Draco Malfoy, Broken

Chapter 75 – Strides and Setbacks

Published: August 21, 2020

I got a motorcycle! Isn't it awesome! 1200 Iron. I'm living on the edge! Also, driving on the freeway is like riding a rolling coaster... for miles.

***TRIGGER WARNING*** minor flashback, assault references and some disassociation

Draco was anxious to end their conversation as quickly as possible. Blaise had gone pretty deep into his past, and he needed to make sure that he was okay. He stared at the door, ready to bolt after him.

"Draco... I know that you want to leave, but did you understand what he was trying to say?" Madam Denkar asked, leaning forward to catch his attention.

"Yeah-Yeah, I do. But I need to check on him," he rushed.

"I'm sorry, but I need you to stay here," she insisted.

"But he's upset. He did that just for me!"

"Yes, he did. He made that sacrifice to help you. Do you think you can try to talk to me, now? We can take it very slowly, at a pace you feel comfortable."

Draco was getting frustrated. "Can we do this later?"

Madam Denkar frowned. "Draco... I think he needs some space. He left without letting you say anything for a reason."

"Because he's upset! He shouldn't have had to do that," he huffed, guilt flooding through him.

"No, but he cares about you and wants you to get better. Help you see that you could talk to me."

"It wasn't... he didn't need to...."

"You weren't talking to me, Draco. But do you think that you can actually try it?" Madam Denkar pressed, again.

Draco lowered his head, but hesitantly nodded. It was risky. The pit could really take him, again. She was going to make him talk about it... but Blaise... he had done that for him, and Draco knew that he'd do it, again. They weren't going to let him stay quiet, anymore. He let out a shiver.

"Draco, I know you are scared... that you might have a mental setback... a break... like what happened before I came here. I can't say that it won't happen... because it might get rough. But like Blaise said... if you don't get it treated or figure out how to manage it... you will eventually slip back. Repression is not a good coping mechanism. I can teach you how to handle your breaks."

Draco nodded meekly. Just brief flashes of the Dark Lord... or Fenrir and Rabastan were enough to cripple him. He could get locked in his head, again, and he would. Theo would have to come in and rescue him... but he would be hurt. They were right. It was a question of when. He needed help to get through this.

His voice was small when he asked, "You... can make it stop?"

Madam Denkar gave a sigh of relief. "Yes, Draco. I can. I can help you stop it from destroying you. If you keep ignoring it, those bad things will keep a stranglehold over you. That's why you couldn't escape last time. You don't know how to stop the episodes. I can help you manage it, and we can slowly talk about the bad memories in a safe environment. You won't be alone when we go through it."

Draco didn't want any of it and lowered his head. He wanted to get out of there, now. "Can I leave?"

She grimaced. "Yes, but don't push Blaise too much, please. That was a little intense for him."

But Draco left without another word. He almost ran into Harry outside of the door and went out into the hallway. He didn't see Blaise, anywhere.

"Draco?"

"Where's Blaise?" he demanded.

"He just left, didn't say anything to me. Was he in there with you?" Harry asked, curiously, but worried at the same time.

"Yeah... let's go to dinner. Maybe Blaise went there?" Draco said, hopefully.

But he wasn't and neither was Neville. Draco was getting anxious and hurried to their dorm room. He wasn't there. He checked Neville and Ron's room, too, but to no avail. Draco's head drooped and he went back to his room, Harry silently following him. Eventually, they went to their Home Ec class and returned, but they hadn't seen Blaise. Draco just sat on the bed and faced Blaise's, silent for a long time. Harry fidgeted next to him, but was nervously waiting for him to respond. Theo and Daphne were waiting, too, sitting on his trunk and not talking.

They stayed that away until it was way past midnight, and he hadn't come back. Harry finally knelt in front of him. "Draco? Love? I don't think he's coming here tonight... you need to sleep."

"He's not sleeping," Draco responded. He felt that in his heart. Blaise was awake, struggling... trying to come to terms with it. Draco knew it was one thing to remember thoughts and memories, but bringing them to voice... had a profound effect, especially with Denkar there.

Harry took his hand. "Neville has him, Draco. He's not alone. You can't help him. Please lay down and try to sleep."

"He did it to help me," he said, like he was confessing a mortal sin.

Harry nodded, understandingly, though he had no idea what happened. "Yes... I'm sure he did. Blaise loves you and would do anything to help you."

"Did you know?" he asked, looking up.

"No... Draco, I swear. I wouldn't let you walk into that blind," Harry promised. "Please... lay down."

"But he's hurting. We protect each other, it's what we do."

Harry swallowed. "Neville is there. Neville will take care of him. We'll have to wait until tomorrow," he said, softly, placing a kiss on his hand.

Draco didn't know if he could sleep, knowing Blaise was so troubled. Tears came down, and Harry brought his hand up to wipe them away. It was shaking. Now, he was making Harry worried, too.

"I can get my map out, Draco. I can track him down for you," Harry offered, desperately.

"Will you?" he said, relief evident in his voice.

"Draco," Theo said, clearly and looking at him, in a chiding way.

Draco looked over at him and then at Daphne, who looked away, unwilling to get in the middle. Theo was telling him no. Draco started, "He's upset. I ne-"

"He doesn't want you to find him, Draco. He'll talk to you when he's ready," Theo stated, his voice resolute. He was ready to try to physically stop him if necessary.

It was going against Draco's broken psyche to challenge him, but he whispered, "But...."

Theo stood up, his voice was full of remorse, and said, "Listen to Potter. Neville knows what to do."

Draco hung his head and nodded. Theo was second and would back Blaise's decision. He looked at Harry for what to do, now. Harry gently removed Draco's robes and shirt, and then lifted off his own clothes. Harry pulled him into bed with their trousers still on. Theo and Daphne went to their own bed.

"Shh, it'll be alright. It'll be better in the morning," Harry said, comforting him.

Draco didn't believe him, but after an hour of agonizing and silent tears, he finally succumbed to sleep.

***

Neville did not know what to do. Blaise returned to their room right when dinner was to start and just sat on the bed. He stared vacantly at the window and didn't respond in any way. Neville sent a message off to the headmistress that Blaise was indisposed for the night and began his vigil. He tried to talk to him, but Blaise didn't want to talk. Neville respected that he needed time, but all he could do was sit next to him and squeeze his hand to remind him that he was there.

He had no idea what triggered this setback, and this was the worse he had ever seen Blaise. He must be coming to terms with something. Something worse than Flint... worse than Tracey. Which almost made Neville shudder. This was so reminiscent of the time that Blaise had tried to end their relationship. He hadn't been aware of his surroundings, then either. Neville knew that he went that bad when Blaise thought he had lost him. He wasn't sure how they were related: loss, loneliness or just misery.

Tears would randomly fall from Blaise's eyes, and Neville just waited, only clenching his hand to remind him that he wasn't alone. The hours passed and Blaise stayed rigid, unable to cry fully, but unable to ignore his pain. Neville stayed up with him until the sun slowly crested the horizon.

"Blaise? Boo? It's morning... do you want me to call off your classes, today?" he asked as Thursday, he taught all day.

Blaise's sad, tired eyes finally met his, and he stared at him for a few minutes, shoring up the strength to respond. He shook his head.

"Honey... mio amore... you've been up all night and...."

"No, I'm a professor. I need to teach my class," he whispered and then slowly wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry I kept you up."

"It's okay, boo. That's what partners do when their loved ones need them. How are you?"

Blaise let go to look in his eyes, but lowered them, ashamed. Neville hated that look and understood it immediately. Blaise didn't want to talk about it because it was humiliating. That's what hurt him the most. The two times that Blaise had stopped them from having sex were about that. The abuse, the manipulation and the confusion over his desires and feelings. Something was eating at him.

"Blaise... you can tell me. I'll never think less of you. Please believe that!" he pleaded. His soulmate had to have faith in him. Anything less was just too upsetting to think about.

"I know, but I don't want to talk about it. It was too painful then and too... distressing now. I'll be fine. Let's eat and go to class," he murmured, and Neville didn't push him. He had patience, and Blaise would tell him when he was ready.

Blaise drank a double-shot espresso with his pork and bangers and then summoned his owl to the window. Neville read the note as Blaise wrote it. I, Blaise Zabini, revoke my permission to allow Draco Malfoy to know my medical and mental health information. He then attached it to the owl's leg and sent it off to Madam Denkar.

Neville looked up at him, worried that he had had a falling out with Draco. He raised his eyebrows for an explanation.

"She's using us against each other, and I won't let her hurt Draco for me," Blaise said, quietly.

"That's... terrible. I'm sorry."

"The price we have to pay... but I don't want Draco to pay for it. He'll break under pressure, and he needs to worry about his own problems. I'll be fine. It was just... too deep," Blaise said.

"Too deep" is how he described Theo's mental attack during the SAD showdown. Neville didn't like that there was deeper stuff that Blaise had yet to tell him about. He was almost afraid that there was worse stuff than what Blaise had already told him. "Blaise... you told me about Fl... your third year and some of the other hard... things. This is hurting you so much...."

"Neville... I love you, and maybe one day I'll tell you, but it wasn't... pain or abuse... or maybe it was..." Blaise stopped and closed his eyes. "I can't. I'm sorry, boo. It just is... I can't talk about it or explain it. Please...."

"I won't push. You know I won't. I'm sorry if I made you upset," he whispered, desperate to alleviate the pain in his fiancé's soul.

"Upset? You are the only reason I'm not curled up in a ball, trying to come out of it! Just your presence, your hand... it kept me here. Thank you. I'm just sorry I kept you up, too," Blaise said, kissing him.

Neville kissed him back and said, "Anytime, anything for you. Never forget that." Then he hugged him. "Never forget that you are mine."

Blaise cried into his chest and mumbled out a "thank you". Neville held him until it was time for class.

***

Draco didn't see Blaise at breakfast... or lunch, either. He was starting to worry. Blaise never dodged them like this or failed to check-in on Theo, at least. But there were no reports that Defense Against the Dark Arts was canceled, so he knew that he would see Blaise shortly in class.

"Just take it easy," Theo cautioned as they walked to class. "Don't rush at him."

Draco looked at him and nodded while frowning. Harry glanced at him and finally asked, "What happened?"

"He... talked about... bad things, to get me to talk."

Harry's forehead furrowed, and then his eyes narrowed. "To force you to...?"

"No, he was trying to get me to see that I can... talk to her."

"Well, she practically..." Harry suddenly stopped and said, "She was just trying to help you."

Draco gave him a look, like Harry hadn't meant to say that. He knew Harry hated Denkar. Draco raised an eyebrow and Harry shrugged. But they finished lunch and headed to Defense Against the Dark Arts. He anxiously took his seat and waited, looking for Blaise. At the moment class started, Blaise came out of his office. He wouldn't meet his eyes and launched into an hour-long lecture about action triggers and modifying the length of effects the spell causes. He usually allowed time for practice, but Blaise took it to the end and dismissed the class.

Draco would not be so avoided. He followed Blaise into his office and shut the door. Blaise didn't round on him and tell him to leave, so that was a good sign. But he went around to the other side of his desk.

"Blaise... are you okay?"

"Of course, I am. I just didn't want to hear your endless apologies and constant guilt," he said, while pretending to sort through his books and parchment.

Draco put his hands on the desk. "You're quite used to them. You've been avoiding me."

Blaise finally met his eyes, looking normal. Too normal. "I just needed some time and didn't need you panicking over it. I'm okay."

"You have a glamour on," Draco growled, sensing it.

"I'm tired. I don't get to sleep very often with my patrol duty," Blaise snapped.

"Blaise...."

"Stop pushing me, Draco," he growled, irritated.

Draco heard his tone and shivered as the order set in. He lifted his hands off the table and backed away. "I'm sorry."

