ONLY ANGEL | JJ MAYBANK

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

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It almost felt like Kie had purposely tired Collins out, judging from the fact that Collins felt like she was about to collapse into her bed and then pass out until the next morning. But maybe that just meant that she'd had a good day.

Once Kie had finally pulled her car over to a stop in front of Collins's house, the birthday girl turned over in her seat to face her. "Wanna have dinner? Charlie's probably just gonna roast hot dogs over a fire, but it could be fun?"

"How could I say no to that?" Kie scoffed, twisting her key out of the ignition before the two were opening their doors and jumping out of the car. Collins actively ignored the inkling of a feeling that Kie might've just wanted to stay because she thought Charlie was hot, since she wanted Kie to be there and maybe her schoolgirl crush amused her.

Collins was holding her bag full of the clothes they'd thrifted as she walked up to her front door. She pushed the screen divider with her foot to keep it from closing, and twisted the doorknob all the way, using her shoulder to shove the main door open.

She only took one step inside before she was frozen in place at the rainbow of colors that welcomed her inside, all of which were unfamiliar to the home she had left earlier that day. There were streamers hung sporadically on the walls, balloons lying sparingly around the floors and table tops, and three boys holding their arms out while cheering at the top of their lungs, "Happy birthday!"

Collins clutched her face with both hands and gasped in pure shock. Charlie, Pope, and JJ had somehow managed to put together a whole surprise party just for her. There's always a first for everything, isn't there?

"How the hell did you guys pull this off?" Looking to each of them, Collins turned to face Kie, who shrugged her shoulders in a smug sort of way that Collins should've known all along that she was in on it. "They made you the distraction? Again?"

"Hey, at this point, its become my strong suit. I couldn't say no to this one." Kie admitted in her defense.

"So were you surprised?" Charlie asked her, coming over to give her a side hug, which she happily allowed him to pull her into. "The two knuckleheads over there did most of the work here if you couldn't tell. Seeing as it was JJ's whole idea I wasn't sure if his plan had somehow been spoiled since he's such a good keeper of secrets."

"You know, I was gonna give you some of the credit, bro." JJ piped up from behind Charlie. "You could've been in on this." JJ held a ballsy middle finger up at Charlie, to which the curly haired brunet caught with a mocking smile on his face before tucking in his back pocket like a blown kiss.

"Now, now, kids. You guys totally took me by surprise." As Charlie moved out of the way, JJ quickly swooped in to replace him, attacking Collins with a hug that swept her off her feet. She squealed as he spun her around. "I can't believe you guys did all this."

"I hate to say it, but I gotta give it to JJ on this one." Kie said in subtle praise. "He came up with the whole idea."

"This has been one of his few plans that have actually worked out flawlessly." Pope added, to which JJ scowled at him deeply.

"Those don't sound like the words, 'good job, JJ, you goddamn genius' to me, you guys."

Before they could get into a fit of bickering back and forth with each other, Charlie stepped in and shifted the subject in a different direction. "Okay, I think we've established that JJ did a good job setting this whole thing up and the birthday girl looks happy so that's all that matters."

"For lack of a better word, happy doesn't even begin to cover it." Collins still couldn't believe they'd done all this for her. She'd never had a birthday party therefore, she'd never been thrown a surprise party by anyone in all of her seventeen years of living. No one told her how much it would make her actually want to cry from tears of joy.

"I guess there goes my shot at being the best birthday present giver. Collins has always been one for sentimentality over everything." A handheld box seemed to materialize from out of nowhere and Charlie was presenting it to her. "Hope you like it, kid."

Collins took the gift and smiled softly at Charlie, almost wanting to scold him even more for getting her a gift when he knew she didn't like him spending money on her. But it wasn't like she hadn't tried to that morning and Charlie had already protested to it so there was no point in even fighting it. All she could do was thank him no matter what it was.

