ONLY ANGEL | JJ MAYBANK

CHAPTER NINETEEN

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Collins approached the Château confused by all of the brightly colored string lights draped across the yard. She should've questioned it when Charlie mentioned them to her earlier, but seeing it now was still just as peculiar. Just a few minutes prior, she'd been wracked with nerves thinking about what she might be walking into and what she was going to say when she saw JJ—if this was even where he was. A part of her was sure that if she laid eyes on any fresh wounds at the hands of his father, she would burst into tears. And those tears would be the sticky, blubbery, and snotty kind of crying that didn't flatter anyone, which neither of them needed to experience.

But when Collins had laid eyes on all the luau mixed with disco themed decorations strewn all over the place, every single ounce of worry was replaced with bewilderment at where the source of all this stuff came from. She had a sinking feeling that she wasn't going to like the answer, either, but she pretty much already knew it anyways.

The shock was only further amplified at the sight of a giant hot tub sitting in the middle of John B's front yard with the top half of JJ's body draped across the side, basking in relaxation. It was a sight worth dropping a jaw over.

"JJ?" Collins slowly approached from behind him and came around to stand at the edge of the hot tub where he could see her. Sure enough, it was him in the water with a pair of sunglasses over his eyes and a large bottle of champagne in his hand. He pushed them down to the bridge of his nose and raised his brows to look at her with a smirk on his face. "Where did all of this stuff come from?"

"I bought it." He replied, his voice less tense than it was the last time they'd spoken. There was a slur in his words indicating that his upbeat mood was probably a result of the alcohol he was consuming. The glass of the bottle was too dark to tell how much he'd drunken, but already Collins could tell that it was enough. "What do you think?"

At a loss for words, Collins hesitated before she spoke again, looking around at all the new stuff around them. There was a generator whirring next to the house not far from them, and it was clearly working overtime with all the lights and the hot tub that it was powering along with the house itself. All of this had to be crazy expensive, and Collins didn't even have to guess where the money had come from. Now, her sole focus was on why JJ hadn't used the money to pay his restitution like she'd thought he was.

"Come on, have a drink with me, Colls. I got the good stuff, stuff you can't pass up because it's so good." He started messily pouring her a helping of the bubbly into a stemmed glass that sat in a floating cup holder the shape of a flamingo, splashing liquid out of the bottle and into the water of his hot tub. "And put on a swimsuit and get in, what are you waiting for? This thing's hot but like, in a good way, you just gotta try it."

Collins remained standing where she was outside of the hot tub, looking at JJ uneasily. "JJ, what happened?" She asked him, needing answers to explain this behavior that he was displaying. In all seriousness, it scared her to see him this way; maybe even more than when he'd been robbing a drug dealer. This JJ was coming down from a volatile high, except it didn't seem to be a gradual fall, it was a plummet. There was no net to catch him, all Collins could do was hold her arms out and hope for the best.

"What do you mean?" JJ chuckled drunkenly. "I got us a fuckin' jacuzzi, Collins. Can't you see it? The jet's on this thing are insane."

"But why did you get it?" Collins questioned. "The last I heard from you, you were taking that money home. I thought- I thought you were giving it to your dad to pay for restitution."

"Look, I know it just looks like I blew all the money on stupid shit, but come on, Collins! This is for everyone, and look, this isn't even the best part of it, look what I got you." Twisting around to dig into the pockets of his pants lying on the edge of the tub, JJ pulled out a shiny card and tossed it to her.

The gold card landed on the ground in front of her, and Collins bent down to pick it up. It was a Visa card; the kind people can buy as gift cards and put up to $200 on. "Why would you get me this?"

"So you can finally pay for your tests." He told her. "I know Charlie's been trying to get you the money, and I had it, so I got that for you to use to pay for it. Isn't it great?  You can go to the library tomorrow and use their computers to get registered right away. I just wanted to do something nice for you."

