Draco Malfoy, Broken

55 – Let you down

Published: 9/3/2019

Updated: 9/11/19 for minor spelling/grammar edits

***TRIGGER WARNING*** PTSD/panic attack

Blaise woke up with a crank in his neck and blinded as the sunlight was coming in the window above their heads. Draco was still on his chest, breathing rhythmically. He was sleeping. Draco, like Theo, always slept better when he was with someone. Blaise had mixed feelings on the subject. His nightmares never made him scream, just mad and embarrassed. He looked at his sundial and it was nearly time to get up, if they wanted breakfast.

He took Draco's hand and whispered, "Dray. It's time to get up."

Draco's eyes slowly opened and he yawned. "What?"

"Time for breakfast and class. And to find Potter."

Draco jerked up to a sitting position. "Harry."

"Yes... get up. I need to stretch," Blaise said, groaning.

Draco complied and clambered to his feet. Blaise slowly followed. Everything was sore and aching. He did not like the floor.

"Sorry," Draco said, looking guilty.

"Hey... I locked you in here, remember?"

Draco grimaced and looked at the door. He nodded. "Thanks, for kidnapping me."

"Anytime. That's what friends are for, right?"

Draco nodded, again. He still was avoiding his eyes. "What happened yesterday... anyway? You two left and then you were yelling at Ginny."

Blaise's shoulders dropped. Draco had to know. Of all the people who he had talked to about it, Theo, Neville and Ginny, this was going to be the most difficult. But there was no one that else Blaise felt safer with. "You remember when I told you that my mom found out about... Flint and the others..." he trailed off. He was the one who couldn't meet Draco's eyes, now. Not about this. Draco was his protector, in this regard.

"Yeah," Draco said, his voice a little firmer. He never shirked his responsibilities to his friends. He was still, alert and watching him very carefully.

"Pucey and Montague asked to meet me in Hogsmeade," he whispered, lowering his head more. He knew Draco would not be pleased that he went there, willingly, and he was right.

"What?!" Draco growled.

Blaise meekly glanced up at him. Draco's face was hard, anger etched across it. He was straight, taller than him now, as Blaise was the one cowering. There was no uncertainty in Draco's posture, now. Blaise couldn't help but shake from his extreme shift in emotions. He always knew how protective Draco was over his friends, especially him. Maybe he should have brought up this last night and saved himself from that embarrassing confession. However, Blaise knew it was harder to get Draco to open up when he was mad.

"I'm sorry." He dropped his head, again, too embarrassed to look him.

Draco let out a breath and regulated his tone. "Why would you go talk to them?"

Blaise couldn't answer. He never could say no, even to pain. "I guess to find out what they wanted. They weren't that bad."

"They weren't that b..." Draco began angrily, but took a deep breath. "What happened?"

"They..." he stopped. Tears came out and Draco stepped closer and hugged him.

Blaise could scarcely comprehend the sudden role reversal, but it was nearly instantaneous. Blaise had been consoling Draco all night long and, at just a few words, Draco was taking care of him. Blaise felt so safe in his arms. No one had protected him like Draco had. He was his brother in every way but blood. Theo would defend and die for him, too, but Draco, he would protect him, whatever the cost. He had rendered Flint impotent, battled tooth and nail to pull Blaise back from the edge, and done everything humanly possible to protect him from the Death Eaters. Draco might have been nine months younger than him, but he was always acted like his older brother.

Blaise mumbled out the conversation he had with them, what his mother had done to the others, and how the curse lifted when he forgave them.

"The others might come, too," he whispered, fully acknowledging the fear that had been building since Adrian and Graham first showed their arms to him. Worst might come for him. He couldn't show that fear with Theo or Neville there. But Draco was different. They didn't have to hide anything from each other.

"I won't let anything happen to you," Draco vowed, holding him tightly. "I'll take care of you."

Blaise believed him and he had to smile. Draco was on probation and scared to death of Azkaban, but nothing would stop him from protecting him. Blaise knew he would have to pull Draco back if it came to it. Draco let go to look at him. Draco's fingers traced jaw and he straightened up, fixing Blaise with that stern glare that he had mastered at a young age. Blaise felt himself shrink.

"You will not go to any more reunions without me there," Draco ordered.

Blaise trembled slightly, hearing the command in his voice, again. He hadn't heard that since Draco left for Easter last year. "Don't try to save me. Don't come back for me. Don't try to help. You have to protect Theo and Daphne, now, Blaise. Promise me that. Promise me that you will keep them safe. They are the only things that matter." Draco's hard, strong voice from long ago. "Make sure Theo doesn't become a Death Eater, hide him and Daphne, if necessary, but don't ever come after me."

Blaise had tried to resist his order, but Draco was adamant, forceful. Blaise wasn't in charge then. He took orders, he didn't give them, and he trusted Draco with his life. However, he fought against the command, but Draco called in his debt. Made him promise. Blaise owed him everything. He had an obligation and he agreed in the end. Promised to protect them. Promised Draco that he would let them kill him... let them destroy him. "I'm already dead, Blaise. I should have died on that tower, because I knew the cost of failure then. I'm not going to be here much longer, and I need to know that you will do this or I won't be able to rest. Please...."

"Blaise?" Draco asked, ripping him out of that painful memory.

He nodded. "I don't think I'll agree to any more meetings. That one was bad enough."

"That's a good idea. Be careful what you open, too. Let me check your mail for now on," Draco said, rubbing his shoulder, supportively. Salazar, Blaise missed this so much.

"Okay," Blaise said, softly.

Draco moved his hand to Blaise's jaw and forced it up. "Are you alright?"

Blaise shook his head, between the meeting yesterday, retelling it three times and comforting Draco, he was wiped emotionally. "But I'll live. It was a rough day... week."

Draco nodded. "I want you to stay out of Hogsmeade, too, unless you all go as a group."

"Yes... boss," Blaise said, with a smile.

Draco scowled. "Don't."

"Harry is probably waiting for you... are you going to argue with me or go get him?"

Blaise withheld a smile as Draco's emotions darkened. He was on the right path, now. Mission accomplished, Blaise thought.

***

Draco felt better, a lot better. Not fully recovered, but that wasn't ever going to really happen. He was worried about Blaise, certainly, but he had to find Harry. He couldn't believe how self-centered he'd been lately. He'd been so focused on his own problems that he didn't even see how much it was hurting Harry. Crap... Harry deserved a better boyfriend. Blaise was looking at him in a way that made it seem like he was waiting for his orders. He rolled his eyes. He didn't want to take it though. Harry was the one who was really in trouble.

"I really fucked up, haven't I?"

"If Potter's back in your bed, tonight, I'd wager that you dodged a bludger."

Draco grunted. "Thank you... for everything, Blaise."

"It's my pleasure, blondie. I did enjoy kidnapping you, for a change. You still got those hex marks from when you tried to hold me in here?"

"Yes, and I didn't try anything. You were my prisoner, if you recall," Draco drawled.

Blaise smiled and nodded in agreement. "I remember. You saved my life that day, I feel."

Draco grimaced. Talking Blaise out of his drive to self-flagellation via high-risk sex, was not easy. Blaise was mentally drained by that point. His emotions were just gone... empty. He had no fight left in him and he had just come back from the hospital after the whip backs on his back re-opened. Blaise had never been the best healer though he had picked up quite a bit over the years. Draco had overheard Madam Pomfrey shouting at him about broken ribs, infections and possible permanent damage. Draco knew he had to confront him about it all. But Blaise wanted nothing to do with that discussion. He nearly hexed his balls off for trapping him.

"I'm just sorry I didn't try harder before that, Blaise."

He shook his head. "No, I needed to hit bottom. You picked a good time for an intervention."

Blaise wasn't meeting his eyes. Draco knew that Blaise hated how wild and reckless his past was and felt nothing but shame over what Flint had done to him. Blaise still was recovering from all of it.

Draco claimed that space between them. "None of it... was your fault, Blaise."

"Trying to use my words against me?" he muttered. "That argument might work when I was 12... even 14. But it meant less when I was 15... and even lesser at 16 and 17. I'm a legally responsible adult, now, Draco."

