Healing Draco Malfoy

Chapter 49

Published: September 30, 2022

Draco's arms were shaking from the effort. Bloody hell, he thought Harry's leg press exercises were bad, but this exercise of lifting out of the chair... hurt. He grunted in pain and exhaustion as he lifted his thighs off the seat.

"Come on, now reach out," Harry urged.

The last, or nearly the last, step was to quickly grab Harry's arm. He had missed a few times today already, but Harry just healed his sore arms and made him try it, again. He loved and hated him for it, too. He was wiped out, but he also knew that this was all necessary. One step closer to freedom.

"Fuck," he swore and reached for Harry, who securely held his grip.

Draco then switched to focusing on his weak leg muscles and managed to straighten them out.

They did not like being used, but by sheer willpower, he forced them vertical. He swayed back and forth as he locked his knees and again had to brace himself against Harry.

"I got you," Harry promised and steadied him more.

Draco pushed off a little and managed to hold his position in front of him. "Yeah... don't-don't let go."

"Never," his healer whispered and looked into his eyes.

Draco's eyes watered every time he managed to stand up though he had done it ten times already. He hated showing so much emotion. He supposed that it was just leftover from his years in hell. Emotions weren't something that he let escape often. He tried to blink them away, as Harry still held his hands.

"It's okay, Draco. It's okay to cry... alright?"

Draco stared back at Harry and shook his head. It was safer not to feel.

"Don't bury it, Draco, please," Harry said, and maintained eye contact, which he knew that Harry was not very good at.

He froze and said, "I... don't know how."

"You told me once... that I was teaching you how to feel... again. Feel it. You're standing, Draco. I'm so proud of you."

Warm shivers went down his back as they did every time Harry said that to him. He wasn't used to anyone saying that to him. He had always been a source of embarrassment for his father. He let a few more tears out, and Harry smiled back at him.

"I'm still taller than you," he murmured, trying for some joviality, as he straightened his back and legs more to emphasize it.

"Yep, you sure are," Harry said, lifting his head higher to meet his eyes.

They were so much closer in this position, inches actually, and Harry realized it at that moment, too. He looked down at their hands and released his grip, trying to let him stabilize on his own. Draco wasn't interested in his sense of balance at the moment. Harry was avoiding his eyes. Talking had gotten harder, since Harry's incarceration and three-day absence. Harry knew that their relationship had changed somehow, and he didn't know how to handle it.

"Harry," Draco drawled, and he could see Harry shudder. He kinda liked seeing that reaction to his voice. It wasn't fear, but his emotions were also affecting him. He liked speaking forward to him, but Harry was still very traumatized. Draco had to be careful with him. Everything had to be done at the right pace.

"It's alright, Harry," he whispered. "Why don't you tell me about these new exercises you got for me to do?"

That did the trick. Harry was able to get back into the flow, again. He rambled on about the new routine and durations as he helped him drop back down in the seat. Draco didn't really listen to any of it. Harry's voice was very soothing. He could just feel the way Harry cared about him. That level of care and dedication was evident in his every word. He knew a long time ago... maybe even before this all had happened... that Harry was everything he would ever want in a partner.

Draco was just inching for freedom. To be out of the prison that was his uncooperating body, as he forced it to do Harry's exercises. When he couldn't get back up, again, and Harry brought him over to the bed for a massage. Draco loved Harry's hands on his body. He wondered, idly, how Harry would handle physical contact. Draco had had no choice but to get used to his constant physical contact. There was no reason for Draco to touch him beyond the few occasions that they had.

Harry massaged everything until Draco was so relaxed that he fell asleep, again. When he woke up, Joel was at the table reading a file.

"Good afternoon, Draco. You've nearly missed lunch."

Draco looked around, a little off-guard. No one had ever come into his room without him noticing before. He was always a light sleeper.

"Are you okay?" Joel asked.

"I...I'm not sure."

Joel looked at him and nodded. "I'm sorry for just coming in."

Draco nodded. "I didn't wake up. It just... threw me a bit. When I sleep, I'm a lot more defenseless. I don't usually go that deep."

Joel nodded once, as if he understood. "Want to talk about that?"

Talk... the kid was good at getting him to talk. He, Draco, wasn't good at getting him to talk about Harry's progress, though. Of course, that would be a breach of confidentiality. Stupid Gryffinpuffs. Harry rubbed off on him too much.

"I guess."

"We don't have to," he offered, as usual. Joel always offered a way out, before they trudged through a dark spot.

