The 100th Guy (English - Uned...

Chapter Fifteen

Saying the most painful goodbye

Scream. Cheer. Yell. Chant. Applause. Sob. Laugh.

            I could see and hear everything from the stage. Everyone was joyfully singing with us, but not me. Because no matter how I push her away from me, no matter how many times I told myself that I did not love her anymore, my mind would still think about her.

            “I Have Found You! I Have Found You!” The audience shouted in unison. We just ended our song and there were other songs in line to perform for this night but we could not just overlook the request of the fans so we played their request. I was just playing just like how I ought to be. I could see how Heart mouthed, “You’ve got most of the banners!” but I paid no heed of it and just played what should be played. Everyone was singing with us, until the spotlight focused on one certain person. She was closing her eyes and singing just like everyone. It was at the middle part of the audience area, but no matter how far she could be my heart would still recognize her. Even with her eyes closed, I knew too well how my heart skipped a beat when I laid my eyes on her.

            I unconsciously lost rhythm until I stopped playing the guitar. Everyone was wondering what had happened to me, even the whole band stopped the song and all just settled their eyes on me. I put my guitar down and ran towards her, like she was a light in a tunnel and I was unsure if I should follow it or not. But I did follow it. I could not just ignore the light when it was obviously heading me out of the dark. At this point in time, I did not care about everything around me because she was all that I was seeing.

            I was about to go to the audience area when the people I neared to started to run towards me. The security people protected me from them but I really did not care about what shambles were happening. The more I move towards her, the more the people were beginning to just stand on their position and watch what I would do. I was only a few steps away fro her when the people in front of her got out of my way until she was the only one left on that place.

            “I have found you,” I said as I got near her. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around her, wondering what was happening. I held my left chest and gripped. I could not breathe again. I could not. And if I lost her this time, if I just let her go this time, I really did not know what to do anymore.

            So I pulled her and embraced her warmly. “I have found you. Please don’t leave. Please,” I almost pleaded. “Betty… or Midori, or whoever you are. Please don’t leave. Don’t make things harder for me. Please.”

            There was silence in the whole place. No one was speaking, no one was shouting, no one was complaining. Or maybe, I just could not hear anything anymore. I just longed to hear her voice in hope of accepting me.

            I held her tighter. I did not want to let her go again. I just want to be with her. My heart jumped out of joy when I felt her arms encircled on me. I was about to close my eyes and feel her warmth when she suddenly pushed me away from her. Then she ran away from me. I could not move and there was no way I could figure out what happened.

            “Maisen, don’t just stand there like an idiot! Go after her!”

            “Follow her and never let her go!”

            “Go run fast! You can do it! You can leave the concert!”

            I glanced at the stage to see my friends smiling at me, almost literally pushing me only if they were close to me. I smiled at them too, thanked them in my mind and ran after them. I did not know what was yet to happen at the concert area, but it did not matter to me. There was one thing to do first before anything.

            “Midori!” I shouted finally her true name. I looked around me but she was nowhere in sight. “Midori! Please! Don’t leave!” I kept calling for her as I kept on running to anywhere my feet would lead me. I stopped when I saw her seated at the cemented floor on one side of the street. She was holding to the fences beside her. I hurriedly ran to her.

            “What happened?” I asked as I embraced like I did a while ago, but she pushed me away again.

            She looked at me with dark eyes as I heard her breathed heavily. “Who are you?”

            “Midori, I’m Maisen. Don’t you remember me? We went on a date before. Midori,” I tried to hold her shoulders and helped her to stand but she just tossed me hands away from her.

            “Liar!” she said with watery eyes. “I don’t know you!  Get out of my sight! I don’t want to see you! Help! Help!” she started shouting. I tried to calm her but she kept screaming to my face. There was a tinge of anger and fright in her voice. “Who are you? Don’t touch me! Help! Go away!”