Draco didn't know what to say to that. He knew that the early abuse had really messed up Blaise's understanding of... stuff. Blaise was grown up in a lot of things, but in some ways, he really wasn't. Age really is a number and some people take longer to truly become adults.

"Blaise..." he started, but Blaise aimed his wand at the door and the locks clicked open.

"We should go eat. Don't you need to look for Harry, too?"

Draco straightened up, but didn't want to end their conversation. They rarely talked so openly. Blaise looked away, a plea to stop. Draco nodded. He had to deal with Harry, too. He couldn't let go of the idea that Harry was hurting over him. Merlin, he had been so stupid. He had really fucked up. Soaked up in his own fucking stupid fear. He'd spent the last week studying non-stop, building his mental defenses back up, and he didn't think he could do it and focus his attention on Harry.

"Fine," he huffed out and they walked out of the loo.

Theo and Daphne were both awake and looking worriedly at him.

"Sorry... I've been... out of it," Draco muttered.

"Don't... you don't need to apologize to us. We're just glad you're better," Daphne said, coming over to him.

Theo went to Blaise, who was at his wardrobe and not responding to Theo's attempts to reassure him.

"I'm fine," Blaise finally muttered, when he realized that all of them were watching him. He took his clean clothes into the loo to change. Theo watched him go with sad eyes.

"Is he okay?" Daphne asked.

"I don't know. We talked about a lot of things."

"Was one of those things about yesterday morning?" Theo asked.

Draco nodded. "I'm glad you were there."

"Me, too. I would have stopped it if it had gotten bad," he said.

Draco didn't doubt that Theo would do it... but he wouldn't defy Blaise to do it. Blaise came out, looking proper, but no less mentally hurt.

"Stop worrying about me. Go fix your problems and I'll be happy."

"Come on, maybe he'll be in the common room," Daphne said, and got an appreciative nod from Blaise as they headed down the stairs.

***

Harry woke up suddenly, his breaths quick and fast, and heart ready to explode out of his chest. Memories flooding through him as he remembered the dementor grabbing him. He tried to bring his hands to his chest, but they were both restrained by cloth bands. His chest and lungs hurt so much, he felt like he was suffocating. He tried to cry out, but the pain was unbearable. It took a few minutes for him to realize that he was in the hospital wing, tied to a bed, not trapped in his nightmares. He kept trying to yank his hands free, getting more and more anxious by the second. Tears of confusion and panic streamed down his face. He couldn't calm down. He couldn't stop... it. That uncertainty and fear that was now fully asserting their control over him, aided no doubt by his massive hangover. His head was killing him.

"Harry?" he heard, as the sounds of his distress finally alerted the matron. She came out of her office and quickly over to him. "Harry! Calm down! You're in the hospital wing!"

He just continued to pull ineffectually at the restraints, trying to get free. Trapped, so trapped. There was a blanket on him, too. It was too much. Fear had completely taken over all of his reasoning. The dementor... it had almost taken his soul. He wasn't sure it was gone.

"Harry! Stop, you're going to get bruises! Relax! You're safe!"

There was no safe place. Harry's breath got caught as his lungs seized up and he couldn't breathe. He looked at the matron pleadingly to stop it, to stop everything, when his vision faded into blackness.

The dementor was bearing down on him. He could already see Draco's blood flowing out of his chest, smell of the stuffy bathroom clung in the air, hear Draco's rugged breathing. He could feel the ache of his heart as the clammy hand of the dementor reached out toward him, toward his soul. Ripping it out of him... then squeezing it tauntingly as it stared down at him. Harry felt the pain as its grip tightened.

"Harry!" Madam Pomfrey called as she woke him up, again.

He screamed as his eyes opened wide. He scanned the room for the fiend and tried, yet, again, to pull his arms loose.

"It's okay. Calm down! You were thrashing so badly I had to restrain you when you came in last night. Harry? Can you talk?"

No, he couldn't. His throat was tight, like someone was choking him. He was shaking like crazy and his breathing was getting bad, again. Everything hurt. He was losing the battle for oxygen, yet again.

"Harry... I need you to drink this. Can you drink?"

He didn't even know if he understood her and continue to pull ineffectively at the bonds around his wrists. The matron apologized and brought the goblet to his mouth. He didn't want to let her, but the liquid poured in, past his lips and down his throat. He felt the acid burn in his lungs slowly fade and his heart slow down. Fogginess settled over his thoughts and he stopped struggling as hard. Calm... forced tranquility. His mind was battling on two fronts, now, agonizing panic and listlessness. He wasn't sure what he was failing at stopping. He tugged half-heartedly at the bindings and wouldn't answer the Madam Pomfrey when she tried to ask him questions.

She examined him, with her wand and her hands. She said more things, but he didn't answer. He just stared at his wrists, not understanding why it wouldn't come free. His arms were shaking from the effort.

"Poppy, what's wrong?" another voice from the doorway called.

"He's not answering. I gave him a Calming Draught and he's a lot better, but still not answering. He passed out once from hyperventilation and almost did again, before I was able to get the potion down. He hasn't said a word, just keeps on trying to escape."

"Harry?" the headmistress called. "Look at me."

Harry glanced at her, but he couldn't remember how to talk. He was so tired. But he couldn't sleep. The nightmares would come. Tears once again came out as he dropped his head.

McGonagall patted his head gently. "It's okay, Harry. We're going to take care of you."

Harry let out some sobs in response and looked around despondently. He couldn't answer her. He was a wreck. He was such a disappointment. He let her down.

"Poppy... the Dreamless Sleep."

"Are you sure? He's been out all night."

"He's exhausted, can barely understand me. Please."

"Alright, but just a for a few hours. Let me go get it," she said, disappearing into her office.

Harry pulled on his restraints, again, and the headmistress took his hand. "It's going to be alright, Harry. We are going to get you through this."

Harry tried to make his jaw work. "D-D-De-De...."

"Dementor? It fled. It almost was successful in removing your soul," she whispered, rubbing his hand supportively.

"Yeah... it was lucky you went after him, Minerva... I don't know what I would have..." the matron sniffled a sob, as she came around the other side, holding a potion.

"Lucky Aberforth sent an owl. Ten seconds later and I'd be too late," she whispered, sniffling slightly.

"Harry, this will help you to sleep. You won't dream," Madam Pomfrey said, loudly, as Harry started to shy away from it. "It will help you."

Harry did not believe her and through the mind-numbing drowsiness of the Calming Draught, his heart started beating faster. The ropes held as he pulled at them yet, again. He didn't understand what was happening. His head hurt so much. No, sleep was bad. Nightmares... memories... he couldn't sleep. He started to breathe faster, no control.

Professor McGonagall put her hand on his chest. "Breathe, Harry."

Harry tried, but the fear had taken hold, again. There was nothing that could stop the panic building. The healer tipped the vial down his throat and he stared at them in wide-eyed fear until the potion kicked in. The sad, worried faces of the headmistress and matron were the last things he saw.

***

Minerva McGonagall frowned as she looked at the poor anguished boy, finally sleeping. Poppy was fixing his blankets ruffled from Harry's attempts to escape. She let out a sob, too. Harry was been restless, crying out all night. But they didn't dare give him any Dreamless Sleep when the alcohol was so prevalent in his system. It would have been very bad to mix them. She had to get her own fears and terrors under control in the hour of sleep she got. Minerva had never been so scared that she was too late when she saw the dementor last night.

His soul had nearly been consumed... forever. Harry, who survived Voldemort and death itself, was almost destroyed by a dementor... it was too much. She had to wait for nearly an hour in the hospital wing until Harry started mumbling and crying out. She was never so happy to hear him crying, as it was proof his soul was still intact. Of course, they had to restrain him and listen to his pain for hours. Poppy refused to give him anything, even a Hangover Potion. He had to sober up, first.

It didn't take Poppy long to lift the glamours and see his weight loss. Harry hadn't been eating and he'd been hiding it. No one noticed or if they did, they hadn't done anything about it. She was less than pleased. As she sat next to Harry through night, watching his worst episodes, she kept expecting his friends to show up, but no one did. Had Harry cut himself off completely from his friends, or was it the other way around? By morning, she had decided not to order the lot of them into her office. Harry had some right to privacy, after all. He probably wouldn't want his friends to see him like this, especially Draco, who she knew was in a similar despondent state.

