On top of the stairs nonetheless. Do you not care about your son?" He asks mum. "Why aren't you understanding that this girl is not good for him. Tell me one good thing that has happened since she came into our house? 
She doesn't even treat him like her husband and now he is on his deathbed because of her!" 
"Nicholas!" 
"What?!" My in laws glare and yell but I don't listen. What does he mean deathbed? What does he fucking mean?!!! 
I stand up on shaky legs, holding the metal chair for support to stand up straight before walking towards my father in law. "Wha- what do you mean?" 
He looks at me with such disdain, I would've crumbled if I wasn't so desperate. "What do you mean?!" I scream. "What do you mean deathbed?! What is happening?!" 
Cassandra tusks. "What do you think is happening?! He is suffering because of you!" I ignore her. I don't care about whatever she has to say. She can taunt me all she wants. All I care about is Harold. 
His mother lets a tear fall. "His skull is fractured." A tear falls down my eye as mum tells me more. "A fragment hit his brain and there is internal bleeding and brain damage. The blood we saw... it was absolutely nothing compared to what we couldn't see." 
She breaks into a sob. Brain damage. He has brain damage because I didn't reach out and hold his hand. "He is in a coma." His father says. "And it's all your fucking fault!" 
"Nich-" mum starts but I cut her off. "Can I see him?" I ask her. My father in law objects but mum shuts him off and leads me to him. She even lets me enter the room he is in. 
A thick bandage covers the top of his head, machines are hooked to his body, IV drips and a blood bag attached to his arms. A sob breaks free straight from my chest. 
Machines are keeping him alive. He doesn't look like him. This is not the man I met and married. I sit on the stool beside him, letting my hand hover over his cheek. 
"I am sorry, Harold. I am so so sorry." I cry. "I wanted you to love me so much I didn't realise that I could only expect from you what I was willing to give.
I blamed you so much for having a life before me, for being in love with someone else that I forgot that we all have a past. I do too, and I didn't share mine either. 
I am scared Harold. I'm scared I've done something I don't know how to come back from. I'm scared that when you wake up you will not look at me the same. I won't blame you. I wouldn't even blame you if you decide to not look at me at all. 
But I've learned my lesson." I sniff, wiping my tears. "Nothing those people outside said is wrong, nothing is a lie. I- I made a mistake. I didn't reach out and I lost you. 
I'll pay for it Harold. Everyone pays for all they do and I hold myself responsible for what happened to you. The next time I see you, I want to be a different person."
I let my hand fall next to his. So close yet so far apart. "I love you, Harry. Even if you never love me back, I'll still love you and I want to be a different person when you see me again. When you choose to see me again. 
I want to hold your hand. I want to hug you, touch you and- and hold you. I want to do so much and I don't want the word 'can't' to stop me anymore.
I wish I get to see you again. I wish, I get to hold you one day."
I step out of his room, glancing at him one last time before turning and stepping out. Mum is fighting her husband, telling him to stop blaming me for everything when I step in.
"He is right, mum. It is my fault. It is all my fault." Mum shakes her head and opens her mouth to console me but I step away. "It's all my fault." My hands shake. "How will I ever look at myself without seeing his blood on me?"