Collins's gaze softened. It truly was a kind gesture. There were only pure intentions behind this gift and as Collins turned the card over and over in her hand, she felt even worse that this money wasn't going towards JJ's restitution. For some reason he'd thought that her dues were more important than his and he'd made a calculated decision in the chaos of his impulsivity. All of this stuff he'd gotten was bought out of selflessness. It was probably one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for her.

"You like it?" JJ's eyes were full of hope as he looked at her. He really wanted her to not be disappointed by it. He knew it wasn't the most extravagant gift, but it was something she needed and it was practical, unlike anything else that he'd bought.

"Of course I do, JJ. It's the most thoughtful gift I've ever been given." Collins smiled gently, and she could tell that JJ was relieved to hear that by the bashful glow in his cheeks. And she really did mean it. But she could've been a lot more appreciative if she wasn't afflicted with guilt to be given this money when JJ had a need for it. "Why didn't you keep it for yourself?"

JJ pursed his lips and didn't say anything for a moment. Before any words could leave his mouth, a set of headlights shined on them as a truck pulled up to the house. Two doors slammed shut and footsteps stormed over, Kie and Pope appearing in front of them, appalled by the scene taking place in front of them.

"You got a hot tub?" Kie said accusatorially, circling around the tub with judgement written all around her face. Looking to Collins, she stared at her in disbelief. "Is this what you two have been doing all day? Why didn't you stop him?"

"I only came in like, five minutes before you guys, all this stuff was here already." Collins replied defensively.

"Are you kidding me? You spent all of the money in one day on this stuff, didn't you?" Pope shook his head in disappointment at the boy. "You could've paid for restitution!"

"Or literally given it to any charity." Kie added sourly.

"Or better yet you could've helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!"

As the two flipped back and forth on who sent the next chastising remark, Collins watched as JJ's face morphed into one of distraught with each and every dig. Was he going to blow up again? She could practically hear the kettle whistling.

It started with a splash as JJ rose to throw his hands up in the air. "Okay, well, you know what, I didn't do that!" JJ shot back in frustration. The champagne flutes went upside down and the bubbles mixed with the bubbles being generated by the jets.

JJ was standing up in the tub for the first time since Collins had arrived, revealing bruises the size of softballs on his abdomen, all deep dark purples on his skin like the most twisted pools of violet. A hand immediately clamped itself over Collins's mouth to muffle the gasp that escaped from her.

It appeared that JJ hadn't intentionally hidden them from his friends, he was just so fed up with their criticism that he couldn't sit and listen to it any more. He was more concerned with defending himself than the injuries he'd sustained, which was all his friends could now focus on. "I got a hot tub. For my friends. Actually— screw friends, I got a hot tub for my family." His words had started out so strong, but towards the end they'd began to lose their sturdiness and now he was shaking. "I got this all for you guys- guys, look what I did for you."

Just as she predicted, Collins started to cry. Even when she knew it was coming and had been able to anticipate it, she still felt it hit her like a rock lodged into her heart. She had hoped she wouldn't have seen it, that it hadn't been there. It wasn't just from seeing JJ's injuries that affected her, it was also from seeing that he was finally crashing down from his mania and feeling all these emotions that he'd been suppressing at once. It didn't matter how much alcohol he drank or weed he smoked. Good champagne couldn't fix this kind of problem.

"JJ, what—"

"No, stop being emotional, it's fine." JJ insisted, cutting her off before she could finish. "The hot tub's cool, right? Just get in."

Collins jumped into the water without another moment's hesitation and pulled JJ into her embrace, hardly able to contain her sobs while hearing and feeling his as he sank into her body in exhaustion. He didn't even try to fight it. He just let her pull his body into hers and rest his head against her chest.

"I just couldn't do it. I can't take him anymore. I was gonna kill him." He cried. Collins squeezed her eyes shut and just nodded, stroking his head consolingly while he shook in her arms. "I just want to do the right thing."

