Draco Malfoy, Broken

Chapter 38 - Fear

Published: 1/28/2019

TRIGGER WARNING: for panic attack and explicit content

Draco's wand was shaking as he tried to cast some Concealment Charms. He really couldn't focus. His anxiety was extremely high, even though Blaise and Harry were in the room with him. He had slept okay, too. The darkness didn't reach out for like it had the last time he was attacked. The Calming Draught had helped. He needed another, but he didn't dare do it in front of Blaise.

His face was still hot and he didn't look at Harry, again. After the "pancake incident", Draco resolved to limit his eye contact with Harry when others were around. Neither of them seemed to consider their surroundings when they watched each other. He kept his head away from Harry's general location and took a deep breath before trying the spell. He still failed to cast a simple Muggle Repelling Charm. His wand wouldn't bend to his will. He growled in frustration and Blaise put his hand on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing," Draco said, avoiding his eyes. He might not have plunged into the black pit in his mind, but his confidence was shattered. He hadn't been able to get his nervousness and fear back under control.

Blaise turned him toward him. "Draco?"

Blaise murmured some privacy spells and looked ar him for an answer. Draco lowered his shoulders and whispered, "It's j-just my w-wand."

Blaise's hands were shaking when he took his hand. "Why are you stuttering, Dray?"

"I'm s-sorry," Draco said, trembling more. The Dark Lord hated when he showed weakness.

"Oh no, I'm not mad. You don't need to apologize," Blaise said, quietly. "Damnit. You don't need to be scared here, Dray. Potter and I will protect you."

Draco didn't answer him. He couldn't help it, now. He didn't think he could stop it. He felt so afraid and vulnerable. Raw. He lowered his head more.

Blaise wrapped his arms around him, not concerned by the fact that they were in the middle of class. He tried to say some comforting words, but stopped abruptly when Dean opened his mouth, again. He didn't get more than few words out before he was shut up by someone. Draco didn't see who did it. Dean was whimpering though and Professor Flitwick took ten points away from Slytherin and twenty from Gryffindor.

"Mr. Zabini, why don't you take Mr. Malfoy out to the hall? I think you've got the Concealment Charms down," the short Charms professor said.

"Thank you," Blaise said, packing up both their things.

"Enjoy making out with the Death Eater!" one of the girls said, but abruptly shrieked when Daphne hexed her with a Nail-Growing Curse.

"Whoops, I mixed up the spells. Sorry Fay! I think your shoes might be done for!" Daphne hissed.

"You bitch!" another girl shouted as more spells went flying.

The last thing Draco heard as Blaise took him out of the classroom, was the professor taking away more points and Parvati screaming.

"Better?" Blaise asked, after the door was shut.

"Y-Yeah..." he said.

Blaise hugged him, again. "Salazar's serpents... I just want you to be okay."

Draco held him tightly and let some tears fall. Blaise didn't pry any words out of him, just held him while they waited for class to end.

"Dray... we all have detention tonight, even Potter. I'll take you to lunch and I asked Neville to take you back to the dorm, just like last time. I need to know... if you will be okay? You can go with him... but he has to teach on Fridays. I don't want to leave you alone."

"I'll b-be o-kay," Draco said, sniffling.

"I don't think you should be alone," Blaise said, but they heard students starting to walk the halls. Any second and the Charms door would open.

"I p-promise. I'll b-be okay," Draco said and looked up into Blaise's concerned eyes.

Blaise gently touched his cheek. "Don't lie to me... please... not about anything like that. If you are hurting... if you want to hurt yourself. Just talk to me. Please don't...."

Draco nodded. "I will.... I m-mean I w-won't... d-do anything. I'll t-tell you if...."

The door opened and Theo blocked the doorway, so Daphne could get through. The four of them walked to his Arithmancy class. Blaise handed him his bag and straightened his robes for him like he was his mother.

"You're going to be alright," Blaise said, trying to be reassuring, but failing. He even sounded nervous.

"Hey guys... Draco..." Hermione said, coming up, this time without her boyfriend. "I can walk Draco to the Great Hall after class."

"That okay, Dray-co?" Blaise asked, adding the last syllable of his name on in front of Granger.

Draco nodded. He wouldn't look at any of them. He didn't even say goodbye as he drifted into class and sat down. Granger took the seat next to him. He buried his thoughts into the comforting certainty of hard, solid numbers. He didn't participate at all. When Professor Vector called on him, he kept his mouth closed even though he knew the answer. Apparently, the intense look of fear on his face was enough to make her grudgingly call on someone else.

But, at the end of class, the professor assigned the homework based out of chapter four. It was a chapter he did not have in his tenth-hand book. He grimaced when he realized that would have to ask Hermione. He shut down, not ready to make that step. Hermione had to prompt him twice that class had ended, before he started moving.

"All set then?" she said, nicely, like a good Gryffindor, who was dirtying herself by walking him to the cafeteria.

He nodded and got up. He kept his head down and let Granger deal with any threats. She was talking to him, but he didn't answer. Draco shook when he decided to speak to her.

"H-H-Her..." he stammered, his nerves taunt. She stopped to listen to him. "Her... G-Granger?"

"Yes?" she said, now looking very concerned by his inability to speak.

"I-I w-was won-wondering... if I c-c-could b-borrow..." he stopped, realizing how badly he speaking. He flushed embarrassed by that and his request.

"Draco? What's wrong?" she asked, more worried.

He swallowed and tried again. "My b-book... it d-doesn't h-have... c-chapter four... c-could I...."

"Borrow mine? Is that what you're getting at?" she said, almost relieved and put her hand on his arm. He didn't pull away.

"Y-Yes... y-you d-don't h-have to... I...."

"No, you can borrow it anytime, Draco! Here, take it, I already read that chapter. Take it for the weekend!" she said, pulling it out of her bag and handing it to him without hesitation.

Draco could barely grip it and looked up at her. "T-Thank you. I r-really appreciate it."

It's not a problem. You can borrow it whenever you need to," Hermione said, easily.

Draco's eyes watered. "I'm sorry... for c-calling you... a m-mud...."

"Don't... Draco. I accept your apology. I know why... I heard you at the trial. Your father..." Draco winced. "...he hurt you because of me."

"Not because of y-you... because he liked hur-hurting m-me," Draco admitted more to himself than her.

"Still... if I'd known...."

"You'd what? Flunk on p-purpose? You're the best for a reason. Don't b-blame yourself," he whispered.

"Thank you for that. But I would have. I would have given up first if I knew what would happen to you."

"He didn't need a reason... he r-really d-d-didn't," Draco stammered, lowering his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Draco. No one deserves to live though that. He was a terrible father," she said, as tears slowly trailed down her cheek.

"T-Thanks..." he murmured and he trembled as she slowly wrapped her arms around him. His eyes also glistened with fresh tears.

"There you are!" Blaise said, coming around the corner, Theo and Daphne at his side.

"We were worried," Daphne said and apologized as Hermione let go of him.

"I n-needed a b-book," he mumbled, unable to look at Blaise directly. He couldn't tell if he was mad.

"A book?" Theo asked, confused.

"Yes. I had a book he needed, but we can go to lunch, now."

"Right-o," Blaise said, putting his hand on Draco's shoulder supportively.