Blaise looked at him, concern and horror setting in. "Bloody fucking hell... Draco, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. See? This is why we needed to calm down. Draco, I'm fine. I just want you to talk to her. I want you to get better. Words shouldn't hurt you like that. You shouldn't follow my orders."

Draco nodded, but didn't say anything. That part of him was broken, and no one could put him together again.

Blaise stepped closer and slowly wrapped his arms around him. "I'll be alright, Draco. I just... I just need you to get better. Damn it... it just fucking kills me to see you like this. I want you back."

"There's no back, Blaise," Draco whispered. It was that weak part of him that believed that. He thought that he was beyond repair, like Theo. They permanently maimed his soul when they violated his body. He couldn't even retreat into his mind anymore.

"I-I don't b-believe that," Blaise whispered, not exactly inspiring confidence. "I can't believe that. You brought me back, Draco. You saved me."

He looked up at him, tears starting to form, and nodded. "You're stronger than I. You always were. I don't know how you kept going after all these years."

"I didn't have a choice, Draco, and I didn't exactly choose a safe and healthy way to handle it, either. I don't want you to become lost and... trapped. Please don't blame yourself for what I did yesterday. It was only a small price of my pride I had to pay to get you to open up. The healer knows how to help you. Trust her, and if you can't trust her, trust me. She will help you get stronger."

Draco frowned and nodded, still not entirely convinced.

"Alright... I got class to teach," Blaise said, nodding to the door.

"Umm... we got practice," Draco reminded him.

"Fuck. I forgot. Alright, let's go. I'll summon my broom," he grunted.

"Will you be at dinner, too?" he asked, staring into Blaise's eyes. Glamours can't hide everything. His Occlumency might be weak, now, but he knew some Legilimency, too.

"Yes, okay? I promise," Blaise said and stared at him.

Draco could feel his unease, but they were a little better at least. "Okay, Blaise. Thank you. Ready?"

"Yeah, unless Hermione forgot, too," Blaise joked.

"Yeah, right. Does Hermione forget anything? I don't know why she even bothers to take notes," Draco scoffed and Blaise laughed.

They walked out, where Neville, Hermione, Harry, Theo and Daphne were waiting.

"Is everything alright?" Theo asked.

"Yeah, sorry I made you worry. I just wanted some space. Still okay to do my class for me, Hermione?"

"Yeah, go have fun. Score some goals!" she said, faking some zeal.

"Thanks," Blaise said, and they walked outside. Neville was next to Blaise, and they talked in low whispers.

Theo leaned into Draco's ear. "Is he okay?"

Draco just nodded, but that was a lie. "He said that he'd go to dinner, too."

Theo didn't ask anything else as they walked down. They summoned their gear when they walked outside.

Ginny was tapping her foot impatiently when they got there. "Took you guys long enough! Here are our plays we are going to focus on this weekend!" She conjured a chalkboard with moving chalk figures illustrating their moves. Draco followed along, though it wasn't necessary. As seeker, his job was two-fold: don't get hit and find the snitch. Chaser and beater plays were a bit of unnecessary information. But he watched as Ginny walked them through each scenario. Blaise was having problems staying awake, and Ginny called him out on it more than once.

"Now remember, throw and switch to right, Blaise. Don't just hang into that one side. It's less of a drastic turn, and you'll be able to hold your speed better. If you throw to left hoop, just loop it around to get to your side. You can build speed on the curve and launch out of it. Just stay on the right when you defend!"

"Okay," Blaise grunted. She had been telling them that since their last game.

"But you switch sides," Dean said, and Seamus snickered and nearly choked since he was laughing so hard.

Ginny glared. "Knock it off! Unless you want to run laps until I get tired!"

"What?" Dean said and looked bewildered until he thought about what he had said. His cheeks darkened in mortification. "Oh... I didn't mean...."

"I can switch, because I'm the most seasoned chaser on this team," she growled.

"You sure are," Seamus said, and Ginny hexed him hard enough that he jumped out of his seat.

"Laps! Go... now!" she snarled, and Seamus took off before she could curse him, again. "Anyway, I'm the point guard. You guys need more practice to run defense, so Blaise and Seamus, the magnanimous prick, are shooters."

Blaise looked at her. "Ginny, that's fine and all, but aren't you supposed to be showing your skill? You want to play professionally. You should be scoring."

"Blaise... contrary to public opinion... scouts don't just look for points. In quidditch, it's much more important to be part of a team and provide defense. I am taking the harder position. If they have a stronger defense, I'll help you score goals, too. But what we've seen so far hasn't been too impressive."

"Hate to burst your bubble. But we're playing Slytherin. Urquhart and Vaisey are good chasers," Draco interjected. "Vaisey wants to play professionally, too. They aren't just going to roll over like Hufflepuff did."

"True... and Harper is a decent seeker. He almost beat Harry to it two years ago," Ginny retorted.

"No, he didn't," Harry said, petulantly.

"Yes, he did. So, Draco, are you going to be able to handle him?" she said, staring at him.

"We'll see, won't we?" Draco replied, dryly. He had never played with Harper nor watched him fly, but he had filled into his slot quite nicely sixth year.

Seamus came to a panting halt. "C-Can I stop?"

"No," Ginny snapped. "I'm not tired, yet."

Draco's eyebrows raised, though he was smiling. The others chuckled a little about their ball-busting leader. Seamus sighed and started on another lap. Terry told him to run faster, but Theo frowned at the physical exercise.

"You guys think I'm kidding about working out more? Cardio is important," she claimed, and Draco thought he had managed fine after eighteen years without it.

Ginny spent a few minutes going over the beater's techniques to work on today and let Seamus get a breather before they took to the sky. Ginny sent Theo and Terry hunt Draco all practice, so they had a moving target and gave him some training with pressure. Harry caught the snitch more times than he did, but he didn't have to worry about bludgers hitting him at any given moment, either. Draco kept the speed up all game. It was good target practice from Theo. Better for the team, though, and he managed to get him three times. Draco didn't feel like it was a victory, at least for him.

"I'm sorry, Draco," Theo said, apologizing again, as Harry rubbed his back.

"I'm fine. It's okay, Theo. It's part of the game!" Draco said, though there surely were bruises.

When they went to dinner, Blaise did indeed come with them and seemed better, too. Less worried, but still stressed and tired. Draco sat across from him and watched him for signs of distress. He wanted to make sure he was okay.

"Dray, I'm fine," Blaise huffed, after a while.

"I know. Doesn't mean I won't worry."

"Well, don't. I'm fine."

Draco wondered how many times he had heard that from their group. It was their motto. "I'm fine." But the fun part was that none of them were fine.

Draco just started in on his food, when Ron leaned around Hermione and asked him, "You want to play a game before our night classes?"

Draco looked at Harry if he minded, but Hermione said, with some assertiveness, "Actually, Harry, why don't you come with me to the library? You need to get started on your extra Transfiguration homework."

McGonagall had given him an essay to do: Chromatic Variations on Large Mammal Transfiguration, after they had practiced conjuring horses. Harry just muttered that he didn't care if the horse he transfigured was blue or not, while he poked at his mashed potatoes.

"It looked quite nice, Harry," Theo said, with a smirk.

"A horse of a different color," Hermione said, haughtily and Harry glared at her for some reason. "But will you come with me?"

"Yeah, watching a chess match isn't really entertaining," Harry said, but looked at Draco. "Not unless you want me to stay?"

"No... no. That's not necessary. We got almost two hours before class. Go on and do your extra homework," Draco encouraged.

"It's not just that! We have NEWTs to study for, too!" Hermione said, and both Harry and Draco scowled.

When they finished eating, Blaise broke off and left with Theo, and Draco knew the Blaise was making sure he was alright, too. Blaise was incredibly diligent in checking that Theo was okay. Neville and Daphne trailed behind them out of earshot. Draco frowned as they left. Hermione came up next to him and took his hand.

"Anything I can do to help?" she asked him quietly.

"Steal a time turner, and then go back and change the past."

Hermione smiled. "That won't help. You could end up making it worse. You could cause a chain of events that would cause Harry to lose the Battle, allow Voldemort to take over Britain and then Umbridge would wind up as our headmistress."

Draco shivered. "Let's not do that."

"Blaise is a resilient guy. He just needs a little time. I don't know what happened, but I know he loves you and Theo. You guys will get through this."

Draco nodded, and she took Harry toward the library, while Ron walked with him up to the dorm. It still felt a little weird, even sitting in the common room with just him and a few others studying and talking. Draco wasn't really worried about anyone left in the tower. Smith had moved out, and the Patil sisters were very repentant for their parts in the SAD mess.

"Do I ask what is going on?" Ron said, as he sat down and set up his board.

"It's complicated."

"That is every conversation you all have. Hermione said that I'd be playing catch up for a while. But I've figured out that Blaise is upset, you're feeling guilty and Theo is on edge because of it."

"That's about it," Draco muttered, finding it unnecessary to say anything to his chess pieces to find their places on the board. They knew better.

"He's not blaming you, Draco," Ron declared.

Draco gave a single nod. "Maybe... but Blaise did tell me... about last Saturday, though."

Ron smirked a little. "Neville's a great mate, and they are so... infatuated with each other. I hope they enjoyed it."

"They did," Draco said, and put up some silencing wards, wandlessly. "They're engaged."

Ron's head snapped up. "Really?!"

Draco smiled. "Yeah. You made him-them very happy. And me, too."

"I didn't do it to... curry favor. It was just... repaying Neville's kindness. The kid is an awesome bloke."

"He is, but thank you for that. I'm sure they would have gotten around to it sooner, but Blaise needs him."

"Yeah, he's a tricky one to understand. Curse master, avenging angel, romantic sap, and has a... questionable sexual past. Terry apparently slept with him, if I understood the dinner conversation, correctly? Plus, I thought he was going out with Theo," Ron said, a little baffled.

Draco laughed. "No. Theo needs to have one of us with him at all times."

"At what point can I ask you to explain what happened to all of you?" he said, shaking his head.

Draco stared at his board and then looked at Ron. "Theo locked his memories away in his mind and cut off his emotions. But they leak out, making him freeze and flashback. He doesn't like being alone. Daphne has been helping him stay in the present."

"That's why he was freaking out in the hallway, at the East Tower?"

"Well, Daphne was hurt."

"Yeah...I could imagine that would be distressing," Ron said.

"Yeah," Draco agreed and, after a pause, continued, "Blaise... he's the way he is... because people have abused him... with and without consent."

Ron looked at Draco and nodded, understanding his meaning. "I'm sorry."

Draco nodded. "Neville's... perfect for him. Gentle and patient. He'll help Blaise... forgive himself."

"I'm glad I helped them... finalize it."

"Yeah, I'm sure Blaise will thank you soon. He's probably still processing it... and this happened."

"This? What happened during class and at dinner? I have never seen you two act so... weird."

"Well, he... he came to my... healer appointment," Draco whispered.

"Oh... I did that to Harry, too. It did help out, I think?"

Draco frowned and looked at Ron. He was too afraid to ask Harry how his sessions went, but Ron was fair game. "It did?"

"Harry doesn't talk about it?"

"No. We don't talk about that stuff. But he does hate the healer. He probably doesn't want to violate your trust, either."

Ron shrugged. "He hates talking about it... the war, his problems, and yeah... hates Denkar. But... are you stubborn like him?"

Draco looked down at the board, he had to wait for Ron's play, but he trembled. "I... it's just hard... to talk."

Ron took a deep breath and almost took his hand, but thought the better on it. "It is, Draco. It's hard for all of us, but when I did talk to her, it got better."

Draco looked at him, confused. He knew that Ron went Denkar with Harry, but other than that, what did Weasley need to talk about? Ron seemed to understand his expression and leaned forward, closing the distance between them.

