Natasha

I felt I could finally breathe in peace once I reached the confinement of my apartment. Never did home sweet home felt as relatable as it did today. I let my emotions get the better of me as I fell to my knees against the door and sobbed. The way his Bua shot daggers scared me shitless. As if I snatched away her precious treasure.

Why did my past come back to haunt me again and again? I hated it like my own shadow. Like someone skinned you to showcase the worst parts of yourself in front of the mirror. That's how naked I felt when I messed up in front of Rithik. Again. He must think I was a crackpot in need of a mental asylum. All because of that bitch today. For some reason, I always got on the wrong side of adults. Or perhaps, I was the wrong one here. I sniffed my snot away, opening my eyes to the darkness of the room.

I bit my lip and looked around.

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing. I clutched my head between my hands. My mind was a boulder, treading towards a dangerous territory. It was telling me to do things I shouldn't. No, I wanted an outlet for my agony and I needed it fast. Breathlessly, I stared at my wrist only to scratch it with my nails and let out a cry. I simply wanted to get rid of my agony. There must be something. Anything. I let out a cry when I found nothing and banged my head against the wall. I resigned my head against my knees, letting a familiar darkness consume me.

Not sooner than later, Khushboo arrived. There strained was no point hiding as my tear faces was clear as day. I spilled out everything, minus the reason behind my panic attack. She believed it wasn't my fault. Neither Rithik's. Later on, she took me to a bar and even called Ayesha to drink our worries away. Rithik asked if I reached safely and whether I was alright. I simply replied fine and refrained from contacting him further. Neither did I receive any calls from him for the rest of the day. I was at peace.

A day later, Rithik turned up to the door of my apartment, unannounced. He wanted to enquire about my lack of communication. Eventually Khushboo let him in, despite my reluctance. There were times when you loathed the very presence of someone even though they weren't at fault. Rithik was being a pain- both to my ass and mind ever since his fight with Raj. I should have simply stayed at my parents house yesterday.

“I will not repeat myself again and again,” I told Rithik when he questioned my ignorance. “Please stay far away from me for a while. Don't visit me, don't call me. I don't wish to see you at all.”

“You wound me, Natasha. You think I caused this? I'm the victim here!” Rithik pointed to himself, hurt evident in his eyes. “You have no idea how much unnecessary drama I had to endure at home because of that conniving bitch.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder. “Of course you aren't the cause. I don't blame you. Tell you what? Stay away from your house for a while. Perhaps your family might come to their senses.”

He swatted my hand away, letting out a dry laugh. “Nope. I don't run away unlike a certain someone.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat before speaking. “Yes, I ran away! I'm not you, Rithik! I told you, I'm not the commitment type.”

“So you intent on staying like that forever? Don't people adapt with time?” He stepped closer, looking intently in the eye. “I know that wasn't an ideal situation but if in future, the need arose. Will you still call your parents?”

Would I call them, ever? Would they listen? I thought while looking at Rithik helplessly until I averted my gaze, not bearing to see the utter disappointment on his face. My voice was barely a whisper. “You know how my parents are.”

I exhaled a sigh when he got out of my hair. He rubbed his temple. “Yes, I'm aware but... let's eliminate that situation. Imagine, you have perfectly good parents who understand you. Will you then tell your parents about us? That you'll marry only me.”

Perfectly good parents, huh? Did that exist or was that too ideal? “Why are you fixated on marriage all of a sudden? Aren't you projecting your Bua's intentions on me? We are still too young. I'm only twenty-three for God's sake! Focus on your career first.”

“Fine!” Rithik exclaimed, getting annoyed by the second. “Imagine it's been a few years. You're twenty- six now and I'm twenty-nine. You are a successful engineer and I'm running a successful business. Now- will you consider marrying me?”

My lips opened and closed like a fish. This wasn't the kind of proposal I expected from him. I tensed as I replied meekly. “Yes... I might then.”

“You might?” Rithik repeated my words in anger, his head tilted at me. He threw his hands in exasperation while I swallowed. “Wow! So will you marry someone else then?”

“No! I won't marry anyone else.”

“But you won't marry me either?”

“It's not like that!”

“Then what is it, Natasha? What's making it so hard to decide?” He held my shoulders, his eyes boring both hurt and rage. “What do you think we were doing all this time, huh? Roleplaying? Did you ever imagine a future with me?”