"By the way, Draco..." Theo chuckled, lightly. "Wayne had a little accident in class. Somehow the ends of his legs just magically turned into chicken feet. Madam Pomfrey is baffled."

"Theo... you didn't..." Hermione began, disapprovingly, but Draco smiled weakly.

"I didn't do anything... it was very mysterious."

"I'm sure," Hermione growled.

"Let's get to lunch. I need food before we go to... before I kill someone," Daphne began, but changed her tune with a look from Blaise.

"I'm s-sorry," Draco said, softly, looking at the ground.

"It has nothing to do with you, Draco," Blaise said, but that wasn't true at all. Everything happening was his fault.

His chest tightened and it became hard to breathe. His eyes nearly blacked out. Daphne grabbed his arm and steered him into the girl's bathroom, yelling at a couple second-years inside to leave. She made sure the stalls were empty and warded the room as he went to shambles. She held him as he blubbered over her, apologizing about nothing and everything.

"Oh, Draco..." she whispered, stroking his hair.

"H-He t-ta-told y-you," he stuttered.

"Yes," she said, rubbing his left forearm, despite his attempts to pul away.

"I w-wasn't t-trying to... I j-just w-wanted it off," he said, trying to explain.

"I know, but it's not going to come off. Hurting yourself won't change that," she breathed, taking ahold of his hands.

"I kn-know. I w-was n-not th-thinking," he muttered, slowly bringing his eyes up to her blue eyes.

She smiled, moving a piece of hair out of his eyes. "It's so long. You hide behind it, now."

"I h-have no w-where to hide."

"Draco... why are you... stuttering? You never have before."

"I h-have. I j-just never t-told you," he mumbled. "M-My f-f-father c-cor-rected it."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"N-Nothing y-you c-can do."

"But why now? What brought this on, Draco? What did they do to you last night?"

"N-Nothing b-big... s-same s-stuff," he whispered, pressing his mark.

"It was this then?" she asked, quietly.

Draco shook his head and rocked back and forth. "I can't see a healer. They'll... p-put me in St. Mungo's forever."

"They won't do that, you're being paranoid. They might be able to help you, better than we can."

Draco shook his head. Once was enough... twice was too much. Talking about it three times was unbearable. He wanted it out of his head, not brought to the forefront. That's what the mind healers do... they'd dig and dig until they make you face the problem. Bring the darkness out of the pit. His breath hitched and he dropped to his knees, holding his middle, like he couldn't breathe. Daphne wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.

"Shh... I'm sorry. Just focus on my voice. Breathe in and breathe out," Daphne said, repeating the words until he was able to calm down.

"Thanks," he whispered.

Daphne brought him over to the sink and conjured a towel. She soaked it in cold water and wiped his forehead and neck. "There you go... now... who told you that you were going to go see a mind healer?"

Draco met her eyes, shocked and afraid. He couldn't say anything. Blaise was in charge, now. He protected him... like Harry.

Daphne grimaced and swallowed. "Blaise, then?"

He flinched and backed away, but Daphne held onto his hands not letting him.

"I'm sorry, calm down. Everything's okay, Draco. I promise," she soothed.

After a few minutes, she calmed him down enough to pull him back out into the hallway. Hermione, Theo and Blaise were waiting.

"Let's head down to the Great Hall, I'm famished," Daphne said, sending some expressions toward the others that he didn't bother trying to read.

"Sure," Blaise said. Permission.

Theo fell in bedside him and Hermione on the other side. Daphne was talking in low hushed tones to Blaise and they fell behind them. Theo put his hand on his shoulder, almost preventing him from looking back. He gave him a sad look. Blaise told him to keep him occupied. He glanced to his other side, where Hermione was. She still looked worried.

"Y-You d-didn't have to w-wait," Draco said, quietly.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm never g-going to b-be okay," he mumbled.

"Yes, you will. It's just bad, now."

"Now?" Draco said, finding some rage hidden deep inside of him. "It's been bad for every damn day of my whole fucking life! Every time I think it can't get any worse, it does, so how is going to get better?"

"You didn't stutter," Theo commented and Draco swore under his breath. Anger really made him focus more.

"Voldemort and your father are gone," Hermione said, trying to be encouraging.

"They aren't gone in my head. They're alive and well and enjoying ripping my mind apart. So, don't tell me they're gone!" he barked.

Hermione's eyes went wide and she tried to backpedal. "Sorry! I just meant...."

"I know what you meant, thank you. I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"Sorry? Don't be sorry. I miss you-you," Theo said, staring at him, with a proud smile, but glanced at Hermione. "Not that I wanted it to be at your expense... Granger."

Hermione waved him off, dismissively. "No, I'm fine. But he's right. I like seeing... your old personality... however... direct it was."

"It won't be directed at you, anymore," Draco said, smiling slightly.

"That's reassuring. I'd hate to see what hexes Blaise will hit me with after I mop the floor with your pureblood ass," Hermione joked and Draco cracked into an easy smile.

They came down to the entrance hall and Daphne and Blaise were still following out of hearing range.

"Perhaps you should go in... without us," Draco suggested.

"Why?" Hermione said, feigning innocence.

"You know why... you don't have to...."

"You forget that I couldn't give a damn about what everyone thinks of me. Don't you remember our fourth year?"

Draco winced. "Sorry... about the articles...."

"The artic-" Hermione started and rolled her eyes. "I don't care about that. It's ancient hi온라인카지노게임. Gone and forgotten, too."

"Binns is still around... remembering."

"Yeah... but who even remembers what he says or stays awake in his class?" Hermione said, smiling.

"You, if I recall," Draco muttered.

"With great determination... because I had to... I wanted to... I can forget things, too."

"Even after everything I did to you? Some things aren't forgettable."

"Your horrified face when she was torturing me... and how you looked when Harry brought you home from prison... those things were unforgettable. Watching you try to fiddle with that spoon trying to eat and watching us like we would hurt you... I'll never forget that."

Draco stared at her, his lip trembling and his eyes watering, "Thanks. Can I ask... what did Harry mouth to you... when we were at the table?"

Hermione tilted her head, thinking and then smiled. "He said to make you mad. It worked... still does."

Draco gave her a sincere grin. Harry knew exactly how to reach him even back then. He dropped the smile when Blaise came back down with Daphne. Draco saw that Blaise was holding his head and glaring at Daphne. Blaise's eyes then landed on him and Draco immediately looked at the ground.

"Sorry, lunch still going on?" Blaise asked.

"We're very late," Granger muttered.

"Draco?" Blaise said, looking at him.

"Y-Yeah," Draco said, nervously. "I'm f-fine."

Both Theo and Granger gave him looks and then looked at Blaise. Draco wanted to move into the Great Hall and end the non-conversation they all were having, but that wasn't his decision. He was stuck. He couldn't lead them in. Blaise was in charge... then Theo... then Daphne... and somehow Granger was mixed in there. Draco looked longingly at the doors, wishing the tension would break.

"Let's go in," Blaise finally said and Draco breathed a sigh of relief, though he couldn't help but sense Hermione was watching him.