"I know. You did, JJ. I promise." Collins whispered, squeezing him tightly. Was. That was the key word which she'd clung onto. JJ was going to kill him. That meant that he didn't. And that was all that mattered. She didn't care about the rest, JJ's soul was still intact. It was battered and broken in many ways, but at least he didn't have the guilt of taking a life weighing down upon it. Even though his dad was the filthiest scum of the Earth to ever walk the planet, he couldn't take away any more than what he already had from his son; Collins rejected the idea.

JJ's blond tufts of hair dripped with water on Collins's clothes and skin, but she paid no mind to it. Her sole concern was the boy himself, absorbing every bit of emotion that he was displaying because he had never shown it before, and she intended on making it known to him that expressing his feelings was okay, in fact, it's encouraged. Keeping his emotions bottled up wasn't good for him, it wasn't good for anyone. Like JJ had said, they were family, and family members weren't supposed to keep things from each other (let's forget the fact that she's been keeping a lot of secrets from Charlie).

Two more sets of arms enveloped them, Kie and Pope each offered their comfort to their friend in need. A weak smile managed to form on Collins's lips at the sentimentality of the whole situation. She hoped JJ could feel the love they had for him in their embrace. She hoped it helped heal the wounds that they couldn't see, the ones that were hidden inside of him and couldn't be mended with bandages and antiseptics. Even if the splotches of purple on his skin still remained, perhaps there could still be some form of alleviation.

As much as JJ enjoyed being in Collins's arms and receiving all this affection from his friends, he knew that they couldn't stand there in that hot tub forever, so he slowly began to pull away to prompt their release once he'd felt like his spirits had been lifted enough to stand on his own. He looked at his friends with gratitude- and not just because they'd willingly climbed into a hot tub fully clothed and were soaking wet now. He was grateful to them for always being there for him and putting up with his bullshit all the time, even when he'd be the first one to put his foot down and stop it if it was anyone else. They truly were the best replacement family that he could've ever asked for.

"We should probably get out of here." Pope suggested first, evoking nods from each of them in agreement as they all started to climb out of the hot tub.

"You weren't wrong about the jets." Collins commented to JJ with approval. Those things were insane.

"Gotta admit, even when I'm wrong, I'm still right." JJ smiled proudly of himself.

The four of them filed into the house, which felt a bit odd without its owner there and present with them. "Where is John B at?" Collins asked curiously.

"He said he had a thing with Ward early in the morning. A fishing thing, can you believe that? Skipping out on getting the rest of the gold to go kill fish?" Kie rolled her eyes with an irritable look on her face.

Pope and JJ quickly started raiding the house for clothes of theirs that had been left behind during past hangouts and were scattered across the entire place in every which room. Kie started rifling through a basket in the corner of the living room which must've been where she kept clothes of her own in a much more neat and controlled manner. Collins shivered from her wet clothes that had now gone cold and were sticking to her skin, still standing in the entryway of the Château since she had no clothes to dig for at John B's.

"Pants or shirt?" Kie held up one of each of the aforementioned clothing items and looked at Collins for an answer. "Unfortunately, I only have one or the other."

Pointing to the hand on the right, Collins answered. "Pants, please." Nothing was worse than wet pants and she was wearing jeans.

Kie tossed her the fleece shorts and Collins caught it with ease, moving in the direction towards the bathroom so that she could change. On her way there, the door next to the bathroom door opened, and JJ appeared from behind it donning a fresh set of clothes, dry and changed out of his swimming trunks.

"Hey, you got clothes?" He asked her with his brows knit. He seemed significantly sobered up after everything, behaving much more controlled in his movements and clear with his words.

Holding up what Kie had given her, Collins said, "Just some shorts, but I'll be fine."