Of course, she could not leave things as they were. He was not leaving the hospital wing without supervision, amongst a few other restrictions. Poppy had discussed a potion regimen with her, but it was Harry, who would make the decisions for them. They had to talk to him. St. Mungo's wasn't out of the question. She liked to think that Harry was just too drunk to take on the dementor, because he hadn't used his wand at all. He would have to make some concessions to gain his freedom from the infirmary and their observation.

Poppy only had limited training when it came to mental health. Minerva had been working with Moira to learn Occlumency, but she knew it wasn't going to be enough. They needed a mind healer. A good one, who wouldn't hesitate to work with former death eaters and temperamental teens. She had been trying to pry more money out of the stiffs on the board. They had turned her turn every time, with "we can't afford it" and "we paid for the rebuild of the school, their parents can pay for their therapy". She was stuck with a tosser like Dawlish because the Ministry was paying him.

Blasted codgers, the lot of them, she thought, icily. Moira was certainly getting better with the Occlumency, but Snape was insistent that a healer was still needed. It was a problem, a real problem. It wasn't going away, either.

Poppy wiped some tears away. Between Harry, Blaise and Draco, her restraint and professionalism were at their wit's end. "The poor boy."

"Yes, we will have to keep an eye on him."

"More than an eye," the old matron growled. "He's going to be coming to see me regularly for a long time."

"As you deem necessary, but mind you don't push him too hard. He's been fighting everyone and everything for so long, it's no wonder that his strength is gone."

"I'll be careful."

"Let me know when he wakes up. No visitors unless he says it's okay."

"We've never done that before...."

"Look at him, Poppy. He wants some modesty. He was using the glamours to hide. This is a mental health issue more than anything else."

"I see. I'll send an owl, when he wakes up."

"A Patronus. I want to know and so I can come immediately."

"As you wish. But that potion should keep him under until near lunch."

Minerva nodded to show she understood. There was only an hour until her first class started. She wanted another nap, but there were things to do. She wanted to hear see what the Ministry would say now that she saw the blasted dementor with his own eyes. Probably nothing. Her frank discussions with Kingsley were that the Ministry was becoming even more waterlogged in red tape. He was fighting for everything that he could. She trusted him, but Harry had warned against showing their hand too soon and paranoid that he was, she couldn't deny the evidence so far.

There was no hesitation in her when Harry asked if she would help him in his new campaign against the "collaborators" as he called them. She had her own doubts as to how the war trials went down. Draco... she had to admit that something was off, especially with the files Penelope Clearwater had found. But what she didn't know was if it was just about them protecting themselves and covering up their crimes, or something... darker. Power was clearing being consolidated and, despite Madam Hopkirk assuring her that she supported Harry, the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had most certainly made substantial gains in terms of power in the Ministry. Not only, taking over the most powerful department, but was ready to sashay the reins of the Wizengamot from the current Chief Warlock, Tiberius McLaggen, a raving dunderhead, in her own opinion.

But Madam Hopkirk was the strongest and most important person in the government. Minerva would say that she had more power than Kingsley and it was proven time after time. Being the head of both the legal and the legislative arms of the Ministry, had given her control that no one had ever had. McLaggen hadn't been completely removed from his chair, but Harry's threat of censorship had left their mark. Most members in the Wizengamot accepted her quasi-improper usurpation of power. She was Acting-Chief Warlock, but effectively Chief Warlock in all matters of authority.

Harry had entreated Minerva to leave Hogwarts over a week ago, to suss out the validity of those claims. She reached out to twelve of her long-time confidents and her closest students over the years. They confirmed everything. Power, threats and control. Two had been forced out of the Wizengamot under pressure. Others were not willing to get into another campaign against oppression, but promised to be there if it came to it. But she got four people to join the new order, four who were willing to fight to throw off the last tentacles of Voldemort's rule. They had a strong network of spies growing: two in the Wizengamot, Griselda Marchbanks and Millicent Bagnold, a twenty-five-year-old woman Auror named Savage, who had the fastest draw Minerva had ever seen, and another older wizard Kopkirk's own office, named Weatherby, who was a close friend of Minerva's late husband, Elphinstone.

They had a stream of information coming to them now, mostly handled by Bill and Professor Tofty. Slughorn would be a great asset if she could get him to join, but Horace was not easily roused into doing work, or picking sides. She frowned, but thought they had a good start. They would have to wait to see what new tidbits of information can be shaken loose from the spider's web.

She didn't care how dangerous it was, nor if it might bring another war. Right was right. The guilty must be punished. Harry had the proper view on it. They'll try, again. Power is addictive and the collaborators aren't just hiding their crimes, no they are breaking more laws, hurting more people. Harry's evidence was paper-thin... a hunch more than anything, but she believed in him. She had never felt so much pride in a student before. Harry was special. He was like a child she never had and that dementor nearly stole him away. She was quite distraught after it happened and if she'd been twenty years younger she'd storm into the Ministry and turn Hopkirk into a tea cozy. But she was older and had responsibilities. Patience comes to those who wait.

But she turned her intentions to getting Harry better, his mind and soul settled before launching into another war against evil. She couldn't lose Harry. He had so much still to do. He found his true love and she wouldn't let what happened to her, happen to him. She had to help him with his mental health, first, and continued planning how best to help him.

***

Harry wasn't in the common room, Draco saw after a quick scan, his heart pounding faster.

"Hey... Draco? Everything alright?" Hermione asked, looking at him.

"Yeah... have you seen... Harry?" he asked, quietly. Sally Smith and Sue Li were glaring at him from a table. Terry and Hannah were not too far away at their own table and looked over, worried.

"No... not since last night. Maybe, he is in his room?"

Neville came down the steps and said, "No, he didn't come in last night."

Draco shared a look with Blaise. He was worried, too.

"Maybe he went down to breakfast? Before you got up, Hermione?"

"I've been here for over an hour," she said, her lip trembling.

Harry, where are you? Draco thought, but said, "L-Let's head down then? Maybe he's down there?"

But Harry wasn't. Draco was shaking by the time they reached Potions and Harry's seat was empty. When class started and Professor Slughorn didn't mention Harry's absence, he was both worried and relieved. Slughorn knew something. After class, Theo and Daphne took off to Care of Magical Creatures and Blaise said that he was going with Neville to look for Harry, back in their dorm. Hermione had agreed to take him to Arithmancy. He waited until the others left and then went up to the professor.

"Sir?" he asked.

Slughorn was never his favorite professor. He was a star-stroker, riding his popularity on other people's work. He had never warmed to Draco, either, though Draco was arguably the best in his class.

"Yes, what is it, Mr. Malfoy?" he said, gruffly, packing up his notes.

"I was wondering if you knew where Harry is?" he asked. He could feel Hermione was watching him, too.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I was informed by the headmistress that he wouldn't be attending class, today. You will have to ask her."

"Thank you, Sir," Draco said, and noticed that the old potions master nodded kindly to him in turn, at least he didn't hate his guts.

Hermione walked with him up the stairs. "You want to stop at Transfiguration?" she asked.

"Would you?" he said, happily. He didn't mind being late, if he could know what happened with Harry. It would help settle the unease that had been growing in his stomach.

"You don't think I'm worried sick about him?" she growled, nearly in tears herself.

"No... I mean yes... or..." he just stopped.

When they went into McGonagall's class, it was third years and no one Draco really knew. Hermione let him approach the headmistress's desk.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy? Shouldn't you be in class?" she said, but she had a knowing look in her eyes.

"Professor, do you know where Harry is?" Draco asked, quietly.

The headmistress's nostrils flared slightly, but she frowned, as though restraining herself. She led them out into the hallway. "Mr. Potter is in the hospital wing. He is fine," she added seeing the looks on their faces. "Physically speaking. He's under a Dreamless Potion right now and I'll not have him disturbed. After you eat lunch, you may go to the hospital wing to see if he is up for visitors."

"Professor what hap-" Hermione began, but she was cut off.

"I suspect that you both should be on your way to class," she said, sternly.

Neither of them had the gall to challenge her and turned and walked toward Arithmancy. Hermione muttered, "At least, we know where he is."