Hermione just said goodbye and sat with Harry and her boyfriend. Theo whispered something to Blaise as they walked by her, but Draco didn't try to hear it. A few more insults were thrown at him from yesterday's article, but Draco ignored them and sat in his usual seat. Blaise sat next to him, which was rare. Draco tensed and kept his head down. Blaise spooned some food onto his plate, but he would take none of it. He sat looking down and away from him, rubbing his irritated mark.

"I'm sorry, Dray," Blaise whispered. "About last night. I didn't mean to scare you so much. You really scared me... actually. I didn't want to yell at you... I just don't want anything to happen you."

"I kn-know," Draco whispered.

"I wish we could do this up in our room, but I won't be back until eleven and I want to ease your mind, now
."

"Y-You d-don't...."

"Dray, please calm down. Are you really that nervous around me? I promise I won't hurt you."

"I made y-you m-mad," Draco gulped and Blaise stared at him and then glanced at the others.

"Draco... Blaise is not going to hurt you," Daphne said, firmly.

"T-That's w-what they w-would say..." Draco said, his thoughts floating to darker places and he lost whatever anchor he had on the present. A deep chill went through his body and he shivered, his mind flickered to past.

Rabastian had his hands around his throat, pressing his fingers into his throat, restricting his breathing. "I'm not going to hurt you... if you ask nicely."

"Please don't hurt me," Draco begged, aloud.

"Dray?" Blaise's voice asked concerned and he snapped back to the Great Hall with a jump.

Draco's heart was beating out of control and he struggled to keep breathing. He always hurt him, no matter what he did. He just hurt him more if he didn't do what he asked.

"Draco!" Blaise said, more urgently, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He finally looked at him, fear driving his actions. "I'm s-sorry.

"Don't be sorry, Dray," Blaise said, putting his hand on Draco's cheek. "I'm worried."

Draco flinched when he first touched him, but it was comforting. Blaise didn't usually touch him in public. He was too fragile to care at that particular moment.

"I'm not them, Draco. I won't hurt you. Do you want me to make an Unbreakable Vow? I promise I will not hurt you like they did," Blaise said, fervently.

"You'd make an Unbreakable Vow?" Draco asked, breathlessly.

"Of course, Draco. I swore I'd protect you. I won't abuse you or hurt you. I'll make the Vow, if it will ease your mind."

Draco stared at him, as Blaise dropped his arm, from his face to take his hand. Draco shook his head and "No, I couldn't ask you to do that. But it means a lot, thank you."

"And about the mind healer... I didn't mean to threaten you like that. Of course, it'll be your decision. It was stupid to use that threat on you. I do think you should talk to someone, but I will not force you to see one. I just didn't want you to... hurt yourself... again."

He nodded then and smirked half-heartedly. "Daphne threaten you?"

"Yeah, after she whacked me in the head," Blaise smirked and held his head in mock pain. "I'm sorry, Dray."

"You don't have to be sorry. I understand why you said it. I won't do it, again."

"Please don't. I was really scared. I'm still scared and I'm leaving you alone tonight," Blaise said, worry etched into his usually smooth voice.

"I'll be okay."

"Are you sure you don't want to just hang out with Neville? It's just first-year students."

"I'm sure. I have something I want to do."

"What?" Blaise asked.

"My secret. But I won't be alone," Draco said. He hoped Blaise wouldn't push it. He'd have to tell him, if Blaise insisted.

Blaise gave him a look, but just told him to eat before the elves cleared their plates. Draco ate his meal, not looking at Theo and Daphne, who had watched their conversation without commenting further. But they all were distracted when the Slytherin table stood up at one time, almost synchronized, and left the hall.

"Salazar, what was that?" Theo said, and looked at Blaise.

"I didn't have anything to do with it. I haven't even been to Slytherin this year. They've been behaving themselves."

Draco twitched and gave Blaise a look, before lowering his head.

"Draco... what's wrong? Did you...."

"No... Harper. He's in my... Theory class. Smith and Dean challenged his ability to rule the Slytherins and are testing his authority."

They looked down the table at the enemy. Dean, Smith, Corner, Hopkins and Rivers, who was now turned bright red since last night, were watching the Slytherin departure with interest.

"Show of force, eh? Harper's getting up there. He barely spoke a word until you cornered him two years ago, now he's organizing... demonstrations? That's some clout he wrangled up. Might have to talk to him. But he's in your class? He didn't stop them at all?"

Draco shook his head. "Self-preservation. I can't hold that against him. We are Slytherins."

"We protect each other, though. How the heck did he take over?"

"He's Head Boy," Daphne offered.

"So? We don't bow to Macmillan. I might have to..." Blaise muttered, but stopped his plans when Neville came down and sat next to him.

"You guys were pretty late. Everything okay?" he said.

"Yeah, just talking. Will you still..." Blaise began.

"Of course," Neville said.

"Thank you," Blaise said, looking at him with a smile.

"Anytime," he whispered as he discreetly took Blaise's hand under the table.

Draco smiled as he took a few more bites, clearing his plate finally.

"Neville! Are you really slumming it with the Slytherins!" Dean growled, limping over to them. He was tense with pain and had his donut cushion in his hand.

"Detention. That's fun to say."

"You can't...."

"As I already explained to your new best friend Smith, you can take it up with your Head of House or leave Hogwarts. Now, go out to outside and pick some wildflowers for the dinner tables. Five vases per table. So 25... nope 30. Do the Head Table, too."

"You want me to pick flowers?" Dean said, incredulously.

"Yep. No magic. Have fun!" Neville said and Dean stormed off, muttering under his breath.

"Interesting," Blaise said and Draco shrugged. Not exactly vicious as far as punishments go.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll understand when he bends over," Neville explained. "I hear hemorrhoids are painful."

Blaise started snickering. "I didn't even think of that! My, my... I didn't realize you had some Slytherin in you."

"Not yet," Theo coughed and both Blaise and Neville flinched.

"Theo!" Blaise growled and Neville buried his red face in his hands. Even Blaise had gone darker.

"Sorry..." Theo smirked.

"Ignore him, he's just teasing," Blaise muttered.

"Kinda hard when he says things like that," Neville whispered, morosely.

"Good job, Theo," Blaise huffed.

"I'll expect payback, soon?" he smiled.

"Count on it."

"You'd better go. You don't want to be late," Neville said, looking up into Blaise's eyes.

"You're right. Thank you for this."

"Anytime, Blaise. Anything."

"Anything?" Blaise said, lowering his eyes suggestively and leaned in to whisper something in Longbottom's ear.

Neville went red, again and smacked Blaise on the arm. "Merlin, you're worse than him" he said, nodding to Theo, who was still smiling.

"Of course I am, but come on. We got to go... our warden awaits," Blaise said and stood up. Daphne and Theo did as well.

Neville and Draco followed them out of the hall and to Dawlish's classroom. They gave a brief goodbye and walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"That guy is such a dick. Do you want to just go to the dorm? We can go somewhere else. I don't teach until next period," Neville offered as they put some distance between them and the classroom.

"I think I'll just go back to the dorm... or actually the Owlery, first. I have a letter to send to my mom."

"Sure, not a problem," Neville said.

"Thank you for this, Neville. I appreciate it."

"It's really no problem."

"Shouldn't you be preparing for class or something? You have to have better things to do than walk me around the school?"