“I wouldn't say never, but not in a way you are bombarding me either.” I laughed despite feeling the complete opposite inside. He retracted his hand while I placed mine over my chest as it constricted a little. I was so not up for this drama.

Unfortunately, it seemed like Rithik had a fire up his arse as he continued on with the ridiculous discussion. I said how I wanted to be with him. That much I was sure of, and if everything went alright, I'd entertain a future with him, too. But it was as if he wanted all answers right this instant. Answers which I didn't have. Why the tables turn from avoidance from him to an argument against me? Curse that old hag!

In the end, I only repeated what I told him since the beginning of his impromptu visit today. To avoid me.

“Fine. Have it your way. Let's avoid each other this time,” He stepped closer until our noses almost touched. “But remember, unlike in the past, I won't knock your door this time. You'll be the one coming to me on your accord. And if you are not even capable of that... Then consider us over for good this time.”

The scene of his back retreating towards the door became watery before my eyes. I blinked off to get a clear view but then Rithik surprised himself by returning to get back his keys.

“Perhaps you really ought to fix yourself, Natasha. Visit a therapist and get your mountain of insecurities checked. Maybe then, you might actually commit to something.”

“Rithik, that's enough! Get out at once!” Khushboo intervened for the first time in the evening, pointing her arm to the door. I almost forgot she was here. She held my shoulders from behind but I was too busy looking at the emotions unfurling on his face. He took one last look at me before shutting the door behind us with a thud.

Perhaps I'd been holding onto my sanity all this time. The moment Rithik left, my legs gave up and I fell on to my knees, breathing a mile.  Khushboo held me on, perhaps telling me something but I couldn't hear all of it. The past few weeks had taken a mental and physical toll on me and it was affecting my body as well. At this point, my true wish was to run off to the far ends of the earth. Away from Rithik, his friends, his relative, my parents, colleagues, everyone. At this point, everyone pissed me off. Even Khushboo who was only looking out for me.

Khushboo made me sit on the bed and checked my blood pressure which was insanely low. Hypertension was probably the cause of it. Fortunately, there was a coconut water stall nearby. She quickly ran to fetch it while I told her to fuck off. I regretted it later on. As embarrassing as it was, she was only looking out for me. Later on, Ayesha arrived and we watched a movie together. I was glad they didn't pry on my matter with Rithik as much. It almost felt like I was single again. Almost.

Since I'd gained a PhD in ignoring people, I had no qualms in ignoring Rithik for the following days. Our sentiments were shared since he was doing the same this time. Relationships were a double-edged sword, I realized. At one point, they made you feel like you were in a high. But that same relationship plummeted you down to the depths of the earth, making you see the ugly reality around you. I was away from him, but he wasn't away from my mind. It hurt to the point where I broke down in solitude at night. Often, I was compelled to send a message but knowing, it would eventually lead to an argument, I dropped it. Are you feeling the same or are you tired of me?

Then one day, everything changed.

* * *

It was nearly the end of my office shift. Stretching my arms, I glanced at the calendar kept on my desk and smiled at the thought of a weekend. My bed was already calling out to me to sleep and piss away all the unwanted thoughts. I was packing my handbag when an office boy informed me that the Director wanted to see me. Odd.

I noticed I wasn't alone when I entered the Director's spacious cabin upstairs. Ronit, an engineer from the same team along with another unknown face were also summoned. We exchanged a confused glance, having no clue why we were called like this.

“Don't worry! I'm not going to fire you lot. Nor promote. Take a seat first,” The Director who was a middle-aged man in his fifties chuckled at our worried faces. When we settled down, he opened a brown file. “Do you remember an online interview you gave two months ago?”

No fucking way!

That question explained everything as my mouth fell open. It's just with everything going on in my personal life, I forgot how I gave an online interview two months ago with a senior engineer woman in the US. Haiden Engineering- The company I worked with had branches set up in major cities of India and overseas. Sometimes, they would do an exclusive exchange program where they send some of their trusted employees overseas either for training, internship, or for a high-profile client project. I grabbed the opportunity just like many others, although only me and two other employees were called in today. Did that mean...?

“Hold your horses right there. You three haven't been selected yet. Just finalized.” Boss voiced out our thoughts with an amused smile. He reclined himself on the chair with a groan. “The final decision is upto the clients and branch managers from those countries. Either all of you will be going, or one of you. I hope you have your passports atleast.”

“Yes, we do,” Ronit and I answered together with a smile. Ronit added, “When it be finalized, sir?

“Around two weeks time.”