"Yeah... we do," Draco responded, tonelessly, like he always did. He was never sure if these talks would help, but knew that Harry knew about them. It was more important to convince Harry to try it. He slowly got out of bed and into his chair. His aches and pains were gone for now, but Harry was sure to change that after Joel left.

"Do you have nightmares?" Joel asked.

"Sure, but I don't normally let my body go deep enough not to notice someone coming in. I stop myself from entering my dream cycle."

"Are you sure that's wise? I understood that it was... crucial for mental recovery."

"I get... flashes. I probably have more dreams than I know, but I use Occlumency to shield them from my conscious mind. You know how dreams fade quickly after waking up? Well, I trained my mind to keep them out."

"Because they're too... traumatic?"

"What do you think?" Draco grunted.

"You're avoiding processing it."

"Perhaps," he muttered, which was all that Joel would get him to admit.

Joel nodded and was quiet for a bit. He seemed to be bracing himself to say something. "Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"I... you know I took my mind healer licensing exam, right?"

"Yeah?" Draco repeated.

"Well, my examiner... she wants to... umm... meet you."

Draco raised his eyebrow. "Really?"

"I-umm-mean... you as my trainer... not you as... you. She doesn't know your name. She said I was more proficient at mind healing than healers who had been in the field for ten years, if not twenty. I just told her that someone trained me on Legilimency and Occlumency. She asked to meet... well... you," Joel rambled.

"Why?"

"I think to learn... from you, but if you don't want to... meet her, that's fine."

"No... I will. Tell her who I am and anything else you deem appropriate. I don't need that unnecessary conversation. If she still wants to talk, then she can come."

"Thank you, Draco. And thank you for teaching me all of this."

"You're welcome, Joel.

Your mind was quite... nice. Is it weird to say that?"

"No. I... umm... was wondering... if... umm...."

"Spit it out, kid."

Joel smirked. "I wanted to... use Legilimency... on you. I want to try to... help you."

Draco stared at him.

"You've seen a lot, Joel, but inside my head is but pain and misery. Images that you can't get out."

"I want to try. If I want to learn mind healing effectively, I need to be able to handle the hard stuff and soothe a distressing memory. But... there are other people who go through bad stuff, too. I have to be able to handle it. I need to be able to help them."

Draco lowered his head. "It's a lot to ask, Joel."

"I know, but I think it could help you."

"Are you trying to get ready to do this for Harry?" Draco grunted, meeting Joel's eyes.

"No," Joel responded, quickly and his upfront answer threw him. He stared at Joel until he went on, "I want to walk you through this, because I think that you'll have to help Harry."

Draco looked at him, surprised, for a second, and then he considered it. He was right. It'd take years before Joel could convince Harry to let him in. He could persuade him much faster. He was on equal ground with Harry. "You're probably right. How... how do you want to do this?"

"Any preferences?" Joel asked, quietly.

"Not really. It's all bad."

"Let's start at the very beginning. It's a very good place to start."

"Says you. My childhood trauma... you want to talk about it first? Or full sensory?" Draco asked, petulantly.

"I'd say just dive in. We'll see if you can handle it."

Draco snorted. "We'll see how you handle it, kid."

"Just a short one. Are you going to fight me?" Joel asked.

"I might. I have controls up for a reason."

"Okay, try not to? I-umm... are you ready?" he asked, a little nervous, and Draco nodded, "Legilimens!"

Draco braced himself for the intrusion but didn't attack Joel. At this point, he knew and trusted the kid. Joel was recovering from the initial entry, too, but suddenly delved forward on a mission. His childhood. The old memories. Draco didn't block them as much. His mother was in them. Good with the bad. Joel got flashes of them in a chaotic mess. Joel soothed the memories when the bad ones popped up, taking out the fear and anxiety and replacing it with a kind of numbed acceptance. It didn't hurt, and Draco felt his body relaxing.

Joel made it through his childhood to the start of Hogwarts before he pulled out. Draco took slow, steady breaths, trying to recover. Joel looked a little pale, too.

"Are you alright?" Draco muttered.

"Yeah... some were... hard to watch."

"Those are my good memories, kid. Are you sure you want to go in, again?"

"Definitely. It was... working? Wasn't it? You were calming down."

"It helped, but as I said, it only gets worse from here."

"We can take it a day at a time... if you're still... willing," Joel asked.

Draco nodded as they both turned, as a knock sounded at the door. It opened and Harry came back from his afternoon appointments.

"What happened?" Harry asked, sensing the tension in the air.

