Seven | Tough Decisions

                                        

                                              

                                

                                    
                                
                                  
                                      
                                  
                                  
                                    
                                      
                                      
                                    
                                  
                                 
                                
                                
                              
                              
I always believed I had no luck in life. If I did I wouldn't have had to live the way I did. Whatever happened to me wouldn't have happened. At least some of the wrong would've left my life. Some tragedy would've been avoided. 
But that didn't happen. I'm still the same unlucky person I was before. Only my tragedies now extend to my husband too. He still wasn't okay when I left. He was still silently lying on the bed. I think he is angry with me, and that would be okay. 
I deserve it. 
~~~~~~
Twelve hours ago
I sit on the hospital chair, waiting for the doctor, or someone to come out and say something. Tell me he is okay. Tell me that everything I saw was just a nightmare. That I didn't fail. 
That sickening crack when his head hit the marble will forever be embedded in my nightmares to haunt me. What kind of a person am I?! What kind of a wife am I?! 
Even my reflex wasn't to reach out to him. Am I more scared of touch than losing him? No, no I'm not. I just haven't reached out to anyone in so long. The back of my eyes burn. I'm in tears, I'm tired, broken, scared. I'm everything wrong and the only person who can make it right isn't here. 
He is stuck to a bed. He is... he is not okay. "This is all your doing." I slowly drag my eyes up. Cassandra points an accusing finger at me. "It's all your fault! You were the one blaming him on top of the stairs! You didn't even reach out to catch him when he fell!" 
Her mother hold her arm and tries to pull her away. "Stop it Cassie. She is his wife, you can't accuse he-" 
"What wife mamma?!" She pushes away from her mother's hold. Her face has turned red from all the crying. I always knew she didn't like me. But I see it today. It's because she loves him. She wants Harold for herself but I'm in her way. 
Maybe she accepted her fate and decided to let the two of us just live but I put his life in danger. I'm not worth it. "What kind of a wife just lets her husband fall? What kind of a wife hurts her own husband?! The husband who has done nothing but support her?!
You wanted to be the duchess, didn't you? Was that all you cared about?! Is he not a person to you?! Just a title?!" 
"Stop it Cassie!" Her mother yells again. Telling her to keep quiet but she doesn't listen. "Tell me, when he fell, why didn't your hand reach out? Are you that scared of your own husband's touch that you'd rather watch him die?!" 
"Enough!" My mother in law says. She just came out of the doctor's office and I cannot believe she is still not blaming me. "Watch how you speak Cassandra. Inayat is Harold's wife. She is my daughter and the lady of the house you work in." 
"What wrong did she say?" He never liked me, so I don't feel worse when my father in law doesn't defend me. "Harold is in a hospital because rather than being an adult, this girl decided to yell at him in front of the whole house.