Healing Draco Malfoy

Chapter 60

Published: July 31st, 2023

Harry couldn't take his eyes off Draco. He watched his every step and every movement. Blaise and Neville were at his side, clearly on guard duty. He almost had a flashback to their school days when Crabbe and Goyle were protecting him, but Harry shook out that vision. Harry knew that Draco had gone to live with them, but seeing Neville standing right next to Draco in a clearly defensive stance was strange. Harry was worried about the reception that Draco would receive, as the crowd near Draco stopped and looked. The shock at his appearance was clear on their faces.

Harry was about to walk over and help him out, but then the Slytherins started stepping forward to greet him. Harry didn't know all of them but saw some old Slytherin quidditch players, Vasily, Millicent and Montague, in the mix. Draco hadn't exactly been popular outside of Slytherin, but the recent gossip and stories would have softened the ire that Draco would have received. Harry knew that for him, the minute Draco came to his ward, all their past was forgotten and forgiven.

Draco had an air of politeness as he greeted each one with a handshake as a receiving line formed from their former classmates from all four houses. Professors even stopped by to greet him as though he was a celebrity in his own right. Harry watched Draco seamlessly talk to people, something he couldn't easily do without long hours of practice. It was embarrassing to have less confidence than someone who had just spent six years being brutally tortured.

"You're staring, Harry," Hermione warned.

He looked away, blushing. "Sorry."

"I know, Harry, but people will notice," she said and came closer to tell him about the band playing, as though she knew he had no idea. He took several deep breaths. Draco was here... he would come to talk to him. He knew that. He ran through the breathing exercises Joel gave him, just in time for some more well-wishers to greet him. He handled them well, though he was distracted.

"He's going to the tables," Ron suddenly announced, and Harry whipped his head around.

Draco was walking. Sure he had a cane... a maroon cane... but he was walking better than he had ever seen him. Barely limping, as though the cane was just a prop. Harry grimaced as he assessed his every step. There was no way Draco had healed that fast. His coordination was spotty at best when he left. Harry didn't see any signs of pain on his face, but he knew that didn't mean anything. Draco's pain threshold was extremely high.

Insecurity ran through him. Had Draco found a better healer than him? He looked away briefly, trying to keep the tears. Was he really an incompetent healer, too? He always had been so confident in his skills.

"He's just letting everyone get used to him, Harry," Ron explained quietly and met his eyes.

Harry breathed deeply. Patience, he told himself, but his nerves were stretched thin. He tried not to watch him and instead acted like the musicians were entertaining. He didn't know who they were, but they played a wide assortment of song types. He gave it as long as he could before glancing back at Draco, who had sat down with Blaise, Neville, Theodore Nott and another girl that Harry didn't recognize.

More people stopped at his table... the Patils, Susan, Hannah, and Michael Corner, but it was quieting down. Seamus and Dean actually sat at his table for a bit, as did Harper and Joel, and Joel leaned forward to tell Draco something, probably where he was. His heart skipped a few beats, and he tried to calm down.

Draco lifted his head and located him, their eyes meeting for the first time in a month. Shivers jolted down his spine, and he looked away, unable to look back. The uncertainty and doubt were gnawing at him. What was he doing here? Draco didn't... wouldn't want someone as broken as him. He was a wreck... and Draco was whole again. Walking and talking like he didn't need any help... like Harry did. Maybe he should leave. He took a small step forward.

"Easy, Harry," Ron said, taking his hand and meeting his eyes. "I know this is hard. You can do this. Please mate... try."

Harry took another deep breath. Ron hadn't let go, keeping his hand in a firm grip. He took slow deep breaths and forced himself to talk to a few stranglers that approached him. He finally risked another look and realized that Draco was watching him. He looked away, unsure about what was going to happen. This wait was agonizing, but Harry was drawn out of his spiral when Draco got up.

Draco wasn't staring at him but clearly was walking in his direction. Harry analyzed his every step, confused by the ease with which he was walking. Everything seemed to fade out. The talking... the music... the throng of people on the dance floor. There was only Draco. He knew he was shaking, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't sure what Draco would say... what would happen. He just wanted to feel happy again. His heart beat louder as Draco came closer... and closer, and even Ron's grip couldn't keep him steady.

