching him. After a few more days of Harry wearing him down, Draco agreed that Harry could start coming over in the mornings... for breakfast, stretching, and a massage, in that order. Draco wasn't sure it was wise to blur the lines like this, but he recognized that Harry touching him was different than Draco touching Harry.

Draco could live with that. Harry was in control of that part of his-their life. They had made progress... Harry had talked about it at least, which was a rarity in itself. He knew it would be a long time before he could do more than kiss and hold hands. Even the few times that they had fallen asleep on the couch, Harry always had his arms wrapped around Draco, almost protectively. He wouldn't or couldn't handle that much contact otherwise.

"Ready for the other?" Harry warned, moving to his other leg.

Draco braced himself and nodded as Harry guided it up and back to stretch out Draco's back, hips and hamstrings. He hissed again with the deep stretch. Harry was on the bed, crouched between, his hands on his leg, which was propped up on his shoulder. The position wasn't exactly chaste, but Draco was more focused on the pain rather than appreciating that.

"A little longer. Feel it?" Harry said, putting a little more weight on his leg.

"You're fucking on me! Of course, I feel it!" he snapped, breathing in deeply through his nose.

Harry smirked. "I forgot how much I love when you get angry."

Draco growled but didn't reply. Harry laughed and subtly leaned in to kiss Draco's inner thigh. All anger evaporated as he met Harry's eyes. Harry just smiled and finished the stretch. Draco's heart skipped a few beats anytime Harry's lips kissed him, and he didn't care where.

"Well, I know how to make you happy," Harry chuckled.

"It wasn't very hard," Draco murmured, and relaxed as Harry released his leg.

Harry boldly laid down next to him and Draco's heart pitter-paddled harder. Every time Harry touched him, it was like a shock of life into his system. He'd never get tired of it. However, he was still on his back while Harry was next to him. After an internal debate, Draco rotated onto his side to face Harry and tucked his head under Harry's chin. He wanted to be closer. He wanted to hold him, but he knew that they had to take small steps.

His hands found Harry's, and he grabbed on, trapping one with both of his hands. He needed the connection but would allow Harry to pull away if needed. Harry, however, reached out his other arm and wrapped it around Draco's back. He pulled Draco into his chest, hugging him. Draco snuggled into Harry's chest, his body fully pressed against him. All tension left Draco's body as Harry one-armed hugged him. He practically whimpered in relief.

"There you go...relax..." Harry whispered. "You could have asked to be closer."

Draco, nearly blissed out, mumbled, "It's always your choice what we do, Harry."

Harry rubbed his back. "I'd like it if you tell me what you wanted, instead of me guessing. I mean... we can talk about things beforehand. Surely, spontaneity is nice, but if you need comfort and connection... I'd like to know. I... I'm hesitant with you because I don't know what is safe to do or not."

"I can handle anything," he mumbled.

"Do you want me to say that?" Harry asked, after a minute.

"What?" Draco said, not following.

"Do you want me to say that I can handle anything? Sure, I can handle it, but some things I don't like... or talk about. Do you want me to just handle it if something does happen?"

Draco felt nervous and took some deep breaths. "N-No."

Harry squeezed him harder. "I know you're strong, Draco. I know you like to pretend like nothing can hurt you, since you've been through so much. But I know there are things that you don't like... things that make you uncomfortable. And you control your reaction to them, sure, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect you."

Draco was silent for a long time. "I... I know Occulmency, Harry. I know how to control my fear."

"Better than me, is your implication?" Harry responded.

He swallowed and stammered, "I d-didn't mean to imply that..."

"I'm weak?"

"You're not weak, Harry. You're not," he whispered. "I've been doing mind healing for a while, now. And you... you took out so much pain and fear, Harry. You fixed me."

"So, nothing hurts you anymore?" Harry pointed out.

Draco was tense and didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry...."

Harry sighed and spoke softly. "I know, but I want to talk about things like this. You just tightened up, again. You can be afraid of things... and yes, you can use Occulmency to ignore them, but... it still triggers you."