            I clasped her hands and tried to control them because she was starting to hurt herself but she kept getting them back, “Midori, stop it,” I calmly said. “You’re hurting yourself. Stop it, please…”

            She suddenly stopped and just stared at me.

            I was still holding her hands. I really did not understand why was she like this to me. I just embraced her and said, “Are you mad at me? Are you one of the girls I played and ditched before? I’m so sorry, Midori, forgive me please. I’m regretting everything now. Midori, I love you. You may not believe me but I love you. Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what to do anymore if you do.” She was still not responding to me, until I felt that she was cold. So I separated from her and asked, “Midori, are you okay?” I was shaken when her body suddenly collapsed. I caught her in my arms and rested her there. “Midori! Midori!” I gently tapped my hand on her cheek. She was not moving but her eyes were opened and were looking to nothingness. I inched my ear to her nostrils, felt her pulses and heartbeat but they were all functioning properly. I lay her on the ground and was about to apply first aid when a white car stopped before I could even motion it to.

            A woman in tears got out of it and ran towards us, “Midori!” she kept shouting as she got her in my hands, not even noticing me. But I was more stunned to see who went out of the car next. He lifted Midori to the car.

            “Dwaine?” I called him when he was about to go to the driver’s seat.

            He glanced at me but in a hurry to leave. “Sorry, Maisen. But this is an emergency. Let’s just talk next time.” I was about to ask if I could join them but he just left and I was left confused and feeling stupid.

            “What… what the hell was that?” I asked to my baffled self. I just sat on the ground and leaned my head on fence at my back. I gripped on my hair and stomped my feet feeling so useless. I could not understand anything. What happened to Midori, I did not really know. The last I knew, I was crying. After holding back my tears when my Mom died, I just cried now.

            She said she did not know me. She said I was a liar. She said she did not want to see me. She told me to get away from her.

            Do you think I can do that Midori? Do you really think I can? 

*

How could you just forget someone who changed your life?

            It had been two months since I last saw Midori. Who she really was, why she said those things, what happened that night, I did not know anymore. I just let what I knew end up to what I just saw. I lost my strength. I did not know how to face her after all that happened. I was thinking that, probably, she could not just forgive whatever it was that I did to her.

            Everything that happened that night was enough for me to understand what all of these meant. Maybe, God wanted to teach me a very good lesson above all these things. He was right though, I did change and learned something from that. Even though I already lost her, I could not go back to the old me. It was just funny now whenever I thought of her, my heart would pain. Love truly hurt. Maybe He thought me something that changed my life. But to love again as much as I did to Midori? Even if He taught that to me, I did not think I could do it.

            I was at Avril and Flip’s after-party. I was not able to attend their church wedding, I would just feel envious. So I just went to the reception. It was Masquerade-themed so everyone was wearing their masks. Instead of doing the bouquet and garter game to predict who’s going to marry first, everyone in the party would reveal their identity at exactly midnight and whoever they would be dancing with would be their forever.

            I sighed. Something that reminded me of her again. A belief that will tell you who your forever was. Something that I did not want to believe anymore.

            We were supposed to perform tonight, but we still had an issue regarding the commotion that I made during our concert. There were many who were supporting us, but it was unavoidable to have people trying to ruin us, most especially some of the media people who from the start wanted us to disappear in the entertainment industry.

            I watched the city lights from the rooftop of the building. They were not as beautiful as what I saw at the top of the hill. There were many stars above me too, but they were just plain and meaningless to my eyes. I did not know if it was the location or the person I was with that made them dance like fireflies to my eyes. I was drinking alone while everyone was having fun at the hall. I wanted to be alone as I was trying to bring the energetic part of me. It had been a month since I was trying but things seemed to stay the same.

            I glanced at my back when I heard knockings on the floor. I saw a woman wearing her long gown coming towards me. I had no idea who she was because her face was covered with a big feathery mask. I just stared as she came close to me. Then she waved her hand and I smiled back with my bare face. She stood beside me and wrote something on the drawing pad she had with her. I just watched her write until she got through and showed it to me.

