Healing Draco Malfoy

Chapter 38

Published: March 2, 2022

Harry watched, ready, as Draco shakily lowered himself into the wheelchair. His arms gave out at the last few inches, but he landed safely in the seat, though a little out of breath. Harry showed Draco how to lower the chair down, release the brakes, and spin the wheels with his hands. Harry considered giving him a powered chair, but Draco would work his muscles more this way. Draco wouldn't be able to try walking until his arms could hold some of his weight.

Draco seemed very uncertain at first, controlling the chair. His hands didn't want to cooperate, but after rolling the wheels back and forth a few times, he was able to propel the chair forward and then spin it around to face him. Harry couldn't describe the happiness he felt, as Draco looked at him, beaming. His grey eyes were misty as he regained another part of himself that Azkaban had taken. Draco then looked away, embarrassed at how emotional he had gotten.

"Hey, it's okay. This is a big step, Draco."

He let out a deep breath and nodded. "Thanks. I just... I never thought I'd get to even this point."

Harry took a deep breath himself. He knelt in front of him and said, "You're getting stronger every day. I told you that you'd be playing quidditch by the end. Just take this one step at a time, and don't ever believe you won't succeed. I will get you there."

"I know you will, Harry. It's hard to be positive after... everything."

"I understand."

"I know you do," Draco added, direly.

"Alright, but if wheeling around gets too exhausting, just ask for help, okay? You might need to take it slow the first few days, especially getting in and out of the chair."

"Yeah, my arms hurt. Guess you weren't kidding about the dips."

Harry nodded and massaged his triceps and shoulders until he said it was okay. Harry walked around to face him and as Draco wheeled back and forth a bit. He was smiling and Harry couldn't help but smile, too.

"You're doing great. Let's do some exercises, okay?"

Draco nodded. Harry guided Draco through the mini-obstacle course of his room. The point was to increase Draco's hand-eye coordination and his muscles in his hands and arms. He had Draco do a few laps around the room, making minor adjustments to avoid the bars, his bed, the table and the other physical training machines. Draco was huffing and sore by the end, and Harry just gave his hands and arms a massage again in the chair.

"Thanks," Draco said, as Harry finished, and Draco flexed his fingers, still a little sore from gripping the wheel.

"It'll get easier," Harry said, kneeling next to him.

"Yeah, it just hurts just a little."

"I'm sorry," Harry quickly apologized.

Draco grimaced. "Harry... you have nothing to be sorry for. I got to move around. As soon as you leave, I'll probably do some more... for the fun of it," he added with a chuckle.

Harry grinned, but sighed. "I don't like causing you pain, and I'll always apologize for it."

Draco snorted as he glanced up at the clock. "Bloody martyr to cause. Well, Joel should be here soon."

"Yeah, I'll wait for him. After my morning appointments, we can eat lunch at the table, too, like proper humans."

Draco smirked. "I'm still not sure you can, Pottah."

"Yeah, yeah, your highness. Just for that... you're getting nachos for lunch."

"What, pray-tell, are nachos?" Draco said, giving him a weird look.

"Really messy muggle-food that you eat with your hands," Harry said, raising his eyebrows up and down.

"How uncouth," Draco scoffed, but Harry noted that he didn't say no. "But I don't care if I'm sore. I hate eating in bed."

"Noted. I suppose we can get you out for breakfast in the mornings, then. Might need to do your leg exercises first, though. We'll definitely need a new routine, so think about how you prefer it to go. I'm not sure I want you the chair the whole day, yet. Your legs might swell, so after lunch... it's back to the bed for a rest, but for dinner, you can do another round before I leave."

Draco nodded. "Then I'll have to get back in bed."

"Yes. As I said, your body and mind need breaks, and I want someone here with you. Just for a while, until your arms are stronger."

"Okay," Draco agreed with a sigh.

"Sorry, Draco."

Joel knocked on the door and came in. "Hey, Harry. How's it going?"

"He did great today. Watch he doesn't overexert himself, and I have to spend all of lunch repairing muscle tears."

Draco snorted. "Like it would take more than three seconds for you to heal."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Well, you've taken a great step, today, Draco, but you need to be careful, too."

"Yes, mother."

Joel laughed, but they needed to get on with Joel's lesson. Joel was going to take his licensing exam next week. Harry left them and handled his morning appointments easily. Joel and Draco were sitting at the table when he got back, talking. Harry could tell they were tense. He knew Joel was getting deeper into his mind healing training, and it wasn't about Occlumency anymore. Draco was letting Joel in.

Draco acknowledged him, but finished his sentence, "...but by the end, I just did whatever they wanted me to do."

Joel glanced worriedly at him, but nodded. "You did what you had to do, Draco, to survive."

Draco nodded, somberly, but looked at Harry and motioned him to sit down, across from him and next to Joel. Harry wasn't sure what to say.

"Harry," Draco said, looking up at him. "Joel's been doing some mind healing sessions with me."

Harry grimaced. "I guessed that. Do you want me to come back?"

Draco looked a little surprised. "No, I want you here."

"I didn't know if you wanted it to be private."

"I don't want that. I'd rather you be here. It's easier, and I also didn't want you to think that I'm... choosing to talk to Joel over you," Draco said, looking at the table, hesitant.

Harry's heart stuttered a bit. "I wouldn't think that. Ever. Joel's probably better to talk to anyway."

Draco didn't say anything, so Joel leaned forward and said, "Draco is also trying to ask if it is alright, because you might come up, too. You're a big part of his recovery and his support network."

Harry looked at Draco, who nodded. "It's completely fine. I want you to get better."