"I... this is hard for me to understand," Draco admitted.

"Do you want me to give an example? Trigger you? I know a few after working on you for so long," Harry offered, gently.

Draco let out a breath of exhaustion. Harry was trying to connect, but he just didn't understand what the point was. Control and minimalizing things was all he knew. "Yeah..." he agreed, as he needed to see where this was going.

"You're sure?" he verified.

"Yes."

"What if I suddenly put you on your stomach without warning?" Harry said, quietly.

Draco's heart beat faster, and he sucked in a breath. He tried to control his reaction, but it wasn't easy.

"Shhh... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... you're okay. I won't do that," Harry said, rubbing his back.

"You... you made your point," Draco whispered and melted into Harry's arms, again.

"I'm sorry."

"I asked for it, but I'm okay... I promise," Draco said, and he wasn't sure if he was lying or not.

They were quiet for such a long time that, eventually, Harry said, "I have to go to work soon. I can still give you a quick massage if you need it?"

"No... I'd rather stay like this, please," Draco murmured, trying to get closer to Harry. Honestly, he was still reeling from the trigger. Harry was just as careful with him as Draco was with him.

"Are you sure you're okay? I'm really sorry."

"I am processing it all. I'm okay, though, from the trigger. You don't have to worry about that. I'm.... questioning my control over... everything."

"I see. I hope I didn't...."

"No, I'm glad... really," Draco said.

"I just upended your confidence in your abilities... are you sure that you're okay?" Harry said, kissing his head.

Draco felt tingles through his body and relaxed, again. "I couldn't care less about it, now. Please keep holding me," he begged.

Harry chuckled. "I guess I should have known how much you like this." He brought him in closer and snuggled until Harry had to leave. He cast some muscular healing spells, gave him a kiss and left to Apparate to the hospital.

Draco slowly got up. His legs were wobbly from the stretches, but he could get up. He changed and called Nimi, his house elf, to take him to work with his walker.

"Good morning, Draco," Carla said.

"Morning," he said, shuffling into her room and plopping down in the chair across from her desk.

She immediately noticed his sour attitude. "My... you are grumpy today. Want to tell me what is wrong? Or show me?"

"The latter," he said, hoping that the healer could provide some insight into what Harry was trying to say.

Carla turned to him and cast Legilimens, easily entering his mind. Draco led her to the conversation and rewatched it with her. She didn't respond until Harry triggered him and Draco's stability wavered. She calmed the emotions that he reexperienced and kept him focused. When they came out, she gave him some tea.

"What to talk about it, now?"

"I just... I didn't think I'd respond to something so... negatively. I mean... it was Harry."

Carla merely said, "Peppermint."

"What?"

"That guy who assaulted me... he must have just finished a peppermint candy or something. When I smell peppermint no matter where I am... I always remember the attack. I can control my reaction to it, and I don't go into full meltdown... anymore, but it still triggers me. You have to know your triggers and mediate your reaction to them."

Draco nodded. "He said that I had more."

Carla gave him a look. This was the first time he had come in and purposely sought her help as a mind healer and as a friend. "You have several... probably more than you realize. You locked up another point in that conversation."

"I did?" she said.

"When Harry got mad... about your "implication" that he was weak?"

Draco felt chills from that, too.

"See? You were jumpy from when you said that you could handle anything and he questioned that."

Draco's shoulders dropped. "I... I don't know what to say...."

"First, admit that you have triggers and are not always in control," she suggested.

"Oh yeah... so easy...."

"It's not easy, Draco. Do you want to walk away from everything that happened, pretend it doesn't affect you and not repair anything? This isn't going to be the last time this happens."

"I'll work on it," he murmured.

"Sure. Second... and this is important... Harry was clearly trying to open up and set limits with you, but you basically told him that you don't have limits."

Draco's mouth dropped open. "No, I didn't."

"Not in so many words. Your partner is in a somewhat vulnerable state and you, Mr. I-know-Occulmency-so-F-everyone-else, just blew it off. You made him feel weak and probably encouraged him to not talk about it to you, because you're "not" bothered by anything that happened to you."