"Nope. This is my highest priority. You know how important you are to Blaise and Harry? Besides first-year Herbology is more like babysitting and making sure they don't eat the dirt."

Draco chuckled. "But really... this means a lot."

"It's nothing. A small act."

"It's not small act to me... especially after what I did to you when we were younger."

"We were kids. I'm not emotionally jutted. I survived. I've got good friends and memories and now I have a great job. I'm happy. Teaching Herbology is fun."

"I could imagine...kinda. But I do I find it ironic that Blaise absolutely detests dirt and hates Herbology."

Neville laughed. "I'll have to wash up good."

Draco went to say something, but held back. Neville wasn't Blaise or Theo. He had no idea where his limits were with the Gryffindor hero. He kept his head forward and clenched his jaw.

"What's wrong?" Neville asked.

"Nothing," he said.

"It's not nothing, you wanted to say something and got scared. I know that look, cause I've been there most of my life."

"Sorry," Draco whispered, guilty.

"It wasn't just you, Malfoy. The upper classmen weren't exactly nice either. I had problems with my family and I grew up in... difficult circumstances. Not everything is your fault. Now, what were you going to say?" Neville said, projecting a confidence that Draco had never seen in him before.

"It's not important."

"Using your voice is important," Neville said, stopping on the sixth floor staircase. "And I'll wait until you use it."

Draco fidgeted and looked around for eavesdroppers. "I was going to ask... if you really like him."

Neville happily grinned. "I do... a lot... he's funny and charming really. I never had anyone notice me... like that before."

"He likes you a lot, too. You might not know what he was like before. But it's hard to snag his attention for as hard and long as he's been courting you. He's committed. But... Neville... I don't want to deter you..." Draco started and frowned slightly.

"Yeah?" Neville said, encouraging him to continue.

"People might say stuff... about him... if you guys go public. Some you may or may not know. I hope you don't judge him on it. He had a rough upbringing, too. He had some wild years. He's not... easy to understand."

Neville stared at him and smiled. "I can see why he protects you so fiercely. Here we are making sure people don't attack you and helping you recover, and you're worried about him. You guys are really awesome and I'm proud to be your friends."

Draco shivered. "Really?"

"Of course," Neville laughed and started walking, again. "I know what you are talking about. I heard the... rumors...."

"They're probably true, Neville. He wasn't exactly quiet about what he was doing."

Neville nodded. "I realize he has more... experience than me. But he's changed in the last two years. We all have. I know any relationship we have won't be easy, but I like him... and I won't judge him on what he's done before. People change... grow."

"It'll be rough... if you guys come out."

"I know...but I more worried about McGonagall, actually. I don't think she would appreciate a professor going out with a student."

Draco paused. "I didn't think about that."

"We might have to wait... for it to be... proper."

"Proper... huh? You're the same age."

"I can put him in detention," Neville said, smirking and Draco looked at him.

"Wow... that sounded... naughty," Draco laughed.

"I meant it that way..." Neville said, blushing.

Draco couldn't stop chuckling all the way to the Owlery. He pulled out a letter for his mother. It was mostly lies, but he still needed to send it. He also had realized that Harry had pulled out some his earlier year texts. So he requested that she send them to him. Then he took out a small scroll and wrote a message to Hagrid that Neville couldn't see. He tied the letters onto two Hogwarts owls and sent them off.

"All set?"

"Yeah... thanks."

"You still just want to go to the dorms?"

"I have things to do, but thank you for the offer," Draco said and they walked to the South Tower without running into anyone.

Neville escorted him up to his room and said, "You want me to come get you for dinner?"

"No, thanks. I wouldn't feel comfortable without the others there. I don't need to take chances. I have snacks. Blaise's chest is filled with every candy ever made."

"Candy is not a dinner."

"Yes, it is... just not a good one. Thank you, I appreciate you helping me... a lot," Draco said.

"Anytime you need help... don't hesitate to ask. We're friends, now, and friends help each other."

"Thank you, Neville."

"No problem... though I'm not used to you calling me anything but Longbottom... or Squib."

"I won't call you 'Squib' anymore. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry... I practically was. I had no confidence in my abilities. I was scared of magic... after growing up and knowing what it did to my parents. I grew up, though, Draco. Get some rest... I'll come back to my room after my class and if you change your mind I'll be there until five."

"Thanks," Draco said and took the wards down and entered his room.

He saw the owl in the window and walked over.

Draco,

I'd be happy if you'd come down. My last class ends at three. Come over any time after.

Hagrid

Draco smirked. He had an hour to go, so he first pulled out his books that he wanted: One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi and his beginner's potions texts. He didn't know if Hagrid wanted to take his Potions OWL, so he took it just in case. He walked over to Theo's trunk and Summoned Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1 and Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration out. Theo wouldn't miss them or begrudge Draco borrowing them for a few days until his mother sent his books.

He put them in his bag and pulled out the Innate Magic book Professor Weasley lent him. He had been slacking the last few days. He practiced levitation, Vanishing and some simple charms. He grinned when he realized he could practice all the first year spells when he was with Hagrid. So, he just read the book until it was three. He grabbed his bag, took a long swig of his Calming Draught, but still grimaced when he realized the halls would have a lot of students walking around. He decided to Disillusion himself like he had at the Battle of Hogwarts. Not as good as Potter's invisibility cloak, but sufficient.

He slipped down the back routes, avoiding most people and remained quiet when he was walking near anyone. He walked freely out the main entrance doors and lifted the spell when he reached Hagrid's door. He knocked quietly.

"Draco?" Hagrid said, opening the door. "Come in, lad. I'm so very happy ter see yeh."

"I said I would help. I think that we should layout a schedule and goals first, if you don't mind."

"I don', go ahead," he said.

"Alright, so we have seven or so months... I figured one year per month and the last of the time will be review and test prep, sound good?"

"Tha' seems... hard... yeh think we can do it?"

"I think we can. But there's a lot of reading. I can't help you with that. I'll be here, at least on Fridays to practice your wandwork and give you pointers and subjects to study. You'll have to do some writing... if only to practice writing for exams. They're not just about casting spells."

"I did get through ter me third year, so I remember some stuff," Hagrid said. "I'm willin' ter put forward the effort."

"Okay, I figured since we didn't decide on anything, yet, we just practice some charms and a few small transfiguration spells."

"I'd like tha'," Hagrid said, beaming.

Draco spent hours running the old gamekeeper through the first five chapters of Goshawk's book until he had managed to cast every spell, including using Wingardium Leviosa on Fang, who did not take kindly to floating. Hagrid also managed to make changes to the teacups he was trying to transfigure, but transfiguration was not as easy as charms for him. Draco had similar difficulties using only his core for the spells, but he didn't think Hagrid had noticed he wasn't using his wand, except to demonstrate wand movement for him. He was getting his own workout.

Draco verbally ran through some potions, trying to gauge if Hagrid could or wanted to try for a Potions OWL, but it was still an open question. Draco also wished he had a decent Defense Against the Dark Arts book, but most of their teachers were lacking. He settled for the book Lupin assigned for dark creatures and how to defend against them. He would have to find a good for dueling spells and grimaced when he realized that he couldn't show Hagrid the spells. He would have to explain it verbally and coach Hagrid through it.

