Healing Draco Malfoy

Chapter 51

Published: 11/14/2022

It was awkwardly silent after Draco opened his last present. He could feel their stares, their expectations. It weighed on him, and he looked down at his hawthorn wand. He felt more subconscious than he had when everyone was watching him walk. However happy he was to hold his wand again, he couldn't help but tense up just thinking about casting magic. So much had happened. He flinched when Joel touched his arm, again, and he turned to meet Joel's eyes, then looked at Harry. Both were looking at him, concerned. He stashed his wand into his hospital robes and didn't look at them.

Hugo stepped forward and touched his leg. "What's wrong, Uncle Draco?"

"Nothing... little one. Just got a little dazed," he said, gently, and patted his hand.

"Alright, let's get cleaned up. You guys need to get home for dinner," Harry interceded.

"No! I don't wanna!" Hugo shrieked.

"Mum! Do we have to?" Rose groaned.

Hermione pulled both of her children closer. "We need to get home, dears. You both need to eat dinner, and Dra-Uncle Draco needs his rest. We were only going to visit for an hour."

"But...."

"No. Get your stuff," Hermione ordered. The kids pouted, but didn't argue anymore. Neville, Nat and Cass backed off, and Ron helped them get their coats on.

Harry was watching him closely, and Draco mumbled, "I'm fine."

Hermione walked in front of him, and Draco looked up at her. "I hope we didn't wear you out too much, Draco," she said, quietly.

"No... I'm just..." he stammered, unable to put a reason for his sudden drop. "I-I can't explain it."

"You don't have to, Draco. You're doing great, and we don't need to push you. Alright? You did amazing today," she said, and hesitantly grasped his hand. He squeezed back. She turned and said, "Kids, come say goodbye."

Draco was attacked again by the two jumping beans, who hopped on his lap and hugged him.

"Goodbye, Uncle Draco. I really had fun today," Rose said.

He hugged them back. "I did, as well. Thank you for the cake, both of you."

Hugo started stifling. "I don't wanna leave!"

"Hugo!" Hermione chastised, and Ron snickered until Hermione glared at him.

"Got to go, Hugo. Come on," Ron said, and pulled Hugo off Draco's lap and up into his arms. Hugo was crying, but laid his head on his father's shoulder, almost immediately drifting asleep.

"Sorry, Draco, he didn't get his nap today after lunch," Hermione said as Hugo muttered that he didn't need a nap.

"It's alright. I'm glad you guys came."

"Can we come, again?" Rose asked.

"If your mother and father have time, it's fine with me," Draco said.

"And we can play Dungeons and Wizards, again?!" she asked excitedly.

"Sure," he said with a smile. The sudden melancholy he had felt from holding his wand was fading. Hermione and Weasley also bid him goodbye, taking their children and the beaded, bottomless bag home.

"I need to start my shift, Draco. I dare say you had enough sweets tonight," Cass said and patted his arm. "Goodnight, love."

"Thanks for coming," he said, and she left with Natalie, who also said goodnight, as she needed to get home to her kids, too.

Blaise leaned forward and asked, "Do you want us to leave?" Neville was standing behind him.

Draco shook his head. "No, don't. Sorry, it just hit me hard all of a sudden."

Harry put his hand on the table, but didn't reach for him. "It's fine. You had a lot of ups and downs today."

"Harry's right. It's completely normal to get overwhelmed," Joel said, from his side.

Draco just nodded and didn't want to talk about it. It had finally dawned on him what the issue was. His controls hadn't asserted themselves, and for once in a long time, his emotions had nearly free reign. He wasn't sure what it meant. He looked up after a while and realized there had again been a long, concerned silence.

"Well, are you guys done with exams?" he asked, breaking the tension.

Blaise gave Neville his seat and conjured another for himself at the head of the table, as there were only three chairs. Neville talked about some of the crazy answers their students put on their exams. Blaise told him about how one of his students cursed another student's nose off, and Madam Pomfrey almost couldn't spell it back. Blaise nearly failed him, but Neville convinced him to just give him a detention. Neville's practical exams shouldn't have been exciting, but one of his students decided to taste-test a bubotuber pustule.

He would live to regret that, Draco thought, with a chuckle. Blaise was laughing more than a professor should, but then again, he had always laughed at stupidity. Neville was sympathetic to his student.

A knock at the door stopped the discussion, and Blaise got up to open the door, as he announced, "Delivery!"