"I'm on Mood-Stabilizers, too. I've been depressed for a while. Denkar calls it survivor's guilt, and she has helped me... retrain my thoughts and walk me through my emotions," Ron said, as he made his opening move.

Draco stared at him open-mouthed and then said, "I'm sorry. I d-didn't... know." He made his move, and Ron made his next move.

"No one did. I don't know what you are going through exactly, so I wouldn't expect you to know what's going on with me, either. But regardless, Draco... Denkar helped a lot. It wasn't easy, and I still got a ways to go, but I was... actually borderline suicidal."

Draco jerked his head up, and Ron wouldn't meet his eyes. He never thought he would connect to Ron like that. Ron did understand a lot about what he was going through. Draco also never thought Weasley would tell him something so... personal. A weakness. He trusted him enough to tell him that. "I'm sorry, Ron... that you're going through a rough time. I'm sorry if I...."

"It's not about you, Malfoy, though I'll admit you were a convenient target to blame. The healer said that misplaced rage and hatred are part of the grieving process. She said that... that when... w-when I saw... my brother die... it was a traumatic event and I'm still coming to terms with what happened. Watching it... feeling helpless... no closure. I just kept going back and forth through the stages... of grief," Ron said, quietly. Draco knew that it had been difficult for him to say it.

Draco stared at the board as a chill went through him. He had never told Weasley about Goyle. He deserves to know, but he didn't know how to say it.

"It's your move," Ron hinted, not meeting his eyes.

It was. Ron might hate him for telling him, but he couldn't not tell him, now. Draco moved his pawn, and after Ron moved his knight, he whispered, "I have something to tell you."

Ron looked up at both his tone and words. "You can tell me anything, Draco. I still feel like a prick for everything, especially when I came to your room and saw how you reacted. Bloody sobering. I think you're a little more stronger, now, but..." Ron paused and asked, "...what else happened?"

"I... I didn't mean to keep it from you, but I was still afraid of you that day," Draco confessed.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Malfoy... Draco. "

"You might," he said, quietly.

Ron's eyebrow raised, but he didn't say anything, just waited.

"You... you remember... after the fiendfyre?"

Ron nodded very slowly, watching him carefully.

"We crashed into the wall. I was trying to get my air back. Goyle was out still, and you guys walked away?"

Ron tightened up. He knew what happened after that.

"You guys went to help... your brothers," he prompted.

"Draco...?" Ron said, unsure if he wanted to hear the rest. Draco looked into Weasley's blue eyes for permission to continue. Ron took a deep breath and nodded.

"Goyle... woke up. I tried to explain that you guys saved us, but he wouldn't believe me. He said that you killed Crabbe. He had been stunned before Crabbe cast the spell, so he didn't see it. He was angry... but... a wand came flying over by us, from the Death Eaters you guys were dueling. Goyle... lunged forward and grabbed it. Before I could stop him... he aimed at you guys... Confringo. I'm so sorry, Ron. I should have been faster, should've stopped him... convinced him not to do it. I'm sorry."

Ron wouldn't meet his eyes, again. He was shaking and taking in deep breaths. There were some tears in his eyes, but he said, "It's your move."

Draco looked at him stunned, but Ron was staring at the board, trying to process everything. Draco moved his pawn, and Ron made his move. Draco followed and they proceeded back and forth silently. Draco was, in no way, focused on the game.

When Ron took his bishop, he said, "You're not paying attention, Draco."

He didn't know how to respond, so he didn't. After a few more plays, Ron looked at him and he froze. He might be stronger than before, but he was still powerless against him.

"You've been blaming yourself for it, haven't you?" Ron said, quietly.

"I... I was there. I just saved him from the fire. If I'd been quicker..." he rambled.

"I pulled him onto my broomstick and hauled him out. We should have tied you both up, but we didn't. Madam Denkar said that blaming yourself for what happened is just exaggerating your personal responsibility over what happened and deflecting blame from what caused it. Goyle was the one who cast that spell, Draco. Not you, not me. Even so... it all lead to the chain of events where you saved Ginny, Luna, Seamus, and Ernie. Thank you for telling me... it... puts a face to one who did it."

"I'm sorry... I should have told you sooner," he whispered.

"Yes, but a few weeks wouldn't have made that much of a difference. If you had told me about it after the Battle, I would have probably stormed off looking for him."

"You're not... are you?" Draco asked.

Ron took a deep breath. "No. I mean, if I know where he is... I might."

"You're taking this better than I thought you would."

"Mood-stabilizers. She's been working with me on my anger issues... the jealousy and pettiness. We'll have something to talk about next meeting. Who else knows? Does Ginny?"

"Just Harry. I wouldn't leave... A-Azkaban without him knowing that."

Ron nodded. "That was fair of you. Is there anything else you need to confess?"

Draco shook his head. "Not about the war effort... but what happened to me, I'm not ready to talk about that."

Ron looked at him. "That's okay. I just meant Death Eaters that are wandering around or something."

"Well..." he paused.

"Well, what?" Ron pressed, looking up, interested and worried at the same time.

"I... I don't remember," Draco admitted.

"Remember what?"

"They... they took my memories."

Ron tilted his head. "Who?"

"The... M-Ministry, Hopkirk... Harry calls them the Collaborators."

"Collaborators? Draco... what's going on?"

"I don't know all of it, but Voldemort's supporters, who weren't officially Death Eaters or were just helping them... took over the Ministry and Wizengamot and started covering up their crimes. When I was arrested, they supposedly obliviated all my memories of Death Eater meetings and their identities. They made sure I felt hopeless enough to plead guilty. They did the same to the other Death Eaters, too, my father included. Harry's gathering evidence and beginning to fight another war, if need be."

Ron's mouth dropped. "You're shitting me?"

"No. I imagine that's why Hermione took him to the library. Harry doesn't talk about the particulars around me."

"Or me, apparently. Why?"

"Why me? Because I'm still a ward of the Ministry. They have power over me, and I should stay in the dark. As far as you, he just hasn't gotten around to it. He's been up and down emotionally for the last two weeks. He's probably still gathering information and has had to deal with a few issues since Umbridge."

"Alright... what about Umbridge? Hermione said that she would tell me, but she hasn't yet."

Draco grimaced. "She was my probation officer."

"You're bloody kidding, right?"

"No, 'fraid not. She used Veritaserum on me, obliviated me a few times and threatened to send me back to Azkaban to control me. It was fucking hell. Harry followed me to my appointment one day and took care of her. Nearly went to war with the Ministry right there," Draco said, repressing a shudder. He had been so afraid of her, but Harry annihilated her so quickly.

Ron closed his eyes and then opened them. "And she's escaped, now? What a bitch...."

"Indeed."

"So..." Ron sighed, rubbing his forehead. "...is there anything else I should know?"

"Umm... I don't need a wand to do magic."

Ron jerked his head up. "What? That's not possible!"

"Yeah, it is. There are a few African schools that teach their kids how to do it. It's just riskier, and you can die from it. Plus, wands are faster."

"But... how did you learn?"

"It wasn't voluntary at first. You remember when I told you about my father using the Imperius Curse on me?" he asked, and Ron nodded. "Well, I used wandless magic to heal my mum. I started practicing it during the summer months, first non-verbal and then wandless. When Voldemort told me that I had to fix the Vanishing Cabinet, I had to use my core. Then I just did more and more. That's how I removed the wards off the manor so you all could escape."

Ron processed this and asked, "It's hard, though?"

"Yeah. I passed out a few times. It weakens me a lot. But I got better, and it doesn't affect me as much. Professor Weasley has been training me on Monday nights."

"Bill? You think I would know these things? Thanks for telling me, Draco. I assume you want all of this a secret?"

"Yes. I mean... you can tell our friends, just not everyone. Neville and Blaise are keeping their engagement quiet for now."

"No problem, but I would like to tell Ginny... about Fred."

Draco straightened up. "Of course... I should have told you all sooner."

"We all needed time. What about Denkar, Draco? I really think that you should talk to her. She's good at her job."

Draco nodded. He wouldn't say that he would, yet, but knew he was going to have to.

"Well? Are you going to move? Or you want to surrender since I have you in a trap?"

"Never, Weasley. I can still force a stalemate."

"That's a high bar you set. Not even going to try to win?" Ron scoffed.

"Shut it," Draco said and moved his queen.

He was glad that he had come clean. He was a little surprised that Ron took it all so calmly. Weasley was known to be a hothead, too, but Draco thought he had grown since school started. He was taking strides to do better, and that was more than most people did. Ron took another pawn, and Draco nodded, feeling that a stalemate would be hard to achieve. Weasley had a way of distracting him, but he needed it. Weasley was as neutral as he could hope for, and that made talking easier. Maybe he would give the healer a try. Sometimes, it's good to talk.

***

"Pay attention, Harry," Hermione growled.

"What? I'm doing this stupid extra homework that you guilted me into doing today," he growled.

"It's not stupid. You were the only one with a blue horse."

"It was still a horse!" Harry retorted.

"Fine... but I also wanted to talk about the extra research assignment you gave me," she said, as she put up the wards.

"Umm..." he trailed off, trying to remember and deciding that she meant the Ministry and Hopkirk. "You want to talk about that here?"

"Not her... the... dementor," she said, sadly as Harry flinched. "Sorry. It's kinda ironic that you and Draco have the same fears."

"Yeah... ironic is the word for it," Harry huffed. "But you found something? I didn't think you were looking, actually."

"Well, sorry! With all this SAD stuff, evil plots and the whole thing with Ron... it took most of my attention, Harry," she snapped. "I didn't see you doing anything but hand me a book to 'look into' it."

Harry looked decently chastised. "Sorry, Hermione. I just meant that... I didn't think you found anything worthwhile."

"It honestly took a bit. Digging up nearly sixty-year-old records isn't easy. Then I had to cross-reference them with other sources and verify facts. I had to owl other archival storages as the library was a bit damaged in the war, and some of the older stuff is gone. You wouldn't believe the hassle the Prophet gave me about pulling their old papers for me!" she vented, angrily.

"Okay, Hermione!" Harry said with his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry! Just calm down! You get any louder, and Madam Pince will claw our faces off!"

Hermione knew that the librarian had become even more unbearable since the library battle a few weeks ago. The old matron watched and waited to reprimand anyone for such things as smiling too loudly in her quiet, emotionless library. Hermione nodded in acknowledgment after a wary glance around. "Okay, but I did figure out something, and you're not going to like it."

Harry grimaced. "I already don't like it."

"Okay... you know that fourth dementor in Deprimero's book?"

"Yeah? The one that broke out of Azkaban and Deprimero did all those experiments on it."

"Yep, that one. It started attacking certain people when it escaped, remember? Removing souls out of some, but only feeding off others? You remember that, too?"

"Yeah... Deprimero didn't figure it out. You did?" he asked curiously, leaning in.

"I think so. I found a pattern. The Origins of Dementors spans from the 30s to the 50s, you know who was active around that time?"

"Umm... it's not Voldemort, is it?" Harry guessed.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "No Grindelwald, Harry."

Harry nodded like he should have remembered, but he was always hopeless at hi온라인카지노게임. "So... what does that mean?"

"You remember that the dementor administered the Kiss to someone?"

"I think he said that it was a Grindelwald supporter," Harry whispered, keeping an eye out for onlookers, though she was sure he put up the privacy wards, too.

"Exactly. I looked up his case. He was a crazed fanatic named Adelphus Black... a distant cousin, like twice-removed from Sirius's mum. After Grindelwald lost to Dumbledore, he killed several Aurors but was taken by Newt Scamander," she explained.

"That's interesting n'all Hermione, but what does it mean?" Harry asked, confused.

"Nothing but speculation... until I took a look at Dementor Four's victims," she said and then pulled out at least ten faded files and dropped them in front of Harry.

"You found them?"

