His eyes widened when I offered the first bite of roasted paneer to him. “You're acting funny, Patil. I'm supposed to be surprising you, not the other way around.”
You're the reason I'm acting this way! I wanted to say but instead replied. “Just eat, dumbfuck.” 
* * *
“Sorry, I couldn't make anything besides roasted paneer 'cause I was too busy decorating the balcony. The food order is going to take a while,” Rithik informed, his face apologetic. 
I waved a dismissive hand. “It's okay. I'm not that hungry anyways.” 
None of us exchanged many words after that. The waiting time became an awkward affair. I didn't peg him as a nervous wreck but with the way he was checking his phone from time to time while tapping his foot stated otherwise. We both knew why we were here so why wasn't he speaking boldly like usual? It was making my insides churn. 
Rithik cleared his throat, compelling me to raise my head away from my phone. The moment our eyes met, we blushed and looked away. What was with our teenage- like attitude? 
“Erm, I wanted to say this is officially our first date as a boyfriend- girlfriend. If it wasn't clear already,” He announced, nodding to himself. A second later, he facepalmed in embarrassment. It was then I realized the reason behind his hesitant behavior. 
He was scared of rejection. 
I believe that day will come. A day when I'll ask you out and you'll finally say yes. When the two of us will be together in every single way. And mind you, I don't want any romantic or unromantic girl. I only want you. 
Rithik poured his heart out for the first time. Infact, he had been making efforts ever since then without trying too hard. Even now, he went out of his way to prepare a romantic dinner for us. Of course he would be shitting inside. 
I'll wait until you're ready to be with me.
Right now he looked so vulnerable and open. Before I knew it, I took his hand in mine. “Are you okay with someone like me?” 
He withdrew his hand away, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Someone like you? Why the fuck do you keep saying that? It pains me to think how lowly you view yourself. Do you seriously think you're beneath the rest?” 
“Um, no, not exactly...” 
“Then, why can't you just—” Rithik inhaled a breath, intentionally stopping himself from speaking any further. He stood up. It seemed like he had a lot on his mind but was holding himself back. This was supposed to be a special occasion but I wasn't making it any better. Do you despise me now? 
Silence stretched on, increasing the tension between us. It was starting to get suffocating. Perhaps I should see myself out before I rot our ‘date’ even further. However, before I could act on it, Rithik pushed the chair to sit down, looking dead in the eye. “Forget about me choosing you. Why do you think you shouldn't be with me or anyone else romantically? Is that why you chose to be in casual relationships? Because you deemed yourself unworthy. Because you think you don't deserve love?” 
“N- no, I chose this lifestyle for myself. I became accustomed to the point where I didn't want to go out of my comfort zone. Also, I've never been in a situation like this.” I voiced out. Translation: I never fell deeply for any man I hooked up with. 
“Then what about me? Is there something wrong with us? Loving someone is totally normal.” 
“I just don't get it.” I balled my fists.