As Kylie said this, a mundane flashback slipped through my memories. Flashback of my eight- year- old self, witnessing my mom in a green saree. She was working tirelessly in the kitchen with beads of sweat trailing down her forehead. She was preparing lunch for my father's relatives, who were busy guffawing in the living room. One look and you could tell how aggravated she was with the way she shot daggers at the poor food as she kneaded the flour with more force than necessary. She kept muttering curses under her breath about how she was cooped up, working day and night in the kitchen for her stupid husband and her stupid family. How she wished she hadn't married. I recalled how Ma grabbed a fistful of my hair abruptly, telling me to loiter somewhere else. I ended up crying, only for Papa to scoop me in my arms and scold Ma. The look she shot me back then had my blood run cold. As if I snatched away the last remaining piece of her sanity. 
“Hey, Nat. You good?” Kylie snapped me out of my reverie with a tap on my shoulder. It was like I was lost a thousand miles away. I nodded feebly, though it didn't help how I was feeling lightheaded. Still, it was hella strange how I recalled this just now. Obviously my younger self was oblivious to such things but now at the age of twenty- four, I could see the cracks beneath the surface. I wondered how my father was as a husband. I've never seen him beat my mother though, so maybe not as shitty. I joined my palms together. 
“What's your worst moment with your mother?” Kylie asked a bit later on. She clicked her tongue in disbelief. “I don't even feel like sticking that word to someone like her. No offense.”
“None taken. That bitch doesn't deserve that word, atleast for me. My worst memory with her, huh...” I trailed off, rubbing my neck. I already knew the answer, though it required a shitload of courage to throw it past my heavy chest. My heart pounded. My pulse quickened. I took a deep breath. Calm down, you can do this. “Undoubtedly the night when she found out about Tejas.” 
“Who's that?” 
I stared at the ceiling, numb. “A scumbag who also deserves to rot in bars.”
Henceforth, I told Kylie about my so- called physics tuition teacher and how I attended his classes right till the moment when his sister Diksha called my parents. It seemed like someone sucked all the oxygen away as my lips parted for air. I had to place a hand over my rapid heartbeat. As if the nightmare was happening right in this room. But I'm just talking, I corrected my lame-ass self. 
“Are you okay?” Kylie's voice called out to me like a distant alarm, placing a hand on my shoulder. 
“Of course! Why wouldn't I be?” I retorted, my voice rising an octave higher. I drew out another shaky breath. “Ah, so where was Iii?! Yeah, those foolish parents of mine dragged me out of the building like a toy. Those fuckers could barely wait to reach home and beat the fuckin' shit out of me!! Theyy...”
It never registered when my words started to slur. Or when I ate some. I gripped my arms around myself, recounting every lash and slap on my skin from that horrible day. I flinched at their words and hands full of venom. The harrowing cries ringing loud in my ears even to this day. My cries. I recalled how I mentally prayed to God to kill me. To free me from this never-ending torment. Alas, even he fell deaf to my pleas. 
Panic rose to my chest like a punch in the gut. My body was physically here but mentally there. Before long, I was breathing, and choking all at once. Kylie's voice called out to me repeatedly like an echo. At one point, I had it. I lost my shit. I rushed to the washroom, holding my arms against the sink, choking out loud. As if I could taste the iron in my tongue. That smell, that burn. That blood. Despicable gagging noises escaped my throat as I bent my back onto the sink while blinking my teary rimmed eyes. Nothing came out except air. 
But I hadn't even gotten to my worst memory yet. 
It took a while for my trashy self to come back to her senses. Kylie helped through it all, giving me water with an anxiety medicine, rubbing my back while mumbling 'sorry' in between. I was angry. Angry for being a weak puss. Angry for getting affected by something that happened several years ago. Angry for not being able to function like a damn adult. 
“I can't do it, I can't do this, Kylie! It's impossible. There's no healing for me. I'm fucked up beyond repair...” I cried between my breaths, sinking my head between my arms in shame. She forced me to undo my arms but I pushed her away, not wanting to be pitied or comforted right now. 
“Natasha, listen to me. What you did today was incredibly brave. You should know that— No, listen to me!” She raised her voice, holding my tired shoulders and I peeked behind the gaps of my hair. “You confided in me. You told me many things you wouldn't normally vocalize, right? That's great. You took the first step. You stepped up and that's what matters. Not how it turned out.”
“Kylie...” I sobbed as more tears fell. 
She gently took me in her arms. “I understand how you feel, dearie. Not entirely, but I know. I've been in the same place as you after all.”
~~~
Sometime later, I was lying down on the sofa curled up on Kylie's lap while she caressed the tresses of my hair. Our gazes were set on the Netflix show in front, though our minds were far from it. Her touch was soothing like someone nursing a wounded cat. I blinked my heavy eyelids, letting a yawn. 
“Imagine you're cleaning an incredibly messy room. It's full of years worth of cobwebs, dust, insects and clothes. Wouldn't it be difficult cleaning it?”
“Very. I'd be lazy to start it in the first place. Imagine cleaning all that shit up, then painting the wall beige followed by a bedsheet—”
“No, make that pink.”
“I'm sick of your pink!” 
We shared a laugh at that. Kylie seized that moment to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, smiling down at me. “Healing works the same way, dearie. It's not sunshine and rainbows as people think it is. Not at first. It's not a linear path either. What happened to you today was you unlocking that door and getting shocked at how disoriented your room was. You knew that, but you were too afraid to step there. Until today. Honestly, it was my fault for asking you a brutal question straight off the bat. It triggered you. Therapists don't work that way. I'm not a professional. Only they can work through your traumas... I'm sorry Nat, I'm sorry.”
“Come on, Kelly.” 
“So please consider my recommendation,” She finished, her blue eyes staring dead into mine, as if peering into my crippled soul. “You need it. You know you do.” 
I averted my eyes at once, staring at the TV screen that showed a bunch of chicks laughing their farts out. “Hmm, maybe I'll take the demo session first...” 
“That's my girlie.”
I continued to lay down Kylie's lap-- her warm hand on my head, seeping through me like a quiet lullaby. I blinked my eyelids, my body growing weary from all that breakdown. I slept in Kylie's bedroom that night. It was oddly peaceful, despite the nightmare I had that woke us up in the middle of the night. I thought I was done for the night until Kylie patted my head, lying beside me. Perhaps this was how it felt like to be comforted by a mother. Almost. She just exhibited that motherly vibe sometimes. Of course I wouldn't tell her. That'd be creepy. Instead, I thanked her before closing my eyelids for the night. 
* * * * * * * * 
Hope it wasn't boring, even though it was mostly a conversation between two friends. A deeper dive into Natasha's family, her psyche and Kylie aiding her. What are your thoughts? Comment below. 
PS- There's a surprise by the END of the next chapter. Something which I'd been patiently waiting for since Ages! Any wild guesses? Anyway, next chapter is an important one. Teaser- It involves a professional therapist (no, that's not what the surprise is about). I might lose my patience and upload it faster lol. Look forward. 😏