"Yep. It wasn't easy as there were a few roaming around since the war. But the attacks were connected. No one in the fifties saw it, or they didn't care enough to pay attention. The victims were picked for a reason. One or two cases... and it could be a coincidence. Three to five and it's suspicious. This is ten cases... it's a pattern, a clear one."

"A pattern of what?" he prompted

"The dementor went after people who betrayed Grindelwald. The ones who turned and fought against him at the end."

Harry's mouth popped open. "You think...that dementor was avenging Grindelwald?"

"Yes. I do. And I think that Draco's dementor performed a Kiss on another Death Eater and that is why it is following him. Unfortunately, no one was really tracking the dementors. Vance didn't keep detailed records, so we don't know for sure that it happened, or who got Kissed. But I compiled a list of names that were given the Kiss."

"Okay," Harry said, nervously, as the thought of the dementor was ensouled by a Death Eater nerved him.

Hermione nervously passed the list to him. "The Carrows, Mulciber, Avery, Fenrir, Dolohov, Yaxley, Crabbe and Goyle senior, Rowle, Macnair, Selwyn, Travers and...."

"Lucius Malfoy," Harry whispered, and she nodded. Harry's eyes went blank and distant. "It's him... I just know it. The dementor felt so familiar... so bloody happy when it nearly took my soul that night. Dementors have never been like that. Even in our third year when they almost Kissed me... it's fucking him!"

"Shh! Calm down," she hissed. "It might not be... many Death Eaters hate you, too."

He ignored her. "Hermione! Do you know what this means?"

"Yes... well... no. This is where we are stuck. There's no way to kill a dementor, Harry. If you thought I was going to come up with something... I'm sorry, but Deprimero was very thorough, and it's not like I have a dementor on standby to do illegal experiments on."

Harry buried his face in his hands. "It won't ever stop, Hermione. If it is Lucius's soul in that dementor, controlling it... I mean, it wasn't just after Draco. It knew me, too, and Blaise. It'll hurt anyone that it can."

Hermione bit her lip, debating telling him the rest, but Harry gave her a look to get her to answer. She whispered, "It's worse. I also checked the ones that were just attacked by that dementor in the 50s, and Harry... the people that were not Kissed... they were, at one point, Grindelwald's acolytes. They didn't turn traitor."

"Umm... okay?"

"I think... the dementor attacked them, read their memories... or their soul to check if they had betrayed Grindelwald. I think it's more than a dementor with a blind obsession and one hellbent mission. It can think, adapt, strategize and make rational decisions."

Harry slumped down in his seat. "This is... fucking crazy, Hermione!"

"I know. I know that you are upset."

"Upset? I just thought that we were dealing with a mindless fiend of darkness! It's Lucius fucking Malfoy out there! Draco hasn't even told me half the stuff his dad did to him!"

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"He doesn't just want to take his soul... he wants to torment him. It was outside his cell all summer!" he snarled.

Hermione cast a look around them. Their wards were holding. "Well... I think... with everything the Collaborators did... Lucius's soul might be confused... might be blaming Draco for things he didn't do. You remember the trial? He wanted Draco to die...."

"Oh, bloody hell... this is never going to end!" Harry exclaimed, slamming his fist into the table. "Draco is still being hurt by him, even after his death!"

"Well, technically, Lucius isn't dead," she clarified.

"No, just his body is."

"No... his body isn't either," she insisted.

"I... what?" Harry looked at her, confused.

Hermione took a breath. Why didn't Harry pay attention in class? "The Kiss... it doesn't kill the person. They're just empty vessels. In a coma-like state."

Harry's eyes narrowed. "But... what do they do with people once their souls are gone?"

Hermione frowned. "I don't know, Harry. I imagine that they have to be a St. Mungo's. They would have to be fed magically to keep them alive."

Harry seemed deep in the thought, but choose not to share what he was thinking. She pretended to read while Harry formulated his response. "Can we put the soul back in his body?"

She almost sighed sadly. "No, Harry. There are actually several books covering attempts to do that. Once the soul is removed from the body, it can't go back."

Harry shook his head. "Dumbledore... I asked about... Voldemort's soul. He said it was possible to put him back together. But painful."

Hermione nodded. "It might be possible... because he used magic to do it and maybe there is a way, Harry, but Soul Magic is a very restricted form of magic, and that's why no one really knows what Horcruxes are. Manipulating souls is very wrong. It's why Dumbledore removed the Horcrux books when he became headmaster."

"Does the books you... stole... from him have anything in them about it?"

She pursed her lips at the word 'stole' and said, "I read them very thoroughly. To use that magic... goes against the laws of nature. Voldemort had to kill people to do it."

"To split his soul... but we are trying to...."

"Rip it out of a vessel and put it back into another?" she queried.

Harry didn't look like he wanted to give up. "It's the way to stop it, though!"

"The magic... the spells... doesn't exist, Harry! You can't harness a soul. Nor summon it, control it or destroy it."

Harry reached up and touched his scar. "This is the way—the answer. Maybe the spell hasn't been invented. Maybe we'll have to figure one out, but there are ways to do it. Voldemort removed parts of his soul. I had one in me. There are books on it."

Hermione sighed. She was going to have to find the darn book. "What happens if this works? Lucius is condemned. They could Kiss him, again, or worse... consider his sentence served. Do you really want to do that to Draco?"

"I can beat the ever-loving-fuck out of him if he even looks at Draco. Right now, he's immoral. I'll settle for flesh and bone, just like his former master."

Hermione raised her eyebrows and just nodded.

Harry stood up. "I'm going to see if there are any books on Soul Magic."

"Harry, I looked already... last week."

"I'll just... pace then. I need to think," Harry said and did so.

Merlin, she hoped he didn't do anything crazy as he handled this particular setback. Harry was known to make rash decisions when he got an idea in his head. He leaps before he thinks about it. Harry nearly was uncontrollable when he figured out the clues to the Hallows. They had been captured last spring because he accidentally activated the taboo.

Harry roamed the library looking at books. Hermione couldn't concentrate on her work with him so agitated. She got up to peruse the shelves, too, though she didn't think that she missed anything. Most sections she knew by heart, now. Of course, there was the restricted section, which Harry was now staring at. But Madam Pince did not allow students to "look" for books. You needed a signed permission form from a professor. Hermione smirked. She was an assistant professor, now. She had already looked there, but she let him pace and get glares from the strict librarian.

She then searched for portkey augmentation and just happened to see a book about the Patronus Charm. Intrigued that she could help Harry figure out another issue he had, she took it back to the table and read through the table of contents. The last chapter was promising: Remediation of Corporeal Patronuses.

She read through the chapter, trying to understand how Harry's Patronus was now non-corporeal, despite acting like a real Patronus. Her hunch was that Harry's mental trauma was the likely cause of his Patronus difficulties. Tonk's Patronus had changed when she was heartbroken, but that wouldn't explain why Harry's was not corporeal anymore. But as she read the last few pages, a smile crept on her face as she got her answer. She gently placed the book back on the shelf and was determined to keep that secret to herself, for now.

***

Draco fretted, trembling on the bench, in the small waiting room, just waiting until his Friday appointment to start. Harry stayed with him and he tried to talk to him, but Draco wasn't listening. He didn't know what was going to happen in that room. Suddenly, Theo came out, looking pale and tight-lipped. He looked at Draco, and he stood up to face him. Theo needed help, but Blaise was still in class. Draco didn't dare look at him in the eyes. He wouldn't be able to help him that way anymore. He pulled him into a hug and held him tightly.

"I'm right here, Theo," he whispered in his ear.

Theo gripped him tighter, almost whimpering. He was going to break soon. Draco knew it and so did Theo.

"I'll take him, Draco," Daphne said, from the door.

Theo slowly let go, and Daphne took him. She was stronger than they were, and she looked at him and said, "Go on. I got him." She led him out

Draco nodded and looked at Harry, who seemed nervous, too. "I'll be right here, Draco," he said.

Draco just turned and knocked on the door. He was glad that the healer didn't follow Theo out.

"Come in!" she called.

Draco hesitantly opened it and entered. He verified that there was no one or nothing in the room and sat down. Fuck, he wanted this over already.

"Good afternoon, Draco. How are you feeling, today?" she asked, trying to find an ice-breaker.

Terrified? He just shrugged.

"Draco... it's imperative that you feel comfortable talking to me. Do you think you can try it?"

Draco looked at the floor and was resisting the urge to shaking. "Okay."

"That's good, Draco. I know you are scared, but I am here to help you overcome those fears," she said, trying to be reassuring.

He nodded.

"Do you think that you can answer my questions, today?"

He tightened up at the mere thought of what questions she would ask. His heart beat faster.

"Draco, breathe. Deep breaths. In... and out..." she said, and he followed her instructions, and the panic slowly subsided. "There. Much better. Draco, today, I just need to gauge where you are at...."

"You're going to make me talk about it," he whispered, rocking back and forth.

"Draco... Draco," she called, but he didn't want to look up. "Draco... look at me, please."

He didn't want to, but he slowly did.

"There... I need you to understand this very, very clearly. I will not make you talk about it. After weeks, maybe months, I will persuade you to open up in a very controlled way... at your own pace. I will make you feel comfortable taking that step, too. What Blaise did on Wednesday... that was voluntary, and I will never so carelessly ask questions like that to you. Draco... I want to alleviate your concerns about our sessions, because I can see that you are scared. Would it help if I just went over what we will be talking about?"

He nodded weakly.

"We are still in the first phase of our sessions. We are essentially getting to know each other. We won't be talking about the past, but things you like and don't like. How you are currently doing, for example. The meetings are about getting comfortable, building trust and assessing where you are at," she explained. "I will not wantonly poke at sensitive topics. Do you think that you can handle that?"

"So... nothing from the past?"

"Nothing from the past. I will want to know your limits, words and phrases you prefer and the ones you like to avoid. I also will ask how you have been managing your stress and anxiety. I will also ask what your expectations are and if you have questions. A lot of the introductory period is figuring out a treatment plan that you are comfortable with. This part is more educational, for both of us. How do you feel about that?"

Draco bit his lip. "I guess it's okay. I don't... want to thin-talk about... things."

"I understand that. But we will eventually head into more distressing topics, and learn how to handle the panic and anxiety. But first, we will talk about how you are doing, and hopefully, you will feel more comfortable talking to me."

"What if I never get comfortable?" Draco interrupted.

"I doubt that you will ever be completely comfortable talking about the hard stuff, but we will only proceed when we both feel you can handle it."

He shook his head. "That won't happen. If I get lost...."

Madam Denkar leaned forward. "I'll be right here to help you through it."

"I... g-get locked in my h-head. It won't... s-stop sometimes," he stuttered, shaking.

"It won't stop because you don't know any grounding techniques, coping strategies or mental refocusing. But Draco... look in my eyes," she ordered, and he trembled before he felt obliged to comply. Her eyes were bright when she stated, "I will bring you out of it."

Then he felt the subtle probe of her mind. He jerked. "You're... you're...."

"Yes, a Legilimens. It's necessary to be a healer. I will assure you that I will not constantly be trying to read your thoughts. You don't have to worry about being attacked. I will only use it to help you if you can't get out."

Draco wasn't sure how he felt about this situation. He couldn't defend against a mental attack, in the slightest. He didn't want to meet her eyes, now. If she used the spell, there was nothing he could do to stop her.

"Won't abuse it, Draco. But if you get lost, I will help you out," she said. "Is that okay? Will you be fine if I only do that?"

"You won't dig?"

Her eyes and voice were sad as she said, "No, and you will have confidentiality if I do see anything."

Draco nodded. He was still feeling shaky and nervous.

"Just take deep breaths, Draco."

He did.

"Draco... I want to go over some... I hesitate to say rules, but some do's and don't's of therapy. I won't be mad if you did something, but I want this to be successful. You understand?"