* * *

‘It will be either Boston or Morocco.’ I recalled the Boss's words when we asked about the locations. It was hard to retain our excitement after Ronit and I returned from Boss's cabin. We had to act like we hadn't been offered the biggest offer of our lives. We pretended like normal, but even then, it couldn't be suppressed.

The undeniable smile on our faces.

It was as if life had granted me a one way ticket to boycott my troubles. Suddenly I was at a crossroads and a sappy one at that. I even shrieked out loud like a psycho in the elevator. So excited I didn't care that I swiped my mobile touchscreen to call Rithik, despite our fued. It went on voicemail. Never mind, I could always call him later.

Instead I called two of my best people— Mitali and Abhishek. Both were thrilled, although Mitali was bummed since I'd be away for a while. The following evening, I had a pizza treat with my girl friends, Khushboo and Ayesha, celebrating what could be a metamorphosis of my life.

I made a dunce out of myself by calling Rithik again, but his phone was switched off. That's odd. He was never unreachable as far as I recalled. Warning bells rang inside my head. Something didn't seem right. Before I could dwell on it, I got distracted by Ayesha showing us a funny reel accompanied by a funny incident. She seemed more invested in my news than Khushboo who seemed lost. Sometime later, we all laid down respiting ourselves from a long day.

An hour later, I received a phone call from Yash.

“Hi, Yash! Long time, buddy. Sorry, I'm a bit out of it,” I giggled into the phone. However, my funny bones died as soon as I heard his voice calling my name. Distressed. I sat up, straight. “Wh- what's the matter? Where's Rithik...?”

His next five words knocked the winds out of my sails and plummeted me down to the depths of despair.

“He's been in an accident.”

Yash's voice was brittle as he continued, “W- we are all waiting for him to wake up... He's been injured in the head and been out for the last three hours, so... Ple-ase pray for him...”

My own throat clogged as I heard him break into sobs, mumbling incoherently. Before I knew it, my body was fervently moving to wear my sandals and head towards the exit. “Share me the hospital's location. I'll be there.”

“But his parents are here.”

“I don't care, Yash...!” My lips were quivering. “Text me your location.”

The rest of the night blurred by like a long montage. The dreadful drive to hospital. The sight of Rithik's devastated parents and his friends at the waiting room. The coming and going of doctors and nurses. The sick smell of the hospital. For a long time, I stood numb, staring at a blank wall. Like I was living through someone else's nightmare on repeat. I wasn't waking up. Hell, no one was. And he still didn't wake up. What was he? Sleeping beauty?

The doctors concluded he was suffering from polytrauma which occurred when there were multiple successive injuries. Not to mention, his injury to the head. It was why he hadn't woken up yet. They clearly said he had to be in his senses by twenty four hours, otherwise his case would become fatal.

Most of us stayed the night at the hospital and slept on the couches. I maintained a safe distance from his parents, lest I caused trouble for them. Though that didn't stop them from accessing me with their looks. Once Mrs Arora asked if I was Natasha to which I simply nodded in confirmation.

“So you're the girl everyone's been gossiping about! Think I've seen you before,” Mr Arora exclaimed in response. He stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. I cast my eyes down, cowering. “Tell me kid, what did you do to make my sister that furious? Well, she's a nutcracker most of the time, but—”

“Rakesh!” Mrs Arora commanded, making her husband return to his wife, wearing an apologetic smile. It was uncanny how well he depicted his son right now. “This is not the right time to be discussing these matters. She doesn't matter. Rithik's health takes top priority. Do something, please.”

“Don't you know how strong our son is? I have faith in him. He will wake up in no time,” Mr Arora assured his crying wife with a hug for probably the nth time. A small smile escaped my lips when he cracked a joke that made Mrs Arora and me snicker. I could get where Rithik got his charms from.

Please wake up already, Rithu darling! We miss you like hell.

I could do nothing but pray.

* * *

Rithik woke up, the next afternoon. Unfortunately, I was at the apartment to refresh myself. Relief washed over my being as soon as I heard it and sank on my knees, shedding tears of joy. 

Yash advised me to come after 4 PM since that was when they allowed visitors to see their patients. Apparently, I had patience of an atom. I could only function in relief after seeing his face. Prior to that though, I took a quick detour to a temple and offered fruits to the godly statues. A very un- Natasha like move, I know, but it was crucial. For the rarest times ever, God listened to me.