Minutes... hours passed, and suddenly Draco was in front of him. Neville and Blaise had effectively ushered any well-wishers out of the way. Harry only barely registered that the crowd had practically stopped whatever they were doing to turn and watch them. His eyes were only on Draco and his steady gait. He needed to know if Draco was healing okay. Draco was what was important.

"Harry," Draco said, ignoring both the crowd and their respective bodyguards. "It is wonderful to see you again."

Harry felt his jaw had locked, and he couldn't open it. He tried to remember how to talk. Ron nudged him gently. Focusing on Joel's speaking exercises, he spluttered out, "It's nice to see you again." It required a tremendous amount of effort to force his jaw open, but it was audible. He wasn't good at being nonchalant anymore.

"A remarkable coincidence, surely. I know you hate this as much as I. But... how have you been?" Draco said, as though trying to analyze him like Harry was assessing him.

"Managing... I-I took some time off... work," he mumbled, not following the beaten path of choice sentences Joel had set out for him.

"That's good, Harry. You needed it," Draco said, with concern in his voice.

Harry expected that their conversation was nearly done. Neither of them would actually talk about anything with their friends and all of their former classmates watching their every move. It was stupid to come here. Draco would probably end this and leave. His shoulders dropped as he had wished it had been so much more.

"Draco...."

"Harry, would you care to dance?" Draco said, cutting him off.

Ron had let go, and Hermione gasped a bit, but Neville and Blaise smirked. Harry could only mumble, "D-Dance?" He had had a few requests from others, but he followed Joel's scripted responses to decline their offers.

Draco offered his left hand, then put his right hand and cane behind his back. He even bowed a little like a picture-perfect gentleman from a muggle movie. "May I have this dance, Harry?"

An unnatural number of expletives of shock and horror went through his mind, but his hand acted on its own accord and took Draco's hand. Harry knew exactly what kind of sensation this would cause if he did, but suddenly he didn't care. He couldn't believe it and stammered out, "I can't... I don't know how to dance."

"Don't worry. I do," Draco smiled victoriously and guided Harry forward. He tossed his cane to Blaise, who caught it. "Thanks, Blaise."

Harry gave one last look at his friends... their friends. Ron and Hermione were holding each other, and Neville held Blaise's hand. But Draco led Harry to a stop in the middle of the dance floor. The music naturally morphed into a slow, romantic song. Draco intertwined their fingers and brought Harry in closer to wrap his other arm behind his back as he pulled him in to start swaying into the rhythm.

Harry desperately tried to follow him, as though aware that it wasn't just their friends watching now... but possibly all of Britain. What was he thinking? What was Draco thinking?

"Harry, stop... just look at me, okay? I'll handle everything, just watch my eyes," Draco whispered gently.

Slowly, Harry looked up into Draco's grey eyes. He started breathing easier, and when Draco guided him into the rhythmic movements, he relaxed a bit. Draco could dance.

"There you go. You're dancing, Harry. Look at me and let me lead Harry," he whispered. "Just follow where I step."

Harry lifted his eyes up to Draco, now realizing that they were inches apart. He swallowed nervously and forced his anxiety down. Joel's lessons didn't cover sudden proximity conversations. He grunted, "You know that this will be in every newspaper by morning, right? There's no way someone didn't get a camera past McGonagall."

Draco shrugged. "I'm not worried about that."

Harry frowned. "What are you worried about?"

"The only thing that matters... Harry. You," he said, staring into his eyes.

Harry had to look away and blink away some tears. It had been a full month since he had seen Draco, and he was saying... what was he saying?

"Hey, just look at me, Harry. Don't worry about being overheard. Blaise put up the spells."

Harry looked back up, relieved that they could talk. They could talk in the open without anyone breaking in or someone overhearing.

"Harry?" Draco called to him as they danced. Harry looked back at him. "I'm so sorry for leaving you alone this long. It hurt... it hurt me a lot, and I can only imagine how bad it was for you."