Draco watched as a tray of five covered plates floated into the room as Blaise paid the barely-of-age delivery wizard. The kid looked astonished at meeting his former professor in the hospital and his gaze widened as he surveyed the room. Unluckily for Harry, the kid realized that the Chosen One was there. Draco, thankfully, had no recent photos of himself blasted across the front page.

"Is that...?"

"Yeah, here, keep the change. Your sous will be hearing from me if this is wrong," Blaise said, warningly.

"Yes, Mist-I mean-Professor Zabini!" he responded promptly.

"Thanks," Blaise said and shut the door, before the kid could ask any more questions. "Dinner à la Draco is served."

"What?" Draco said.

Harry laughed and met his eyes. "I asked Blaise to get your favorites."

Draco's eyes widened and he looked at Blaise.

"I choose three. Who needs side dishes?" Blaise responded, and set one of the floating plates in front of him and lifted the lid. "Voilà! Braised duck in a cranberry chutney, vegetable curry and a slice of Beef Wellington."

"Holy Salazar! You expect me to eat all of this? I just had cake," Draco gasped, amazed at the delicious-looking food.

"Yeah, I was going to mention that you might be spoiling your dinner, but hey, make room in there, blondie," Blaise laughed.

Draco rolled his eyes, but took up his knife and fork to take a bite, as Blaise set the other plates down on the table.

Harry wished him another "happy birthday" before trying a bite. He nodded in approval. "It's good."

Draco agreed, as he bit into a juicy, flavorful bit. Blaise hadn't skipped out on quality, though Draco didn't have much quality food in the last six years. He really liked the three luxury main courses that Blaise had ordered. They were flawless, though Draco had some difficulty cutting the steak, but he managed, slow and steady. Blaise treated him to more of his teacher tales, with Neville dropping in some anecdotes as they ate. He had to force himself to finish it all.

"Thanks, guys... really. This meant... means a lot to me," Draco said, looking at his friends.

"You're welcome, Draco. Happy birthday."

"I... it's been unreal. I never thought... I'd feel this... happy again. Hell, I didn't think I'd live this long."

His friend's expressions glowered, but Blaise schooled it first. "I'm glad, Draco. I really missed you. I did. We all did."

Draco raised an eyebrow. He doubted that Neville or even Harry really missed him.

"Oh... I almost forgot. Harper... sends his birthday wishes," Blaise said.

"Why?" he asked, wondering why he hadn't come to his "surprise" birthday party.

"Well... he can't come back on property, yet," Harry said, quietly.

"Harry?" Draco said, feeling anger rise in him.

"Draco, he's still under investigation by the Board and the Ministry. He was suspended, with pay. Everyone was on that floor," Joel explained. "But we think that he'll be cleared soon. It's a big deal when six healers are arrested for abuse, so they have to make sure they investigate it completely."

"He... he told them about it."

Joel nodded. "A bit late is the concern."

"Late?"

"For the other patients. It wasn't just Harry Higgs tortured."

Neville wiped some tears away. Draco had forgotten that his parents were targeted by Higgs, too. Crap. "Oh," Draco said, realizing his carelessness. "I'm sorry, Neville. I wasn't thinking about.... I'm sorry that he hurt your parents."

Neville nodded. "Thanks... but it's not anyone's fault but those... pricks."

"How... how are they?" Draco asked, cautiously, as he wasn't close to Neville.

"They're more... subdued. Neither of them have really talked since... well... they were... ummm... the war-the first war. But my mum... she's scared when anyone comes in. Well, anyone with a healer uniform on," Neville mumbled, looking at the floor.

Draco's heart sank, but Blaise took his hand and said, "Hopefully, with Joel as their healer, they'll make some progress, and he can assail their fears better, hon."

"Hopefully. Thanks, Joel... if you can do anything."

"I will do my best to try to undo the damage he did, guys," Joel said.

Draco hoped so, too. "Sorry, again, Neville. But Blaise, tell Harper thanks, and I'm sorry he got suspended."

"I will... but maybe we should get going," Blaise said, as he vanished the dishes and his chair. Harry started to set his machines and balance bars back to normal, but Draco stood up, again, to hug Blaise, who gripped him tightly.

"Thank you, for everything," Draco whispered in his ear.

Blaise gave him a squeeze. "Anything for you, Draco." Then he let go to clamp his hand on his shoulders and meet his eyes. "Anything."

Draco nodded, a bit teary-eyed. Blaise let go and he barely wobbled on his weak legs. Neville looked at him warily, but also gave him a small hug, which surprised Draco. Neville was still looking a little shattered, but Draco grabbed his hands, before he walked away.