My heart was in my mouth by the time I reached the hospital. Somehow Rithik's parents had requested for an early visit and were with him for quite some time. I realized I hadn't seen Rithik for more than a week. If only I could run over to him. My gaze lingered at the long lobby ahead, waiting for a sign of his parents.

Twenty minutes later, Rithik's parents appeared after exiting one of the cabins. They seemed to be engrossed in an important discussion. Their eyes seemed puffy and tired. It made me wonder if my parents would have expressed their concern, too, if something had happened to me. Better not open that door.

I picked up bits and pieces from their conversation about an operation for his humerus fracture (dislocated shoulder). Just then, Mister Arora stepped forward in my direction, startling both me and Mrs Arora.

“Go, kid. He wants to see you.”

“Really?” My eyes lit up, but my response was quickly interrupted by Mrs Arora who hissed at him, clearly against the idea.

“It's okay, dear...” Mister Arora then whispered something to his wife until she sighed, going along with it. “Rithik is in ward number 508. Go.”

I was already on my way when Mrs Arora stopped me by my shoulder. Inspecting closely, I could say Rithik inherited her brown eyes. She spoke, her voice strained. “Don't... Atleast avoid talking about difficult things that would stress him out. He needs to recover for now.”

“I understand, Aunty. Um, thank you, both.” I said with emotion and brisked my way towards the corridor.

Towards Rithik.

My stomach dreaded with anticipation of the condition I'd find him in. I placed my hand on my chest for a second before pushing the door open.

Surprisingly the hospital wasn't blue as I expected. There were three wards all separated by brown colored curtains. Smells of anesthesia, medicine and what not filled the room nearly making me nauseous. Two other patients-- An older woman and a young boy stared at me with a blank expression as I passed them by. I stopped at the third ward by the window with the curtains drawn. I swallowed.

“Rithik.”

I heard a gasp from the other side of the curtain. “Natasha?”

“Yes...” I could tell by his voice how uncharacteristically weak he was. My hand was on its way to push the curtain when he denied.

“Don't! I look ugly as fuck right now.”

“I don't care how you look, idiot! Just let me see... you...” My words swallowed as I pushed the curtain.

Rithik was right. He looked damn ugly. And not the kind of ugly I would see on him ever.

His head was wrapped in a thick round bandage, making his eyes appear smaller than normal. Another triangular bandage was hooked around his neck to his right arm and another on his right leg. Besides this, there were a few more smaller bandages on his body. An IV drop and a beeping machine was connected to him through his arm. His face was pale and swollen probably due to the IVs and injections on his body. The slightly bulky Rithik was condensed to a meek man within one day. Just looking at him felt like someone punched an axe through my soul.

“Geez, not you, too. Do I really look like a train wreck?” Rithik complained, his voice soft as he noticed me break down silently. I couldn't help it. I covered my face with my hands, trying to suppress it all in but failed miserably. He let out a breath. “I can't even reach out to wipe your face. This sucks.”

“Sorry,” I rubbed my teary face and sniffed. I closed the curtain behind us and sat down on the side of the bed. Before long, my hand reached out to squeeze his other uninjured hand. I hugged his hand to my face, silently shedding tears. When he told me to stop, I simply added. “Sorry but I'm so glad to see you. You have no idea.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you. Despite all the pain I'm having,” He said, his voice strained and groaned trying to adjust the hem of his bandage. I immediately helped him on that and made him sit comfortably. He cast a weak smile, glancing at me. “Atleast there's one good thing that came out of this. You approached me first.”

“Don't dare say such things! There's nothing good about this wretched state of yours!” I said, hitting him very, very gently. My hand remained on his arm as I kept staring at his teal blue hospital gown. “I would have approached you first anyway.”

“Oh, yes! There were two missed calls from you before the accident. And a message stating you wanted to talk. What is it?”

“It's from my office actually. They...” I paused as his mother's words ringed in my head. If I were to tell him I would be sent off to the other side of the globe for a year, would he take it lightly? Surely that would stress him out. “I, um, I might be offered to work on a special project outside the city.”

“Ou- outside the city? Where?” He gauged my face.

My mouth opened and closed out of uncertainty. I stole a glance at his blood pressure reading that was slightly higher than usual. My lie came out naturally. “Somewhere in the country. Maybe Bangalore, Delhi for four months.”

“That's wonderful. Congratulations!” Rithik's eyes gleamed as he smiled. He took my hand slowly. “So you'll be away for four months? You'll get a good excuse to stay away from me.”