Draco eventually slumped in one of Hagrid's chairs, exhausted.

"Draco? Are yeh okay?"

"Yeah, just tired."

"Jumpin' gargoyles, no wonder! It's nearly ten. Yer not supposed ter be ou' this late!" Hagrid said, looking out the window.

"I know. I have to get back by eleven," he sighed. The core spells really depleted him.

"We be'ter get goin' then," the professor said, easing up.

"Here, wait." Draco wrote down Hagrid's reading assignments and wrote down some essay questions for homework. "These chapters should help to understand the spells we covered today and for next week. Plus, there's some questions for you to answer. You don't have to make them very long, but long enough to explain the question fully. We might go out into the forest in the near future to identity plants out there, but I want you to focus on Transfiguration and Charms spells. It'll take awhile to read through One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi."

Hagrid looked at the paper and back up at Draco. "Thank yeh, I would 'ave ne'er bin able ter figure ou' these spells on me own."

"You're welcome. I'm glad I could help. Barring an incident... next Friday at the same time?"

"Yea... tha'd be grea'."

"You can send me questions or your homework throughout the week, just don't sign it... unless you want other people to know."

"No! No... I don' want anyone ter know... it's a lit' embarrassin'," Hagrid muttered.

"No, it's not. Voldemort took away your chance to learn this... you are reclaiming what was taken from you. But I will try my hardest not to tell anyone. It's going to be difficult to get away. If anything, I might have to say I'm in detention with you."

"Okay... thanks again... really," Hagrid said, dabbing his eyes with a large handkerchief.

Draco nodded and accepted an escort to the castle, least his dementor show up, again. He asked Hagrid to leave him at the entrance and Disillusioned himself, again, as he ascended the steps.

He made it to the fifth floor and heard people ahead of him. He stopped, ceasing all movement. It was Smith, Hopkins, Oliver Rivers and Michael Corner. He swore internally, but his four tormentors stopped and seemed to be looking around for something.

"Homenum Revelio!" Corner yelled and Draco pinged like a shadow had captured him.

"Finite Incantatum!" Smith yelled and Draco became visible.

"Hiding from us?" Red Rivers growled.

Draco started shaking, not understanding how they found him so easily. He backed into the wall. It wasn't worth it to try to run.

"We are going to have fun, tonight. Your friends think that they can scare us off? Payback is a bitch!"

"Oh no. Payback is a kind gentle soul and people abuse her horribly," a voice came from behind them and the four bullies turned to see Luna standing with her wand out.

"Get lost Loony Lovegood, if you know what's good for you!" Corner snapped.

"Yeah! Potter and Zabini are in detention, they can't help you!" Smith huffed and twisted his wand, like he wanted to curse her.

"Is that so? But Draco is my friend and I'm afraid I'll have to insist that he come with me."

"Not a chance! Get lost... or you can join him!" Smith raised his wand and Draco wanted to attack him, but felt that Luna had everything under control.

"Lovegood... we won't hesitate to...."

"Solemus Maxima!" Luna growled and the hallway was white with the fiery force of the sun. Draco shielded his blinded eyes, as he imagined the other boys did. He could hear her feet moved around the side.

"Stupefy!" Smith yelled, pointing his wand ahead of him, still covering his burning eyes. His spell went inertly into the wall.

"Relashio!" Luna yelled and four wands dropped to the floor.

Draco steadily opened his eyes to see Zach was try to bend down and try to locate his wand. But Luna sent another spell that made his hand shoot up and slap himself in the face repeatedly. Corner actually found his wand first and lifted it.

"Excaldero!" Luna said, almost lazily.

Michael yelped as his wand became red-hot. He dropped it cradling his hand. Smith swore as he used his left hand to fish for his wand and by that point, Wayne and Red Rivers had grabbed their wands, too. But Luna was not to be tested.

"Aqua Eructo!" Luna roared and icy water forcibly blasted from her wand right at them, sending them and their wands sprawling far down the hallway.

They grabbed onto crevices in the walls to keep her from blasting them down the stairs. Wayne actually did fall. Luna cut off the spell and waited for her hapless opponents to struggle to their feet. Drenched, shivering and apparently wandless at the moment, they kept their distance, eyeing her warily. They didn't think the lighthearted, cryptic girl with the yellow nails and a butterbeer cork necklace had it in her to best them. Size is no real indication of power.

Luna wiggled her eyebrows as though daring them to try her. Wayne popped his head up from the staircase, wondering if the onslaught was done. Slowly, they located their wands and seemed to be debating whether or not to try to attack, again.

"This ain't over, Lovegood," Smith growled, holding his right hand that was still trying to hit him.

"Yeah," Red Rivers said, trying to save face.

Luna tilted her head slightly and smiled wide. "Herbifors!" she said, hitting each one of them with the spell as they fled.

Draco could hear them screaming to get away from the "crazy girl". He saw plants sprouting from their heads as they ran. He smiled and looked up at his rescuer.

"I think they look better with flowers," Luna said, walking toward him.

"Me, too," Draco said, straightening up. "Thank you."

"No! It was fun! I can see why Blaise likes it!"

"I do recall it being enjoyable. Of course... I was harassing Harry back then," he said, frowning.

"Oh, he liked it, too. He was most upset in your sixth year when you were ignoring him," she said, smiling.

Draco's jaw opened, but he had nothing to say to that. Did she really mean Potter liked him back then?

"How was Hagrid, anyway?"

Draco jumped. "How did you...."

"You've been outside..."

"That doesn't mean...."

"...and Hagrid's hut has so many Broonies... they're very distinctive."

Draco had no idea what those were, but he told Hagrid that he wouldn't tell anyone... willingly. Blaise could make him tell, but Luna wouldn't. He verify it.

"Oh! Helping Hagrid are you?"

Draco's mouth dropped, again.

"Maybe I'll stop by... but he's very distressed. Perhaps it's best if it is just you. You're trying to make it up to him, aren't you?"

Draco nodded slowly, now wondering if Luna could read his mind. He checked his mental guards and everything seemed okay.

"Okay... I'll help keep up your alibi... if you need it."

"Thank you?" Draco voiced, uncertainly.

"No problem. Will you walk me back to our dorm? There are dodgy people around here," Luna said, lightly.

Draco let out snickering laugh and gave her a gracious bow, before offering her his arm. "I would be delighted, my lady."

Luna giggled excitedly and took it. "Thank you, kind sir. You are quite the gentleman."

"I try," he said, grinning widely. As they walked, he said, "I don't know how they found me. I Disillusioned myself... but it was like they knew...."

Luna patted his arm and sighed. "You'll figure it out soon enough."

Draco didn't know what she meant, but he understood that she said all she meant to say. When they arrived at the common room, he helped her climb into the portrait hole. Inside Harry, Hermione, the Weasel and Neville were sitting around the fire. Ernie, Hannah and Susan were in the corner studying. Sue Li and Padma gave them a glare from another set of tables. He doubted that his attackers came back, yet.

"What were you guys doing... out there?" Hermione asked, trying not to sound motherly, but failing.

Draco wasn't going to say anything in front of Weasley, so Luna said, "I asked Draco to go for a walk with me. He's been cooped up all day."