"Neville... I can't say how sorry I am for the things I did at school, and I don't know how you could even speak amicably with me."

Neville mumbled, "No, Draco, you don't have to...."

"Yes, I do. But thank you... for coming... and, for dare I say, forgiving me."

"Draco... I do. You don't have to keep apologizing for it."

"Perhaps... I just want you to know that Blaise couldn't have found a better partner in you. I've known him since we were children and I've never seen him so relaxed and happy. Thank you so that."

Blaise gasped and looked away, embarrassed, as Neville, Harry and Joel looked at him. Harry smirked at Blaise's mortification. Blaise always wanted to hide his soft underbelly.

"Draco... thank you. That means a lot. He's made me really happy, too. He makes me stronger," Neville said and smiled at his boyfriend. "He saw me."

Blaise shifted awkwardly. "Alright... enough embarrassing me, Draco. We need to get home. Those mini-humans want their exams graded before the train leaves."

Draco laughed and finally sat back down. "Thanks for everything."

Blaise nodded and held a hand out to Harry, who took it. "Well, Potter? Are we okay? I'm sorry for being... me when I first came."

"You did nothing inappropriate or rude, Blaise. I just was..." Harry mumbled and looked at the floor. "...embarrassed."

"Don't be. Draco's the closest thing I have to a brother."

"I know, but thanks for coming," Harry said, and Blaise and Neville said goodbye once more before heading out toward the floo.

Harry finished the last few touch-ups to the room as Draco settled into the chair. Joel was still there, and he seemed to be looking at him to say something.

"Thanks for coming, Joel," Draco said, attempting to give a push toward the door.

Joel gave him a look... a knowing look. The look that said, Are you sure you want me to leave you two alone together? He would have stayed until Harry said his goodbyes and they left together. They had rules after all, but he wanted to be alone with Harry. He knew he could behave.

"I'm really happy for you, Draco. You did great today."

His eyes met Joel's and narrowed. Joel had redirected him several times today. It was no accident that his mind healer happened to sit next to him.

"Draco, you handled that... all of it, brilliantly. This was a very stressful day, for you, for Harry," he added, looking at Harry, who was turned away from the table. He had walked over to the balance beams and put his hands on it. He wanted them to talk without engaging in the conversation.

"Thank you... and for helping. It did make it easier to come out of it. We can talk tomorrow, though. I have no desire to rehash this with you, now," Draco said, tensing.

"Okay, I'm sorry if...."

"Don't apologize. You were checking on me and I appreciate it."

Joel was looking at him worried, as though he could see the turmoil brewing. The kid was good at what he was. Draco felt a bit proud in that but leveled with him and met his eyes. He wanted to be alone with Harry. Joel got the message and nodded. Draco flipped his footrests up and stood up, yet again, to grip Joel's open hand and pull him into a hug.

"Happy birthday, Draco," Joel said, patting his back before letting go. "I'll see you around lunch, okay?"

"Thanks, Joel, and for the gift," he said, looking at the muggle grip strengthener tool he had got him. Both Joel and Harry said it would help with his dexterity.

"No problem. Goodnight, Harry," Joel said.

"Joel," Harry said, quietly, as Joel left and shut the door.

Harry didn't turn back to Draco, immediately. They sometimes had difficulty talking when it was time for Harry to go. Draco wanted him to come closer at least. Something was off and he didn't want to be alone. He hoped Harry wouldn't just leave. He had gambled when he sent Joel away, as it would have been simple to ask him to stay with him. Harry, he could not ask.

"You shouldn't be standing up alone like that," Harry chastised, as he turned and realized that he was still standing.

Draco felt relief when Harry closed the distance and offered his arm to hold on to as he dropped back down in his chair. "Thanks."

"I'll have to yell at Joel for leaving you like that."

"Don't."

"Well, yell is overstating it, but you need to be careful and don't let people walk away from you like that," Harry said, as he knelt to put his footrests down.

Draco was perfectly capable of putting them down himself, but Harry wanted to do it. Draco could see that Joel was right about Harry being agitated. But it had helped that the attention was on him and not Harry. In the reverse, Harry would have been profoundly uncomfortable. After all, he had barely spoken after the room filled.

Harry didn't look up at him. He was stuck again as to the next step. He remained kneeling in front of him, trying to decide what to do. Draco didn't like his indecisiveness. He was already confounded by his own emotions.

"How about... another massage?" Harry whispered.

Draco relaxed a little. "Yeah. I would like that a lot, Harry."

