She once again has trouble opening it. I forward a hand and she gives me the chocolate bar with an annoyed look. "Why can't I open anything today?" 
"You're high." I say and tear open the packet before giving it back to her. "It's okay. I don't mind." She smiles as she takes a bite out of her chocolate.
"I didn't know you like chocolates so much." Her smile says she loves it. Why did she never say anything? Even the cake on our wedding was lemon something. 
"I loved them as a kid." I blink. As a kid. Not anymore. "Why did you stop?" She shrugs. "After a while everything I liked had no meaning. Nothing brought me joy."
The sadness in her eyes is overwhelming. It stabs at me. I'm dying to know what changed but I will not coerce her into talking today. Everything has its time. Ours is yet to come. 
"You're back to your joyous chocolate again." She smiles at my observation. "I met this guy who made me realise that moving on isn't so hard." 
"Is it me?" I ask with a smile of my own. She smiles back, "maybe." 
"Now, do you want something else darling?" 
Her lip wobbles again. "I want a hug. I've always wanted a hug. But I can't take it." I want my heart to stop breaking at every word she says. 
She leans against the countertop so I move to stand before her. I rest a hand beside her, letting the other one dangle at my side. The last thing I want is to make her feel trapped. I lean over until only a centimetre of air separates us. My chin hovers over her shoulder, her warmth breezes over me like sunlight on a cold day.
Her breathing accelerates. "I won't touch you darling. But if this is uncomfortable too, let me know and I'll back off." She makes a sound at the back of her throat.
"T-thank you." Her voice breaks. My poor baby needed a hug for god knows how long. When was the last time someone ever consoled her? 
"You're more than welcome, Inayat."
~

                                

                                    
                                
                                  
                                      
                                  
                                  
                                    
                                      
                                      
                                    
                                  
                                 
                                
                                
                              
                              
I'm hiding. I didn't intend to wake up with heavy eyes, a growling stomach, chocolate over my face, myriad of last night's memories in my head and my husband on the floor beside my bed. 
Harold generally sleeps on the pull out couch he put in front of the television.
"I like sleeping to the sound of something and the telly is right here. I'll be fine here darling." 
But not today. He was sleeping beside the bed uncomfortably. So I got up and ran out of there as soon as I could. I am avoiding him, but I'm not sure of everything I told him. I remember telling him I want a family, I remember him hugging me, or whatever he did. 
It was more comforting than anything has ever been. He is a big man. Tall, wide, built from all the hours he spends in the gym. Harold is much bigger than the monster I grew up with and yet he is more gentle. He is warm and kind. At least to me. 
I smile at the girl in front of me. My twenty year old patient is an assault survivor and she is doing everything she can to move on. The predator is now in jail and now that she has her closure and justice, she wants to be who she was before everything happened. 
"I met this guy, he is a doctor. He was actually my emergency doctor when I was admitted after...." She lets her words trail off. I nod with a smile. I understand, sometimes it's difficult to talk about. 
"He has been kind to me. He is always so gentle and caring. I like him. I think I'll ask him out after I come back from the convention. I don't want to be scared of intimacy forever." 
Unlike me, my patient isn't scared of any touch. She is only scared of sex. We are working towards it. She also meets a sex therapist to navigate physical intimacy. She still wants a normal life. 
She seemed broken and done with everything when I met her four months ago. Now she has hope again. As much as I would like to take credit for this improvement, I also think this guy did something to make her have hope again. 
Until I met Harold, I thought all men were ignorant and monsters. But my husband changed my mind. He is kind, gentle, sweet. "That's great." I tell her. "So you're going to a convention? Will you be here for our next session?" 
"Oh yes! The convention is only a single day though it's out of town so I'll be gone for two. But I'll make it back in time for our next meeting. The convention is for sexual assault victims and anyone who wants to support them. They try and connect survivors to people who could help them come over any lingering traumas. 
The doctor I told you about? The guy I like? He told me about it. I signed up so I'm leaving in two days but I'll be back pretty soon." 
I smile again. 
The convention sounds helpful. Maybe I could sign up as well to be a therapist to one of the victims. It will be the first time I'll be on my own but I'm sure I can manage.
Even after having people around me all the time while growing up, I was alone anyway.
~~~~~~