"Nothing," Draco muttered. "We were just... training. Joel's getting better."

"Are you sure that you're okay?" Joel asked.

"Yeah, thanks, Joel. Time for Harry to torture my body," Draco muttered.

Harry frowned and lowered his eyes. Draco wheeled over to him.

"Sorry. It hurts... but I know you're healing me," Draco reassured him, and Harry nodded.

"Alright, I'll talk to you later, Harry," Joel said and left.

"Did he..." Harry started but ended the question, and Draco didn't want to talk about it. He knew that Harry wasn't ready.

Harry made him go through his obstacle course and practice standing and sitting several times. Then he gave him another massage and forced him into a long workout session on the bed. Harry seemed even more determined to get him to walk than Draco did. So he wondered where this drive came from. Harry finally massaged his muscles out and declared an end to the torture.

Harry sat on his stool and muttered, "I have a session with Joel after this."

"That's great, Harry. Talking helps. He won't push you."

"You guys do more than talking," he stated.

Draco nodded. "We do. We've been training for a while now. Joel needed to learn how to occlude and use Legilimency. It doesn't mean that he's going to insist that you do it."

"But you think it will happen eventually. That's the point, right? To let Joel in my head?"

Draco stared at him. "If you are ready, if you trust Joel enough, then yes, maybe one day, you might be willing to try it. But Joel and I both know that it won't happen anytime soon. Look how long it took him to convince me, who, I'll remind you, has complete control over my mind. You do not. Don't worry that he's going to force you to agree to it."

"I don't... I don't really think he would," Harry admitted. "But... I don't want... I never felt so vulnerable and helpless when that guy attacked me. I don't want him to see me so... weak."

Draco nodded. "I understand, Harry. Talking works, too. Now get going. The kid knows how to soothe your concerns, better than I can."

Harry snorted, a bit dubious. "I'll see you tomorrow, Draco."

"Okay, but you're still staying with... Hermione and Ron, right?"

Harry smiled at his use of his friends' names. "Yeah. Hugo said that he wants me in his room, but I didn't think it was a good idea. I've been on the couch the last few days. Well... goodnight then."

"Goodnight, Harry."

Draco nodded, keeping his smile on until Harry left. Truth be told, he hated nighttime, though it had gotten better. Cass came in several times between her rounds and had adopted the practice of bringing him pastries and desserts as they watched Harry's telly to pass the time.

"Evening... got some lemon trifles for us, tonight," Cass said, as she opened the door with a platter of nearly two dozen bites.

"I think you're trying to fatten me up," he said as he accepted a lemon trifle and bit into it as powdered sugar went everywhere. "And you're trying to get us caught, too."

"No, I'll vanish that mess before Harry comes in, and you definitely need some weight," she said, patting his arm and plucking a bite for herself. "What's on tonight?"

Draco smiled and clicked the remote to turn the telly. It was just a few weeks ago that their routine started. Cass came in snacking on an éclair and Draco's eyes widened at the delectable sweet. His mother had always sent him goodies from home as he had always had a sweet tooth, even from a young age. He had stared at the éclair long enough that Cass left the room and brought a half-dozen to him, saying that a patient had sent her some. She held one out, and Draco couldn't resist the offer, though he still was wary about food. But Cass had visited him nearly every night since he came to Harry's ward, so he trusted her. Since then, she had brought a new delectable every night. She said that he needed to try them all again.

"Oh, how about Mrs. Brown's Boys?" she said, as Draco flipped through the channels. She usually picked what they watched.

Draco agreed and turned it on. "Thanks... for...."

"Hush, love," she responded in true British fashion. "You deserve to remember the good things."

Draco resolved to send her a new dessert every week once he was freed from the hospital. Draco paid his debts. She stayed for the program and laughed hard at the jokes that Draco really didn't understand but couldn't help but smile for. She went and did more rounds, then came back for another program and they finished off the lemon trifles. She cleaned up the mess and said her goodnights. Draco got back into bed and tried to get some sleep in.

His mind drifted to his childhood dreams that were prevalent in his mind. Even the bad ones didn't hurt him as much anymore. They were faint echoes of the terror he remembered. Maybe Joel was doing the right thing, he wondered, as he drifted into a deeper sleep.

"Draco?" someone whispered and his eyes popped open.

He blinked and could tell that it was morning. He had managed to sleep deep enough to miss the door opening, but Harry had just peeked in, at least.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"No... it's fine," he said, still discombobulated. He was sleeping better and longer.

Harry sat down on the stool. "How are you feeling?"