Unwrapping the thin layer of tissue paper taped around it, Collins uncovered the box and immediately dropped her jaw in awe.

"You've got to be kidding me." It was a brand new phone that she had received. It was an older model, but it still looked to be in perfect condition and it was in every right brand new to her. "Charlie, you did not have to do that."

Kie, Pope, and JJ all buzzed with excitement for her, each taking a look at her present.

Charlie just shrugged it off like it was nothing. "I figured it was time. Plus, now you don't have any excuses for being out late and not telling me where you are. The win-win situation makes it even more worth it."

Collins threw her arms around him and squeezed him so tightly it was a miracle she hadn't run out of muscle from all of the other hugs she'd given that day. "Thank you."

The rest of the night seemed to go by in a blur. There were candles lit on an over-baked and over-frosted cake that Collins blew out and made a wish with, followed by a bonfire where they made Collins's favorite food and of course, lots and lots of smiling. It was moments like this that Collins just wanted to bottle up and stow away as a keepsake, but pictures taken on a disposable camera would have to suffice.

She was holding a stick over the fire with a marshmallow attached to the end of it, twirling it around in her hands to get an even toast on it. Pope was assembling the tallest s'more he could fit into his mouth while Kie watched like she couldn't tear her eyes away, even though if you asked her, she'd tell you it was the most unamusing thing she'd seen all day. And JJ was watching Collins's marshmallow catch on fire because she was too distracted by Pope's antics to keep a closer eye on her treat.

He snatched the wooden stick out of her hands and pulled the end of it out of the fire, blowing the flame out with one breath before looking at Collins with a blank expression.

She smiled sweetly at him, peeling the burnt layer off and popping it into her mouth in satisfaction. "Just how I like it."

"Mhm, sure it is." JJ shook his head at her and stuck another marshmallow on a stick for himself.

Charlie was sitting across from them on the other side of the fire, chewing through his fourth hot dog before he fell back into his chair in defeat. He'd definitely eaten one too many, especially after the slice of cake he'd had, so his stomach felt like it was going to burst. The only thing that would cure it was a long hard sleep, and he already felt pretty drowsy anyways.

"I think I'm tapped out for the night." He sighed in exhaustion. He could hardly push himself up onto his feet without expending all of his energy. Dragging his feet, Charlie walked over to Collins and ruffled her hair. "Happy birthday, Colls."

"Thanks, Charlie." She wrinkled her nose at him, smoothing her hair down from its disarray that he had inflicted on her. "Sleep tight."

"Try not to party too hard, guys." He pointed at them in forewarning, narrowing his eyes before smiling mischievously.

The rest of the Pogues said their goodnights to the older Jacobson just before he disappeared inside the house. Turning to JJ, Collins peeled off the rest of her marshmallow and ate it, savoring the saccharine sweetness that danced on her tastebuds. She showed JJ the gooey leftovers that were stuck to her fingertips with a goofy smile on her face.

"Alright, everybody." All of their eyes turned to Kie as she stood up and grabbed everyone's attention. With the fire illuminating the smirk on her face, she continued, "I think it's time that we make Collins's birthday official with an old Pogue tradition."

Immediately perking up in his seat as she had reminded him of the aforementioned tradition, JJ raised his hand, and said, "I second that notion." He might've been a little too eager, which only made Collins more nervous for the unknown. Anything that made JJ sit straight with excited anticipation was warranted to be worried about. It definitely couldn't be good.

"And I third." Pope added through a mouthful of graham crackers. "She's not seventeen until we officiate it."

"What tradition are you guys talking about?" Collins asked in confusion, seeking answers so that she could prepare herself for what was to come.

"You'll see." Kie smiled devilishly at her before walking over to grab Collins by both hands and pull her out of her chair.

As she was dragged over to Kie's car, the girls got in while the boys skipped along behind them, climbing into the back in excitement. It'd been a while since they'd last done this, so it felt good to do something normal for them. And since it was Collins's first time, that made things even more fun.

