27.5- The Letter

                                        

                                              
Dear Rithu darling, 
I know what you are thinking. A. Fucking. Letter?!! That too, from a bitch like Natasha. Is the world going to end tonight? 
If only it could. Then I wouldn't have to give you this earth shattering news. 
Honestly, I don't want to do this. The fact that I stalled this for so damn long should be proof enough. 
So here's the blow, babe- It's true that I'm moving outside the city to be a part of an architectural project. It's also true that I'll only be there for a limited time, after which I'll return to Mumbai. You just heard the wrong place and time. The place is Boston-- Yes, yes, the USA one! And the time is one year. Well, actually a little more than that, sorry! 
By the time, you'll read this letter, I'll most probably be setting up my things in my new guest room or attending a crucial board meeting at the Safdie Architects Branch Office in Boston. It's a well-established firm in US. Do you know what that means, Rithik? I earned this shit. And I'm fucking proud of it!
You were the first person I wanted to yell this breaking news to. That's why I called you. God is a sadist. They didn't like seeing me over the moon so they plummeted me down to earth with the crushing news of your accident. On the same arse day. What are the odds? 
It may sound bullshit, but I got this guilt inside my head. I was like- "I gotta tell you, it's so exciting!" But then, I saw you writhing in pain in the hospital, suffering both mentally and physically. I didn't have the right to be thrilled because of your stupid accident and if I felt that, I'd become guilty all over again. It was like a cycle. 
A month later, you returned home. I was genuinely happy to see you smile from your heart after you got discharged. You were so relieved to be outside. I didn't have it in me to be a party pooper then. 
So I'm expressing my excitement here. I did it, Rithik! I hella did it! 😍 Perhaps luck finally took mercy on me this time and paid off for my toiling years at Uni and school. I wish I could end this note with a bang but there will be no bang- bang here. Sorry, cut that crap joke! Was letter writing supposed to be this confusing? It wasn't the same at school. Seriously where should I begin? Perhaps from the beginning. 
I have a confession to make- I'm terrified of people. As in not scared to face them, but scared to let them in. And what's the closest thing that lets people in? Bingo, a romantic relationship! 
Dating was never in my agenda. I'm too deranged for that. The only way I stayed with a man was through sex. That was my intention with you, too, earlier on. But you were so goddamn irresistible, Rithik! I tried to push you away with all means possible but you broke through my defences. You swallowed my heart until I had no will left to say no. You said I'll be ready for you and say yes one day. But I was Never ready for you. I just couldn't afford to lose you. I loved you too much for it. 
Did you know how I struggled in the first months of our relationship? The bimbos from my class were insanely jealous of me. Some passed indirect dibs, wondering what on earth I did to catch your heart or I'm only with you for your looks. While few thought I acquired an attitude problem. Bitch, I was born with that shit. What was their deal anyway? 
Not that their behavior stung me but I got super conscious around you whenever we were at Uni. Though you felt entirely the opposite. You wanted to introduce me to everyone as your precious girlfriend. It made me uncomfortable. I already ranted about it, but you never understood. 
Wow, I just realized it's easy to talk about my feelings on paper rather than verbal. 
Anyway, our relationship had been fantastic 70% of the time. It made me discover things about you, me and love in general. Barring Abhishek, you're the first man I've been this emotionally close to. The first person besides Abhi and Mitali in my entire life and that's telling something. It is a huge deal for me.