Draco had tears in his eyes. "I-I didn't mean to...."

"I know and I really think that Harry knows it, too. But understand that Harry was trying to open up, and that's a good thing. So, do you want my advice?"

"Please... I don't want to hurt him," he whispered.

"When you see him... apologize... really apologize. Ask him if you could talk to him about it, again, and really answer him. Really think about your desires, fears and triggers and help Harry work through and overcome his. Talk to him. Communication is so important."

Draco nodded. "Thanks. I'm so lost sometimes about what to say and do, especially around Harry."

"That would be your fear talking, and if you didn't know, one of your biggest triggers."

"What?"

Carla leveled with him. "You... are... afraid... of... Harry...."

Draco's eyes widened. "I love Harry!"

"You're afraid of him, though. You shut down the second he challenges you or gets angry. Do you know how much your fear spiked when he snapped back at you about him being weak?"

Draco swallowed hard and lowered his head. "It's not just Harry. It's the anger. I know he won't hurt me...."

"But you still get scared, regardless. Does he know that anger is one of your triggers?"

"Probably," he muttered.

"Probably is not good enough. Try harder, okay? Please talk to him about these things... I mean carefully, too."

Draco nodded. "At lunch?"

"Yes... the hour time limit will give you both a breather to think about what you'd want to say later."

"You think it will be okay?" he whispered, needing reassurance.

"Draco, come on. Harry knows you very well. He didn't seem really mad about your denial and honestly seemed relieved that you understood him at the end, even a little."

"Do you think he'd be mad that I asked you?"

"Have you even told him about me?" Carla replied, giving him a knowing look.

Draco blushed. "He's so afraid of mind healing."

"Your current job. Of course, you didn't. You're so afraid that he'll react poorly that you don't even tell him what your field is going to be. That's not good, Draco."

"No one will let me be a mind healer, anyway. I just spent nearly six years in Azkaban for attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder," he muttered, his eyes watering.

"I've been told that your record was expunged, Draco."

"I didn't take my NEWTs."

"Neither did most of your class, and they were accepted with just your OWLs. Harry was an Auror and then went into Healer field without even attending his NEWT year. Don't be so pessimistic."

"Pessimistic? It's still a fact what I did and what happened to me, and you still haven't convinced me that I could handle helping real people and situations. I haven't managed to go anywhere without Harry or Blaise escorting me."

"You're here, talking to me... alone."

"I've seen inside your mind. I trust you," he mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Thank you for that, Draco. You don't think that it will be like that for any patient you have? Do you understand the power you have? No mental block would hold you back...."

"Just because I have a strong wall, doesn't mean it translates to breaking through others."

Carla smirked. "Keep thinking like that. But... I want to bring in someone else."

"Carla... I can't talk to people."

"Oh yes, you have no triggers or issues, do you? I'll talk, you do the Legilimency. They'll understand that you are training."

"I'm a former Death Eater. Don't you think that they would just go the Prophet and say that I was rooting around in their head?"

"Anyone working with us will sign a mutual magically binding confidentially agreement. Don't forget that the people we treat want help... and you can help them."

"So, you say."

"You'll see, Draco. Now, let's talk about your triggers...."

Draco returned home a few hours later, a little shaken from Carla's probing questions. He asked Nimi for some sandwiches for Harry and him for lunch. Right as the clock turned 2, Harry flooed in.

"Draco? Oh... lunch here?"

"Yeah, l-let's eat," he said, trying to decide what words to say.

Harry stared at him for a moment and sat down next to him. He dutifully ate and eyed him as though expecting him to talk.

"I'm sorry," Draco said, after his second bite. Harry had a full mouthful and turned to look at him with puffed-up cheeks. "Sorry... I wanted to wait until after lunch... but it's been on my mind all afternoon. I... couldn't wait."

Harry chewed slowly and swallowed. "It's alright, Draco. You don't have to be nervous."