He took another deep breath and nodded.

"Alright, the first one is... if I ask you a question... and, for whatever reason, you don't want to talk about it, I want you to say... these words: 'I don't want to talk about this right now.' Or something like that. You can refuse to talk about things that will upset you. Just because you agreed to start participating, doesn't mean that you have to tell me everything. Do you understand that?" she said, gently.

"Yeah," he said, and felt a little better.

"That being said... I hope you don't abuse it, as we will get to harder things, eventually. But you do have control over what we talk about. You will often be leading the session, and I will guide you through your feelings and how to reduce your apprehension. However, on the flip side of this, please don't pretend that you are fine, just to avoid talking about it. Lying will only hurt you. So, please be honest. Does that sound reasonable?"

Draco nodded. Though lying was something that he regularly did. "I...am used to... pretending."

"I see. We will work on that. In here, this is your safe zone. It's okay to cry. It's okay to admit that you are hurt and need comfort. And even if you've done bad or humiliating things. Draco, I'm here to help you," the healer assured him, and when he didn't add anything, she continued. "Another thing that is really good and important to do... is for you to ask questions. Ask me to clarify what I meant... ask why I think something or even ask me how your progress is going. If you ask me things, it opens up a dialogue and will help you get comfortable, making your sessions better."

"Okay," he said.

"Next... I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Criminal, legal, moral or embarrassing. You have confidentiality. You only gave me permission to talk about your treatment plan. Blaise technically has permission to know everything, but that doesn't mean I'll tell him everything. This is a space safe. I won't judge you or chastise you. And you don't have to worry about breaking your probation with me here. Okay? Just try to remember that I don't work for the Ministry or Headmistress McGonagall. I am working for you. I don't report to the Ministry and, while the headmistress is paying my salary, that does not mean I will tell her anything about you."

Draco took a deep breath and nodded.

"I also want you to know that just coming here won't be enough to effectively help you. You'll have to work on your issues outside of our time together. Making healthier decisions, finding positive ways to cope and even seeking help from your friends and family. So, you should start preparing for changing things in your everyday life to help your mental health."

"Like what?" Draco whispered, uncertain as to what she meant.

"An example of healthier options is ensuring you are getting enough sleep, a proper diet and exercise regimen. We will be discussing coping strategies as time goes, but a positive way to cope would be relaxation exercises or controlled release of emotions. I know you have a lot of support from your friends, but I'm guessing you don't specifically ask them for help and support, they just give it. You need to ask what you want help with and don't feel embarrassed or obligated to hide that you really need them. This isn't a test of your ability to take pain. I think you have a solid support structure that you underutilize. If they do something that makes you uncomfortable, or even triggers you, you should tell them your concerns."

Draco did not really like that idea, but he kept his opinions to himself.

"Any other questions about those unofficial rules?" she asked.

"I don't think so."

"Alright... let's run through some light questions about how things are going, okay?"

Draco didn't really want to, but quietly answered about how he was eating, how his classes were going, and how he was getting along with his professors, friends, and even the remaining SAD members. She also got him to talk about quidditch and playing chess with Ron. He was actually starting to feel relaxed. She didn't dig at the pit.

"How about sleeping? Are you getting enough sleep?"

"I think so. I mean, it's school. Not really allowed to sleep in," Draco grunted.

"Do you wake up often?"

Draco swallowed. "From nightmares?"

She hesitated, but said, "Not necessarily that. Your body could be restless, too."

"Yeah... I... guess every night. Sometimes more. Harry wakes me up, too."

She looked at him. "Does Harry sleep in your bed every night?"

Draco tensed, but then thought about it. She wouldn't tell Harry what they talked about. But he knew Harry hated Denkar and therapy altogether.

"Draco? Perhaps we should talk about boundaries? I'm not asking to gather information about Harry. He won't know what we talk about, and I won't use it against him. I'd ask that question to him as well. I just wanted to talk about how your relationship affects you. How does that sound?"

Draco took a deep breath and said, "That sounds... reasonable. I don't want to betray him."

"Draco... if Harry, Blaise, Theo or your other friends put limits on what you say to me... they are putting their wants before you," she said clearly.

"They've never told me not to do anything. I just... Harry... he's..." he didn't finish the sentence, but took a deep breath. "Yeah, Harry's been sleeping in my bed for months, now."

"And how do you feel about that?" she asked, looking at him interested.

Draco liked the more straightforward questions. Now, she was asking for his opinion. "I... I can't sleep as easily if he wasn't there. If I wake up... I feel him there and I feel better, safe. The bad things don't come as much."

"Does he know about your sleep... disturbances?"

"Not usually. I usually freeze. Harry thrashes."

"He wakes up often?" she asked.

Draco debated that question, but said, "Several times during the week. There could be others."

"You don't talk about it?"

"If we wake each other up, we do."

"You don't want to bring it up if you don't?"

"No, not usually. Just being next to Harry will calm me down. I'd rather not think about... the dreams."

She tilted her head and asked, "Can I ask about your relationship with Harry?"

"I guess."

"Are you two engaging in sexual activities?"

Draco blushed and was regretting giving permission. "Yes."

"How do you feel when you two...?"

"Um... good. It's... good."

"Good?" she said, staring at him expectantly. When he didn't offer up anything else, she asked, "Have your experienced panic attacks or flashbacks?"

"Not usually," he said, honestly.

"Not usually? You mean that occasionally you do?"

"Rarely. I just... go back to the darkness... momentarily."

"What do you do if you feel an attack coming on?"

"Freeze. Push it down. Breathe."

"You don't say anything to Harry?"

"He notices almost immediately. He stops when I freeze up. Makes me pay attention to him."

Denkar looked at him. "You don't talk about it at all?"

"No. I just tell him that I'm fine after a minute," Draco said, with a shrug. He didn't want to ever talk about it.

"Has Harry ever made you feel uncomfortable?" she said, watching his reaction.

"No! He's perfect! Kind and patient... and he always takes care of me."

"That's good that he is supportive, but do you talk about your limits with him?"

Draco scowled, annoyed. He shook his head.

Denkar pressed on, "Can you and Harry really talk together about things?"

He frowned. "We can. I don't tell him about the bad stuff, though."

"He doesn't know?"

"No. Just Blaise, Theo and Daphne." And Denkar, McGonagall and... whoever Umbridge told... but he stopped there.

"Is there a reason why you don't want to tell Harry?"

"I don't want to tell anyone," he growled, somewhat lying. Harry would feel guilty.

She paused and then asked, "None of your friends know?"

"Blaise and Theo figured it out. I told Daphne some of it. Talking... didn't help."

"But you seem close to Blaise... can you confide to Blaise if you need to talk about what happened?" she asked.

"Yeah, I guess. If I would tell someone, I'd go to him."

"So, he's your... safe person."

"He protects me the most. Even from Harry," Draco whispered, shaking slightly.

"It's okay, Draco. You can have family that's as close as your partner. It's not picking who's better or more important. They help you in different ways."

Draco shrugged. That kinda made sense, but it still made him weary.

"So, do you have an idea of what you are going to do after Hogwarts?"

"No," Draco murmured, but glad that she moved to a different topic.

"No? Nothing?" she said, surprised.

"I just want to get through my probation. Anything else... it hurts too much to think about."

"Why do you feel that way?"

"I don't have a future, yet. My head's still on the chopping block. If I think about it..." Draco paused as the anxiety started to build. "...it gets overwhelming."

"Breathe deeply," she ordered and, after a few minutes, she leaned forward. "It's an avoidance mechanism, Draco. But I need to tell you that you have a future."

"It's always been a dream," Draco muttered, still recovering from the attack.

"I know it seems that way... like there's no hope or it's your fate to suffer. That isn't the case, Draco."

"I don't have any control over what happens to me," Draco said, tightening inward and looking at the floor.

"I know it feels that way after everything that has happened. And we will talk about that kind of thinking more, but as you feel safer, that fear and hopelessness won't bring you down so much. You do have control over your life. You do have the power to make choices. Good and bad."

"Bad will get me sent back... there," he muttered. "... or I'll break."

She pursed her lips at his words but didn't reply. "Last question, Draco. What do you want to get out of our counseling sessions?"

Draco took a deep breath and trembled, "I just want to be not... broken. I want the pain to stop."

"That sounds very reasonable, Draco. I will help you get to that goal, but it's not going to be a fast or easy process. You are going to hurt. You are going to breakdown. You are going to have setbacks. It's a natural and necessary part of the healing process, and I will be there to help you through it. You have been avoiding, denying and repressing what has happened to you for so long that it's limiting your recovery, and when you think about it, now, it hurts. We will get through this... one day at a time."

He didn't say anything. He didn't really believe her, but after nothing but pain, he was willing to roll the dice and try to stop it. He was tired of being hurt.

Denkar leaned in to focus his attention. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"Questions?" Draco replied, confused.

"Yes. This isn't just going to be me talking and forcing you to answer. You can ask about your concerns about your diagnosis, treatment plan, what we are going to discuss, and your boundaries."

"Diagnosis?"

"Yes. The purpose of these first sessions is to assess your mental health and what techniques we will use to heal you. A diagnosis of what condition or conditions you have will help find the best way to treat you. You can ask me to explain my observations and treatment plans and question them if you want. Take Harry, for example. He has seen combat. He suffers from aggressive, violent outbursts, general irritability, night terrors and fallibility for alcohol. Those are signs of what his condition is, and they are normal reactions to the stress that he went through. I'll be able to adapt our sessions to help him through that and explain why he feels and acts the way he does."

"And you know what is wrong with me?" Draco asked, cautiously.

"Nearly, we'll need a few more sessions. I can explain my observations so far, but I think you'll need some time to understand what you are going through before I do that."

Draco understood that she meant it would hurt to say it. "But you'll tell me eventually?"

"Of course. I can tell you some of it now, but we have a lot to discuss before we get to work on your treatment plan and go over it. Phase one of our sessions is figuring out what is wrong and finding the best approach. It's a learning process for both of us. You learn about mental health care, and I learn about you."

"And after phase one, then we will talk about... it?"

"No... not for a long time, Draco. You have almost no healthy coping and defensive mechanisms in place. You need to learn how to manage attacks and relapses. We won't get close to that stuff until phase four."

"What's the second and third phases, then?"

"Reconditioning, intervention, and rebuilding trust and relationships. You have to be ready to handle the emotions of talking about what happened. The healing process is long, Draco. You must change how you think if you are going to get through this. But if you do, you will get stronger and feel safer."

"You've done... you've had people like me... before?" Draco asked, hesitantly.

"Not exactly like you. Everyone's situation is unique, but many have had similar... traumas in their life. Yes, I've treated many wizards, witches and muggles with severe emotional syndromes and conditions. Some were in a worse place than you. If you're worried about my experience, I can tell you that I've treated over fifty patients with severe... abuse."

"And you healed them all?" he asked.

"No, Draco. Mind healing isn't a fix-it-all, instant process. Patients often give up and quit. They disappear, never to come back. I ran a private practice, so normally, it was completely voluntary for them. My patients could leave at any time, and there was nothing I could really do but ask them to come back. Some rather just try to get on dealing with it on their own. Some lapsed back into mind-altering concoctions or other self-destructive outs. They didn't have the support structure or the will to get through to the end."

"But I'm forced to be here."

"Your treatment isn't exactly voluntary, correct. But Draco, I want you to understand that this is a good thing. Starting your treatment now, instead of years down the road, will help you in the long run. An average, males tend not to seek help for their abuse for years, if not decades, after it happened. The whole time it has gone untreated and festered in their minds and souls. They identify it as a part of them and believe that they are meant to suffer. It is worse when the male has non-traditional preferences... like you. I know that you hate that you have to deal with this... but it's better now than later... after else something happens."

Draco thought about that and grimaced. "What happens... if I have a break?"

