Healing Draco Malfoy

Chapter 41

Published: April 9, 2022

Trigger warning: open discussion of sexual assault, mentions of suicidal ideation

Draco was wide awake. Joel had already met with Granger and Weasley to figure out what to do, and they were going to the Ministry in the morning to get things straightened out. There was little that they could do tonight. Harry had snapped during the interview and was screaming loud enough for Joel to hear him in the hallway. The MMMB goons said that he had attacked Higgs and had to be sedated. Higgs immediately took custody of Harry until the MMMB investigation was over.

Granger would have to get the Wizengamot to approve removing Higgs as Harry's mind healer, and Joel was not optimistic about that. Things were tricky when the ISS was involved. No one wanted the muggles to know. Helping him escape wasn't an option either, as Joel explained that freeing Harry would mean a prison sentence for anyone involved and Harry wouldn't want that. Draco didn't ask him to risk his job and freedom for it. They had to play the game... use the system. They did. Draco didn't have to, though.

It was near midnight when he slid into his chair. He lowered it to the floor and unlocked the wheels. He could find Harry, this time. He rolled to the door, mentally asking Harry's forgiveness for leaving the ward alone, but circumstances called for it. He opened the door and peered out into the darker hallways. The wardens' desk was empty, and Draco rolled out and made his way in the direction everyone always went. He needed a lift. He rolled down the hallway until he spotted it and pushed the call button.

"Didn't take you that long," Cass said, and Draco turned in his chair as she came around.

"Cass... I have to go."

"I know, but it'd probably be easier if I went with you."

Draco breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, yet. I don't know if we'll be able to get in, but let's go."

Cass wheeled him into the lift and pushed the floor button. They exited out onto the closed ward floor, and she cautiously pulled up to the wardens' desk there.

"I've been waiting for you, Draco," Harper said, sitting up. "It's good to see you up. Cass said that you were starting to roll around."

"Yeah. Harper, I heard you were standing watch over me... I appreciate it, but...."

"I can't help him out, Draco. It's not just my job at shake. He's technically in ISS custody. I'd do a lot for you, Draco... but prison is asking for a lot."

"I understand. I just want to see him," Draco said.

Harper looked at him and nodded. "I figured that'd be your next request. He's not in a good way. I've tried to calm him down myself. He's been thrashing and screaming and then crying and uncommunicative. He's in a bad way."

"That's why I need to see him. Maybe I can get through to him."

Harper nodded. "It's a magic-proof room. He's locked down good, but you can go in... try to reach him."

Draco felt easier, but thought Higgs would have guarded Harry more. "Just you, here?"

"No... one of his lackeys is here. He might have accidentally taken a Sleeping Draught... like I intend to take. You got maybe four hours, Draco. Good luck."

"Thanks, Harper," Draco said and held out his hand. Harper shook it and raised his cup to him.

He swallowed it and quickly dropped into his seat, slopping over the side awkwardly. Cass fixed him and then wheeled Draco to the room. She unlocked the door.

"This is where I leave you, alright?"

"Thank you, Cass."

"Just bring him back, alright? You're a Slytherin, and we figure out how to win," Cass said.

Draco gave her a look. "I will."

"You remember how to get back?" she asked, and Draco nodded. "Good luck, then."

Draco watched her leave and heard a sob coming from Harry's room. He turned the doorknob and pushed the door open with his footrests as he rolled in. Harry was strapped to the bed, and his head was turned toward the wall. He was shaking badly, his breathing was erratic, and his eyes were opened, locked on the wall. He whimpered, again, and uselessly pulled on the restraints. Draco could see the tendons on his neck were nearly popping out of his skin. He didn't know what that was about.

"Harry?" he said, after he shut the door. "Harry? It's Draco. Can you hear me?"

He didn't answer, just cried a little more. Draco figured he heard him, but couldn't or wouldn't answer. He had to comfort him, talk to him, like Harry had for him. He rolled next to his bed, and after a brief internal debate about if he should or shouldn't, he slowly touched Harry's clenched fist. Harry flinched and let out a sob, but Draco persisted. He needed to make a physical connection.

"Shh... Harry... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, and continued to make small reassuring comments for a while, but Harry still wouldn't look up at him.