"I-I denied that I had any issues and that was wrong," he confessed to the table, unable to look into Harry's eyes. "I'm sorry that I...."

Harry reached over and took his hand, stopping his rambling. "Draco, come on. I know that you have triggers or issues, as you put it. You don't have to worry. I mean about my reaction to it. You're in recovery still, and denial is one of the steps, right?"

Draco looked at him, nervously. "Steps?"

"Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm the best person to explain it... but it's the grieving process. Shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. That's what Joel keeps telling me... and which stage you and I are in goes back and forth. Fluid. We've both been stuck in the shock, denial and bargaining phase for a while. Joel says that I get angry sometimes, and Ron helps me mediate that by running. Depression is there, but it comes and goes. I'm still processing what happened, and you are, too."

Draco nodded, slowly. "I'm sorry if I offended you...."

"Draco... no, you didn't. We got there in the end.

Draco's eyes watered, not accepting Harry's words. "I didn't even... I'm sorry I dismissed your attempts to talk about... I-I... please... please don't...."

"Draco? Hey, calm down," Harry said, getting up and hugging him. "Holy Merlin, what's wrong?"

Draco broke down and sobbed into his chest. He gripped Harry like his life depended on it. "I'm s-sorry!"

"Shhh... calm down... breathe... come on... breathe..." Harry urged, and kissed the top of his head. His arms rubbed his back. It took several minutes, but Draco got his breathing under control.

"Thanks... sorry for that...."

"I don't want an apology. What's wrong? Really wrong? You don't have to keep apologizing, Draco. I'm not mad or upset or anything about this morning. Our trauma is not going to be easy to talk about."

Our trauma, Harry had said. Draco felt a little better. He had to tell him.

"Carla... my mind healer... she went over my triggers with me today. I've been... denying them. But... but... I don't know if I can... tell you," he whispered into Harry's chest.

"Shh... it's okay. You can tell me anything, okay?"

Draco squeezed him tighter. Confession time. "Harry... I'm so scared... all the time. That I'll say or do something that will hurt you or make you mad. I'll do anything to avoid it. And-And I... I don't mean to... make you feel... bad. But I-I just can't stop thinking eventually I'll fuck it up and you'll leave me," Draco finally admitted.

Harry sighed and hugged him tighter, too. "I have similar fears. I felt them when you left my care, though your leaving was for a good reason. I think about how much I'm a fuckup... an addict... who can't let people touch him. That I could hurt you? That I could snap?"

"Harry...."

"Draco... I'm scared all the time, too, and I-we need to work through that. I'm glad you told me. You can tell me anything, so please breathe."

Draco took in a staggering breath that he hadn't realized he was holding.

"I don't know about the rest of the world, but a lot of people fear losing their partner, their family. I'm not going anywhere. I trust that you aren't going anywhere, either. Even if you say something that upsets me... I'll always give you a chance... many chances to explain or fix it. I love you, remember? I want you to tell me about your fears, and I'll tell you mine. I'd rather have truth... though I will remember that you're a Slytherin and can't help but plot things."

Draco gave a small laugh through his tears. "Thank you... Harry," he said, hugging him before letting go to look him in the eyes.

"See? We can talk... and set... boundaries as Joel calls them," Harry said, with an amused tone.

Joel... Harry's mind healer... or rather therapist at this point. Harry talks to Joel... so he shouldn't be upset about Carla, Draco thought to himself.

"We can," he whispered, and met Harry's eyes. "There's something that I've been keeping from you... about what I do in the mornings."

"Tell me about it, if you're ready. I'm not going to be mad that you kept it from me. And Draco... you don't have to tell me everything. Just... we need to try to be better."

"Talk... communication..." Draco repeated.

"Exactly. So, tell me about it, if you want, and tonight... we can talk more about our fears."

Draco let out a breath of relief and nodded, before he opened up and told Harry about Carla and the center.

Sorry for the delay! I temporarily moved to the West coast. Been getting a lot more writing done! Just not always the stories you all want, lol!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!