"No worries, I'll grab you a shirt, just give me a sec." Disappearing back into the room, JJ frantically started searching for the cleanest t-shirt that he could find, although he feared one of such didn't exist since he couldn't remember the last time he'd even seen the washing machine run or a cap of detergent being used. He had to perform the sniff test on a couple shirts before he'd finally found one that wasn't stained or smelly like fish. He gave it a quick spritz with some Axe spray before he finally emerged back out of the room to give it to Collins.

Taking the garment into her own hands, Collins smiled and gave him a small 'thanks' before she went into the bathroom to change. She was only in there for a few minutes when she came back out with her damp clothes folded in a neat pile and the shirt and shorts on her body.

Walking back out into the main areas of the house, Collins looked around to see that it was mostly empty, everyone must've gone outside. Peering out of the window, sure enough, Collins could see Pope and Kie in the yard, surveying all of JJ's handiwork on the front lawn.

"Thanks for coming over, by the way." JJ spoke from behind her, so Collins turned around to face him. He was holding a glass of water in his hands and was leaning against the doorway leading into the kitchen. "I really appreciate it. Especially after the things I said when I last saw you." He didn't deserve her time after how he'd treated her. She had just been looking out for him and he was a dick to her. He was surprised she hadn't sworn to never see him again.

"It's all right, JJ. I forgive you for it." Collins smiled sincerely at him before setting her clothes down on the side table and pointing to his water. "Could I get one of those?"

JJ looked at his cup and quickly nodded, backing up into the kitchen with Collins following. "Yeah, you got it." He went to the cupboard and retrieved a glass before filling it up at the sink with the faucet on as cold as it got. Once the cup had been filled, he handed it to Collins, who took it thankfully.

She took two big long gulps and realized then just how thirsty she actually was. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't recall the last time she'd drank water that day. There hadn't been much time for an H2O break with everything that had been going on. She glanced over at JJ and saw that his eyes were watching her, resulting in her blushing red before Collins smiled sheepishly and moved to refill what she'd drank. "Sorry, I must be dehydrated, or something."

A small chuckle escaped his mouth. "Why do you do that? Why do you apologize for everything?" JJ questioned her in puzzlement.

Collins furrowed her brows at the question, thinking it back in her head a few times before she found the words that she wanted to say. "I think I'm always just looking from a different perspective on things. Sometimes I think every little thing I do is wrong and so I say I'm sorry for it, even when it's nothing. And then when someone apologizes to me, I just think about how maybe there's bigger things going on in their life that maybe put them in a bad mood or motivated them to do certain things that I can't help but sympathize with."

"But I was an asshole to you." JJ deadpanned. "Doesn't that constitute for you to hold at least somewhat of a grudge against me?"

Chuckling lightly, Collins looked at JJ confusedly. "Do you want me to or something?"

"Of course not." JJ sighed softly. "I just feel like it's wrong for you to forgive me so quickly when I was so mean to you. You didn't deserve that and I almost wish you'd punish me for it because I really should've listened to you when you told me not to leave."

"You were going through a lot at the time." Collins reasoned with him. "It's understandable that you'd have snapped a couple of times given the situation. My feelings were hurt, of course, but seeing you hurt is a thousand times more painful than anything you said to me."

Sharing gazes with one another, Collins stood with her back against the counter while JJ faced her in front of the sink with a contemplative expression on his face. Somehow his injuries didn't feel equivalent to his words to Collins, they didn't even come close when it came to hurting her feelings, something he never could've even imagined doing. If she wasn't going to make him work for her forgiveness then there must've been some way for him to do it without her asking for it. Collins was apparently too nice to have hard feelings when in actuality, Collins just couldn't hold anything over JJ.

"I'm not lying when I say that I was this close to killing him." JJ held up his thumb and forefinger with a minuscule gap between both tips for emphasis. He had a grimace on his face when he said it, snippets of that moment flickering in his mind. He could almost feel the wrench in his hand, his fingers wrapped around the handle and ready to strike. He clenched his fist tightly, nails digging into his palm to remind himself that he wasn't there anymore.