He tried to massage Harry's hand, forcing it open. He noticed that Harry had a minor rash on his arm and wondered what it was from. Suddenly, Harry jerked as though physically in pain, and started crying.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's going to be over soon. We're going to get him. I swear to Salazar... we will nail him to the wall in Azkaban. If not... we Slytherins have other ways of making people disappear."

Harry mumbled something, but stopped. He shook his head. It sounded like "no". Draco didn't know if that meant he didn't believe him or not to take matters into his own hands.

"Harry... you're going to get through this. I know you can. You're the bravest, toughest git I know, and I'm so sorry that this happened, again. I'm sorry that people keep hurting you, and you don't deserve any of this. You deserve love and compassion. Harry... please... don't give up. We're going to get you out of here, one way or another. I sure as hell won't leave you here to rot. I'll bust you out, and we can spend our lives on the run. There has to be a country that won't extradite."

Draco sighed. There wasn't really a place, but he had enough money to hide and even arrange multiple Secret Keeper safe houses if it came to it. However, Harry didn't even glance his way. He didn't seem afraid of him, nor locked in a dissociative state. He didn't seem to have control over his emotions, though. Draco had to help him focus on anything but the restraints and being trapped.

"You asked me once... if I'd tell you what happened... what they did to me," Draco began, quietly. Harry had opened up to him. Hell, Harry had told him his life 온라인카지노게임 when he was trapped in his head. Draco didn't remember all of it, but he remembered the pain in Harry's voice when he talked about his godfather dying, his parents' echoes talking to him, Dumbledore in the cave or the million other fucked-up things that had happened to him.

"I don't know if this will help... but..." Draco trailed off and built up some courage. He wished he had a Calming Potion himself right about now. Harry shivered again and tried to pull his hand away, but Draco held on. He might be selfish, but he needed physical contact to get through this.

"They didn't start chaining me down right away," Draco whispered, his hands now shaking, too.

Harry's, however, were shaking less. He was listening.

"They... well... it was just one at first," Draco said, rambling slightly. It was hard to talk about... and he wasn't sure how to begin. "His name was... C-Connors... though I didn't know it... in the beginning. He stopped caring after a while, when he realized that no one was watching the prison. Every time... it was just a little bit worse... a little more painful... a little crueler."

He was squeezing Harry's hand pretty hard, now. Harry had stopped trying to pull his hand away.

"He came into my cell the first night," Draco breathed. "I was... terrified already. Just as bad as you now are, at the thought of being in a tiny room with no windows, knowing I'd be trapped there for years. But... Connors unlocked the door and came right in. I..." Draco paused, to calm down some. He could do this. "...I knew what he wanted. I don't know if it is from living with Death Eaters for so long... but I just know who is fucking psychotic, who wants to hurt people for fun.

"I tried to talk my way out. Appealed to his humanity... that he'd be caught... but he just laughed and Silenced me. He didn't use his wand to subdue me, though. He just overpowered me. I wasn't that strong, even when I first got there. I was never able to keep my strength up during the war, couldn't eat or sleep with... everything going on. But Connors beat the shit out of me, forced me down, ripped my prison uniform off... and just... did it," Draco said, stopping for several minutes. Shutting down his emotions hadn't been so engrained into him at that point. It was much more... real.

"I always remember that one. There were years of other times, more painful and humiliating times... but just the suddenness, the violence of it. I didn't have my guards up. I felt everything. H-He made it hurt... said I squirmed more than my father did. Fucking asshole. He just left me there. Bleeding, bruised... broken. He didn't heal me. They never healed me, unless they had to. I had to try to put my uniform back on, but it was ruined. They never gave me anything else, not even a blanket.

"Those fuckers always left the place cold... just warm enough to not be freezing, but painful. I was always cold... so thank you for always raising the Heating Charms when I first got here," Draco said, getting a chill though it wasn't cold. After so many years of being cold, the chill never really left him. "But I built my guards up. Using Occlumency to shut off the pain. I knew that it wasn't going to be just one time. It was going to be my life. Eventually, I realized that I wasn't going to get out alive.