"That is an excellent question to ask Draco. I want you to feel like you can open up to me and ask me anything like that, at any time. And again, I want you to know that it is likely that you will have a setback at one point, but hopefully, by then, we might develop your mental strength to come back from it. I have it from the headmistress that Theo brought you out of it, last time?"

Draco nodded and shivered from the memory.

"I'm not unskilled in Legilimency, Draco. I'll be able to ease you out of it if it comes to it. That's why I'm a mind healer and not just a therapist."

Draco looked down. He still didn't like that she could go in, he knew he had to keep his eyes away from her.

"I will not violate your mental guards without your direct permission, Draco," she reaffirmed, and he nodded. "Any other questions?"

"What if... I've always like this?"

"Draco, I don't believe that is going to be the case. Many survivors go through the same thought process as that and think that they are never going to get better or will get worse. But I believe you can overcome this. You have friends, a boyfriend, and a strong support structure in place. You have an excellent possibility that you could live a normal, fulfilling life, Draco. But it's going to take time and we are going to take everything in strides. Mind healing should never be thought of as a quick fix. It's a time-consuming process that all parties have to work hard for it to succeed."

Draco nodded. He was spent. He knew this was going to be hard, but he was tired, too. He shook his head when she asked him if he had any more questions.

"Alright... for next time, I do need to warn you, because I will be asking what things trigger you: words, smells, sounds, or touch, but we will do it, carefully. You don't have to say why it affects you."

"Why?" Draco asked, looking at her.

"Because first... you need to feel safe when you come here. I don't want you to think that whenever you come here, I might accidentally say or do something that makes you uncomfortable. Second... once you identify them, we can eventually focus on how to manage your reactions. Do you think that you can talk about them in an offhand way?"

"I think so?" he said, hesitantly.

"That's good. Really good, if you can. Just think of what names and actions you don't like, and we'll talk about that next session, okay?"

He nodded. Though this wasn't a bad session, he was raw. Emotional. He still had to see Hagrid tonight for training and dinner.

"Well, have a good weekend, Draco and good luck in your match," she said.

"Thanks," he mumbled as he went to the door, glad to get out without completely breaking down. Luna, Harry and Blaise were waiting outside for him, and they all looked at him when he stepped out.

"Draco? Are you okay?" Harry said, and Blaise was about to ask him it, too.

"Really guys? It wasn't a torture session. Back off," Luna ordered. "Blaise, Neville is waiting for you. Harry, Hermione and Ron asked you to go to the library with them to study. Get going!"

Harry didn't want to argue with Luna, but said, "I'll just be a third wheel."

"They want to spend time with you as a group. Hermione doesn't know what progress you've made with Ron. Go reassure her that you are all friends, again," she insisted.

Harry looked between her and Draco, who shrugged like he couldn't control Luna any more than Harry could. "Alright, I will. If that's okay, Draco?"

"I'll be fine. Thanks, Harry," Draco said and gripped his hand to show that he was okay. "I'll see you tonight."

Harry bit his lip and seemed to be anxious. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean...to do it." Draco and Blaise looked at him, but Harry just turned and headed toward the library.

"Do what?" Draco asked, but Harry kept walking.

Blaise watched Harry leave, confused, too. "Alright, you look okay enough. I'll see you tomorrow, Draco."

"Going to run off with Neville, again?" Draco asked, and Blaise smirked. Maybe they were back to normal.

"Yes, for patrol. But Draco...we're going to be gone for the weekend... after the game tomorrow. He wants me to spend the night at his grandmum's house," Blaise said, feeling guilty. "But we won't be back until late on Sunday."

"Blaise, that's awesome! I hope you have a great time!" Draco said. But they both grimaced, because neither of them knew how the elder Longbottom was going to respond to her only grandson being gay and engaged to Blaise.

"Relax, you two. Augusta's a very nice witch. But come on, we're late, again!"

Draco perked up at her words. "Late? You mean... is my mum there, again?"

Luna smiled, and Draco felt instantly happy.

"Your mum?" Blaise said, now smirking, too.

"You best hurry if you want to find out!" Luna said, and took Draco's hand.

"See ya, Blaise!" he said, as they took off toward the entrance hall.

"Have fun!" Blaise yelled, but Draco and Luna ran without looking back. They made it outside before a stitch in his side started up. He was out-of-shape but pushed through it. They were halfway to Hagrid's, when he saw her come out of the wooden hut. She had a big smile on her face. He ran into her arms, though he was taller and bigger than she was.

"Oh, Draco! I've missed you!" she said, hugging him tightly.

He couldn't stop the tears. "I love you, mum!" he gasped.

"Oh, my poor baby. I'm sorry I left!" she said, and didn't let go for a long time. She let him cry out his happiness and fears.

"Shh... it's only been a few weeks, my angel."

"I thought... I thought I wouldn't see you, again. I tried not to worry... but...."

"You don't have to explain," she whispered, and he melted into her embrace. No one felt like his mother.

Eventually, Hagrid called them in to eat, and he reluctantly let go. She smiled as she stared at him. "You look better... happier."

"I am. You're here," he said as they walked toward the door.

"Not just that. Hagrid was telling me that you're doing better in school. Those bullies are gone and those people who hurt you."

"Yeah... I also made friends with Weasley."

"Oh, that's good, angel," she said, and Draco blushed at his nickname.

Hagrid had cooked a stew of questionable ingredients, but as his mother ate it without a comment, so would he. After dinner, Luna practically kicked them outside to talk as she started Hagrid's lesson on transfiguring a parrot into a water goblet.

"Draco, how are you, really?"

"I'm a lot better, mum. They're all gone from the school... for the most part. No one is harassing me in the halls anymore. Blaise is a professor, now. Can you believe that?"

"Yeah. He was always a gentleman when his mother ventured out to the galas. He's a wonderful boy."

As she stared out over the lake, he asked, "Mother... what happened? Harry keeps apologizing, but you're okay, right?"

"Of course, honey. I'm fine. I mean, I was fine. But Draco... I had to take out a loan to pay for your tuition. When I was attacked, I had to stop working."

"The goblins called in your debt?" he guessed.

"I actually surrendered. The less effort it takes to foreclose, the less time I would have to work off."

"You went to their work camps!" he said, horrified.

"I did. I'm sorry, angel. I didn't want you to know," she whispered.

Draco lowered his head. His mother had taken that debt for him to go to school. She had gotten attacked because they wanted him. This was all his fault.

"Draco! My precious... this was not your fault. This was your father's doing and he left us with nothing. You had to go to school. It was a price I was willing to pay," she said, hugging him. "I didn't count on them attempting to seize your stuff. They came to Hogwarts to collect it."

"How'd Harry get involved?"

"You put your... items in Harry's attic."

He understood it, now. The goblins came to claim it that day McGonagall summoned Harry. "Well, thank Salazar for that. Harry paid it off, then? Is that why he won't look me in the eye? Is he worried that I'd be mad? I mean... I'd rather have you back, than be a ponce about it."

"Not just that. While Harry was negotiating to secure my release, the goblins offered him... guardianship over the Malfoy name. He signed an allegiance form, and since I was...."

"...a ward of the goblins, he could do it without anyone saying anything," Draco said, glad he had paid attention to his father's legal dealings over the years. His father had no problem jumping in on inopportune moments and seizing more than he had any rights to have.

"Harry didn't know what that meant, Draco. He thought he was just trying to protect us if... something else came up. He didn't know it would make him the head of the family. He's horrified by it."

Draco grimaced. "Leave it to Harry to be embarrassed and guilt-ridden after he's saved us, yet again."

"Darling... he cares about you more than anything and doesn't want to make you mad," she said.

"I know. He's been upset since Tuesday then... for no reason," he said, angry and sad at the same time.

"I asked him to let me talk to you. He didn't want to make you sad or make you feel that he was trying to control you."

Draco shook his head. He thought they were beyond that by now. He never met anyone less controlling than Harry. Theo is more assertive than him.

His mother smiled. "Well, you did put up a fuss when he was buying everything for you before school started."

Draco shrugged. "We're boyfriends now... and you're always more important than my pride, mum."

Her smile was huge, and she hugged him. "I love you, my precious one. I'm so glad I can be with you for break. You're coming home, right?"

Draco couldn't even feel the urge to be embarrassed. "If home is wherever Harry is... the old Black House or Aunt Andy's house... I'll be going there. Professor McGonagall said I just have to be with you or Harry during the holidays."

"I think you'll probably want the privacy of Grimmauld place," she laughed, and Draco blushed.

"Muuummm... don't."

"You two are hormonal teenagers still, honey," she said, as she touched his red cheeks.

Draco was a little bashful, but said, I guess. "Yeah... I guess."

"I'll always support you, honey, and Harry is a wonderful man for you."

"He's the best."

"He seemed very... unbalanced when I saw him. Is everything alright?"

Draco shook his head. "He started therapy. It's been rough. I... I talked to her, today too."

"Draco, baby! That's great news! I really want you to get help. I don't want you to suffer from what that monster and your father did to you."

"I don't know how it will go."

"It's always rough starting out. I've been talking to Andy and it was hard, but she's there for me and will listen. Sometimes that's all a healer is. Someone to talk to."

Draco didn't want to say anything more and led his mother back into the cabin to help with Hagrid's lesson. Luna had already started him on Defense Against the Dark Arts, but let Draco lead him through his charms lesson. His mother volunteered to take Hagrid's Cheering Charm, which wasn't overdone this time. She enjoyed the laugh and the hugs Draco gave her when she had to leave. It was only going to be a few weeks, he told himself.

"Well, thank yeh, Draco. I'll be wa'chin' yer game tomorrow!" Hagrid said, as they walked out.

Luna walked with him back to the dorms and he asked, "What are you doing for break?"

"Well... hopefully not be abducted on the train going back." Draco winced and looked at her. She smirked. "I'll be with Ginny. I need to visit my dad, but I was going to stay at the Weasley's house."

"That's great!"

She nodded. "You're probably going to get invited for Christmas."

Draco frowned. "They would want me over?"

"Of course. You're very pretty."

Draco blushed. "Aside from my awesome looks... I was a bit of a wanker to them all."

"Yes. You were, but you are more... fluffy, now.

He laughed. "It still would be awkward."

"It'll be more insulting to refuse, Draco," she pointed out.

"They haven't asked me, yet."

"I know, but you should be ready for it. Bill, Ron and Ginny do like you and Harry."

Draco grimaced. Even though he just confessed to Ron what had happened at the battle. It still weighed him down. That he had had a part in their loss. "My father insulted them constantly, and one of the twins beat the fuck out of me in front of the whole school."

Luna laughed. "Oh, that was funny."

"Hilarious," Draco huffed, but was smiling anyway as he walked with the short witch.

"You shouldn't worry so much."

He sighed and then said, "I won't be able to bring gifts."

Luna stopped, and he did, too. He still felt some embarrassment from his indigent status. "Draco, you know that you are a wizard, right? Think like one. Your friends and family don't need dragon-hide boots. Money can buy gifts, but when you put time and effort into a homemade gift, people actually appreciate it more."

He looked at her and smirked. He had some ideas. "Thank you, Luna."

"You're welcome, Dray."

They entered the dorm, and their friends had occupied the common room. It was their space, now. Ginny, Seamus, Terry, Dean and Hannah were played Exploding Snap, much to Hannah's annoyance. Ron, Harry and Hermione were back from the library and were occupying a table, working on homework, or trying to. They were actually talking, with their quills lying on the table. Ernie and Susan were studying, too, at another table, and Theo and Daphne were by the fire. Relaxed. Like Draco would be in the Slytherin dorm. The animosity was gone.

"Draco?" Harry called out when he saw him. He looked nervous.

"Hey, how was your night?" Draco asked.

"It was good, but we didn't get any work done," Ron replied.