"All that matters is that you didn't. You fought that urge and you took control of it. That makes you stronger than him."

Collins looked at JJ and studied his face carefully. His eyes were trained down at the floor but he didn't seem totally hopeless. It seemed like some of her words were actually reaching him and having its desired affect on him. JJ was overcoming the years of damage that his father had inflicted on him and gaining more confidence in himself. It was progress, and every little step helped.

"Putting aside the fact that I acted like a dick, I still don't regret not letting you follow me." JJ admitted, with a sureness that was formidable. "I would never put you in a position where you could be hurt and especially not by my own dad either. I would sooner let him crack every rib in my body and then some before I ever let him lay a hand on you, Collins."

Collins bit her lip while JJ's words sank in. Of course he would; JJ had a knack for throwing himself into the fire before the people he cared about could fall in it. She'd found herself behind his shield on more than one occasion so she'd caught onto this habit of his quite quickly. It was one of the side effects of his self deprecation where he thought he wasn't good enough and so he sacrificed himself for the better of others he thought more worthy. He'd done it for Pope when he'd taken the blame for sinking Topper's boat. Collins somehow deeply loved while also profoundly hated that about him.

"For your sake, I hope you never have to follow through with that promise."

And she meant that. As reassuring as it was to hear, Collins hoped to God that they would never have to test the validity of JJ's statement. She hoped instead that what happened today ended where it did so that JJ could finally start moving on from this trauma and put it in the past. He'd earned that right, it was his to keep.

It was still just the two of them in the house on their own. Collins didn't know where Pope and Kie were, but all she knew was that they weren't there in that kitchen with her and JJ. The room was dim, the only lighting being the lamp in the other room and the brightly colored string lights still shining outside. It was bright enough for her to see JJ, and for JJ to see her which was all that really mattered. Collins felt like something was about to happen but she couldn't quite sense what or exactly when. She just gazed up at JJ with anticipation, waiting for him to make the next move that would determine what followed. She couldn't be the first, she could only go off of what happened before.

It was with very little surprise did Collins feel when JJ lifted a hand up to cup her jaw in his palm to tilt her head up slightly for a better look at her face. There were shivers that traveled down her spine at the feeling of JJ's hand cradling her neck. She realized in that moment that she was no longer startled by his touch and frozen from not knowing what to do next. Instead, Collins was craving that human contact, soaking in every brush and every little touch as much as she could when she felt it.

JJ set down his glass on the counter and used his now free hand to place itself on the surface of the cupboard door just above Collins's head. He leaned over her with a respectable distance still between them, but close enough for her to feel suffocated in the smell of cologne from the shirts they wore which both belonged to him. It was still a nice smell though, not too overwhelming. It was the kind of smell that filled your nose but didn't burn your nostrils.

Brushing his thumb across her cheek, JJ admired her for a few moments before articulating his thoughts to her. "I want to be someone who's good enough to be with a girl like you." He said just above a whisper, but she was close enough to hear it like he'd spoken at normal volume.

"I couldn't tell you what a girl like me deserves in the first place, JJ." Collins whispered in return. Her hands were held behind her back to support herself on the edge of the counter, but they desperately wanted to touch him. She yearned to feel his warmth and close the distance between them. What did he think of her? What was it that he believed was better for her than the person right in front of her?

Collins didn't realize it, but she'd tilted her chin up ever so subtly, almost like she was trying to get a better look at JJ and turn her gaze up. But subconsciously, the motive behind the movement could've been because a part of her was hoping that JJ would kiss her and she was just trying to make her lips more accessible to him. All it would take was one swift motion and the space between them would be closed off. It would be so simple.

Suddenly, the right side of her face felt cold with the departure of JJ's hand from it, and Collins felt JJ's absence just as strongly as if she were feeling his actual touch.

"You deserve someone better than the guy I am right now." JJ said, picking up his water and taking a small step back from her. It was almost painful how empty the space between them was. "But I plan on changing that."