"I feel like I should be scared." Collins said, glancing back at the boys who smiled back at her like they had secrets to hide.

"Don't worry, it's fun." Pope reassured her. "Think of it as us finally christening you as a true Pogue."

"That actually does not make me any less afraid, have I unknowingly joined a cult?" Collins raised her brows at them, gripping her seat like it was the only thing that was going to save her. She had a feeling she was never going to want to leave the car.

"Yo, Kie, you still have that six-pack in your trunk?" JJ asked her, the top half of his body already dangling over the seat to try and find it.

"It's back there somewhere." Kie replied back to him, not even bothering to check on him in her rearview mirror.

"Got it." JJ released a heavy breath as he resurfaced from the trunk with the case of beer in hand, not wasting another moment before digging out a can and cracking it open.

"JJ, if you spill that in my car, I swear. It already wreaks in here because of you guys." Kie divided her attention between focusing on the road and trying to keep a close eye on him. The last thing they needed was to get pulled over by the cops for reckless driving because she was too busy murdering JJ in the backseat.

JJ chugged a couple gulps of his beer before scoffing at her. "Since when have I ever been one to waste a perfectly good brewski? I would much rather drink the beer than give it to your tasteless seats."

"It's true, JJ doesn't waste." Pope quipped from beside the boy.

"I'm still waiting for you guys to tell me what the hell is going on. It better not involve me running anywhere naked or anything illegal for that matter." Collins didn't know why that's where her mind was going, but that's where it was and it seemed pretty valid given the people she was with.

"Technically for this, you could get naked if you really wanted to." JJ told her, raising his brows as if he were throwing it out as a suggestion. To him, of course, that sounded like a birthday present of his own. Collins just turned in her seat and stared him down with a narrowed gaze, the pink blush in her cheeks still evident.

Rolling her eyes, Kie groaned while Pope mimicked himself gagging. "You are so gross." She said to JJ before making a turn and slowing the car down. They had finally arrived at their destination.

Collins peered out the window and saw the beach. In the nighttime, the water looked blacker than the sky and the waves rolled and crashed more loudly without the sounds of the daytime muffling over it. Usually, you might hear kids playing or the ferry horn blowing. At that time of the day, it was quiet aside from the movement of the water.

As they all filed out of the car, Collins reluctantly followed the others down the sand bank until they were a few meters away from the shoreline.

Throwing her hands up to let them fall to her sides, Collins shrugged. "Okay, so we're at the beach. Care to fill me in, now?"

Smiling excitedly at her, Kie explained theatrically, "Pogue tradition states that for every birthday that a fellow Pogue has, they must sanctify their new year of life with a night swim in OBX waters. The Pogue must stay in the water for as many minutes as years that they've been alive, so in your case, you have to stay in the water for seventeen minutes."

"It used to be easier when we were twelve, but tradition is tradition. Can't break it now. Plus, be grateful that your birthday isn't in the winter." Pope said nonchalantly across from her. "I would estimate that a swim in the ocean this time of year would feel like a cold shower."

Collins's face wrinkled into an expression full of dread. She hated the cold. She also feared the ocean at night; there was no way of knowing if there was anything below the surface and there was no one around to save you in case there was. She supposed that's what made it fun, too. The fact that you're taking a risk is enough of a thrill to speed up your heart rate and give you the adrenaline rush that brings you to a high without the need for illegal substances.

"We'll stand out here all night if we have to." JJ told her, making a point of making himself comfortable on the beach by stretching out on the sand and sipping his beer patiently.

"Okay, I get it." Collins softly whimpered, slowly approaching the edge of the water. Her toes were mere inches away from touching the rolling tide when she stopped where she stood. An idea had crossed her mind, making her turn to her friends with a smile creeping up on her face. "What does Pogue tradition say about doing this thing alone?"