Draco made eye contact with Harry, who could no doubt see that there were issues. He tried to relay that he was okay, but he had a feeling that it wasn't going through very well.

"Anyway... let's go up to your room. I want to see your book," Luna said, taking his hand.

"Yeah, a book," Sue Li said, under her breath, but everyone ignored her.

Draco walked Luna up to the second landing. He lifted the door charms and she followed him in, not caring at all what it looked like.

"Should you...."

"I want to see the book Bill gave you."

Draco stared at her. This was too much. "How?"

"Oh, Daphne told us... or rather she told Hermione who told me. She didn't think it was a secret... Hermione wanted to know how it went... with you and Bill," Luna explained and walked directly to his bed, like she knew it was his.

"Professor Weasley was very forgiving," Draco said, humbled.

"Bill is very nice. I stayed at his house for a while after you got us out. But where's the book?"

Draco nodded. He couldn't refuse her anything. He took it out from under his pillow and handed it to her.

"Oh! That explains how you took down the wards. I was so very curious. That's amazing, Draco!"

"Thanks... I don't want...."

"People to know. I understand. This is a very expensive book, did you know?"

"No... I didn't. He... was so kind to me. I wasn't expecting that."

"He's not Ron," she said, softly. "And not everyone in the world is out to get you."

Draco looked into her eyes and trembled, like he had when they were huddled in the dungeon. Tears came down his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Me, too," Luna said and wrapped her arms around him or as far as her shorter arms would go. "Everything will work itself out in the end, you'll see."

"No, it won't," he whined.

"Sure it will. But it'll help if you stop saying 'no' to Harry."

Draco pulled away to look at her. She knew. Of course, she knew. Everyone probably knew. "I'm scared," he admitted.

"Everyone is... every single student. Every person in a relationship, everyone who was in the war. We all have fears, but it's the decisions you make when you're afraid that show what kind of person you are."

"A coward." Draco knew that much. He never would fight back.

Luna turned her head to the side, reading him. "A helper... who made sure I was okay rather than himself. Self-sacrificing... when you took down the wards.... A fighter... when you saved me at the Battle and fought your friends.... A moral person... who didn't kill a defenseless man. No, Draco, you are a hero."

"I wish people would stop saying that," he grunted.

"I wish people would say it more often. But Draco... here's the choice you have. Harry wants you. You want Harry. You fear what will happen to him and you. You're scared and have to decide what path you are going to take," she said, laying it all out.

"I can't... Harry will get hurt. It's selfish to say yes, just because I want it."

"Draco... listen to me. Harry is hurting. You understand? He wants to be talking to you right now, but he can't. He's in pain. Everything that you are afraid of is already happening... except he's suffering alone... like you. Draco, you know how bad he is, right?

Draco wiped his eyes and nodded.

"He's miserable, withdrawn and doesn't talk to anyone. He needs you."

"How can anyone need me?"

"Draco," Luna growled and smacked his head lightly.

"Ow!"

"Well, maybe you'll stop saying stupid things. I needed you... and you saved me. Daphne, Theo and Blaise... your friends? They are bound to you for a reason. And Harry? He's shattered, too. He's lost and depressed. He picked you. He decided that you were the one who could help him."

"Why me? I'm a wreck... an ex-Death Eater... a criminal. He deserves better," Draco cried.

"No, he doesn't. He deserves you. He'll never find anyone who's more handsome, smart, powerful, protective, assertive and... loving," Luna enumerated qualities that he did not have.

"I'm not...."

"He needs someone that is like him... who knows and understands what he's going through. He won't ever find happiness with anyone but you, Draco."

"That's...no... it can't..." Draco rambled. Harry wouldn't be happy with him.

"It is. Stop denying it," Luna ordered, but he felt no impulse to obey. "Now, Draco, your choice is simple. Keep giving into your fear of what might happen or stop being scared and try it."

"It's not that easy."

"Again... it is. Draco... Harry is in pain. What would you be willing to do to make it stop?"

"Anything..." he said, immediately.

"Then stop being an idiot. Stop listening to your fear. It will work out... trust me. So do the right thing... by both of you," she said, and took hold of his arms. He could feel her massaging the Dark Mark through his sleeve like she knew about that, too.

"I'll think about it."

"Ookey dokey, then! I'm going to bed... you need some sleep. Core spells are very exhausting. Goodnight, Draco." Luna turned, lifted the wards herself and exited.

Draco sighed, he'd never understand the girl. He locked the door after her and slowly pulled off his robes. A shower was needed, but he felt too exhausted and numb. He put his pajamas on and crawled into bed. He flicked the lights off and closed his eyes.

It could have been five minutes or thirty, but the door opened. Draco thought it was Blaise, but then he heard Harry's rough voice. "Draco?"

"Harry? What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you. Are you okay?"

Draco nodded. In the moonlight, Harry moved toward his bed. Draco sat up to see him. The word was on his lips. All he had to do was say it. But he didn't. Harry moved in front of him.

"Draco... I don't think we can wait anymore. Please, Draco..." Harry pleaded and leaned forward.

Draco hesitated, but nodded. He was scared to do anything else. Harry pressed his lips to his and Draco surrendered, letting Harry kiss him and wrap his arms around him. They got closer and Harry pulled off his top and then his own.

"Just say no... you can say no."

But Draco couldn't... his voice was gone. He couldn't say no... and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Harry pushed him backward on the bed and straddled him. He bent over and kissed Draco again, their bare chests together. Harry's hands were all over him. Draco's stress spiked. He was enjoying it, but at the same time, he remembered too much. But Harry kept kissing him. Draco didn't fight it. He just tried to stay in the moment.

"You can stop this at any time."

But could he? Draco held his tongue. Silence was safer. He didn't want to be hurt. Resisting brings pain. Harry thumbed the waistline of his bottoms and Draco's breathing nearly stopped. Fast... too fast. But Harry didn't stop and pulled the rest of his clothes off, leaving him naked and vulnerable. He couldn't stop shaking.

"It's going to be okay, Draco."

That did nothing to reassure Draco, but Harry took off his clothes, too. Draco couldn't help but admire his body. He wanted to run his hands across him, but didn't know if it was allowed. He felt his cock twitch eagerly, which only made him more confused and frustrated. He didn't know what to do... what he could do. So he just let Harry make all the decisions, whether he liked them or not.

"Turn onto your stomach," Potter ordered.

Draco trembled in fear, but he acted as though he was under compulsion. He had to obey, though he hated it. He turned and faced the bed, not daring to look back up. His hands were under his chest and shaking. He felt Harry behind him moving his legs apart. Just the touch of Harry's hands on him, made him hard. His breathing was nearly out of control, jumping back and forth from short, panic breaths to deep, shallow breaths. Tears were coming out of his eyes, but he still couldn't speak. There was no saying no.

Harry eased his body on top of him, his tip nudging his entrance. His steady hands ran across Draco's back and then around his throat and Draco froze. Harry's fingers dug into the soft skin below his jaw. The same spot where he had nearly choked him to unconsciousness. Draco could barely breathe he was so scared. Please, stop, he thought, but his voice wouldn't work.

"Just say no," Harry offered.

Draco didn't move. Harry pressed in slightly, but stopped as Draco winced from the pain. His hands trailed back down his back.