A modest level of disappointment settled discomfortingly in her, and Collins remained standing where she was and just continued to peer at JJ with composure. She couldn't decide if she really bought all this talk she was hearing from JJ. He was so sure that the version of him standing in front of her wasn't worthy of her affection, but yet, she couldn't find a single thing about him that proved that notion. Nor could she discern what it was that he so firmly believed that she deserved in a guy that he didn't fit the profile.

He had flaws, so what? So did she. Collins didn't want some perfect model of integrity, that sounded mentally exhausting to try and keep up with. She didn't care if the person she was with made mistakes because she hoped that if she made them that they would have compassion, too. She, herself, was by no means faultless person.

Watching while JJ began to meander back out into the living room, Collins said, "When you figure out who the perfect guy is, you let me know. I'm interested to know what you think."

Glancing back at her, a cheeky smile spread across JJ's face. "Trust me, Collins, I plan to."

He disappeared behind a wall, leaving Collins to ruminate on what he'd said. She looked up at the ceiling and blew out a long breath of air in exasperation. What's stopping her from going after JJ right that second, and begging him to kiss her already?

On one hand, it's pretty obvious that she hasn't scared JJ off with her mommy issues, so the fact that he was still there and pursuing her was more than enough to make her fall even harder for him than she thought humanly possible. But then there was something else to think about: Collins has never made the first move ever in her life and so she feared that she might embarrass herself to an unsurpassable degree and never be able to look JJ in the eyes ever again.

That was a reasonable fear to have, right? It didn't matter if she knew that her feelings were reciprocated, there was still a chance that the situation could take a turn for the worst. In the event that all things have the potential to go wrong, the only thing that Collins could help but do was to expect that they would go wrong.

And she just wasn't ready to deal with something like that yet.

Out of all the risks that she had taken thus far, from acting as a distraction to steal a drone, to party crashing Midsummers, and breaking into an old woman's home to steal a fortune of gold, none had she hesitated for as much as she was hesitating on chasing JJ down and professing her feelings for him. Apparently her bravery was pretty pick-and-choosy on when it decided to make its debut.

Collins shook her head at herself and mouthed the word, 'fuck', to herself. She hadn't cussed like that since she, Kie, and Sarah had been stranded on a boat and she'd been higher than the Empire State Building. However, considering the circumstances, some harmless swearing at her predicament was kind of called for.

The sound of the door opening drew her attention out of her thoughts, which Collins was thankful for. She looked and came out of the kitchen to see Pope and Kie coming back in from outside.

"I'm dead." Pope deadpanned, throwing himself onto the couch nearest to him, which had been the one on the front porch, and immediately closing his eyes.

Raising her brows at Collins, Kie nodded to the futon spread out in the living room. "We bunking together tonight?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Collins replied, "Looks like it."

As the two girls started to settle onto the mattress and bury themselves under covers, Kie said, "You know, JJ's got a whole room and bed to himself just a few steps away down the hall." Even in the dark Collins could see the smirk on Kie's face.

"I can't just go in there and sleep in the same bed as him." Collins hissed incredulously.

"Sure you can. You just get up, walk over there, climb into bed, and sleep. Easy peasy."

"Yeah, easy for you to say. I'm not that forward." If only Kie knew how the conversation with herself had gone. Collins had already felt like she'd established that she was not the one who made bold first moves and she had accepted that aspect of herself. But now, here Kie was scrambling her brain up all over again.

Sitting up in the bed to show Collins that she meant business, Kie said, "You keep saying things like, 'I can't' or 'I'm not'. Well, what about the opposites to those? Don't you want to be a woman of 'I can' and 'I am', Collins?"

