"I've been tailing you to make sure you don't leave me, Inayat. Of course I want to build a marriage. Whenever you're ready we can adopt children but we need to be sure. Those children deserve love and care, we can't give it to them if we go on the way we are. 
Your fear of touch isn't irrational darling, but our child would one day want to hug you and I don't want either of your heart to break then. And love? I don't control it. I can't promise love but I swear if I had it in me, I would've loved you with all my heart and then some more." 
Her hand reaches up to touch me but she stops a centimetre away. Her finger hovers over my nose before she traces the air around my face. My eyes, my temple, my cheek, my lips. Goosebumps erupt on my skin, but what annoys me is the reason. 
It wasn't the cold that has the hair on my arm stand up, it's her. My wife. "This is how it'll always be. I'll be right there but I would never be close enough." Her finger hovers over my lips, so close yet miles away. "You still think this marriage is worth it?" 
Self doubt. Horrible feeling. My wife's chest is hollow because she has eaten up all her feelings. She never shares anything and this is the first time I see the vulnerability in her voice. 
I reach my hand up and trace her face the same way she did mine. I never touch her, but each caress has her tears falling down her cheeks and my heart beating out of my chest. "You're worth it baby. And I'd only ever want to be your husband. So yes, this marriage is worth it." 
Her lip wobbles. "Even if I'm broken?" 
"It's not your fault that the world broke you. It was never your fault. I don't care what you think you are. I'll make you believe in what I know you are. I'll find the broken pieces and I'll make you whole again. You'll be happy, you'll have what you dreamt of. 
You'll have a family, kids, cats, a dog, the whole white picket fence dream. I'll make it happen."
"You will?" 
"Whatever you want darling, I'll make sure you get it." Another tear falls down her eye, it's the eleventh one but I stop counting after that because she smiles. A real, watery smile. 
"I wish I could hug you, Harold."
The ache in my chest deepens. I don't know what my wife feels like pressed against me because I never got the chance. "I wish the same baby. But I'll be okay doing whatever you want." 
She takes a step back, wipes her tears like the strong woman my darling is and stands straighter. As straight as she can while wobbling. "I want to go back. I'm hungry." I nod and step away, giving her enough space to pass by. 
"Let's get you back home then."
~
I close my eyes and grimace as I hear another thing fall down. "Darling please let me help you." Everyone else is supposed to be asleep and I don't wish to wake them up with all the things falling down in the pantry.
She shakes her head. "I can do it on my own." Then she pulls a stool out of the corner and goes to climb it. Absolutely not. I snatch it right back from the other side. Mindful to not touch her. 
"I have no doubts in your fine capabilities darling but let me do this for you. I'm taller, I can reach it better." She shrugs and walks away. Good. "What do you want?"
"More of these lollipops you gave me." Oh look at that, she's a crackhead now. "There aren't anymore. Anything else?" 
"Chocolates?" I kick the stool away and pull the chocolate box down the top shelf in the pantry. My wife is hungry but she is also indecisive so she isn't sure about what to eat. "Here." I put them on the counter and she picks it up from there.