"Connors came every night... said I was on his "rounds". Said my father was, too... and that he stopped by a different cell every hour to punish us Death Eaters. But I was his favorite. I don't know if it was because I was so much younger than the others, that my father was there too, so he could rub it in our faces, or that I didn't beg him not to... do it. I resisted and he liked it. He liked forcing me down and using his power over me. He liked that more than actually doing it. He liked seeing my... helplessness in that moment.

"It's just the power he got high on... and slowly breaking me. I wouldn't just lie down and take it. He got his kicks and thrills using Imperio and Crucio on me for a while, but I would only obey to the point. It was the little refusals that made him want to hurt me more and keep coming back night after night. I watched him at first... stared at him in challenge. He wanted me to cringe at his presence... that was the first thing he tortured out of me," Draco said, staring straight at Harry's blanket, trying to stay out of his safe space.

"He brought his mates in to help "train" me in it, too. Eventually, every guard realized that no one was watching them or cared what they did. It was a free-for-all. They didn't like me resisting them...and really hurt me when I fought back. I was... popular. But I didn't cry, scream, or beg, and they wanted me to. They wanted me to break me, and if they hurt me hard enough, I'd do what they wanted, but only when the pain was too much. I was mute otherwise. That urked them. They hurt me more... starved me... cursed me. They could have my body, but I was safe in my head with you," Draco said, tears falling down his face.

He risked a glance upward, and even though Harry, his healer and protector, had never hurt him, it was hard to look at him. Harry's head had turned more toward him, but he wasn't quite looking at him. There were tears in his eyes, too, and he was definitely squeezing back. His breathing was leveling out, and the tendons on his neck had rescinded. He was calmer, now. Draco took a deep breath as he was getting into the harder stuff.

"They brought my father to my cell, once. It didn't affect me as much as it did him. I was in my head. But those bastards were such sick fucks...they made him watch. He killed himself the next day or so they gleefully told me. Maybe he thought I was gone... or just couldn't bear the shame of it. That was when they chained me down. Didn't want me getting any ideas... like daddy. I can't describe how much the pain ramped up after that. Crucio was nothing to me anymore.

"I don't know how long it took... years, but I stopped everything. They could Imperio me all they wanted, but other than that... I was practically dead, physically. My muscles disappeared. They had to force-feed me to keep me alive. It hurt so much... I couldn't afford to come out, even a little bit. They hated it and did worse things to me. Purposely hurt me. They let the other prisoners have me... as a reward for their good behavior."

Draco shuddered and braced himself to get through the last bit. "They finally figured out how to get through my mental guards. You pulled it out of me, remember? The black stuff?"

Draco looked up and met Harry's green eyes, now staring at him, concerned. Harry nodded.

"It was some kind of lust...love potion. Occlumency couldn't stop it. My control was gone. They had a lot of fun, then. All sorts of new games they could play. I begged for it... anyway I could get it. Fucking potions. Those last few months...were the worst. They were breaking through, winning. The walls were nearly gone. They would've kept doing it, but time, for once, was on my side, and the potion was costing them money, apparently.

"There were other "less" broken Death Eaters to play with, so they sent me home with McGrath... to die away from the prison. At times... when I was home... I considered asking the house elf to end it. But I was buried deep in my head. I remember seeing my mother's portrait, knowing that I would never be able to speak to her... that she would forever be tormented by what happened to me. Then McGrath came and threw me out of the window.

"I came here, half-dead and broken. The healers tried to reach me, McGrath threatened to send me back, and I was barely holding on to our safe place. Then I came to your ward," Draco said, locking eyes with Harry, again. "I heard your voice, and it ripped me right out of my denial, tore down my barricades. You weren't the apparition that flies mutely beside me. You spoke to me, but I thought that you weren't there to save me, but something else to hurt me. 

"I couldn't let you in then... it'd destroy what little sanity I had left. So, I tried to push you away, but you were... so kind and gentle, anyway. You protected me from him... them. But I was still scared. It was so hard to trust at first. Then I realized... I couldn't get back into my headspace. I could think about the place, sure. It was intact... but... I was awake. I mean, it was immediate, Harry. I knew... some part of me knew... that you would save me and help me come back. It scared me that my mental guards were down, that I had talked to you... looked at you. But... I felt safe. I trusted you, explicitly.