"I know what will help."

Draco almost sobbed when Harry's hands went down around and wrapped around his hard shaft. Harry rubbed his fingers across his tip and gave a few tugs. A plethora of emotions surged through his mind, good, bad, arousal and pain, as Harry continued to pump his dick.

"Yeah, you like that, don't you?" Harry's voice said, with the hint of cruelty Draco had too often heard.

Pain laced through Draco, as piercing as if someone had stabbed him. His mind snapped, his eyes opened and he scrambled upward, clenching his racing heart. He looked around wildly, expecting an attack. But Harry was gone. His clothes were on and there was no one near him. He could hear Theo and Blaise breathing in their beds, probably awake, now, with his panicked cry.

It was a dream... it was only a dream. Draco buried his face in his hands and realized that he was quite sticky. He let out a few more tears, embarrassed by everything. He couldn't even talk to anyone about how confused he was.

"Dray?" Blaise whispered. Of course, he would wake up, just for the irony of it.

Draco didn't answer, in vain hopes that he will go back to sleep. Draco must have slept through Blaise and Theo coming back. He was still shaking, covered in sweat and his heart was racing as he remembered his dream. He felt crippled by his inability to talk and, of course, the dream amped that up. And those words... those hurt the most... Yeah, you like that, don't you? He hated himself, his dream state, for even putting them in there. Rabastian liked to say that... and he'd be forced to answer... correctly. He started to cry, letting the tears run.

He wondered if he'd ever be able to have... to be intimate with anyone... again. Would he always be so trapped in his head? Unable to say a word? Still even Dream-Harry was better than... them. He was calm and gentle... he gave the option. It was him... Dream-Draco who couldn't say no. But he was being stupid. Everything was him. His dream... his mind... cooking up more terror to keep him on the edge and in fear. He leaned forward and back, bobbing, as he tried to control his spiraling emotions. He wanted someone to help him understand what he was supposed to do... to calm him down.

He didn't even hear Blaise get out of bed until he was right in front of him. "Draco?"

He jumped and lifted his head from hands, to stare up at him. He still couldn't talk.

Blaise stared down at him and turned the desk light on. "Draco... are you okay?"

Draco's tears would have answered that. Blaise knelt down, to get level with him and took ahold of his hand. Draco leaned forward, putting his head into his chest and grabbing ahold of his silk shirt. Blaise wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm right here, Dray. I've got you. I'll protect you. You're safe," Blaise whispered in his ear.

If only it were true. Draco sobbed into his chest, more confused than hurt. He just wanted to not be scared, for Blaise to tell him it would be okay. He tried to get his heart and lungs to calm down, but his emotions were all over the place. Slowly, the tears stopped and his breathing leveled out. He felt Blaise tremble from kneeling for so long and he lifted his head up.

"Sorry," he whispered.

Blaise stood up and then sat next to him. "It's fine. Are you okay?"

Draco shook his head. He had some control, but no answers. He thought about telling him, but explaining to Blaise why he was freaking out, was too humiliating. He couldn't handle any of it... he couldn't be with anyone. Blaise who had no trouble... coupling... with people, wouldn't understand, even if Draco could explain why he was so afraid of it.

"I can't..." he breathed, lowering his head.

Blaise hugged him, again. A creak in the floorboards told him Theo was up, too. Theo was slightly easier to talk to, but still, admitting what had been done to him... and what happened in the dream... was not something he wanted to discuss with another guy, even his best friends.

"Can I do anything for you?" Blaise said, and lifted Draco from him. "Anything?"

Draco was about to shake his head when he thought about Luna. She could help him. A glance at the window, told him it was the middle of the night. He couldn't impose on her like that.

"Dray... tell me. You got that look in your eye," Blaise said.

"I want to talk to Luna," he said, lowering his eyes, shamed.

"Theo? Will you?" Blaise said, without hesitation.

"It's too early... I don't want...."

"Hush. Theo?"

"Of course," he said, removing the wards and slipping out.

"I'm sorry... I just can't...."

"You don't have to explain. Theo and I can't talk about everything to each other or to you. I understand, completely, Draco. Don't be embarrassed. Someone once told me that you have to be able to look me in the eye after everything is said and done. And there are things that we are too... ashamed of... to openly talk about. If you can talk to Luna about what is wrong... I'm not mad... I'm thrilled... ecstatic even. I want you to talk... even if it is not to me."

Draco met his eyes and nodded. "Thank you. I wouldn't have been able to get through any of this without you, Blaise."

"I'm not sure I would have made it through Hogwarts without you. I didn't even know what friends were, or loyalty... or compassion. I grew up, generally unloved, unable to connect emotionally to anyone. I barely knew how to talk. You're the one who talked to me, taught me how to stand up for myself... talk to people. And told me to stop sleeping around."

"I was worried... that you were...."

"Being a slag? I was. What I was doing was dangerous and self-destructive... I never felt any better," Blaise said, quietly, and leaned forward to rub Draco's left forearm. "That's why I was so adamant about this. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Draco's lip trembled and he nodded. "Blaise... I...."

But the door opened. Luna drifted in like she'd been awake this whole time and came over to his bed. "Good morning, Blaise!"

"Luna," he said, as a greeting, still staring at Draco.

"Oh, let's hide in the bathroom!" Luna said, and took Draco's hand pulling him into the loo.

Luna shut the door and put up wards. Draco started shaking, realizing it was confession time. He stood, staring into the mirror at his pale white complexion. His hair was in a state, long and tangled. Luna pushed him over to the john and shut the cover.

"Sit," she ordered and he did, now unable to look at himself in the mirror. "So the strangest thing happened to me. I sent a letter to the Prophet. My dad isn't quite up to starting publication, again. But I wanted to keep writing. So, I wrote an article about the recent sightings of the Blibbering Humdinger."

Draco smirked slightly. He could imagine an intern at their copy desk reading article submissions and unexpectedly coming across hers.

"And they said that they would publish it!"

"They did?" Draco said, trying not to sound surprised.

"Yes! But they said it would be in the satire section... I don't think it's satire, though."

"Of course not. But I'm glad you're published... it's a good first step. Do you think your father will ever reopen the Quibbler?"

"I don't know. He's very busy searching for Queen Mab, so it might be awhile," Luna said, looking through the products on the counter.

"Oh... do you think you will take over?"

"Me? Huh... I never really thought of it... imagine all the articles I could write on Crumple-Horned Snorkacks alone!" Luna said, happily as she found Blaise's bag.

"Imagine..." Draco said, chuckling. He still didn't know what any of the creatures Luna talked about were, but he went with it. Her spirit was stronger than any of them.

"But I'd definitely need a good 온라인카지노게임 to do a re-start... something better than Crumple-Horned Snorkacks."

"Nessie?" Draco offered.

"That's just a muggle myth, Draco," Luna said, taking out Blaise's eyeliner.

"Sorry," he said, still grinning.

"I'll have to think about it. Thank you for the idea!" Luna gushed and started to put on the eyeliner.

Draco watched her for the moment, finding relief from the intense pain he had just been in. It was so easy to pretend like everything was okay around her. She slowly went around both eyes.

"So..." Luna said, looking at him through the mirror. "What did you dream about?"

"Who said anything about a dream?"