Harry nodded and couldn't maintain eye contact. He understood... kinda, but it didn't hurt any less. "I didn't know. I couldn't be... sure."

"I know... but you did... guess, right? You do know why I stayed away?"

"Ron... laid it out," he murmured.

Draco laughed. "Weasley's growing on me, and so is Hermione. The little bits are cute, too."

Harry nodded again. "They definitely kept me... from wallowing."

Draco nodded and managed to pull him deeper onto the dance floor. Somehow, Harry didn't care about the crowd watching them.

"You're doing great, Harry," Draco praised.

"You're the one dancing," he muttered as Draco turned them in small circles. Harry could barely hear the music... or the rest of the party. Draco was the only thing he was focused on.

"Blaise and Neville made sure I still remembered. We practiced a lot before tonight."

"Neville did?"

"He's quite the dancer. He's been a great help, actually. A really nice guy and has strangely sage advice. He's been helping me with my memory issues... you know... spells? But really, I owe him a lot, especially with everything I put him through at school. I certainly can't make up for what I did to him."

"Neville isn't one to hold grudges. He's not looking for you to make it up to him."

"I know. He won't even let me apologize."

"No... he wouldn't," Harry mumbled, but it finally set in that Draco was right in front of him. "Oh, Draco..." he lamented, trying not to cry and pushing the tears back.

"I know, Harry. I missed you so much. I've been so worried about you."

"About me?"

"Of course, I worry about you, idiot Gryffindor you are," Draco drawled, and Harry smiled a bit.

"I... was worried about you," Harry admitted. "Are you... okay?"

"As well as can be expected..." he said, not really answering.

Harry's eyes narrowed, realizing that Draco was in front of him and he was dancing. It shouldn't be possible. Draco would've needed a lot longer to recover. He used his magic to assess him and with his magic, he felt his stress and pain and was dismayed at the obvious inflammation that hadn't been kneaded out. He started to reach out with his magic to heal Draco.

"Stop, Harry," Draco ordered.

"Draco... I can feel that you're in pain. I can..." he whispered, reaching out to heal him.

"Stop. You aren't my healer anymore, Harry, remember?" Draco huffed.

Harry winced and stopped his magic. That stung.

"Harry, wait. I'm sorry... we just have to keep that separate. I can handle the pain, okay? Just a little bit longer."

Harry stared back at him and remembered. If Draco's hands weren't being healed, then how was he walking?

"How are you walking? Dancing? I know you weren't that strong... I mean... there's no way that you healed that quickly unless... Draco! You're using Lightening Charms, aren't you? I told you not to use them!"

Draco sighed. "Relax, it's just for the party. I shuffle around on my walker at home, don't worry."

"It will still set you back, and this isn't the only party you've gone to. What about your meetings at the Ministry?"

Draco grimaced. "I'm still a prideful git and wasn't about to have my picture blasted on the front page using a walker."

Harry glared and said, "Still... you shouldn't use them at all. It's meant for lifting and moving objects. It actually atrophies your muscles more! I told Blaise not to let you use them." Harry whipped his head around to locate the Slytherin. It took a few seconds to get his bearings from getting twirled in circles so much, but he locked onto Blaise, who knew immediately what he'd done. He comically hid behind Neville.

"Leave Blaise alone. I cast them. I was aware of the risks and decided it was worth it. I'm not shuffling around with a walking frame for everyone to mock me."

"People better not mock you," Harry spat, turning back to Draco.

"Not really... besides Pansy."

"Pansy? She's here?" Harry said, thinking he had greeted just about every member of their class.

"You missed that? She confronted me at the table. Blaise nearly hexed her. Astoria made Daphne get her out of here."

Harry didn't recognize the name. "Astoria?"

"She's Daphne's younger sister, and she married Theo. She hasn't been well lately, but Blaise was able to remove the blood curse one of her dad's enemies placed on his line."

Harry grimaced, surprised that he hadn't known any of that. "That's good... but Pansy...."

"She's just bitter and married Marcus for his money. I'm sure you remember how much of a bastard he was."

"Yeah... but Draco, you shouldn't be embarrassed by using a walker. It takes time."