As they each exchanged glances with each other, one by one her friends seemed to show some sort of consideration for her suggestion in their eyes. Begrudgingly, Kie said,  "We weren't going to say anything, but since you mentioned it..."

"Pogue tradition states that there's no requirement that the birthday person has to fly solo." JJ finished in amusement.

Smiles all spread across their faces as Collins skipped towards them and they all stood in one line facing the water. Her hand found JJ's, excitement dancing in her eyes as she took a deep breath in anticipation. "Ready? One, two..."

"Three!"

Taking off into a sprint, the four of them raced each other to the ocean, their feet hitting the cold water at the same time, sending a rush of chills up their legs. Shocked squeals and teeth-chattering yells escaped their lips, but they didn't stop there. They kept persevering through the freezing temperatures until their bodies were nearly completely submerged underwater, with the exception of their heads and shoulders.

"Anyone got the time?" Pope exclaimed through shivers, every single muscle in his body practically locked into place from how tense he was.

"I'd say it's definitely been seventeen minutes!" Kie replied, her breath coming out in puffs.

"More like seventeen seconds! Come on, you guys!" Collins laughed through the cold, her whole entire body shaking to try and get warm.

She yelped in surprise as she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist as JJ pulled her body towards his. He hugged her back against his chest as he spoke into her ear, "We should probably stay close, you know, to conserve body heat and all?"

She couldn't help but chuckle at him, but she didn't push him away. Looking out into the vast darkness in the sea ahead of them, the moon looked like a big round ball of light at the end of a long and wide tunnel. Stars littered the whole sky, some of them twinkling and some of them looking close enough to grab. There was something so captivating about the whole thing. Collins just wanted to stay in that moment, to hold onto it. It had as strong of a hold on her as she wanted to have on it.

But there were just a few things missing.

John B and Sarah were somewhere out there in that ocean of darkness. Maybe they were alive, maybe they were gone, either way, they weren't there with them. That reminder felt like a dagger to the chest. Collins began to wonder how many birthdays John B had been present in these waters for; how many late-night dips had he been a part of and how many could Sarah have done with them, too?

As she looked out and took another mental picture of the view in front of her, Collins turned her face towards JJ's and smiled half-heartedly. This moment felt bittersweet. She wanted to be happy, but the grief she still carried with her had its way of dampening any good feelings.

JJ looked back at her and furrowed his brows at the twinge of sadness in her eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?"

As Kie and Pope both peered at her curiously, freezing their asses off in the water, Collins looked at all of them with an idea. "There's something that I think we should do before the night ends; something that I think might be good for all of us."

"Can we do it now before I lose a toe?" Kie asked, clutching her hands to her chest as she shivered.

Laughing, Collins nodded and the four of them eagerly waded through the water to head back to shore. "Geez, it's like you guys have never done this before. I thought I was supposed to be the rookie here."

"She hath been Christened! I doth thee Pogue for life!" JJ swooped her up in his arms and spun her around, kicking sand up into the air as he did so. She smiled and enjoyed the ride while everyone cheered like she was a baby that had just been baptized.

Collins felt goosebumps rise upon her skin as the cold night air hit her already cold wet skin. She wrung out the water from her clothes as best as she could while they made their way back to Kie's car. Luckily, she had a few spare blankets and towels from past beach trips that they could wrap themselves up in.

There's hesitancy in everyone's movements once they're all sitting in the car and Collins tells them where to drive to.

"Trust me. I think this is exactly what we need." Collins assured them. She held a smile on her lips as she looked at all of them in encouragement. "I'll explain when we get there."

Minutes later, it was nearly dusk when they arrived at the château. It felt strange being back there, knowing John B would be nowhere to be found. The energy was off around the entire property; it was like his ghost was there, haunting them in what was physically left behind.

Collins disappeared into the house while everyone else stayed back, heels dug in the dirt as they stood in front of the place they used to treat like a sanctuary. It just didn't feel the same anymore. It was too painful. They still had yet to get an explanation from Collins on what it was they were doing there. The whole entire day had been such a good distraction from everything else, and they had wanted to make a good memory out of Collins's first birthday spent with them. Now, they were just depressed.