For a year but who's counting. “Yes. Maybe this distance would be good for us. We'll be closer than before.”

“Maybe.” His gaze moved to our hands. Somehow we intertwined our fingers. A pause later, he added quietly. “Nat, can you hug me?”

I glanced at his eyes that seemed glassy. “I'd love to.”

Let me tell you- it was not easy. I avoided his right side completely and wrapped my hand around his left torso. He leaned his head above mine and placed his left hand on my shoulder, despite the pipes attached to his wrist. I could barely smell his usual scent though. He smelled of hospital fluids and antiseptic. Though the moment my head touched his chest, I forgot everything. Everything that transpired in these few weeks, except the beating of his heart. He was breathing right here, next to me. My body sagged. I was at peace.

It didn't matter whether we are together or far apart. Whether we are fighting or not. I simply refuse to live in a world without you in it.

Perhaps being closer allowed us to be vulnerable. Soon we were confessing our sins from that day and apologizing. I was sorry for being an indecisive bitch while he was sorry for being an insensitive asshole.

“Did you sleep or what?” His chest vibrated as he chuckled. “I thought you would have gotten away seeing how I stink right now.”

“I don't care, I wish to remain here,” I mumbled, sinking my head further into his chest, closing my eyes. Unfortunately I parted a minute later. I gazed into his brown eyes and brought a hand to his cheek. “I love you. Always.”

His dry lips curled up at that. He held my hand on his cheek and kissed it. “I love you, too.”

It wasn't long before a nurse entered stating I had to leave to make room for other visitors. Rithik insisted to meet him again and relieve him from the hospital at the earliest.

His other visitors included his beloved elder sister from Kolkata. Let's just say Meera wasn't very welcoming to have me hover around her little brother. She bluntly forbade me from visiting. Wasn't she aware of my and Rithik's relationship way before and was okay with it? What changed then? Suddenly I was Karen who was favored by none.

Or perhaps I was simply fated to be a vixen.

Rithik's sister possessed a resting bitch face when I arrived at the hospital, three days later. This was after the surgery Rithik underwent for humerus fracture. I tried to bypass her, but she hopped to appear before me.

“Why are you here again?”

“The same reason as you, I believe.”

“So you speak now,” Meera raised a side brow. “Didn't I say you are not allowed in here? You cannot visit my brother.”

“I don't believe I follow your orders, ma'am. You're neither the hospital's manager, nor Rithik. Now, if you'll please excuse me,” I said with a straight face and walked past Meera. Behind us, the Arora parents watched the scene, spellbound. While Mrs Arora commented something incohensive about my behavior, Mr Arora simply snickered like a high school kid.

“Your family totally hates me now,” I told Rithik with my head hung low while he laughed his ass off.

“I wouldn't worry. You did great. I'm proud to call you my woman,” He grinned, patting my back. “Papa definitely likes you though. I can tell. As for Meera Di, I'll set her straight, no worries. I hope you'll continue giving company to this lonely man?”

“Of course. That's what I'm here for.” I flipped my hair.

“Chal ab issi baat pe muje jhappi dede,” Rithik said, spreading his left arm and I facepalmed. This man.

An hour later, I exited the hospital when I saw Yash and Shailesh whispering something amongst themselves, their faces forlorn. My stomach dropped with dread dunno why. They stopped talking once they saw me. When I asked them what was wrong, they simply said not to bother with it.

“Come on, you know me. You can tell me especially if it's related to Rithik. Don't tell me his family tried to kick you out, too?” I tried to lighten them up with a lame-ass joke but their faces remained grim. “Seriously, what happened?”

“We are not sure if we should tell you...” Yash trailed off while I looked at his face with desperation, begging for answers. He exhaled. “We don't think Rithik's accident was by accident.”

My head was spinning as I felt the ground slip beneath my feet. This couldn't be happening.

Yash continued, “We got footage of Rithik's accident. He was driving on his lane as usual when suddenly a SUV hit him on the crossroad. It looked like it made a deliberate sharp turn to hit someone.”

“Someone wanted to kill him, Bhabhi. And with the recent events, we all know who is capable of that.”

All the color drained from my face as Yash confirmed our fears. “Raj planned this accident all along.”

* * * * *

A bunch of things happened. What are your thoughts? I hope it (the events in this chapter) doesn't sound way off though... I don't know. Anyway, what do you think about Natasha getting a project abroad? Comment below.