"Embarrassment wasn't entirely the issue. I didn't want people to think that I'm still under a healer's care."

"It was in the newspaper!"

Draco smiled at his admission that he had read Draco's articles. "That I have a new healer, but not to what extent. It's part of the plan."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Plan?" He had heard of this plan from Ron. He just didn't know what this plan was.

"Harry... I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I didn't include you in the plan. Your job and career are important to you. I had to break all ties with you... to make sure that the MMMB couldn't take away your license. It's why I left your service. We couldn't stay on like that, with me under your care. It was getting too risky... so I made a plan. And I wanted you to have deniability... I want your conscience clear, Harry. I know that it means a lot to you. So... I kept you in the dark."

He looked into Draco's eyes and nodded. Ron had said as much.

"Harry... I'm sorry. I know my leaving hurt you, and I prayed every day and night that you'd forgive me. But... the Patils... my solicitors looked into it. They said thirty days separation should be enough to satisfy the MMMB that there was no... undue influence. We needed a month to put aside any doubt that we were doing anything wrong. To prove that you're not my healer anymore and I'm not your patient. That's why... I haven't written... and I left. I didn't want to. I swear, Harry."

Harry swallowed. Draco had planned this all out... for what? Chills went down his back as he realized what Draco wanted. A relationship... but he couldn't have that. He couldn't be anything for Draco.

"Breathe, Harry. Breathe in and out...."

He took deep breaths as Draco led them around the dance floor. The music changed to another slow song. He was looking everywhere but Draco's eyes, but seeing nothing really. Draco was strong now. He could talk to people, go to the Ministry, make statements to the press, and attend galas like he was born to do, which he was. Harry knew he'd never get better. He'd never live up to what Draco wanted. He couldn't be... anything for him. He was a disaster.

"Harry... what are you thinking?" Draco said, worried.

Harry didn't want to say what was really wrong, but he forced the words out. "I'm not... I can't be... with you... like that," he confessed.

Draco took in a long hard breath. "I know. I can't, either. I'm just as broken and scared as you, Harry. I don't mean that we will start something... physical."

Harry looked at him, confused. Draco was planning for this.

"Harry... I just want to spend time with you as friends...close friends. I know that you aren't ready for more than that, and I'm not either. I just... I just want us to be able to talk again. I want to be able to hold your hand without a threat of a hearing over your head. I want you to be able to hug me when I get scared, and I want to be able to hold you when you have a panic attack. I just want to be close again, without you worrying about the board and your job. I... I miss you so much, Harry."

Harry shivered. Were these the words he had been waiting for? How much he just wanted to talk to Draco again. His insecurities wouldn't let it go. "You're... you don't need me."

"Of course, I need you," Draco gasped.

Harry lowered his eyes to his chest. "No, you don't. I'm a bloody mess. You... you're going to charities and parties... having meetings with the Minister.... I can't. You have your life in order. You're healed now... and I'm... broken. You don't need me in your life."

Draco squeezed his hand hard, and Harry looked at him. "Harry... if you think that any of this is easy for me, you're wrong. This is all an act, Harry. Just like the Lightening Charm. A temporary fix to a much larger problem. You don't think I don't think that I haven't taken a few vials of Calming Draught? You didn't notice that Blaise and Neville haven't left my side? I'm trudging through this all... for the plan... to see you without hindrance. It's not just a separation period we needed. I need to show my independence. That I can manage my own health and affairs and am not mentally dependent on... you."

"I hate being here. I hate the stares and the small talk. I hate people trying to ask about what happened... and about you. This is just a show for the papers and the board. You know I can bury the bad stuff... the pain... deep down. I had to shake hands with the same people who sentenced me to Azkaban. The ones who never checked that they were treating us like humans. I had to grin and bear it when those dicks asked me what prison was like, like the clueless idiots they are. I have had no one to talk to. I couldn't even talk about what happened to Blaise. It's been hard, Harry," Draco whispered.

"You went through all that... just to...have this, Draco?" Harry breathed, tears were starting to form in his eyes.

"It was worth it. For this moment... for this chance...."