"We were a bit preoccupied. We'll just have to work extra hard tomorrow, then," Hermione declared.

"But Hermione, it's quidditch tomorrow," Ron whined.

"You two are not even playing!" she snapped.

"But we have to support Draco!" Ron said with Harry nodding.

"I would hope you're supporting me, too," Ginny interjected, from the other table.

"Yes, I do!" Ron said. "Go, Slythindor!"

"And Terry!" Hannah called out and her boyfriend blushed.

Draco laughed. "No, can't forget Terry."

Terry groaned. "I hate you, Ginny."

"No, you don't," Ginny replied.

Terry shrugged and Hannah gave him a kiss and said, "You love your teammates."

"Sometimes. They're also annoying prats, too," Terry snorted and looked at Seamus, who smirked.

Draco chuckled, but then saw Harry was avoiding his eyes and not joining in. "Well, I'm wiped. I'm ready for bed. Coming, Harry?"

Harry lifted his head and packed his stuff up. "See you, tomorrow, guys."

"Enjoy your bed," Ron said, and Hermione smacked him.

Harry followed him quietly up to the room. Draco opened and then secured the door after he walked in. Harry was shaking and cried when Draco hugged him.

"Oh, Harry, I'm not mad. You saved my mum, how could I be mad about that?"

"But... the allegiance form...."

"I don't care. I don't have anything that you don't already have in your house and heart. I don't care if I'm bound to you... because I am. I'm your boyfriend."

"I didn't want to take anything away from you," Harry said.

"It was never mine to have. It mattered to my father. But my name is dead now, anyway. I have nothing... nothing but you and my mum. And you brought her back home, Harry. That means everything to me."

"I couldn't leave her there. I just wish she would have said something."

Draco nodded. "Me, too. But she said that she is staying. So, thank you and stop feeling guilty."

"I really didn't know," Harry still said, and Draco sighed.

"I know. I believe you, and it still doesn't matter."

"If you're sure? I didn't think it meant that I was going to be in charge of you and your mum."

Harry was taking it a little too seriously, so Draco smirked fiendishly and said, "So... do I have to call you 'daddy' now that you're in charge?"

Harry jerked his head up, eyes wide, blushing furiously, and stammered, "N-No! Of course not!"

Draco laughed loudly. "Oh, this is just too easy! Harry... it just means you control my financial and legal affairs. I don't have any financial affairs because I have no assets, and technically, the Ministry still has my legal rights under their control. So, nothing has changed. I don't care. Get over it, Potter."

Harry's jaw had dropped, but he closed it. His eyes twinkled a little when he said, "Yeah? Make me?"

Draco kissed him hard and took their clothes off. It took less fifteen minutes for Harry to beg him to let him come and agree that he wouldn't be stroppy over it anymore. He made him hold it in for nearly ten more minutes to remind him what happens if he breaks his promise. But Draco finally sucked him off, and Harry was nearly unconscious when Draco snuggled up next to him to sleep.

Blaise woke them up the following morning, by setting off a loud firecracker noise. Harry nearly punched him, but had to stop due to the fact that he was naked and the sheets were covering Draco, too. So, he pulled him back.

Blaise laughed manically. "Don't get so mad, Potter! Are you ready to play against Slytherin?"

"I'm not playing today, prick!" Harry sneered. Draco chuckled, though he was annoyed with Blaise, too.

"Are you sure?" Blaise asked and Harry glared. "Get up, Dray. We got to go down in thirty to change."

"I like sleeping in," Harry grumbled, pulling his pants on.

"It's fine," Draco grunted. "I'm hungry, anyway."

Harry leaned over and whispered, "For what, Draco?"

"Not quiet enough, Potter," Daphne said, as she looked over, dressed and showered.

Draco rolled his eyes and draped the sheets around him as he went over to his wardrobe. He changed quickly in the loo, and they headed down to breakfast. Though Harry went with Ron down to the infirmary ward before they came into the hall.

"Harry, you're going to sit with us during the match, right?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, sure. Neville? You hanging with us?"

"Of course!"

"Is Jules announcing, again?" Draco asked, looking over at the Slytherin table. She was talking to Harper, who looked nervous. He did give Draco a slight nod, though.

"Yeah. I guess Dennis is doing it when she plays."

"You think that she'll be objective, with her best friend playing?"

Blaise scoffed, "About as impartial as Lee when Gryffindor was playing."

Ernie said, "Or Zach when Gryffindor was playing."

The table laughed and Draco realized that he hadn't seen the Hufflepuff. He wasn't practically mad that he wasn't expelled. He felt more threatened by Hermione than him at this point.

"Ready?" Harry said and Draco nodded. They walked into the locker room. Harry summoned his bag for him, and he changed into his quidditch robes. "So, you're going to win for me, again?"

"I'm going to win it for my team," he huffed. "But I might give you the snitch."

"There you go, princess."

Draco looked around and made sure that no one heard him. "Cut it out. What if the wrong person heard that?"

"Ignore them, Draco. Their opinion is worthless to me."

"I don't want them in our lives any more than necessary."

"You can tell them to fuck off."

"You can tell them to fuck off. I'm still... unliked," Draco said, awkwardly.

Harry sighed, but Ginny told them to shut the fuck up and listen to her prep talk, which Draco somewhat ignored. Jules was indeed announcing the game. Urquhart pushed Harper forward to shake hands, though he was the captain. Ginny and Harper traded a few words. They were in the same class, were head boy and girl and were essentially rivals in the same way that Harry and Draco had been, just a year below them. When the quaffle was released, Draco kicked off and frantically searched for the snitch. He noticed Harper was following him.

"Hey, Draco," he called, flying up next to him.

"I don't know how you usually play, Harper, but we don't usually talk," Draco said as he scanned for the snitch.

"I know, but we've never flown together before."

"You can come to our practice sometime. Look for the snitch, Harper. Watch out for bludgers. It isn't hard."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that."

Draco looked at him. "What?"

"Davidson and MacArthur? They aren't going to aim at you, Theo or Blaise."

Draco turned on him. "What! Why? Cause we are Slytherins?"

"Yeah... that and Blaise came to our common room and practically threatened to maim anyone who thought of hurting you and especially Theo... so you're safe."

"This is quidditch, Harper! He didn't mean that you couldn't aim a bludger at us!"

"They ain't taking chances," Harper said, with a laugh. But he was telling the truth.

"Come on, Harper. That's ridiculous!" Draco growled.

"So is Blaise's skill with curses. We weren't going to take that risk."

"You can't win if you bench your team!"

"Au contraire, Draco. We found targets," Harper said, as a bludger was shot into Seamus, who had the quaffle, and the second, into Dean, so Slytherin could score. "Plus, Vaisey's pretty good."

Salazar's crusted balls. Draco shook his head. "That's your grand strategy? Attack the non-Slytherins in our team?"

"Yeah..." Harper said, as Vaisey was able to strip the quaffle from Blaise, inflight and score again. "That and distract you guys."

Draco glared at him, but gave him a nod before taking off. Harper hot on his trail. It wasn't like flying with Harry. Harper was a pure Slytherin and strategist. Harry went with his gut, the Gryffindor that he was. It made him a great seeker, but he couldn't keep up with Draco from a defensive point of view. It'd take a lot to trick Harper, and he wasn't just a fill-in. He earned his spot on the Slytherin team, something Draco had to do after he got on.

"Haven't found it, yet?" Harper taunted playfully.

Draco caught sight of his smiling face, and then he took a straight nosedive. Harper only lazily followed, but when Draco abruptly upshifted into the wind, he launched out of sight. Draco was a Slytherin, too and knew how to lose a tail, albeit temporarily. He managed to hear Jules say, eighty to sixty them. Not a great score. He saw Ginny dogging Vaisey actively. Blaise wasn't trained enough to handle him, and Seamus was being targeted by the beaters. Urquhart was running around unchecked, too.

Shit, Draco needed to end the match quickly. He wanted to win for Harry. Harper was hovering over his shoulder, putting the pressure on in a not-so-subtle way. He was looking for it, too, but he was a hunter. Draco scanned the field, but the snitch was nowhere to be found. He discovered why they were ahead. Ginny had taken over scoring. Draco saw her intercept a throw from Urquhart and scored easily. Blaise was assigned to her flank, while Seamus was 'training for the ballet' as Draco once called it. The Slytherin beaters were targeting him and him alone, now. Theo and Terry stopped the attacks as they came, but they would eventually miss.

Suddenly, Ginny called them to the ground for a time out. As a seeker, Draco hated these meetings, but all had to land. "Score?"

"100 to 70. Seamus, you okay?"

"Yeah... they got me twice now."

"It's not going to stop. Can you handle it?" Blaise asked.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Theo... Terry... you guys cover him and send the bludgers away," Ginny ordered.

Seamus grunted, "You don't have to...."

"There's no point to have them go anywhere else, unless the Slytherins change targets. They can't hit bludgers if they are always aimed at you."

"Why me?" he grunted, rubbing his back.

"They are playing attrition tactics. We don't have backup players. They get you or Dean out... we're playing short, and then they are gunning for Terry and me."

"That's not right!" Terry huffed, annoyed.

"It's a valid strategy," Blaise commented.

"Doesn't mean I like it," Ginny growled. "You Slytherins are too... ambitious for your own good."

"That's just not possible," Blaise said, smirking.

"Well, it's on you, Draco. Find it."

"I will if we stop having these meetings, Weasley," he said with an eye roll. Harper had at least four minutes of uninterrupted searching up there.

"I hope you can follow up on your words, Malfoy," she shot back. "Let's go. Blaise, with me. Seamus... try not to get creamed, alright?"

"Easy for you to say," he muttered as he and Dean took off.

Blaise gave Draco a nod and said to Ginny, "You just want me close, eh?"

"Yeah, that... and that the whole Slytherin team developed their strategy based on their fear of you."

"I am inspirational, you know?" he said, as they took off.

Draco rolled his eyes and headed off in the direction opposite of Harper. If he hadn't found the snitch near him, it must be further out. He checked the upper limit before dropping to the turf. Changing height was his fastest way to find the bloody speck. However, with a whole other team and a little unscrupulous seeker on the field, Draco was significantly distracted. He managed to watch Ginny pass back to Blaise to score, while she fended off the Slytherin chasers. Ginny was a great player, and Draco hoped the scouts were there.

"Draco! Stop watching!" she called, and he snapped out of it.

He turned to fly to the other side when Harper slid in front of him and again forced him to turn. Dirty trick... and Draco should know. Harper had seen him fuck with other seekers before. The irony. He wouldn't be blocked. He followed his upward incline with a spiral burst down, and it propelled him past Harper, before the guy could block, again.

That was the moment he saw it, darting around Dean's goalposts. No time for subtle moves. Anyone could see it there and let Harper know. Draco put on the speed. Harper fall in line behind him. They had the same broom and proper posture. It was going to be down to skill. Harper wasn't going to let him get it. He encroached into his space, nearly bumping him if Draco hadn't adjusted. He was almost there. Dean froze as the two seekers approached him at full speed. They would have to go on either side of him to get to the snitch.

Draco waited until the last possible second to choose and just saw the winged ball go left slightly. He went left of Dean and Harper had to go right. The snitch indeed darted left, and Draco's fingers nabbed the elusive ball, before Harper could move over to grab it.

"DRACO! YOU DID IT!" Ginny yelled and flew toward him.

"Great catch, Draco!" Harper said, but before he could shake his hand, Ginny and Blaise flew into him.

Theo was next, followed by Terry, a bruised and bleeding Seamus and very confused Dean. They slowly dropped to the ground, and their friends came down to meet them. The Slytherins didn't care who won. They were all part of their house. The upperclassmen and the younger team, as Urquhart and Vaisey were still sixth years. Draco had never been hugged by the opposing team, but Harper didn't hesitate. The younger Slytherins followed suit, though grumbling that it was a close game. It was. They were only twenty points apart before he snagged it.