Collins returned back to them with a small wooden box in her hands. As she stopped in front of her friends who all waited expectantly for her to finally tell them what they were doing, Collins actually managed to smile.

"I think we should make our own memorial for John B. Something to remember him by, something we can visit, and we can use this box to store things that hold memories of him that we want to use as keepsakes." She held up the box to show to them, hoping they didn't think her idea was stupid. "I know we don't know for sure if he and Sarah are actually gone, and if we will ever find out, but maybe burying this box will be therapeutic for us."

She looked at each of them with sadness in her eyes. She wanted them to understand that she didn't want to move on, she just wanted to hurt less, if that were even possible. They'd spent so many days after John B and Sarah had disappeared trying to walk around with this emptiness in their chests that they had no way of filling. Like most losses, the loss of their friends had been abrupt and it had been agonizing. They had no answers, and they had no way of coping. Making a memorial wouldn't make all that pain go away, but it at least gave them something.

"I brought a joint. I brought it because it reminded me of the first time I smoked with Kie and Sarah when we were stranded on Heyward's boat, and John B needed his friend and his girlfriend to stop hating each other. I earned a friend that day and I wanted to thank John B for that." Collins dropped the joint into the box and closed the lid over it.

It might sound lame, but it actually did help. The second that box shut, Collins felt like she'd been able to lift a weight off her chest. She imagined it like there was a pile of boulders sitting on top of her, and she had managed to roll one off and she was now closer to freeing herself from beneath the load. It had worked.

Looking at Pope, Kie, and JJ- Collins nodded encouragingly to them. She just wanted them to try. She didn't expect them to share all of their feelings, but if they could just share a memory, that would be more than enough to satisfy her. The point was to remember John B, their friend, not their loss. The memories of him and everything that he did shouldn't disappear with him. It was their responsibility to keep them alive.

Kie was the first to go into the chateau in search of her items, and Pope soon followed after. JJ stood with Collins, eyes looking away from her like they were focusing on something else in order to avoid looking at her.

Collins reached out and touched his arm, hoping to break him out of his trance. "JJ,"

He turned to her, gaze finally meeting hers as he chewed the inside of his lip. "If we're going to build a memorial, it should be permanent; something that will last and hold up under the weather."

"Any ideas?" Collins asked softly.

Nodding, JJ lifted his hand to touch hers where it rested on his arm, squeezing gently. "Yeah, I've got an idea."

Instead of heading inside the house, JJ steered himself towards the shed. Collins watched him, pleased with how he was taking this. He was still shut down like he always was when it came to acknowledging the loss of his friend, but she hoped he would find some satisfaction in this little project of theirs. Most of all, she hoped he would find peace.

Maybe an hour or maybe more later, they were all standing beside the big tree in John B's yard with all their keepsakes stashed in the wooden box. The smell of burnt wood lingered in the air as they examined their handiwork displayed on the tree trunk. Pope had scraped away the bark to make a smooth surface, and JJ had used an iron rod heated up with a blowtorch to burn lettering onto the tree.

'John B Routledge P4L' was what they'd written. It was as good of a tombstone that they would ever get without all the morbidity.

When the box had been buried, and nothing but a pile of dirt sat on top of it, their job was finally done. Leaning her head on JJ's shoulder, Collins stared long and hard at the memorial, as did everyone else. They had nothing else to do but sit in silence, like they were paying their respect. Although, as much as she wished she could say it had helped, it still felt the same. Collins wasn't sure anymore if this feeling would ever go away with how resistant it was to anything she tried to relieve it with.

But at the very least, they'd done a good job with what they'd done and John B would no doubt be touched by their work and effort.

So for now, that would have to be consolation enough.

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The timing of this chapter hits different after season 4 OBX...