Why did she always have to be right? This summer had been the season for Collins saying 'yes' to all things that she would've never in a million years ever imagined herself doing and it had been incredible. She'd been trying to push down the girl she'd tolerated all her life that cowered in the face of fear and never spoke or stood up for herself let alone others. This was no exception. The Collins that she wanted to be wasn't afraid to chase after what she desired. The road to assuming that persona was a work in progress, but it wasn't going to go anywhere if she didn't take action. It also wasn't like Kie was telling her to do anything more than just sleep in the same bed as him; baby steps.

Taking in the lesson that Kie was trying to teach her, Collins sighed and looked into the darkness to try and muster up all the courage that she knew she was going to need very soon. Turning to Kie to look at her outline in the dark, Collins asked, "How do I even do it without making it weird?"

"It's only weird if you make it weird. Go in there like you know exactly what you're doing. When you do things with confidence, no one questions what you're doing or the way that you're doing it." Plus it wasn't like JJ wouldn't be thrilled to have her there in the first place. Collins could push him out of the bed and he'd just lay at her feet like the lovesick puppy he was when it came to the Jacobson girl.

There was a soft nudge from Kie on Collins's side as she urged her to get a move on. Complying with what she was being told, Collins begrudgingly started to get up. "You must've really wanted this bed to yourself." Collins whispered, scowling at Kie despite her expression being hidden in the lightless room.

"You can thank me later." Kie replied smugly, already tucking herself under the blankets and taking full advantage of all her newly freed space.

Collins trod down the hallway just as Kie had instructed her, the soles of her feet padding across the floor until they brought her just outside of the room in which JJ was probably already in a deep slumber in. She hated to wake him.

Slowly turning the handle to open the door, there was a small squeak that the hinges gave out, making Collins cringe at the sound. She pushed the door open a crack, just big enough for her to slip through, and she felt a breeze blow onto her skin from an open window in the room. Stepping inside, Collins closed the door behind her and her eyes instantly fell upon the bed in front of her.

JJ's body lay facing up but with his head turned away from her on his pillow. He didn't stir a bit with her arrival, but that's because she hadn't gotten into bed with him yet.

The mattress sank under her weight as Collins first sat down, she swung her legs over and got under the covers, watching JJ carefully to see if he'd wake during any of this. It wasn't until she shifted to move further down so that her head could be laid correctly with the pillow, did JJ finally move.

At first, his head just turned, now facing her, but his eyes were still closed. Soon his eyes were fluttering open, squinting to see in the darkness to make out the person lying right next to him.

"Collins?" He asked sleepily, though the smell of his own cologne soaked in his shirt on her body was enough of an answer on its own that he didn't need one verbally.

Licking her lips nervously, Collins lie so still it was as if she had been turned into stone. Looking at JJ in the pitch black room, she said softly, "There's no way you're too bad to share the same bed with me, JJ."

With her voice and her presence so near to him that it was intoxicating, JJ couldn't help but smile the tiniest bit at her response. His eyes began adjusting to the dark room and he was eventually able to see her features better. He could now make out the shape of her nose which sloped ever so slightly into a button. Her lips rested plump and almost in a pout that he just wanted to smooth out into a smile. Then her eyes, so big and round and brown with eyelashes so long they almost touched her eyebrows. Every physical trait of hers was opposite to him, but it felt like something within them was the same and it was drawing them together like magnets trying to meet their pair.

"Where the hell have you been all my life, Collins Jacobson?"

And just like that, Collins was melting into a puddle at JJ's charm. Just the way he spoke made half the impact on her mind and body, sending flurries of butterflies into her core that made her giddy. A part of her wanted to move closer to him, the distance between them in the bed felt further than what it felt like it should've been. But Collins remained where she was, reminding herself to take things slow. Just because she'd made one bold move didn't mean she was signing off on a spiral of even more rash decisions.

"I guess I've just been waiting." She said quietly. Waiting to be discovered, waiting for someone to see her the way JJ was seeing her, waiting for something in her life to change because she'd been living in stagnancy for much too long. Collins had been waiting to feel this much affection for someone and to feel like someone was feeling it for her. They say all good things come to those who wait and she'd done her time.