            “Hello!” was written on her pad.

            “Hi,” I greeted back then looked at the city lights again.

            “Why are you alone? Are you an emo?” she wrote on another page.

            I laughed softly. “No. I just want to be alone. How about you? Why are you here?”

            “I saw you go up here then I followed you. Just want to see you.” Then there was a smiley face at the end.

            I suddenly stood straight and put my alarm on. “Are you stalking me?” I asked straight. I had this in mind that she could possibly be an ex-girlfriend, or worse… “Wait— Don’t tell me you’re Sirri Gustav?”

          “Who’s that?” I smoothly exhaled knowing that she was not Sirri. Besides, if she were Sirri, she would not waste her time wearing mask nor writing what she wanted to tell me. “Just call me ‘Girl Wannabe’.”

            I smiled at her enthusiasm. “Why Girl Wannabe?” I can’t help asking.

            “Because I wanna be somebody I can’t,” she answered.

            “Who do you wanna be?” I asked. She just pointed at me so I ask, “You wanna be me?” She shook her head and pointed at me again but I could not understand what she meant so I suggested, “Why don’t you speak so we can talk… better?” She bowed her head and shook it. I suddenly felt so mean. She might be mute but could hear yet I suggested her something that might hurt her. “Sorry.”

            She wrote on her pad again. “Have you been in love?” 

            “Why do you ask?”

            “Why don’t you just answer?”

            I was hesitating at first, but I was alone after all and I had no one to talk to. A temporary confidant would be good. “I am. But I’m planning to stop this.”

            “Why? Isn’t falling in love the best feeling in the world?” she asked.

            I heaved out a sigh. “It is. But falling out of love is the worst.” I poured a drink for her but she shook her head in rejection, so I just poured another on mine. “She’s the first one I truly loved yet she’s the first one who truly caused me pain. She’s like a dream that I can only see when I sleep and she’s not in the reality that I will see once I open my eyes.” I drank my wine and shook my head. “Midori.”

            I was watching the lights when she pulled my sleeve. I looked at her and she already wrote a lot on her pad. “Move on. It is true that love hurts. But once you find someone who can heal all the wounds that she caused you, you will learn that love hurts… but it also heals the same wound it gave you.” She turned the pad to another page. “Move on with that Midori.It’s good that you’re planning to stop it. You deserve more. Find someone who’s far from her, someone who does not have as much issues as her. Someone strong unlike her.”

             I turned to her covered face and watched her write again on her pad. Who was she? Why was she saying these things to me?

            “Find someone who can stand beside you ‘til the end of time. A woman who will love you with no hesitation and has no issues on herself. Love her more than you did to Midori. Let go and move on… Maisen.” She turned the page and there written. “Goodbye.” 

            I watched her walk away from me and leave me in wonder. “Girl Wannabe!” I called her. She stopped but did not face me. “How did you say those things? Do you know Midori?”

            She got her pen and wrote on the pad again. I just waited until she finished what she was doing, then she came to me and put it in my hands. There I read, “I don’t know her. I just know you. Plus I am smart.” She turned the page. “Promise me that you’ll be happy, Mark Isen de la Fuente.”

            I lifted my head and saw her pinkie finger extended to me, asking me for a pinkie swear. That was so childish to me, and I could not easily promise something to someone I did not really know. But the questions in my head lifted my pinkie finger to her and locked it— a sign of promise. I was looking at her, thinking who could she possibly be, when she pushed herself to me for an embrace. And after that, she ran away until she disappeared on my sight. I was left frozen on my feet as I assessed in my mind everything that just happened.

            She wrapped me in her arms for five seconds…

            She made me realize something within five seconds…

            I could not be mistaken; I knew that warm embrace…

            “Midori…” is all that I could utter. I did not run after her because I clearly understood, at this moment, that she was never really mine. And she can never be mine.

            And after that night, I did not see her anymore. Even news about her, I hear nothing.

                Nothing…