"Well... it is the middle of the night and you definitely slept. Why did you send for me? Not that I mind. I happened to also be awake."

"Oh... you were?"

"I have dreams, too, Draco. We all do. You shouldn't feel ashamed by them."

"No... just what they are about," Draco whispered, looking down.

"Mmmm... well when you are ready," Luna said, now pulling out lipstick out of his bag and putting it on.

Blaise hadn't used that in a while and only reserved it for dates that were guaranteed to end in sex. Draco had only seen him use it a few times and he recalled being promptly kicked out of his dorm room for several hours. Luna seemed to enjoy putting it on and kissed the mirror.

"That's a nice color," she said, looking at the tube.

Draco let out a breath. "You r-remember last night w-when you said...that I was g-giving into my fear...."

"Yes," she affirmed, her reflection staring at him. But he looked away. She came over and stood in front of him.

Draco chewed on his lip and met her silvery eyes. "W-What h-happens if-if he w-wants to do... s-something?"

"Oh Draco... is that what you've been worried about?" Luna said and hugged him. "Harry is very patient. He'll go as slow as you need it. You know that. You trust him."

"I'm s-still a-afraid," he whispered and she took his hands.

"It's okay. He understands. He won't push. He's not exactly pushing now is he?"

Draco shook his head. "But I... dreamt... that he d-did. I couldn't say anything... not no... or yes. He j-just kept g-going. I was so scared."

"I'm sorry, Draco. But that's not how it would go. You have a voice... and you will learn to use it, again. Harry would help you with that. He's probably better than anyone. He has no idea about sex either."

Draco twitched. "I know how it w-works."

Luna let go to tap him on the head, again. "No, you don't. You have no idea how it is supposed to work. How it really is going to go. Harry will do it the right way. He'll make sure you are okay."

"What if I can't... what if I can't get... over this?"

Luna gave him a sad look. "I think you will. Fear is a powerful thing Draco... but when you finally conquer it... it will have no control over you."

"I..." but he stopped, her words finally breaking whatever barrier he'd put up.

"Draco... let me put it this way... do you think that you can sit next to Harry, lay next to him and not want to touch him? Even just touching his hands, arms and chest?"

Draco stared at her. He remembered his last night in his mother's flat how much he wanted Harry. How much he wanted to touch him. He even gave Harry permission. Luna was right. He wouldn't be able to not want Harry. He wanted nothing more than to go further with him. He smiled.

"I think my work here is done," Luna said, and headed for the door. "Goodnight, Draco."

"Thank you, Luna," he said, gratefully.

"Of course," she said and unlocked the door. Blaise and Theo were sitting on Blaise's bed. Luna walked over and handed him his lipstick. "Cool color. He's all yours!"

Blaise's mouth dropped as she walked out their door like they didn't have locking charms on it. Draco unsteady got to his feet and ran his fingers through his hair. Blaise came to the bathroom, holding the tube and looked at the mirror.

"That girl is weird. If I wasn't so hung up on Neville, I might have chased her."

"You'd never keep up with her. Besides I don't think you're her type."

"That never stopped me," Blaise bragged and Draco had to concede that. He'd gotten quite a few straight guys to bend over. "But you think Neville would go for this?" He held up the lipstick.

"I'd wait until he lets you do more than flirting. He is pretty nervous around you."

"You're right. Imagine if I'd worn this when you were paying your debts?"

Draco paled.

Blaise laughed. "I'm kidding. So... any hints on what that was about?"

"Just some unfounded fears to get over."

Blaise tilted his head and nodded. "You going to sleep?"

"I think I'm going to shower to wind down. I can leave the door cracked... if you're worried."

"I am, but I trust you. Let me see it... bandage might need to be changed."

Draco unrolled the bandage by hand and slowly revealed his pink, healing forearm. The mark had started to fade to a dark gray, but still more prominent than before. He let out a deep breath and looked at Blaise for his assessment.

"I think it'll be alright unwrapped. It'll heal faster. I'll put some glamours up for Dawlish's class on Tuesday... just in case...."

Draco sighed, he hadn't thought about that. "Thank you."

"It's okay. Don't scrub it. In fact..." Blaise said, pulling out his wand and Draco tightened up involuntarily. "...Impervious. It shouldn't get wet for a few more days. The air will help it heal."

"Thanks. Sorry for waking you."

"It's Saturday. We can sleep in. So, no harm done. Shower and relax. It's going to be okay."

Draco nodded and Blaise went out the door, closing it. Draco stripped to his skin, cranked the water on to full hot and stepped into the scorching stream. He loved the heat and immersed his hair in the spray. His body just melted as the stress and tears washed away. His hands laved up his hair in his expensive shampoo and he rinsed it off, taking his time. He never liked rushing this. He scrubbed his body hard, avoiding the ugly spot on his arm and scouring the rest.

When his hands drifted to cock, even light touching sent tremors through his body. He didn't know if it was leftovers from the dream or Luna asking him to think about touching Harry that did it, but it wanted to carry through with it. Draco didn't want to try to get through the rest of the night, ignoring it. He wrapped his hands around his appendage and only had to conjure a few pictures of Harry in his mind to get his libido to perk right up. Salazar... he realized if he could just get over his fear and say yes, Harry could be helping him with this problem.

That thought drove him faster and he had to muffle his cry of release into his arm. The water washed away the evidence and he did one last thorough rinse, before climbing out of the shower. He dried and had to wipe the steam off the mirror. He took care not to wipe away Luna's lipstick mark. He took a brush to his hair, getting rid of the tangles and loose hair. It looked so much better after he dried it wandlessly. He'd been neglecting his hygiene regimen. Those things used to matter to him more, probably because his father had drove that fear into him to always look the best.

Now, he wondered if he even cared. His father was gone and he didn't have any honor or family name to uphold. Only his own: Draco, the last Malfoy. He grimaced at that. Potter told him not to worry about his name, but his family line was ending with him. No one was left to make him walk the straight and narrow and force him into a pureblood marriage. He smiled almost, getting the last laugh on his father who hated him so much. If it was only Lucius that Draco was giving the fuck-you to, he'd be happy. But surely his mother wanted grandchildren... a family. She was working and barely supporting herself and him.

He had to get his act together. Look better, feel better and focus on his studies. He had to get a good job, not wind up in magical maintenance or worse left floundering in the muggle world like her. He wrapped his towel around his waist and went through the door. Blaise had left his light on for him and he fished fresh clothes out of his trunk. He changed and hung his towel up to dry. As he laid down in bed, he realized how much Harry could help him recover if he but let him. Not keep dancing around each other, but really face their problems together. Draco slowly drifted to sleep, imagining Harry was right next to him.

Sorry 'bout the fake out. Evil smirk face!

And the chapters keep getting bigger. 11,700 words! Woohoo!

I realize it has been near two weeks... but to be fair... I used to write 5000 word chapters. Plus, I had this done on Thursday! But stupid life makes me do other things than editing and proof-reading.

Enjoying Tennessee warm weather until the cold weather finally catches up with me. My house is currently buried in snow.

But on Draco – just wanted you to see into his fear and pain a little more... and as Luna said... he really has no idea how it is supposed to go and you're going to see more of that soon enough! Winky face.