"There's that. She said he was physically alright... but he's in the hospital, Hermione."

She had no answer. Draco's mind kept playing over the possibilities all through class and he shuddered at every one of them. It was his fault. He was hurting Harry. Whatever happened was because he shut Harry out. He was a nervous wreck by the time lunch came. He couldn't eat a bite and Blaise was right there with him. Neville only half-heartedly tried to get them to eat, but gave up with hardly a fight. Draco was sure that Neville was holding Blaise's hand under the table.

Damn it. Everything was his fault. Whatever is wrong with Harry was because he ignored him. Blaise is hurting because he helped him. He sighed and looked at Hermione. She nodded and he stood up and made his way to the entrance hall, Neville, Hermione, and Blaise followed him. Theo and Daphne stayed. Ron sat with Seamus and Dean, seemingly unaware. They silently walked to the infirmary. Professor McGonagall was waiting for them, looking... angry. Draco gulped and avoided her eyes.

"I would like to know why you think Mr. Potter is in the hospital wing?" she asked, directly.

"P-Professor?" Hermione stammered. She was afraid of the headmistress, as was Draco.

"Do-you-know-why-Harry-might-be-here?" she said, in stiff, disjointed words.

Hermione lowered her head. "Yeah, he hasn't been sleeping."

"Anything else?" she asked, gruffly.

Draco wouldn't look at her. "I haven't been... talking to him."

"Well..." the headmistress said, after a moment of silence. "If I said that I found him last night on the path to Hogsmeade... near midnight, will that give you more insight?"

Draco's heart sank. There was really only one reason why Harry would go to Hogsmeade that late at night. He wanted to sleep, to silence his demons, and alcohol was his way out. He drove him into relapsing. His eyes watered.

"Firewhiskey?" he whispered.

"Yes... so he has a problem?" she asked, getting to the point.

"He did," Draco murmured.

"I see. He is of age, and legally it was alright, but consuming as much as he did, as fast as he did... was dangerous."

"Is he alright?"

"That remains to be seen. It is what happened on the path from Hogsmeade to here, that landed him in the hospital. Mr. Potter... ran into your dementor."

Draco froze up. "Did he...?" he couldn't fail to note that Harry had obviously consumed a huge amount of alcohol. Casting spells or running would be next to impossible."

"I happened to be nearby and reached him in time, though the dementor had nearly succeeded in removing his soul."

Hermione clasped her fingers over her mouth. "Oh, my heavens!"

"Yes... it's serious. Harry has not been able to respond to us and Poppy had to put him to sleep."

"He's okay though?" she gasped.

"His soul remains within him, but he's emotionally distressed. When I brought him back, we couldn't calm him down. He hasn't been able to speak and it's not a physical issue."

Draco's heart was barely beating. "Can I see him?"

"I will not have him agitated more. He will have to give permission. He's not in a good state."

"No... he isn't. I couldn't get him to talk about anything..." Hermione sobbed and Neville hugged her.

"Indeed... but you knew there were problems?" the headmistress said and they all lowered their heads. "Because we also discovered that he was using a glamour spell, to hide his deteriorating health issues."

"He wasn't eating," Blaise muttered. Hermione looked shocked.

"Correct. I will go and talk to him and if he is able to agree to it, I will allow you visit, one-at-a-time. That's if he does. There is no guarantee that he's comfortable to receive you and honestly, I haven't ruled out St. Mungo's, yet."

"No..." Draco breathed.

"Relax, Mr. Malfoy. It isn't as dire as you make it out to be."

"But... everyone will know!" he mumbled.

"That is not what is important. Harry is. I'm afraid we don't have the resources to help him with his issues."

"I'll help him," Draco declared.

"Mr. Malfoy, you are barely able to keep your head above water, yourself. Professional help maybe needed, whether we want it to or not."

Draco had tears streaming out and Blaise hugged him. McGonagall went into the ward alone. Hermione took Neville's hand and they waited for an answer. It took five brutally long minutes for her to return and the headmistress looked at him.

"He's awake, but not very communicative, but gave his consent to see you. Are you able to handle this?" she asked.

Draco straightened up immediately. "Yes, ma'am."

"Very well. I will only let you stay for a few minutes, though. He needs rest."

Draco walked slowly into the ward and down to the far end where there were privacy curtains up around his bed. He took a deep breath and walked inside. Madam Pomfrey was in there, giving him another dose and some pep talk.

"This will take away your headache, dear... and here's a nutrient potion."

Harry didn't fight her, amazingly. His hands were bound to the bed, restrained. He looked utterly wrecked, but his eyes finally locked onto him. Tears almost immediately came out. He dropped his head and started trembling. Draco stepped forward and took his hand.

"It's okay, Harry. I'm here. I'm so sorry."

Harry didn't answer or look at him. Madam Pomfrey scooted out and left them alone.

Draco reached up and gently ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm right here."

Harry let out a sob, his voice was rough. "I'm sorry, Draco. I couldn't resist. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, Harry... it's not your fault. I was being inconsiderate. I'm sorry."

Harry looked up and shook his head. "It's not your fault, Draco. You're the one recovering."

"And you're not, Harry? Damn it... you needed me and I totally...."

"No, I'm not mad at you. You didn't do this," Harry said, his voice breaking.

"I didn't help you! I didn't hold you... I didn't see that you were hurting this much!"

"You aren't responsible for me. You have to take care of yourself and... can you let me out of these cuffs?"

"Oh, sure," Draco said, happy to do something that wasn't arguing. He tried, but failed to remove them. He even tried to magically release them, but nothing. "I think they locked them. Do you want me to break the spell?"

"No... I guess. It's fine." Harry leaned back into his pillows and looked at the ceiling. Tears were in his eyes.

"Harry... what happened?"

"I just got desperate... I wanted to... sleep. I'm sorry... I let you down," he said, closing his eyes.

"No, you didn't. I let you down! I couldn't help you... you needed me and I shut you out!"

"You needed time," Harry said, quietly.

"No... I needed to talk to you and it's my fault. It's on me. The alcohol and that you were attacked... by the... d-dementor."

Harry's eyes glazed over and he stared straight ahead, shaking. He tried to pull at straps, but not really. He was fidgeting.

"Harry?"

No response.

"Harry?" he said, louder, and then waved his hand under his face. Harry finally jolted and looked at him, shattered. "Oh, Harry. You're going to be okay."

Harry shook his head, tears coming out. "It almost... it touched my soul, Draco. I felt it. It hurt so much... it squeezed." Harry shuddered and looked at him. "But Draco... you... you w-were right... it's different. It felt familiar, I don't know how to describe it. It was enjoying it."

Draco resisted sobbing. It was his dementor that hurt him. He almost lost him. "I don't understand why either. Why it's so different, but Harry... I'm sorry. It's here for me."

"That's not your fault."

"Holy Salazar... we are just going in circles, aren't we?"

Harry smiled a little. "A little, but I am sorry I... fell off the wagon."

"What wagon?"

Harry's grin grew. "It's just a muggle saying."

"Oh... well, I'm sorry for ignoring you. We're even, now."

"Okay... is the awkward part over?"

"Guess we will have to wait and see. Headmistress was pretty teethed."

"Oh... shit," Harry muttered.

"Language!" came from behind the curtain.

Apparently, they were being eavesdropped on by the matron. Draco didn't like that.

"Professor McGonagall only gave us a few minutes, because you have to 'recover'. Hermione is waiting for you, too. Can she come over?"

"Yeah," Harry said, though ashamed, and Draco was about to go to get her. "But Draco, I'm okay, now. I won't do it, again."

"What about eating?" he asked.

"Oh, don't you worry about that," Madam Pomfrey huffed as she came back in. "You'll be eating your meals in here, until I'm sure you will eat on your own."

"I will!" Harry insisted.

"Your promises don't mean anything. You didn't eat. You hid your weight loss. You lost your right to be trusted, Mr. Potter."

"But..." he started.

"No, buts. The headmistress is going to have a long conversation with you about what happened. You can argue with her."

Harry's shoulders dropped defeated. That would be a lost cause.

"I'm sure it won't be too long," Draco said, quietly.