"I trust you, Harry... as you trust me. You opened up to me. Told me what happened. I will never betray that trust. You've given me everything back, and I will always be yours. So, breathe... I will get you out of here. I promise. You got that? You will never remain trapped in here. Blaise and I... we're letting them try the legal way. But... I will only wait so long. So, take heart, Harry. It'll be just a little longer."

Harry nodded and looked away, unable to stem the tears. He was rocking, again, unable to settle his eyes on anything particular.

"Come on, Harry... please... talk to me," he urged. He was amazed that Harry hadn't said anything yet.

Harry cried more and was getting more and more frustrated. He tried to pull free from his bindings, but to no avail. He groaned and it sounded like he was saying 'no ba'. Draco knew Harry wasn't under a Silencing Spell or some kind of Immobilization Spell, because the room was magic free. Any spell would have broken immediately.

"Harry?"

Harry grew angrier, mumbling to himself, but then he looked at their hands in sudden happiness. He wiggled his hand free from Draco's grip, which Draco fleetingly felt saddened by the loss until Harry flipped Draco's hand palm-up on the bed. His fingers spread his hand out, so it was open. He then put up the universal 'stop' gesture to him.

"Keep it there?" Draco asked, though confused, and Harry nodded enthusiastically.

Draco watched, perplexed, as Harry lowered his index finger to the center of his palm. Slowly and deliberately, Harry moved his finger across his skin in an unmistakable "C". Draco blinked, but watched, and felt, Harry spell out the rest of the letters on his hand. A-N-T-T-A-L-K.

"Can't talk?" Draco gasped. "Harry!? You can't speak!?"

Harry nearly cried in relief and nodded vigorously.

"Oh, my Salazar... no wonder," Draco whispered, crushed that Harry had been trapped, unable to speak, but proud that he had come up with a solution "I'm sorry, Harry. Was it Higgs?"

Harry nodded, and finger wrote, T-O-N-G-U-E.

"Tongue? There's something wrong with it?" Draco asked, confused.

P-A-R-A-L... but Harry's forehead furrowed, before making a Z.

"Paralyzed?" Draco guessed and he nodded. "He used a potion?"

Harry shook his head. M-U-G-G....

Draco figured he'd guess to save time. "Muggle? A muggle potion?"

Harry nodded and typed out, slowly. G-O-A-F-T-E-R-H-A-R-D-I-N-G.

It was a little hard to separate words in his head, but Draco asked, "Go after Harding? Who's Harding?"

H-E-A-D-P-O-T....

"Head-pot? Oh, Head of Potions... here?"

Harry nodded, happy, though his hands were shaking.

"I'll have Cass get Granger after him."

Harry smiled and took a deep breath. Tears welled, again. H-I-G-G-S-S-A-L-V-E.

"Higgs save... salve? He gave you salve of something?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded down to his arm, and Draco touched it with his other hand.

"It's red. He put a salve on you? What does it do?"

P-A-N-I-C.

"Panic? A panic attack?!" Draco gasped, in horror. "Harry, is that why you freaked out during the MMMB evaluation?"

Tears streamed down his face when he nodded. He was shaking

"I'm so sorry, Harry. We're going to get him. Prison for years."

S-A-I-D....

"Said? Higgs said?" Draco clarified, as Harry was now separating words for his convenience.

D-O... T-O-M-O-R-R....

"That he'll do it again, tomorrow?" Draco rushed out. He was trembling in anger.

Harry nodded and gripped his hand for support. Harry was scared. Draco squeezed back, but immediately let go as his hand was his tool for speaking.

H-E...H-U-R-T...O-T-H-E-R-S...S-A-L-V-E.

Draco's eyebrows rose. This ward had a few permanent patients. "Higgs experimented on... his patients?"

Harry nodded and furiously typed out, A-D-M-I-T-T-E-D-I-T.

"Bragged to you, you mean? Fucking bastard."

Harry nodded. S-A-I-D... U-S-E... J-O-E-L... 2.

"He wants to use the salve on Joel?" Draco asked, surprised. Joel was not emotionally fragile and would notice something was off.

T-E-S-T.

"Oh... right. His mind healing evaluation, so he'd mess up? Got it. We'll take care of it, Harry, don't worry," Draco reassured him. Harry breathed easier.

A-L-L...S-E-T-U-P.