Draco nodded and looked a little relieved. "I don't want to... betray what you told me in confidence."

Harry swallowed hard and nodded. "I'll always trust you... both of you. You-me... need to talk about what happened."

Joel quirked his head at that, but tried to stay calm. "Harry... I think it would be great if the three of us talked during our lunches. Nothing too... intense, I promise."

Harry let out a deep breath and looked at Draco, who nodded at him. "Okay."

Joel could barely retain his elation. "Would you like to start today?"

"I guess. It's been... hard lately. Talking... would probably be good... just not about the bad stuff," Harry said.

Joel nodded. "That's great, Harry, but I can't promise it'll be easy. But eventually, we will wade through the hard stuff as carefully as we can."

Harry nodded.

Joel paused for a few seconds and then said, "So, Harry, how do you feel about Draco being in a wheelchair?"

He raised an eyebrow, but his mind had latched on to the one word that made his whole body tense up: feel. It was the automatic trigger for a mind-healing session. Draco was watching him closely, and all of this made him feel like they were in couple's therapy.

"Good... happy. Draco has more freedom. He's mobile and was smiling the whole time this morning."

"He says that you were tense yesterday and didn't want him to take this step."

Harry looked at Draco and expected him to look away guiltily. But he didn't, and maybe it was just that Joel was speaking for him. Harry lowered his eyes. There were things that he just couldn't say out loud.

"Harry?" Joel poked.

"I'm happy for him."

"Harry, you should be able to speak freely. You want Draco to do the same, don't you?"

"Yeah... but..." Harry trailed off.

Joel leaned forward and spoke quietly, emphasizing his point, "Harry, can anyone, even the head healer, ask you what happened during this conversation?"

Harry's eyebrows rose up, again. "No, mind–healing sessions are confidential."

"Can I talk about what happened without both of your express consent?"

"No...."

"So, what we talk about... is as private as we can make it."

Harry lowered his head. "I know, but some things, I just can't say, even to you, Draco. I want you to heal, but... I'm still afraid of what happens when you leave. I... I don't want to be alone anymore."

Draco nodded. "Me neither, Harry, but we talked about this. Just because I'm not here... doesn't mean we can't see each other."

"I know. I'm sorry I was tense. I can't help but feel afraid, though."

Joel set his hand on the table next to his. "Harry, please listen. It's okay to have these feelings. Draco and I are not judging you. We want to make sure you're okay, and Draco wasn't sure how to bring it up. We are here to reassure you... that you are loved and valued by both of us, no matter where we all are at, okay?"

"I know," Harry mumbled, looking down.

Draco was the one who inched his hand forward, and Harry happily took his, glad for the contact. "Harry, no matter what happens, I want this... our friendship... to carry on. I can't promise that we'll see each other every day when I leave here, but I will always want to be... with you," he vowed.

Harry's eyes widened. That was as close to a declaration of love as neither of them were willing to give. Harry felt it and clenched Draco's hand hard, trying to ensure that he hadn't misinterpreted his words. Draco squeezed back. The confidentiality bindings weren't enough of a safeguard. It wasn't just about his job and the rules. It was about his-their fear of intimacy, too. Harry had no idea if he-they could ever be... close... to someone, again. They had held each other in comfort several times, but beyond that, it was unknown territory. It was what he was so afraid of.

He gave another squeeze, pulled his hands back to his body, and rocked back and forth a little. "It's not that I think you'll ghost me, Draco, it's..." he stopped, unable to say the words.

"Harry?"

He took a staggering breath. "I... don't think that... I can... handle... umm... anything."

Draco's head lowered and he nodded. "I understand, Harry. I'm not sure what I can handle either. So, can you understand when I say that... that part of it, doesn't sound remotely interesting to me, right now, either?"

Harry met his grey piercing eyes and nodded.

Draco took a deep breath. "We have a lot of healing to do before either of us can... get to that point."

Harry breathed easier. "What if... I can't?"

"Then I'll understand, Harry. I don't need it. I just want comfort. Someone to hold when the darkness takes me. Someone to keep me grounded and not stuck in my head."

Harry let out some tears. "You really don't mind... that I'm... messed up?"

Draco grimaced. "You don't mind that I'm messed? Besides, who else will massage my aches away." Then Draco wiggled his fingers.

Harry couldn't help but smile, as he put his hands back on the tables and started working on Draco's fingers.

"Thank you, minion," he taunted.

"You're welcome, your majesty."

Joel chuckled and Harry almost forgot he was sitting next to him. Or he did forget. Either way, he blushed, and didn't look at Joel.

"Harry... how do you feel now?"

Harry blinked. Besides being embarrassed, he felt a little relieved. "Better."

Joel gave a short sigh. "What about you, Draco?"

"Happy," he said, simply and Harry's heart swelled, again, as he met Draco's eyes. They stared at each other until someone knocked at the door.

"Nachos are probably here," Harry said.

Draco snorted. "I didn't know food could knock."

"Shut up," Harry drawled and got up to get the room service. He came back to place the large platter of cheesy chips in the middle of the table and smirked.

Draco looked at the situation, confused. He glanced to Joel to Harry and back at the platter as though unwilling to ask the question.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, smirking.

Joel was chuckling. "Being a pureblood has its disadvantages, eh, Draco?" Then he reached out to grab a chip with cheesy toppings and ate it.

"Are we all eating off the same plate?" he asked, pursing his lips.

"Yep!" Harry said, grabbing a chip himself.

"Bloody heathen. This is just... unsophisticated."

"I'm unsophisticated," Harry scoffed.

"There's no denying that, Potter," Draco drawled, grabbing a chip himself.