"It'll depend on your attitude, Harry. Now, go on, Draco. Get to class. Harry needs more sleep."

"Hermione's going to come say hello, okay?"

"It's fine," he said, letting out a deep breath.

He was trying to hide how hurt and damaged he was. Draco leaned in and kissed him on his forehead. "I'm here, Harry. We're going to get through this, together. Every step of the way."

Harry looked up at him, hopeful. "Thanks, Dray-co."

"Don't... or you'll really lose your tongue. I'll be here after class," Draco snorted. He squeezed Harry's hand one more time and he left.

Hermione was nearly crying in anticipation, when he reached her. "Is he alright, Draco? What happened!?"

"He's going to be okay. Just is weak. He said that you can go see him."

"Thank,  Merlin!" she said and took off into the ward.

"Is he really okay?" Neville asked.

"He's not completely fine. He's hiding a lot of his pain."

Neville nodded and Blaise stared at him, assessing his reaction. Draco tried to bury his concerns, the panic he was feeling. How close he had lost Harry. His dementor, his neglect were responsible for this, no matter what Harry told him. It was his fault and he had to make sure that he didn't let it happen, again. He couldn't let him down, again.

They waited only a few minutes for Hermione to come back and then went down to Ancient Runes. Blaise and Neville left to go to Binn's class. He was debating skipping class, but Hermione wasn't one to do that. As soon as class ended, he was packed and out of his seat before anyone else. Hermione had to scramble to catch up to him as he hurried out the door. Theo and Daphne were there waiting for them and they went straight to the ward. Blaise and Neville were outside the infirmary.

Draco and Hermione walked into the ward and they could hear Professor McGonagall talking to Harry. They both stopped, inclined to eavesdrop.

"I know it may seem harsh...."

"Harsh? Why do I have to come here to eat?"

McGonagall huffed, "You know why... as for Hogsmeade...."

"Let me guess... I can't go anymore." Harry sounded almost defeated.

"Before eight and you have to go with your friends... I will allow it."

"Fine. I won't... do that, again. I didn't mean to... go that far," Harry rambled, over his words.

"It almost got your soul removed and even if the dementor wasn't there, magical beings can die of alcohol poisoning, Harry," the headmistress said, quietly.

"I've had more than that."

"That does not reassure me in the slightest. You can also die from liver failure."

"I stopped for a while. I didn't mean to drink it."

"Why did you even go out there then?" Professor McGonagall asked, sternly.

"I... I don't know... it was too much to stay in the common room... or my room. I didn't want to talk to anyone."

"So going to a pub was the next choice?"

Harry did not answer.

"Harry... I really think that a mind healer...."

"No! No! I'm not doing it! I'm not talking to anyone about anything! I already told you I won't do it!"

"Harry... you have several issues that are worrying me. You need help."

"I said no. I won't do it. If you make me I'm not talking to them at all," Harry growled, petulantly. Draco's shoulders dropped. He understood Harry's attitude. He'd probably react similarly, but he still wanted Harry to get help. He wanted him to get better.

"Very well. But if you don't follow Madam Pomfrey's instructions... I will consider other alternatives. Mark my words."

"I have."

"Good. I don't want anything to happen to you, Harry."

"Things already happened to me and it's always going to stay that way."

"Not always. You're just in the storm of it all," the headmistress said, gently.

"Storm? It's always been like this. It always will be like this."

"No... it won't. I promise you that it won't be. Peaceful times will come."

"I don't believe you."

"I bet you a quid that it will happen," the headmistress said, with a dry laugh.

Harry chuckled. "I'll take it, but can you let me out of these? I'm not going to run off."

"You'll have to negotiate your release with Madam Pomfrey, I'm afraid," she said, stoically. He snorted.

"Hmm... thank you... for saving me," Harry said, his voice low.

"You're welcome. Aberforth deserves some credit. He owled when you staggered out the door."

"I will thank him, too."

"Good, you take care of yourself, now. I'll be keeping my eye on you."

Harry didn't say anything and the curtain opened and the headmistress nearly ran into them. Draco swallowed nervously at her glare. She pointed to the door and they went back out into the hallway. Draco was prepared to get a verbal lashing from her for eavesdropping, but she just shooed them out.

"Well... since you decided to listen to our private conversation...."

"We didn't mean to, Professor! We didn't want to interrupt!" Hermione said, trying to apologize.

"Humph," the headmistress sighed. "He should be released tonight at ten, after your class, Draco. But I want you all to keep a good watch on him. I told him that I don't want him wandering around by himself for the next week. If there any more serious issues that come up, I expect you all to tell me. You are not medical experts. You can not decide if he can take care of himself. We nearly lost him, because we let it get this bad. I expect better from every one of you."

They all lowered their heads, properly chastised. Draco whispered, "It's my fault. I let you down. I let him down."

"It's no singular person's fault. You know the signs and symptoms of his issues, don't ignore them, even if he tells you to. Use your head, that's what it is for." She then walked away from them, without any more discussion.

"Do you think we can go in?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, she didn't say we couldn't. Let's go."

"All of us?" Neville asked.

"No... just me and Draco," Hermione said. "I'll let Harry know that you guys are here. I don't want to overwhelm him."

"We'll wait out here for you guys," Blaise said.

"Thanks," Draco said and he went back in and to curtain. "Harry? Can I come in?"

"Draco? Yeah..." his boyfriend said, readily.

Draco entered and Harry was still in the same position. Strapped to the hospital bed. His face was thin, starved. He had bags under his eyes. He wasn't meeting his eyes. Before they could say hello, Madam Pomfrey came around the curtain.

"Why are two of you here! He needs rest!"

"They're fine," Harry said. "Can you let me out of these? Professor McGonagall said you could."

"Ready to leave so soon?"

"I won't leave here without permission. You don't have to tie me to the bed."

"Are you going to take your potions without complaint?"

"As long as they aren't Sleeping or Calming Draughts, I'll take them."

"Harry... they will help you feel better. You need to sleep."

"No, they make me feel groggy and I don't want anything to help me sleep."

"Dreamless Sleep will let you sleep without you subconscious hurting you."

"Yeah? And it will make me sleep, regardless if I'm tired. I could get addicted. You rarely hand it out and that Calming Draught made it worse."

"I'm still going to insist on a Mood-Lifter Potion, Harry. You either agree to take it, or I will require you to see a mind healer. Your option," she said, firmly.

"Why me? I got drunk one night and I have to see a mind healer?"

"It's not just that and you know it. What happened earlier... when you woke up, isn't going away."

"You didn't make everyone else see a mind healer!" Harry's eyes locked onto Draco, but he didn't say want he meant, that he needed one.

"Draco's mental condition is improving, slightly. Yours isn't. I've ordered counseling for many students."

"Name one."

"Well, I can't just...tell you, healer-patient confidentiality."

"Yeah right... there's no one," Harry grunted.

"Neville did," Draco said, suddenly.

Harry looked at him.

"And Blaise had to see all kinds of people."

"I don't believe you."

"Want me to bring him in here? Officers from MCAPS and healers came. She's not lying," Draco insisted.

Madam Pomfrey gave him a gratefully glanced at him.

"MCAPS?" Harry asked.

"Magical Child and Adult Protective Services," Hermione explained.

"Oh..." Harry grimaced, but his green eyes looked at her. "But I'm not a child. I'm an adult. I have the right to refuse mind-altering potions. I want my faculties intact, thank you. That Calming Draught scared the hell out of me. I won't have anyone saying that I'm not in my right mind. I might be depressed. I have a drinking problem. I have a sleeping and eating problem, but I'm functional. Now, let me go. Call for a healer, if you want, but I won't say a word to them."

Madam Pomfrey looked scandalized, but Hermione glowered and said, "Harry, you need to get better. She's trying to help you."

"I know, but me lying about what's going to happen won't help anything. Unless you're going to force the potion down my throat, we are at an impasse."

Draco sighed and took his hand. It was his decision and he really couldn't challenge him on it. Madam Pomfrey grumbled a little and released the wrist restraints. Harry immediately brought his hands to his chest. Draco could tell he was more relaxed. He didn't like being restrained any more than he did.

"You will eat your meals here and take your nutrient potions, or you will be restricted to the ward."