Draco arched an eyebrow. "Setup to get you in here?"

Harry nodded and shook his head. G-U-Y... W-H-O... A-T-T....

"The guy who attacked you? Higgs did that, too?"

Harry nodded.

Draco dropped his head and beat down his anger. It wouldn't. "Fucking hell. I'm so sorry, Harry. You don't deserve this."

N-I-E-T-H-E-R... Y-O-U.

Draco resisted teasing Harry for his spelling and just nodded.

T-H-A-N-K... Y-O-U, Harry wrote out, and Draco knew he meant his 온라인카지노게임.

"You don't need to thank me. You did the same for me... and... brought me back. If I went through any more pain... torture, I'd be gone."

Harry's eyes softened and looked away. His finger just made a single line back and forth on Draco's palm, like he was trying to find the words, or in his case, the letters. Draco let him think. His eyes finally looked up. His finger paused and then made another single line.

I... W-A-S... D-R-O-W-N-I-N-G, he wrote, and tears dripped down, again. E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y... S-A-M-E.

"I know, Harry. It's okay."

Harry tapped on his palm, again, trying to figure out how to explain something. S-T-R-U-G-G-L-E.

"Struggle? To get through the day?"

Harry nodded. N-O-T... G-I-V-E... U-P.

Draco's eyes watered. He knew how depressed Harry was, is, really. He was hurting and in pain. "Please don't. I need you."

I-W-O-N-T... P-R-O-M-I-S-E, Harry typed and then paused, tapping for him to wait. I... L... but Harry didn't finish it. He almost wrote the next letter, but stopped and grabbed his hand for support.

Even now, bed-bound and voiceless, Harry wouldn't say it, but his eyes did as they stared back at him with longing. Draco knew what Harry had wanted to say/write. Love. Draco could feel that every time Harry looked at him, gently took his hand, and whispered kind things. He never forgot where he was.

"I do, too," Draco said, simply. There was a time and place for those words. This was not it. He couldn't trust Higgs or someone else slipping Harry Veritaserum, either. They should wait until he was out of the hospital.

Harry nodded, tears again filling his eyes, and he looked deliberately at Draco and his wheelchair.

"Yeah, I broke my promise not to escape... kinda. Cass caught me, and she got me down here. Harper took care of the guard."

H-U-R-T-?, Harry asked, concerned.

"A little sore. Joel actually offered to try massaging my hands, but... I'm not ready for even that," Draco said and resisted the urge to bring his hands to his body defensively at the thought of someone else touching him. Harry needed his hand to be able to speak/type.

S-O-R-R-Y.

Draco snorted. "Like any of this is your fault."

Harry shrugged and then pressed his fingers into his palm, in a tight spot and kneaded it out. Even without his magic, his fingers could massage out his cramps. Draco hummed in relief.

"I hope you don't believe I just came here for this," Draco joked, and Harry smiled. "How about I tell you the plan Granger and Joel came up with?"

Harry nodded, relieved, as he one-hand massaged Draco's hand. Draco told him everything that happened after he was carried unconscious out of the room, what the MMMB said, and what Joel said. Then they came up with the plan, and Blaise told Joel about the solicitors, so they had to leave to consult them. Blaise returned later with it confirmed and ready to take on the MMMB, but Draco knew that all this was contingent on Harry not losing his mind at the evaluation.

G-O... L-A-T-E... T-E-L-L.

"Yeah, Cass will help, or Nat when she arrives. I'm sure Granger will wake up to a Patronus. I'll tell her everything when she comes."

Harry nodded and tapped his hand for his attention. R-O-N.

Draco swallowed and nodded. "Okay, I will."

T-H-A-N-K-S.

"No problem. Just breathe and remember we will get you out of here, no matter what Higgs or the MMMB says.

Harry nodded. G-O... B-E... F-I-N-E.

"Okay. See you soon, Pottah. I expect a full massage in reciprocation for leaving my bed in the middle of the night."

Harry raised his eyebrows incredulously and grinned.

"And since the roles are reversed... temporarily... I'll fill your line. Anything for you, your highness. I am your loyal minion."

Harry was smiling, widely, and happy tears were in his eyes, now. He nodded. Draco gave his hand one last squeeze before wheeling out the door.