The celebration wasn't nearly as loud or exciting as it would have been for a team match. They were only playing for bragging rights. Points didn't matter. After a small party in the common room, Blaise and Neville left for the night. Theo and Daphne went to Hogsmeade. Draco, however, gently tugged Harry up to their room. He wanted to get his reward. He pinned Harry to the wall and snogged him until they were out of breath.

Harry laughed. "Easy... tiger."

"Ha... that's Blaise," Draco said, as he warded the room. He pulled out the snitch and offered it to Harry. "What do it get?"

"Anything you want, princess. You won... I will do your bidding," Harry whispered as he leaned in and nuzzled his neck. "I learned my lesson after the last time."

"Anything?" Draco murmured. "Will you get down on your knees and call me your highness?"

"I'll do more than that, on my knees, Draco."

Draco smiled and pulled off his clothes. Harry did the same and did kneel down. Without direction, he licked Draco's head and said, "Your highness? May I please you?"

"Well... I'm not going to refuse such a pretty request," Draco purred, and Harry took him into his mouth. Draco stood, slowly losing his mind as Harry sucked like he never had before. "Merlin... fucking Salazar's tender titties, that feels so good!"

Harry took it as a challenge and sucked harder. Draco was having a hard time standing up as Harry's lips pressed deliciously along his shaft. He came, nearly falling to his knees, too, but Harry held him up.

"I got you," Harry murmured, holding him.

Draco slowly came down from his orgasm and rested most of his weight on Harry. "Need me to pull you off?"

"This is your night... just tell me what you want me to do," Harry whispered.

Draco held him, bit his bit and decided it was time. "I want you... to go all the way."

Harry jolted, nearly letting go. "What?"

"I want you to fuck me, Harry."

Harry leaned back to stare at him, surprised and horrified. "Draco... I don't think...."

"I want to. It's time," he insisted.

"Draco...."

"We are doing everything but that. You said that I wasn't ready then... and you were right. I want to try it," Draco said.

Harry looked torn. "I... Draco... why don't you go first? It's your night."

Why didn't Harry want to do this? He's supposed to be in charge of them. Harry was stronger than he was. He was the one who was supposed to top. "I want you to do it," he stated.

Harry's hands were shaking nervously. "I don't think... that...."

"You don't want me?" Draco asked, now questioning Harry's affection.

"Of course, I do! I love you. I've... I just..." Harry rambled and then half-gasped. "I've never done it before. I don't want to hurt you."

"You know how to do it, right?" Draco asked. He didn't think he could handle explaining the stuff Blaise told him to Harry.

"Well... yeah... but... it'd be better if you went first," Harry insisted.

First? Why wasn't Harry getting it? Draco couldn't do that to him. He was the broken one. "I don't want to."

"Draco, I think it'll be better if you did. I'd prefer that you... got comfortable."

"Harry, I'd prefer you being... on top," he said, trying to keep his expression normal. Harry deserved this. He was a hero and was better than he was. Stronger.

Harry looked even more confused, which was saying a lot. "Y-You-You do?"

"Yes," Draco said, though he could feel the anxiety building at the thought. He needed his potions before they start.

"Draco...."

"Will you do it, Harry?"

"I still think...."

"Harry... it'll be fine. Please? This is what I want," Draco pleaded, staring at him.

Harry let out a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, just... you have to tell me if anything is wrong, okay? Will you do that?"

"Yes," Draco said, immediately. He was glad that Harry had agreed to it. "Let me go to the loo and get it."

He let go of Harry and slipped into the bathroom. Luckily, Blaise kept his bag in there. Draco pulled out the jar of lube and downed two vials of Calming Potion. His nerves settled a bit, but he still was on edge. He questioned if he should take another, but decided against it. He went back out to Harry, who was sitting on the bed, looking anxious.

"I got the lube," Draco said, and Harry flinched, but it smoothed out into a smirk.

"Is that Blaise's?" he chuckled.

Draco blushed. "Well... he won't mind."

"I'm sure. Especially since he encourages it at every opportunity. This is... an interesting type," he said, as he read the label.

Draco had no idea about the difference, but Blaise had more than enough experience to know what lube to use. "It's fine?"

"You're asking me? If you..." Harry paused and then said, "It's going to make you... tingly. It'll feel weird. It's not just lube."

Draco wondered how Harry knew that, but just shrugged. He wanted to get through this. "It'll be fine."

Harry nodded. "How do you want to...?"

Draco could feel how awkward Harry was. How innocent. He wished he was innocent, too. It took everything he had not to wince, but Harry looked at him, concerned, anyway. He knew how it was supposed to go. Draco crawled into the bed and laid down on his stomach. He forced himself to take deep, slow breaths. It was Harry who was climbing behind him. It was Harry who hesitantly touched his leg. It was Harry who laid next to him on his side. His head propped up on one elbow and his other hand lightly caressing Draco's back.

"Calm down," Harry said, gently.

Draco had no idea how he knew that he was freaking out, but he turned to stare at Harry. Stay in the present, he ordered his mind. Harry continued to rub his back.

"Are you going to...?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded. "You're a little tense? You want a back rub?"

Draco shook his head. He wanted Harry to stop drawing out the suspense. "No."

"It'll help relax you."

"I'm fine, Harry."

Harry nodded. His hand went down further to where his butt was. He splayed his finger out and curled them in against his skin. Draco's skin got all goose-pimply. "See ticklish."

"I'm not ticklish."

"You sure?" Harry drawled as he ran his fingertips across his butt.

Draco jittered. "Okay... point. Please stop. Salazar, I thought you'd want to put your dick in me."

Harry grimaced. "I do, but we have to be safe. Jumping straight in can be painful... you know... prep?"

"Yes, I do. But while your fingers are close, they aren't there, Potter," he said, haughtily.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "So, it's Potter, now?"

"Salazar! It just comes out sometimes, Harry."

"Uh huh... sure," Harry laughed, but turned serious. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Draco insisted and put his head on the blanket.

Harry took a deep breath and got up to a kneeling position. He was trembling. "Okay, I'll go slow. Just tell me if it hurts, okay?"

"Okay," Draco said, in a deceptively normal voice. He knew this was going to be rough. Harry seemed to know it, too.

Harry's hands traced over his ass, making him shiver. One questing finger slipped into his crack, and Draco had to force his muscles to keep still. Harry whispered reassurances and pressed against the furrowed hole. Draco took in a sudden breath.

"Calm down, Draco. I won't do anything quickly. Just get used to this. I won't do anything unless you say it's okay."

Harry didn't. His finger was there, but he seemed in no hurry to do anything else. Draco took some deep breaths and told him to keep going. Harry seemed reluctant but took out the lube. Draco turned to watch him put it on his finger. He was behind him. One knee was planted in between his legs. Draco kept his head down and tried to keep his emotions under control. I can do this, he thought.

"Alright? I'm going to push it in."

"Okay," Draco said, trying to focus on the stitching of the blanket.

"Draco... can you... umm... spread a little? It'll be easier?" Harry said, awkwardly.

He slowly opened his legs, and the memories started to leak through. He remembered his uncle kneeing his legs open. Draco stopped it and forced the pit memories down deeper, so it wouldn't break through, again.

"Draco?"

"I'm just nervous. It's okay," he said. It wasn't okay, though... but he had to get through this. He trusted Harry. They had to get through this, and then everything would be okay. At least that was what he told himself.

"You sure?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Draco replied. "Just do it, Harry."

Harry's hand rested on his bare skin, while the other wedged in between his cheeks. "I'm going to go slow, okay? It'll feel weird."

Draco nodded, and something poked him. Harry's finger was inside him. "Fuck," he hissed, at the intrusion and a sudden flash of memory.

"Does it hurt? I'm sorry!" Harry said and pulled it back out.

Draco shook his head. "It's different. You can keep going."

Harry slowly put it back in. "I'm just going to work it. Alright?"

Draco didn't bother to respond as the finger wiggled back in. It felt weird, but didn't hurt. He moaned as Harry's finger worked inside of him. It felt good, but the darkness was leaking in. The pit was pulling at his control and the memories were bleeding through. His uncle didn't make it feel good. He made him hurt. It's Harry, Draco told himself. Harry won't hurt me. It's Harry. He wanted so much to calm down and get through this. Sex was supposed to be good, but his mind wasn't letting happen. Harry was talking to him, but responding was beyond him. He couldn't speak.... That dream was coming back to him, mixed in through the memories. He wasn't allowed to say no.

He tensed up, unable to stop himself. Calming Potions couldn't stem the absolute fear coursing through him. He could smell the filth of Fenrir's hideout. The blood, piss, semen, and decaying remnants of the werewolf's last kill. Draco could smell it, even if his eyes couldn't see it. He was struggling to escape the pull of the pit. Don't break, he pleaded. Don't slip back. He was free from that place. He wasn't back there. There is nothing on my wrists. No one is laughing. There is no one here but Harry. Repeat it, he told himself. He did.

It took a long time for him to notice that Harry wasn't behind him or in him. He was next to him, on his side, again, and his hands were off him. He might have said something, but Draco just kept his chant going. It was only Harry, he told himself, again.

Draco finally heard his boyfriend crying almost. "Draco? Draco... please... please be okay."

He looked at Harry for a second before looking away. No eye contact was better. Harry might try Occlumency, and Draco wouldn't be able to stop him. He had to calm down. Fix the break in the fence.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Harry whimpered, in such distress that Draco snapped out of his head and reached around to grab Harry's arm and pull Harry up against him.

"It's okay," Draco said, reassuring his distraught partner. He had been so stupid to think that he could get through this without issue. No... he was damaged. Broken in a way that he would never be okay, again. Salazar's cum... Harry even knew it wouldn't work. He had to love him for trying to convince him against it, though.

Harry was still shivering, and his voice was rough. "Draco, are you sure you want me to...?"

"I'm fine, now. I didn't expect it..." he just trailed off. He couldn't finish it with anything. "Just hold me, Harry."

Harry seemed hesitant, but hugged Draco softly. He felt safer, now. The monsters in the pit wouldn't get him. Harry was here to protect him from the darkness.

I'm so sorry for the delay! Just been working hard and spending my free time with my family. I have been doing a lot of drarry reading instead of writing, too. Bad me!

I did start up a 온라인카지노게임 prompt/idea/one-shot book in my works at the suggestion of BurnChickenNugget-_! If you have a drarry 온라인카지노게임 idea to suggest, you can post it there! I do have two 온라인카지노게임 starters in there already and a one-shot. I might make them short stories, if people have an interest in them. Check it out. (and yes, I know that it distracts from the time I have to write these chapters, but it was fun)

I also started using Grammarly premium and I'll see how I like it. Half the "errors" are about my comma usage, so far, lol. I do have weird rules.

But how about the dementor reveal? Gasp! Here you thought that Lucius was gone. Silly you, lol. I might have just brought him back, purely to satisfy my desire for Harry to beat the shit of him... but in truth, it was always going to be him that was torturing Draco, even beyond "death".

Also, do you like that Ron and Draco are bonding? I feel too many stories skip over it and, like Harry and Blaise, they need to have relationship outside of their boyfriend's relationship with their best mate.

Sorry about Draco... he went through a very traumatic experience and it's hard to get through intimate experiences without problems and he's been able to handle everything so far. But that particular act, was going to be the hardest. It is completely natural after a trauma. I hope you all can understand that. I don't want anyone to question their strength and themselves becuase of this. It's a normal response to what you have gone through.

FYI I'm not going to go to deep into Draco's flashbacks, just references to the stuff that was in 59. I want to keep the trigger stuff there. But he's in therapy, now, so we will be talking about it... in a non-flashback way.

Updated 10/15/2020 for incorrect name used