"Good... rested...."

"That's good. You've been sleeping more," Harry commented.

"Yeah... it's weird."

Harry smirked and nodded. "How about we start with a massage today?"

Draco smiled happily. He always wanted Harry's hands on him. Harry woke all of his muscles up, and he had to fight unconsciousness, again. When Harry was done, he raised his bed and pulled out his hair potions. Draco gave him another smile. Harry was definitely pampering him this morning as he brushed his hair out and rubbed in the potions.

"Not that I'm complaining about all this... but are you trying to butter me up?"

"Maybe..." Harry said with a laugh.

Draco didn't push him to reply, he just enjoyed Harry massaging his scalp. He even freshened his robes, sheets and pillows, too. He was planning something, when a knock at the door came. Nat came in with a full tray of non-hospital issued breakfast items and set it on the table for him. He glanced at Harry, who smirked.

"Just wanted to make sure you got what you liked. I might still have some pancakes off your tray."

Draco rolled his eyes as he lifted himself into his chair. They ate at the table, and Harry was trying just about everything. Draco again put his fear aside and tried everything, too. He was pretty full by the end, but between Harry and him, they finished everything.

"Geez... I hope you don't plan on twisting and torquing me anytime soon, Potter. I'm too stuffed for that nonsense," Draco said, as he leaned back and rubbed his stomach.

"Not at all, your majesty, but when you're ready, let's try some lift-outs."

Draco sighed. He wasn't in the mood for them, but he agreed after letting the food settle for half an hour. Harry talked about Ginny's team making it to the sweet sixteen of the Championships. But Harry gave him a look, and Draco wheeled out from under the table. Harry stood in front of him, like always. Draco grit his teeth and forced his body upward. It was getting easier, but as he went to sit back down, Harry stopped him. He was standing a bit wobbly, but his equilibrium was improving.

"Harry?" he asked,

Potter just smirked and took ahold of both his arms, holding them out as Harry slid backward a step. "Try moving your foot forward, Draco."

Draco jerked in surprise, and had to hold his shaking legs up. Harry hadn't mentioned trying this. Instead, he stared at him, almost frozen with anticipation.

Harry's smile hadn't diminished. "Come on, just lift one leg up slightly and guide it forward. You can do it, Draco."

Draco was shaking more as the realization of his pending actions sunk in. He was going to walk... that is if he got his weak legs to cooperate. Take a step, he commanded his dormant muscles. Slowly, his leg responded. It lifted only off the floor and, with some effort, it slowly advanced forward. He bit his lip as he planted it in front of Harry, maintaining his balance with his legs separated.

"Good... now the other," Harry ordered, a little strained. Harry's eyes were filled with tears. Not ones of pain and sadness, but happy, proud tears.

Draco resolved to make more come out and held Harry tightly as he lifted his back foot to bring it forward to his front one. When he landed it, Harry wrapped his arms around him, taking most of his weight off.

"Draco! You did it! You walked! You took your first steps!"

He had and returned Harry's hug. Those years of torture were fading into the distance. He was here, in the moment, with Harry. He wasn't broken anymore. Draco buried his face into Harry's shoulder and cried. Those bastards hadn't won. They hadn't destroyed him. He cried more, letting his emotions overwhelm... letting them out. He didn't have to hide anymore. He was safe with Harry, who had no aversion to being hugged this long. Draco gripped him harder, cherishing the embrace.

Harry hugged him close, bearing his weight, and rubbed his back. "I'm so proud of you, Draco... and you can cry for as long as you want," Harry whispered, his voice thick with emotion, too.

Draco cried harder. He was going to walk, again. He was going to be able to do everything, again. He was going to be whole.

He didn't know how long they were standing there. He realized that at some point Harry must have cast a Lightening Charm, as he was not light, but he didn't care. Harry just held him, just as touch-staved as he was, and their combined tears slowly waned.

When they stopped, Harry asked, "Draco? Do you know what today is?"

He just shook his head. He vaguely knew winter was over, as it was getting warmer, and Blaise had said that school was almost over... so late May... or....

"It's June," Harry whispered into his ear and hugged him closer.

Draco's eyebrows rose and then narrowed as the realization kicked in. His fingers clenched Harry's robes. "Yeah?"

"It's June 5th, Draco," Harry said and pulled back to look him in the eyes.

Tears filled them again as he stared at Harry. "Harry...."

"Happy birthday, Draco."

Sorry for the long delay! Just getting settled into my new job role. Also... Hamilton is coming to my town! Yay!