JJ sighed in content, shifting in the bed to get more comfortable. He glanced over at the window where a curtain blew lightly into the room from the wind. "Sorry, is it too cold in here? I get hot at night."

Collins snuggled deeper into her pillow and tucked her arm under the blanket, because she really was kind of cold, enough to raise goosebumps on her skin. Nevertheless, she shook her head in denial. "I'll be fine."

"Come here." JJ's gently touched the side of her arm and ushered her to move closer to him while he scooted closer to her.

She obliged to his request without protest. She felt JJ's arm slide around to her back and hold her securely with one hand palmed against her spine. At first contact with his body, Collins realized that JJ wasn't wearing a shirt and so she was pressed against his bare chest which was surprisingly warm to the touch. He burned like a furnace while she shivered from the cold night air.

Her head came up just under JJ's chin and her ear was positioned in a good spot to listen to his heartbeat beneath his skin. Smooth, equal, steady— he wasn't nervous at all. Meanwhile, if he were to listen to hers, it'd probably mimic that of pots and pans clanging against each other in disorder.

Collins shyly placed her hand on JJ's side in an effort to give him the same comforting touch that he gave her, but upon the meeting of her skin on his, a sharp breath was elicited from JJ.

She immediately withdrew her hand from him and looked up at him worriedly. "I'm sorry, was it a bruise?" How could she have forgotten? JJ's torso was littered with bruises and were probably incredibly tender. She could hardly see anything in the dark so she couldn't see the purple marks, otherwise she would have been extra careful.

A small chuckle came next and JJ found her hand in the dark and took it into his while burying his chin in her hair with a smile on his face. "No, your hands are just cold, that's all."

It was hard to believe that was even possible when Collins felt like an anxious fire was blazing in her whole entire body. She blew out a soft breath in relief while JJ found amusement in the whole thing and squeezed her hand through their laced fingers. "You're like a freaking China doll. I'm afraid I'll break you with the littlest touch."

"You don't have to worry about breaking me." JJ told her, savoring the feeling of her in his arms, sharing the same bed as him, wearing his shirt, and exchanging casual pillow talk. The only way that she could break him is by leaving him. If she left and stopped seeing or talking to him, that would hurt more than if she'd just punched him in the face.

"I still worry." Collins said, taking his reassurance more literally in the physical context than the emotional. "I'm a worrier, it's chronic."

The grin on JJ's lips persisted. "It's cute, you get this little crease between your eyebrows when you are. It's just like the wrinkle on your nose when you're mad."

"Well I hate it." Collins replied stubbornly. "I hate seeing you hurt or seeing you sad. It's wrong on so many levels."

"Same here." JJ murmured, looking up at the ceiling before closing his eyes after seeing nothing but a blank surface staring back at him.

"But it's okay now, right? You don't have to worry about him anymore." Collins didn't mean to bring it up again, but she just needed JJ to clarify it for her one last time in his own words.

Holding her closely to his chest, JJ released a soft breath and kept his eyes shut, failing to picture a better moment in his head than the moment he was living in at that current point in time. Here he was, in a warm bed (albeit it was John B's, but that was a minor detail), a roof over his head, and a beautiful girl in his arms. Not to mention that for the first time in his life, JJ had stood up to his dad and had delivered his one and only 'screw you' to the man before walking away as the bigger person. He couldn't think of anything better than that.

"As long as I'm here, I'm not worrying about anything." JJ answered, feeling his consciousness slowly slipping away from him and his breaths go even. Something about holding a girl who had a way of making all your qualms just disappear was so sedating.

Satisfied with his reply, Collins curled up against JJ's body and closed her own eyes as she tried to fall asleep. It didn't take long with the immense comfort she felt being wrapped up in someone else's embrace to actually go into a deep slumber.

She had to agree with JJ, as long as she was there, there was absolutely nothing so terrible or worrisome that she had to be concerned about.

•••

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