In a way, we were in a honeymoon phase. But that was the thing about honeymoons. They ended. 
Rithik often asked me about our relationship but I brushed it off, giving vague answers. I just wanted to prolong our confrontation. Pathetic, I know. In reality, I already knew the answer. I made up my mind when we were in Los Angeles. 
“This thing, between us,” I said one evening, pointing a finger at Rithik and myself. “It's too good of a damn thing to give up.” 
Rithik's eyes lit up, “Does that mean—?” 
“Wait, I'm not finished yet!” I cut him off. I took a breath, bracing myself. “Hear me out. I just need some time to work on myself, okay. Gain some confidence and courage. You said so yourself. I'm not sure how long but I'll assume till the time I'm in Boston. Once I'm done, I'll faithfully return back to you. I won't dump you. And I won't run from us ever again, I promise.” 
“No, Natasha, not this nonsense again. Why are you so hell bent on breaking up?”
“I'm not breaking up! I'm just taking some time apart to build a future with you.” I exasperated. 
“Can't you do that while being with me? That's how couples do it, right? We aren't going to be physically together anyway. I don't think long distance is the problem or is it?” 
“No, Rithik, distance is not the issue here,” I said tiredly, pressing the bridge of my nose. “I tried to improve when we were together but look where it got us. Or rather me. This gotta work when I'm not with you or anyone else. I don't need that pressure.” 
“Are you still afraid of commitment?” 
“No, I'm not. I'm long past that stage now,” I answered in a heartbeat. “I'm afraid of our families. At some point, you'll have to convince your family. I'll have to tell my parents, too. They... they already suspect me. They tried to fetch the truth out of me once, but I convinced them there was no one. Telling them is the hardest part for me. I can't keep getting...” 
Panic attacks, I wanted to blurt but couldn't. I bit my lip, a lump forming in my throat. Saying that would mean telling Rithik what triggered me that day with his Bua and the disastrous back온라인카지노게임 behind it. I wasn't ready for that. Dunno if I'd ever be. It was too much. The chaos was too damn much. If only I could get rid of my ridiculous fears. Just thinking about it made my stomach drop in dread. 
“Getting what? Tell me!” Rithik demanded, searching my eyes for answers. When I didn't, he held my distressed face between his shaky palms, “Look, I'll be with you, alright. You don't have to face it alone. We'll fight our battles together. I'll talk to your parents. I'll talk to everyone. Just don't leave my side, that's all I ever ask...” 
His voice croaked towards the end. I peered again and my heart sank. “Rithik...?” 
His face appeared torn as he held a fistful of his shirt on his chest, avoiding my gaze. “Please don't break my heart again, Natasha. I beg of you! I can't bear it. It hurts too much. I hate to admit but that's how much control you have over me. You bloody run in my veins. That's how much I love you and need you. This is all I can do now. Please, please... don't leave...” 
“No, Rith...” My breath hitched in my throat when he joined his hands in front of me, literally begging me with his head hung low. Hot, burning tears fell past my cheeks like a burn, mirroring his own. His eyes were red. I held his hands, shaking my head violently before I squeezed him into my arms. We fell down to our knees. He hugged me back, digging his face on the crook of my neck while his fingers twisted around the fabric of my shirt. His shoulders shook as he broke down, sniffing. I wrecked him and it killed me. I felt like the shittiest person ever. My determination faded like snow melting into water. Soon, I was saying things I wasn't sure were lies or truth. “Shh, pl- please don't cry, babe. I can't bear it. I'm not going anywhere, okay. I won't leave you. I'll stay. I'll stay...”