Of course, it was always their default response to stress. Not happy? Have a massage. Other healers getting in your face? Massage. Unable to speak? Massage it out. Draco almost laughed, but instead wheeled over to the bed and maneuvered into bed. Harry took his time, going deeper, finding every little ache and pain that the bouncing kids had caused. Harry even rolled him on his stomach to really dig into his back and shoulders. He almost fell asleep, but Harry was digging into his muscles to find those smaller tendons.

"Bloody fuck... you're turning me into jelly, Potter," he mumbled.

Harry chuckled and finished his back. He helped him roll over onto his back, and Draco stared at the ceiling. Harry rolled the stool over and sat down. He took his hand, and Draco looked at him. He had his remote to sit up, but he didn't want to use it. He rolled onto his side, facing Harry. He remembered that he used to always sleep like this. Not on his back, which he had been doing since coming to the hospital.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry finally asked, looking at his robes where he had stashed his wand.

Draco looked away, tears filling his eyes. "I... don't know...."

"Do... do you feel it? Your magic?" Harry asked, quietly.

Draco considered that. Trauma did strange things to people, but he felt it. The connection. "Yeah, I feel it. It's... mine. My magic isn't gone," he said, quietly.

"That's good," Harry nodded. "So... if that's not the problem... can I ask... what is?"

Draco lowered his head to stare at the mattress, which had his new sheets from Blaise on it already. He wondered when that happened.

"You don't have to, if you're upset," Harry said, quickly. "I just...."

Draco sighed and pulled out the-his wand. Harry almost interjected but kept quiet. As Draco rolled the black wand between his fingers, he had to fight to keep in the moment and not break down, again. Where the fuck was his walls? His mental guards? It was so... different. He was feeling... pain... the memory of pain.

"Sorry," he finally whispered.

"You kept saying that. You don't have to apologize for being upset, Draco," Harry said. "You don't have to explain why... I just... wanted to make sure you... could talk, if you wanted."

Draco nodded and hesitantly raised his eyes to look at Harry. "I haven't cast anything since... the Battle. Since I cast a spell at you?"

Harry grimaced. "You think that matters to me?"

"It matters to me. It reminds me of what I was, but... there's the other thing," Draco said and rolled his wand into his left hand. He wiggles his fingers and flexes his wrist.

"You didn't think you'd be able to cast, again?" Harry guessed.

Draco looked at him. "Yeah, that's part of it. Did... did you ever wonder... about how I got... extensions to my sentence?"

Harry blinked. "I thought they just lied."

"No... well... a little. I fought back, remember? At first, anyway. They added months on every time, but then one day... I almost got his wand... C-Connors. Almost... I almost escaped. Well, I could have done something. He had released me from the chains to... play. I elbowed him and lunged for his wand. My fingers gripped it before he ripped it away."

Harry's hand inched forward and touched his free one. He was encouraging him to continue.

"He beat me severely for it... and then the next day, he brought a muggle mallet. He said... he said... that he was going to make sure that a Death Eater like me would never hold a wand again," Draco whispered, and he looked at his hand, again. "He-He just kept hitting my hands... and healing them... wrong. Over and over, for days... weeks. I thought Cru-Crucio was the worst. It never stopped hurting. I was in constant, unceasing pain every day after that.

"He even dropped his wand next to my hands, just to see me try to touch it, grab it... use it. I couldn't make my fingers respond anymore. I... thought I was never going to be able to cast spells. Be a wizard, again. That day... that first day... when made you made them move... Merlin, I can't tell you what that meant. But just... just holding this..." Draco trailed off, tears unabashedly coming out.

Harry only clenched his hand. Thankfully, he was letting him get it out. It wasn't a press for information for Harry. He only wanted to lend an open ear and let him decide what he wanted to talk about. He looked back up into his soft, green eyes, that were also flecked with tears.

"I just can't yet. It's just... it was... beaten... tortured into me that..." his emotions again wouldn't let him finish it. He tried to push, though. "Joel... he-he s-said that... they conditioned me. That the things I do... are conditioned behavior. He said... that it's hard to overcome that... it takes time... trust."

Harry nodded and rubbed his hand. Draco brought his knees up and his elbows in, tightening up and getting into a fetal position. He didn't pull away from Harry. He just needed to do it. Why couldn't he control his emotions? He never was this... out of control, not in years, not ever really.

"I don't think that someone will hurt me the second I try. It's... I don't know... stupid, really," he mumbled, still flummoxed over what was wrong with his mind.