"Agreed," Harry said.

"You aren't going to your night class. I want to make sure that your stomach can handle the food. If you can't hold it in, then you will have to stay."

"Fine."

"I'll tell Blaise to take notes," Hermione said. "They're all outside the door, but I thought you might not want more company."

"Thanks. I'll be out tonight. Tell them not to worry."

Hermione frowned. "Harry, won't you consider...."

"No."

"I see you don't listen to your friends any more than you listen to me," Madam Pomfrey huffed and went to go get him dinner. Hermione said goodbye and went out into the hallway, leaving them alone. Draco felt the wards go up on the door. One of them locked them in, knowing that they needed time alone.

"Harry," Draco said, coming closer.

Harry sat up and wrapped his arms around him. He let out a few sobs and Draco gently pushed Harry back into the bed. He slipped in next to Harry, who immediately put his head into his chest. He started to cry like he couldn't stop. Draco warded the curtains, just held him, let him get it out. Salazar, he was so hurt. He didn't know what he could do to reassure him, just held him tightly. He seemed to like it.

"It almost got me... my soul, Draco," Harry whimpered. "Then I woke up... scared out of my mind. Those fucking straps...."

"I know... I know... they were really bothering you. I'm surprised you didn't explode on them for keeping you like that."

"They made me sleep," Harry said, ignoring Draco's comment.

"The Dreamless Sleep didn't help?" Draco asked.

"I was terrified going into it and nothing changed when I came out."

"But you didn't dream."

"I could have."

"Harry, it's called Dreamless Sleep for a reason."

"And tell me, Snape Junior, what happens if someone keeps taking it for a long time... even just a week?"

Draco frowned. Harry was right. Dreams were very important for a mind to function. They allowed the body to process information and deal with complex emotions. Draco even read some experiments that subjects were deprived of their dreams for weeks, months and their health and cognitive abilities dropped drastically. Dreamless Sleep was a Class A Tradeable item, extremely regulated to healer-prescribed use only for that reason. Harry had the right view on it.

"It can be used sparingly, Harry. Even once or twice a week will not drastically affect your mind. It might help."

"And when I become dependent on it, how hard is it to stop taking it?" Harry huffed, not lifting his head up to look at him.

"It varies from person to person, depending on how often they take it and how they respond to it. It's not a guaranteed addiction, Harry, and it can get bad, if you do get addicted. But you're not going to convince me that getting plastered is the better sleep method to avoid it."

"I'm not saying that it was, neither is acceptable. I don't want to drink. I don't want to live my life on potions to keep me sane. I can't live like that."

"Potions are helpful, Harry. The Mood-Lifter Potion doesn't have as much of a risk of dependency as much as it will lead to a higher tolerance."

"See?"

"Harry, you aren't being very rational. You aren't supposed to take them for that long. It's to help you when it gets bad... like it was this past week. Times get rough and sometimes a potion can help. I can make them for you, if you want. Madam Pomfrey's potion is a little off. Mine are better."

"Off?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, even I was... hopped up on the Calming Draught."

"I'll consider it, but not now. I'm sorry, I just want some normalcy."

"You can ask for help, Harry. It is allowed. You can talk to me. I'm sorry I wasn't paying you attention, I was buried in my own shit," Draco said, grimly, and Harry peeked his eyes up to look at him.

"It's not...."

"Stop it! I let you down. You asked me to be your boyfriend and I accepted. I should have seen your pain. And yes, you're supposed to tell me if you're hurting that bad. I'm not perfect or a mind-reader, Harry."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to have to deal with my issues, too," he whispered, staring at him.

"We're a couple, Harry. We share pain and insecurities. I'm going to need you to snap me out of mine, too. I was in an endless loop in my mind. You know what broke the cycle?"

"Blaise," Harry snorted, jealously was practically gushing out of him.

Draco nudged him in the gut. "No, git. You. You were hurt. Blaise said last night that he was more scared about leaving you alone than me. He told me that you weren't eating or sleeping and I was doing it! All I could think about was you after that. It's all I thought about all morning until I found out where you were."

"Because I was pain?"

"No... Harry... that you needed me. I've been so worried. Please, don't let it get this bad. I need you, too. You remember that first time you told me your dream... I calmed down so quickly and I could talk about mine... I need that... you need that."

Harry broke their limited eye contact and tucked his head back under his chin. "I'm sorry...."

"Don't apologize anymore. We fucked up, we both need to do better."

"But I... I drank. I let you down, and, McGonagall and Teddy. I'm a fucking failure."

"Really, Harry? It was one night, one slip-up. You beat the Dark Lord. You're not a failure. Don't berate yourself for losing it. You were under extreme duress."

"All our friends know how fucked up I am," he murmured into his chest.

"Well... they already know I am... and I'm pretty sure they knew about your issues, too. Neville just openly talked about your nightmares. They are out there to support you."

"And keep me under observation."

Draco smiled. "Maybe. But I'm glad to do it. I'm glad they are doing it. You stew too much."

"Me? No one even questioned you in the last week!" Harry said, anger in his words.

Draco didn't cower though. He enjoyed it. Anger was an emotion. He wanted Harry to express it. He sighed, "Yes, and how was that a good thing?"

Harry jerked. "Shit...."

"Yeah, it took you almost..." Draco couldn't say it. "...and landing in the hospital for us to talk. I don't want it to be like that."

Harry lifted his head to glance at him, before looking back down. "Umm... Draco... you do know I tried to talk to you... several times?"

"Not really. I was pretty out of it."

"Are we going to talk about it?" Harry asked.

"I can't... I want to... but I can't. I don't want to lie to you. I got scared. The memories got too close. I couldn't find a way out. I know that's not fair to you... but I can't go there," Draco breathed.

"It's okay," Harry whispered, turning his head on his pillow so he could meet his eyes, properly. "You can tell me when you are ready. I'll never force it out of you, Draco. I don't expect any... reciprocation for things I tell you. You don't have to tell me, just because. Only when you are ready."

"Thank you, Harry. Thank you for that... Blaise nearly... ripped it out."

"He what?!" Harry growled.

"Relax... he didn't. He was trying to fix me. I did worse to him a few years ago," Draco said, reaching up to brush the shaggy hair out of Harry's beautiful green eyes.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened to him?" Harry asked.

"No. It's his pain and I couldn't even begin to understand everything that he went through. He was hurt, and it wasn't good. People respond to emotional traumas in different ways. I zone out, you drink, Theo stops talking, but he let people hurt him more... it's all just a way to cope, Harry."

"That's why he wouldn't let us skin his attackers?"

"That and he has to prove that nothing hurts him."

"Moron," Harry grunted.

Draco poked. "Hey, kettle?"

"Shut up."

Draco looked up when the light started flashing. "What the...?" He had forgotten about the wards on the curtains. "I locked the curtains."

"Nice... just leave them up. Pay her back for tying me to the bed all day."

"I think it's your food," Draco said, looking at him.

"I'll eat it, keep your silk boxers on," Harry said, gruffly.

Draco smirked and slipped out of the bed. He let the wards down and Madam Pomfrey came bursting in.

"Well! Locked out of seeing my patient! You... Mr. Malfoy! How dare you...."

"Madam Pomfrey, I'll take a small dose of the Mood-Lifter Potion," Harry said, loudly.

She stopped and looked at him relieved. "You will? That's great to hear. I'm very happy that you decided to...."

"It's him you can thank," Harry growled and she looked at Draco, who dropped his head, blushing.

"Thank you, then. But kindly refrain from using those spells in my ward, go on then... go get your own dinner and go to class."

"Yes, ma'am," Draco said and he took Harry's hand. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"Okay. It'll give me some time to see how the potion reacts. If it messes with me too much, I won't take it."

"A small dosage, Harry. Very small and we'll see how it goes," she said, much happier.

"Okay... I don't want anyone to know. Nothing on parchment, no records."

"I'll take a solemn vow. I'm your healer, you have a magical contract with me once you invoke that right."

"I do?" Harry said, looking at Draco, who nodded. His boyfriend was raised by muggles... he sighed internally.

"I... invoke the right?" he said, awkwardly.

