I take another step back. "Tell him I'm sorry." I say. "Tell him I'm really sorry and tell him I made a mistake." I watch mum frown before I turn around and walk out. I can't stay here. I can't breathe knowing I'm the reason Harold is in pain. 
~~~~~~
Present
I had nowhere to go. After I married him, he was my home. Now I'm just a wanderer with no place of my own. So I ran to the only place I knew. India. I have no good memories of this country but it is all I know of. 
So here I am, sitting at the airport with a small suitcase. I had nothing when I met him, and so I only brought things that are extremely necessary. 
But now what? Where do I go from here? I have no place in this world. No place to call my own. No one-
"I-Inayat? My god, Inayat!" I look around at the voice before facing the woman who brought me into this world. "Ammi." My hold on the suitcase tightens, that old feeling of anxiety climbing up my spine. 
I wanted a place to belong to but not the prison I escaped. Not that. My mother walks closer, almost running. I step away when she tries to hug me. Her hurt is clear on her face but I stand still in my resolve. 
For years I let everyone walk all over me because I didn't speak up. I couldn't push them away when I needed to. 
But I put up a boundary in front of my husband and he never questioned it. Never said a word when he had the right to question me, he kept quiet so everyone else will too. 
"Don't touch me." I tell her. "Inayat? I'm your mother, beta." She thinks I don't remember her. She is worried I've forgotten. I wish I had. I wish I had forgotten the past I had so I wouldn't have this stupid fear and Harold would be okay right now. 
"I know who you are. But I still don't want to be touched ammi." She hastily wipes her tears. "Okay. Okay, whatever you say. At least you're back. Do you know how worried I was?! How worried your father was?! We thought something happened to you! 
We heard so many stories about that island after you disappeared, I thought something happened to you! We looked everywhere Inu, you have no idea how desperately your father and I tried to find you. And we came back empty handed every time. We were so worried!"
I watch her cry and I know she needs to touch me to know that I'm actually here and not just an illusion but I don't relent. If I didn't touch my husband because I was scared, I wouldn't touch anyone. 
"I'm fine now." I hope she believes my lies but even I don't believe them. "Come home." She says. "Your father would be so happy to see you. I was just going back home after giving my prayers here. I just wanted to find you. I'm so happy god listened. 
Even Akeeb would be so relieved. He moved to Canada after your disappearance. I'll call him back-"
"He shouldn't know." I warn. "I'll go with you if he doesn't return." My mother stands stunned. "What?" 
"I don't want him to know I'm back." 
"But- but you two were so close. You were about to get married." I would've never married that man. I ran away because I would rather get lost in a dangerous place than marry him. 
I'd rather drink acid than ever see his face. My parents loved him. He was the poor orphan they took care of because he was my father's dead friend's son. 
But I know the real him. He is anything but a poor little thing. He is the fucking monster I had to grow up with and I would not let my life be dictated by him anymore. Or anyone for that matter. 
"If you want me to stay with you, you'll have to choose. Me or him? Choose him and I'll leave, choose me and make sure he never shows me his face. If I see him again, I'll leave. 
I've done that before, I'll do it again. I'll run away and this time I'll make sure you never find me." 
~~~~~~