Harry took some deep breaths as Draco still led him around the dance floor. He could barely hear anything but his heart beating in his ear. He didn't know what to say. Draco had done all this... took on this pain just to have some kind of relationship. Harry felt guilt rush through him, and he shook his head. This was all his fault.

"You did get dependent on me..." he breathed. "There's a reason why healers aren't supposed to have relationships with patients, Draco. This is why. You sacrificed your recovery just to have... this? For me?"

Draco looked at him with a scowl. "Yes... you saved me. You broke through my barricades and rescued me from the edge. You, and only you, did that. I trust you... more than I trust anyone."

"Because it was my job to heal you," Harry muttered, avoiding his eyes. "You're just... attached to me because I saved you. You hated me before you came to my ward."

Draco got closer. Closer than Harry thought possible. "You really think that? You've been to my sanctuary. My safe harbor... the place where I went to in my mind for six years to keep myself sane. Who was there with me, Potter? It wasn't my father, my mother, or my friends... it was you. Only you."

Harry started shaking, understanding Draco's implications. He met Draco's eyes, and they stared blazingly back at him.

"You... were the only one I ever felt safe with. The only one strong enough to heal me. The only one willing to rescue me from the flames. The only one who showed up in Court and spoke for me. Harry, you're the only reason I wasn't sent there for life. You aren't just my healer, Harry, and you never were. And if you think that you are healing me is the only reason we have anything between us, well, you're wrong."

He shook his head, still in disbelief. He didn't see how anyone could want him.

Draco leaned in and whispered into his ear. "You took my diary, didn't you?"

Harry's eyes widened, and he sputtered, "I'm sorry! I wouldn't... I didn't read it... I swear!"

"I know you didn't, 'cause it's hexed. Please read it, Harry. The password to unlock it is to tap it and say "semper veritas."

Harry looked at him. "Draco? You... want me to read it?"

"Yes," Draco said gravely. "Bear in mind that I was an abused, moody, sexually-frustrated teenager when I started writing that. It took me a bit to come to terms with a lot of things. But I had no choice but to write the truth. It was quite cathartic."

Harry's eyebrows furrowed. Semper Veritas wasn't just the password. It must have been actual spellwork in the book. "Draco... that's... it's highly invasive...."

"I'm giving you permission to read it, so it isn't."

"Draco...."

"Read it, Harry. But I think we've given the crowds and papers enough to gossip about. I want you to know how proud I am that you faced your fears to come here tonight, Harry."

He looked up at him again. His eyes were brimming with tears.

"So proud. I was worried it'd be too much, but you made it. You bore through the pain... just to see me, I dare say."

Harry blushed. "I... was worried about you."

"As I was for you. Well... I know it wasn't as meaningful and special as mine, but it means a lot to me, Harry, and I hope it is for you, too."

Harry looked confused. "What?"

"Happy Birthday, Harry."

Harry registered his meaning and wondered if this all had been Draco's plan. The party, the band and setup. Did Draco pay for all this himself? But before Harry could ask, Draco came to a stop. It took Harry a few seconds to realize that they were back where they started. Ron and Hermione were next to him, and Blaise and Neville were behind Draco.

Draco let go of him and gave a bow. "Thank you for the dance, Harry."

Harry's knees were shaking, and he didn't want Draco to leave. "Draco...."

"Have a great night," Draco said, and he looked worried when he said, "Take care, Harry."

Draco turned without waiting for a response. Harry winced as the cacophony of the party rushed back like his hearing had returned. Hermione gently pulled him away from the dance floor. They tried to talk to him, but he could only watch Draco from across the room. It wasn't too long later that Draco left with Blaise and Neville. When Ron offered to take him home, he said yes. He had a lot to think about.

Happy Birthday Harry Potter!

Sorry, it took so long. I may or may not have waited until today to post because I'm evil. Wa ha ha ha! I actually wrecked my motorcycle right after Annual Training, but I'm okay, thankfully. Just bruises and stitches. I also have a third part-time job babysitting my nephew, but he's such a cutie! How could I refuse!? I also have been Scrooge Mcducking-it and counting my material wealth.