Harry leaned closer and almost spluttered out, "It's not stupid, Draco. It's not at all. Holy Merlin... do you know what... crazy stuff I do? Checking my drinks for poison, avoiding people, and all my other social anxiety issues... no, it's not... it makes perfect sense, Draco. I understand and I'm sorry. I didn't think it'd... be so... rough on you, Draco. I'm really sorry."

"No, no... you didn't do anything wrong, Harry."

"Maybe. But do you want me to hold it for you until...."

Draco visibly flinched and nearly yanked free of Harry's hand. His other hand pulled his wand closer to his chest.

"Okay, okay! I won't! Sorry! Of course, it's yours, Draco. Calm down... relax... breathe," Harry said, holding his free hand up in a placating gesture. "Just breathe, okay?"

Draco did, taking in deep, forced breaths. His hand grip on Harry's had to be hurting.

"You're okay, Draco. You're here, at St. Mungo's. I'm here and I won't let anyone hurt you," Harry said, and Draco met his eyes, again. "You're safe with me, Draco."

Draco sighed in relief and nodded, as the panic slowly faded away. "Sorry... I didn't mean...."

"You don't need to have to apologize for anything, Draco. I promise," Harry said.

He nodded and took some more deep breaths.

"Shhh... okay... everything is okay, alright? We'll figure out... get through this."

Draco turned and looked down at the mattress. "Something's... wrong, Harry. I... I feel everything, now. It's like my controls... my walls... are gone."

"Draco?" Harry said, concerned.

"I'm scared," he breathed, finally confessing to the real issue. He didn't know what was about to happen. More tears came out.

Harry leaned in closer, reached out and slowly traced his temple with his fingers. Draco tensed at first, but it felt unbelievable when his fingers connected. He turned his face more into Harry's touch, needing the connection like he needed to breathe. Harry's soft fingers kept the contact, gently cupping his face and almost healing his mental anguish, his fear. He opened his eyes and met Harry's. His anxiety and helplessness finally ebbed out, and he was breathing normally.

He had no idea how much time had passed as he stared into Harry's eyes, but he didn't want it to end. Harry had never touched him so.... Well, intimately wasn't the right word for it. There was nothing intimate about it. It was comforting... personal. Draco's tears finally dried and exhaustion hit him. Harry noticed it, too, though he seemed as surprised by it as Draco was. He slowly broke the connection, and Draco's head lobbed back to the mattress. His eyes were still locked on him, though.

"Thank you, Harry," Draco whispered, groggily.

"You're welcome. Are you... okay?" Harry asked, worried.

"Yeah... thanks. I just... it just hit me quick."

"I understand," Harry said, cupping his hand, with both of his.

Draco wanted so much to tell Harry what he meant to him, but he wouldn't. He owed Harry everything, and he would not risk Harry losing his job. But he had to communicate something to him. It was a dying need at this point. His eyes glanced at their joined hands. He smiled and wiggled his hand free. Harry immediately let go, but then Draco turned Harry's hand flat on the bed, like Harry had done to him just a few weeks ago. And, just like Harry, he tapped the palm of his open hand, and wrote a distinctive "O".

The sharp intake of Harry's breath told him that Harry had made the connection. He didn't say anything, but just stared back into his eyes, torn by obvious want but restrained from showing it. Draco gripped his hand again, enjoying the contact, and another wave of exhaustion hit him hard.

But Draco didn't get tired, and yet, he was going to fall asleep. He knew it. He'd put sleep, real sleep, off for years, never really letting himself dream, but instead retreating to the pitch, his safe haven in his mind, whenever he needed to "sleep". Survival mode, he once told Harry. But that place was gone, now. He knew... somewhere deep down... that he was healing, but his conscious mind wasn't there, yet.

This was all new and Draco was nervous, yet nothing was going to stop it. "W-Will you stay? Until I fall asleep?" he asked, seeking the comfort of Harry's eyes and the soft caress of his hand on his.

"I will, I promise," Harry vowed.

"Thanks, Harry," he murmured as his eyes closed. "Thank you... for the best birthday...."

As the light dimmed, he didn't hear Harry's reply, and he sank into unconsciousness. It wasn't the black nightmares like he thought it would be. Instead, his dreams were filled with laughing children, loving friends and, most importantly, Harry's smiling face. Darkness couldn't touch him here, he realized and released control completely.

Anyone want to point out grammar errors? Besides my weird comma rules. I keep falling asleep editing. I'll tag you here in appreciation!

FYI, if you don't remember, Harry wrote an "L" on Draco's hand back when Higgs took away his ability to speak. Back in '41. lol