"I was only ten and I was just sitting there, in a coke house with my mom, watching her destroy herself all over again. She went from this near-perfect parent, to just another tweaked out druggie that I should've always known she would be. She was never going to stay being the mom she was that summer." Collins grimaced and stared hard at the calm water off by the dock. "For the longest time, I just kept going through that day, over and over again. I couldn't seem to figure out exactly what flipped the switch. Was it something I did? Something I said? Was it even about me at all? A part of me wishes it was and wishes it wasn't. Because if it was then at least I could finally understand why she couldn't fight the urge off anymore, why she ruined everything. But then at the same time, if it wasn't anything I did, then that must mean that I was never really a factor at all. I didn't mean enough to her to make her stay sober. I wasn't special enough."
JJ tried to swallow, but there was a lump in his throat that got in the way. She'd just described his childhood perfectly. As a matter of fact, he still asked himself those same questions to this day, no answer to any of them to be found. He understood her confusion as to where it all went wrong. He knew what she meant when she contemplated over what her role was in the 온라인카지노게임 of her mother's relapse. What she didn't know, but what JJ could tell her, was that no matter what the real reason was, she didn't have to bear the burden of responsibility. No kid ever should. 
"I never told Charlie about what happened that day, or how good she was while he was gone. I didn't want him to feel angry that he hadn't been there to stop her from taking me to that place, but mostly I didn't want him to feel bad for missing out on her when she was okay. I know he had a good time at that retreat. Even though he came back to the disappointment of her relapse, he still had something to remember fondly about that summer. Just like I have that time with my mom when she was good."
As Collins went quiet at the end of her 온라인카지노게임, JJ felt a knot in his chest tighten after hearing the sadness in her voice. She didn't cry, no tears had fallen despite even her own expectations to. But for the first time, JJ caught a glimpse of a crack in her soul that her mother was responsible for inflicting, and he understood how and why it was there. Her timid eyes held more behind them then anyone could possibly discern, and she had pulled down the mask for him. 
"I'm sorry." He breathed, squeezing her hand so tightly. "You never should've had to live through that. I wish I had something better to say to you, I wish that I could do something about it, but I just- I'm sorry."
Holding his hand and placing her other on top of it, Collins looked JJ in the eyes in sincerity. "Whatever it is you think you should be doing to help, I think you're already doing it." Their recollection of those similar words exchanged that night by the Hawk's Nest when it was just the two of them, brought small smiles to their faces. It'd never been all that simple to comfort someone through a hard time, but someway and somehow, for Collins and JJ, it all came so easily.
"I think you understand me better than a lot of people on this planet." JJ stated with honesty.
Collins smiled a little bit upon hearing his words. That was a pretty good compliment if you were to ask her. "I think so, too, vice versa."
"Good parents just weren't in the cards for us, were they?" JJ chuckled, shaking his head. "There's gotta be some kind of zodiac, or psychic explanation for why the universe chose us."
"Which rising sign breeds unreliable, pill popping, childhood trauma-inflicting moms and dads?" Collins wasn't even sure if what she said made any sense but it was her attempt at cracking a joke. She hoped he thought it was at least a little bit funny. 
Much to her relief, JJ snorted and said, "Fuck if I know."
Collins was the first to sputter with a few restrained giggles, until she stopped holding them back and JJ soon joined in after her. They each began to shake with laughter, filling the air with the sounds of their amusement in the midst of a topic as heavy as their poor guardianships.