She chuckled. "I promise not to break confidentiality without direct authorization."

Harry looked around like something spectacular was going to happen. He was really lost sometimes. Draco took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. Technically, she couldn't even talk to him, with that in place.

Then Harry added, "Draco can know anything. Okay? See you at nine-thirty. Enjoy your class with Bill."

"Thanks. Have a good dinner... sweetie," Draco said, with a grin.

Harry looked at him, doey-eyed, and smiled, too. "You too, honey."

Madam Pomfrey put her hand to her mouth and tears came out. "Oh, my Diana! You two are so cute."

Both Draco and Harry glared at her. "I'd better go," Draco sighed.

Harry just grunted and leaned back as Madam Pomfrey set a tray full of food in front of him. Draco walked out of the ward into the hallway. A few more people showed up, but Hermione grabbed his attention first.

"How is he?"

"Better. He's eating, now. Madam Pomfrey said we could come back after class to get him. She wants to see how he responds to the food and... nutrient potion."

She nodded, relieved and Draco suddenly felt how tense it was. He looked at Blaise, who was separated from Neville. Theo and Daphne were on either side of him, on guard. Draco then looked at the new arrivals. Luna, Ginny, Seamus, Terry, Ernie, Hannah, and Susan... but Dean and Ron were there, too. Glaring. Draco looked away and nodded to Blaise. Time to leave. Blaise stood straighter, ready to defend him, but let Draco go in front of him as they walked away from the infirmary. Ron was watching him the whole time.

Shit, he should have expected Weasley to make an appearance. Luckily, they got away without exchanging words and down to dinner without incident. Neville sat with them again, next to Blaise, who hadn't been very talkative. He did keep looking over at Weasley as though debating hexing him, but Neville said it was a bad idea.

"What'd he say?"

"Nothing that bears repeating," Blaise sighed and stabbed his mutton with some unnecessary force.

Draco lowered his head. He could guess. Ron asked why he was in there, probably brought up that he was a death eater... oww! He thought as the glyphs of his hand lit up. Luna further down the table, clenched her left hand and gave him a look. He tried to look sorry. He didn't even think if it as to be self-deprecating. She shook her head and continued talking to Ginny, rubbing her burned hand.

"What was that about?" Daphne asked.

"Nothing," he said and took a bite of his pollack.

"I doubt it," Blaise said and glanced down the table.

Draco finished his food quickly and his friends took him up to class. Draco managed to break about fifteen more of Professor Weasley's curses on his box, but couldn't get the last one by the end of class. He reluctantly handed it back in. He did get some satisfaction that Dean hadn't even figured out how to remove the ones from the first day of class, yet. No one was close to the types of spells Draco was countering. For his private lesson, Professor Weasley had him transfiguring more and moved into Vanishing. It was very difficult and he only managed to vanish half the pumpkin they were working with. It was kinda cool to see a splinched pumpkin though.

"You just need to focus on clearing your mind. It's not going anywhere."

"Just into everything," Draco replied, exhausted.

"Correct. I think that's enough. You did a lot better than last week. Care to tell me what was on your mind?"

"Just things." He looked at the floor. He hated lying to everyone, but he was scared of Umbridge. They could fix the problem, or he could be sent back to Azkaban. Plus, she knows about... he shook his head, trying to stop the thought train.

"No what?"

"Umm... just I can't talk about it. I'm sorry."

"I understand. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Disemboweling his probation officer? he thought, but sighed. Tomorrow was Tuesday, his next appointment. She was probably going to use the Truth Serum on him, again. He had to find a way to counteract it. There was an antidote to do that, but it only worked after one consumed Veritaserum. Not helpful, but there was a way to resist it.

"Can I ask a hypothetical question?" he asked.

"Of course."

"I have an assignment in Potions about Veritaserum. Other than the antidote, how can one resist it? Doesn't it force you to tell the truth?"

"Yes and no. There are plenty of wizards and witches who can withstand the draw to speak under its bindings. It's not legal to use for the simple fact that it can be beaten and, at the same time, make the drinker self-incriminate themselves. If the Wizengamot approves its usage, the questions would be specified beforehand and limited in scope, rather than broadly asking what crimes one has done. The potion is generally more effective when the individual is groggy, sleep-deprived and weak-minded. It takes a strong-mind to redirect the potion's thrall."

He did not have a strong mind. "But it can be beaten?"

"Well, the easiest way, is to make your mind think a different way. The potion focuses on the black and white answers, which are harder to counteract. If they ask are you sitting in a chair? It's a simple yes or no, but if you ask you what your favorite color is... then it's a gray area. There is a multitude of answers. Maybe it's black, now...."

"Green," Draco said. Bill chuckled.

"Yes... green, now. But if you were intent on hiding that fact, you could focus on that you used to love black when you were younger. Effectively, tricking your mind into believing that it what you prefer by adding elements to their question that they did not ask. What is your favorite color... when you were four... or if someone was asking if you went shopping at Madam Malkin's Robes, you just understand it to mean 'yesterday' and you can then say 'no', even though they meant 'ever'. If that person is a sloppy interrogator, the serum can be beaten, due to how they phrase it."

"And if they are not?" Draco asked, drawing in all this information like a niffler on gold.

"Well, those black and white questions are harder to trick the mind into adding things. That is where Occlumency would help. Separating your knowledge from what you are trying to hide. Burying the things that make you, define you and emerging as a different person. Disassociate. It is not easy."

Draco felt some hope. He wasn't terrible at Occlumency.

"But it becomes harder when you are scared, emotional or recently stunned. You can't defend yourself as easily," he adding, staring at Draco.

Draco nodded. "Thanks. I understand, now."

Professor Weasley then grimaced. "I heard Harry is in the hospital wing."

"Yeah, he's doing okay. We talked."

"Good, very good. Tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow," he said, quietly. "I dare say he's worn out tonight."

"I will. I know he enjoys talking with you a lot, like I do. Thanks, again, Professor. I really appreciate all of this," Draco said, gratefully.

"It's not a problem, Draco. I'm glad to help," he said and he undid the charms on the door. Blaise, Theo and Daphne were waiting.

"Thank you for everything," Draco said and Professor Weasley nodded and sent him on his way.

Draco hurried to the hospital, wishing upon a Felix Felicis vial that Harry was okay to come back with him. He walked right into the ward, to see that the curtains were down and Harry was up and dressed. Harry gave him a smile as he took one last potion from Madam Pomfrey.

"I expect you back here for breakfast, Mr. Potter."

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey," Harry sighed.

"Yes, well go on get out of my hair, the both of you," she said, shooing him out.

Harry had put his glamours back on and then left, walking back in silence. No one really wanted to talk.

But when they got to the portrait, Blaise asked, "What do you want us to do?"

"Can you give us a bit?" Draco asked.

"An hour?" Blaise said, with a wink.

"Sure, thanks," Draco said and enjoyed the blush on Harry's face.

"Remember," Harry said, annoyed.

The portrait opened and they climbed through. Most of their friends were waiting on the other side. Harry thanked his well-wishers when Neville, took Harry's hand.

"Hey, Harry needs sleep, guys," he said, loudly, pulling him up the steps.

Draco said, "Goodnight, as well."

Harry looked very confused, but Neville didn't stop at their door and proceeded up to Draco's room.

"Just giving you an alibi. I'll fluff your pillows up for you, too. 'Nite, guys."

"Thanks, Neville," Draco said as Longbottom went into his room. Draco pulled Harry into the room and warded the door.

"Should I be discomforted that our friends are giving us time to... hook up?"

"I don't care, just be happy that we can. Speaking of which... how do you feel?" Draco asked.

"I feel alright. Not too different. I'm not overly giddy... or anything," Harry said, quietly, a little red, again.

"Don't be embarrassed, Harry. I've had to take Calming Draughts plenty of times since we started school. Sometimes, you need help."

"I don't like it."

"That's because you're a self-sacrificing prat who doesn't know how to ask for help," Draco said, with a smile.

"What was that, git... I mean, kettle?" Harry said, returning it.

"Nothing. Let's just admit that we both have to work on communication."

"I'll admit to nothing," Harry teased.

Draco dropped his robes and moved forward. Harry stopped moving, allowing him to put his hands on his chest and wormed his hands under Harry's robes, pushing them off his shoulders to the floor. Harry was shaking. The other times in the past week, they had tried to connect, but it wasn't working. Draco felt that hum in his spine. He wanted Harry. His grabbed the ends of Harry's shirt and after a nod of approval, he lifted that up and off him, skewing Harry's glasses in the process. Harry let him fix them, not moving an inch without Draco's direction. Draco unbuttoned Harry's trousers and let them fall. Then he did his own and pulled Harry onto the bed, straddling him, again. He loved this position. Harry was hard as his cock pushed up into Draco's.

"Remember last week, when you said I wasn't ready?" Draco said, quietly, his hands pressed into Harry's taut stomach.

"Y-Yeah?" Harry stammered, looking up at him.

"You were right. I wasn't ready. Thank you for that... but I want to be there... I want to... do it," Draco said, with determination.

Harry swallowed nervously and started to shake. "No, Draco... I didn't mean that you had to do anything. We can't just...do it. We have to talk about things... like preparation."

There was that word, again. "Not now... but we have to work our way to there, right? One step at a time?" Draco said, rubbing Harry's skin. He jittered, ticklish as always.

"Draco... I'm fine. We're fine. You don't have to...."

"Hey... calm down. I'm not ready... right now, but I want to... do things... be normal. I want to get over this," he said, quietly, embarrassed that he was so weak.

Harry didn't know what to say. But Draco read his expression. He was afraid, too.

"Don't be scared... unless you aren't ready for more? Is it too much?" Draco asked, staring at him intensely.

"No! No, I'm just worried about you, Draco. We don't have to do anything," he insisted, trembling.

"I know... I know we don't. But I don't want to keep putting this off, Harry. I want to feel comfortable... I want you to touch me without worrying about it. I want to not worry about it."

Harry's eyes had some tears in them. "I don't want you to be hurt, Draco. I don't want to hurt you...."

Draco leaned down, going to his elbows, and kissed him for a long time. He threaded his fingers through Harry's short, thick hair. Harry responded back with a little tongue, lifting up to meet him and was almost desperate to taste him. Draco smiled as he kissed him.

"Wait," Draco said finally breaking the kiss. He was nearly out of breath, anyway. He eased back up onto his knees, still straddling Harry's groin. He could feel him, Harry wanted him... this. Draco steadied his nerves and lifted his shirt up and over his head.

Harry locked down everything. He was barely breathing as he knew that this was a big step. He kept his eyes on Draco's face, like last time, determined to be... chivalrous to the very end. Draco leaned in, grinding his erect cock forward into Harry, for the desired effect. His long hair forming a curtain between their faces. Harry stared up at him, wanting so desperately to touch him, taste him and even look at him.

Draco kissed him, again, for another long round of tongue action, before he blindly found Harry's hands on the bed and brought them to his own chest. He lifted up, again, getting maximum friction against Harry as he did so. He held Harry's hands as they glided over his chest, still a little bony from Azkaban, but better. His scars, though similar to Harry's, were gotten for entirely different reasons. He didn't want to be ashamed of that. He didn't want to be defined by it.

Harry finally looked and his eyes had a little water in them. "Oh, Draco."

"Don't be sad, Harry."

"I'm not. I'm happy... I'm touching you."

"One step at a time, right?" Draco said, letting go of Harry's hands.

They stayed on him. Draco nodded, encouraged by his love for Harry and the belief that everything will be okay. Harry wouldn't hurt him. Harry would protect him. Harry slowly felt his skin, felt his scars. All the while, his eyes went to Draco's face if there was any pain or fear. He traced the line of the Sectumsempra Curse, his eyes watering, again.

"Don't, Harry. That is nothing compared to the others."

"I still almost...."

"But you didn't. I'm alive. I'm here with you. Focus on me, Harry. Feel my skin. Feel how alive I am, because of you! You saved me. I'm only here because of you."

Harry nodded, tears coming out. "I love you, Draco."

"I love you, too," Draco said and leaned down to kiss him, but he stopped. "Harry, can I lift your glamours?"

Harry winced, but nodded. Draco lifted the spell to see the same thin, wrecked guy that was in the hospital bed. The boy he loved. Though all pain, heart-wrenching tears, they loved each other. He had to remember that.

"Don't wear it when it's just us. I want to see the real you," he said, calmly. "No more hiding."

"I don't want people to see me like this," Harry said, quietly.

"I don't care about out there, but you're mine. I want to see you. Besides, after a few meals with Madam Pomfrey, you'll be back to normal."

Harry snorted. "She made me eat the brussels sprouts before she'd let me go."

"Thank you for your sacrifice," Draco chuckled. "Are you ready?"

"Ready?" Harry asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Draco rolled his hips, getting full rotation against Harry's cock. Harry nearly yelped, "Yea, I am!"

Draco laughed lightly as he thrusted into Harry, who had to brace himself on the bed to meet his hips. As he gyrated into him, he could feel the hard budge through their boxers meeting his tip. He sank into Harry's chest, their bare skin touching. Morgana be praised, it was wonderful to feel him there against him. He drove his cock forward harder, imagining a time where they would go all the way. Harry's eyes were staring at him, only at him. Draco snogged him, again, keeping the momentum going.

He could fully feel Harry's stomach tighten as he neared his climax and Draco's eye-sight blacked out as he came. Harry followed him and Draco dropped his full weight onto Harry, who grunted. He mumbled an apology, cleaned their boxers and he rolled off him to his side. Harry turned to face him and checked before reaching his hand out to trace the scars on his chest. He wanted to ask, but he knew somehow that he couldn't.

"Thank you... for earlier," Harry said, quietly.

"Not for right now?"

"That, too. I don't like being alone. The bad dreams never stop. With you... I have something to latch on to."

"I'm right here, Harry," Draco said. "I won't let you down, again."

Harry kissed him and rolled to face the other direction, so Draco could hug him find behind. He pulled him tight into him. Harry shivered, when he felt Draco's slightly stiffening cock against his butt, though they both still had boxers on.

"You're not going to impale me on it, are you?" Harry whispered.

"I would never do anything as so ungallant," Draco said, spelling their blanket over them.

"But it might happen... eventually and if you want to work toward that goal... we should talk."

"We talked enough for tonight, Harry. It's going to be a long day tomorrow," Draco said, still highly unwilling to talk about a subject he had both way too much knowledge in and, at the same time, very limited knowledge in.

"It is, but thank you, for taking care of me today."

"I always will take care of you, Harry," Draco said, and pulled Harry as tight as he could into his bare chest.

"Goodnight, Dray."

Draco sighed and watch as Harry smiled at him, now effectively rendered mute. "What if Blaise comes in and wants to talk?"

Harry shrugged and gestured to the curtains.

"Goodnight... honey buns."

Harry turned his head to glare at him.

"What? If you don't like it, just say something, pookie bear."

Harry elbowed him.

"Bertie Bean?" Draco drawled.

Harry made to roll over, but Draco wrapped his arms and legs around him and held on tight.

"Alright, I'll stop... prat," Draco said, resting his head against Harry's. He could get used to this.

ONE MONTH... I'm so sorry I haven't updated. I worked all but two days last month and one was spent waging a cleaning war on my bedroom, which took my whole day off, 12 hours the next day and then I went to work. It's been hectic and crazy. Three missions during the month really hurt me as those are my "days off" and jumping from night to day shifts are super fun.

There's not really an end in sight for work, but I'm still writing... as much as I can.

But hey! My room is clean and organized for the first time in... years... a decade? I have 250 t-shirts. I also organized my Magic cards in binders, cause I'm even more of a dork. I found 20 something empty cereal boxes and candy from five years ago... it didn't taste good... I checked. I found my Harry and Draco Pops!

Got some new character perspectives next chapter... not permanents, but get to see things from a different view.

Sorry if 5 changes of POV was too much... I like continuity and I didn't want to switch off Blaise/Draco's interaction, nor move Harry's and McGonagall's up. So... five changes. Short and sweet... or horrifying. And the thing is I can do... whatever I want! I'm omnipotent... in 온라인카지노게임world... wa ha ha ha!

Also... NF....

TTFN, smiley face!

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