Marriage Under Repairs

"Swara please believe me, I have nothing to do with Ragini's kidnapping. Why don't you believe me?"

"Swara stop. What about us? Kavita is my past. I have moved on. Don't be so mahaan for everyone."

"Don't leave my hand. You will fall down"

"Swara, why can't you trust me atleast once in your life? Do you think I will try to harm my own brother? Please don't leave me. I can't breathe without you. Please stop. For god sake please stop."

"Swara stop." Sanskar woke up abruptly, sweating profusely.

He was panting like he had just finished a marathon. He closed his eyes to find an equilibrium between his mind and heart.

"It's just a nightmare." He convinced himself. Last three weeks this nightmare again started haunting him.

Reason was obvious, Swara.

She was not in front of his eyes. She was miles apart from him.

He took the photo frame from the night table. It was Swara's picture. He caressed her smiling face.

"I miss you Swara." a drop of tear fell on the frame.

"I can't go away from you even if I want to. I can never run away from you. My every breath takes your name. These eyes only want to see you. My soul only recognizes your warmth."

"I know that the distance between us hurts you as much as it hurts me. And I don't care if the world turns here and there, but I can't see you in pain. Your one tear kills me. You have the power to bring me on my knees."

"Do you feel that it is easy for me to stay away from you? Avoid you? Absolutely no. But what should I do? The heart which used to beat with your love, now it is filled with fear of losing you."

"Every moment there is a fear that like last time I may say or do something wrong and you may leave me, taking my soul with you."

"Do you think it was easy for me to give you an ultimatum on that dreadful day? No Swara. It was my last attempt to stop you from leaving me. I thought, you will never leave me if our marriage is at stake but you... You left me, making me lifeless. I knew you were upset with me as I voiced some nasty words on the phone, I am ashamed of it even today. I wanted to apologise to you. I know, you wanted to be with Ragini but I also needed you. Why does our relationship always turn less important to you when it comes to others?"

"I gave a shit to all when they accused me for Laksh's missing but it killed me when your eyes were filled with accusations. Do you really think I can harm Laksh? Did you really think that way? You did not even listen to me. You just walked away."

"Now we are back together again, but I need this distance between us. It's a win-win situation for both of us to maintain such a distance. You can call me superstitious or whatever but... It has always happened that when everything is fine, then only a new storm comes between us and in that our relationship starts burning. And we fell apart. It's better to keep everything hanging, at least we both can stay together, at least I can see you first in the morning and call off my day seeing your face." Tears started rolling over his cheeks.

"I love to be dependent on you for every single thing but when you are not there I feel, I don't have any existence. It feels surreal when I return home these days, because I know you have returned but there is also this uncertainty when you will leave me again."

"Why? Why can't we have a normal married life?" He clutched her pic near his heart.

"A life which is filled with our love. I am not scared of any obstacles or any problems in our path but I need you by my side to face them. Why can't you understand the feeling of you being by my side is my strength? I can fight with the world when I have your hand in mine. But I cannot take a step without you Swara." He lies down on the bed staring at the ceiling remembering his moments with Swara.

Here in India, Swara returned to Maheshwari House but her mind was wandering around Badi. She herself could not understand why her mind and heart felt dejected when her mother was concerned about her necessities? Why did her heart cry over her mother's ignorance to her miseries?

Till today, she had kept everyone's happiness ahead of her needs but today for the first time her heart was repenting for it.

'Did everyone come to me for their selfish motives only?' Thought crossed her mind, jerking her from her dreamland.

Entire evening Swara kept herself busy in kitchen work but she was working as a robot, her mind and heart were fighting their own battle over her past actions.

Sujata observed her daughter in law engrossed in her thoughts but did not interrupt. Over the last half year, she had developed antipathy for Swara for her actions. She limited her interactions with Swara. Even when her daughter in law approached her for any discussion, her replies were limited to monosyllables.

Everytime Swara felt hurt with Sujata's reserved approach but she did not give up and tried every day to get back herself in the good books of her mother in law.

It was night time, when her phone beeped with message notification.

"Leaving for the airport, I will be back by tomorrow late evening.' Simple message from Sanskar brought a bright smile to her face.

'I am waiting for your return.' she replied back instantly.

'See you tomorrow then.' she could feel his warmth in his words.

'Have a safe journey. Come soon and take care.'

'You too.'

Swara thanked the almighty in mind. She ran outside to inform about his arrival.

"Mom" she entered inside her in-laws room.

Sujata was in bed ready to call off her day whereas Ram was reading some book.

"Sanskar messaged just now, he is returning back tomorrow night." Sujata could feel happiness radiating from her daughter in law's face.

"Hmm"

Swara had thought on the pretext of Sanskar's arrival news she might have a chance for brief discussion with her mother in law.

"I am thinking of cooking his favourite food for tomorrow." Swara extended her conversation.

"Do whatever you want." Sujata replied but Swara could sense her annoyance.

"What happened Mom? It's been almost more than a month since we talked to each other."

"Correction Swara, it's been more than 7 months we talked to each other." Sujata gave a reality check.

"Sujata" Ram tried to intervene.

"Mom, can we move on from our past and start fresh." tears started welling up in Swara's eyes.

"Fresh... new start? Till the next time you will leave my son." Sujata asked helplessly. But her words stabbed Swara with a hundred needles.

"Mom, I am sorry."

"Your 'sorry' cannot bring my son back to me. Didn't you observe how much he has changed? Your on-off way to handle your marriage is causing me my son. I cannot see him in pain, but the hard part is my son can't breathe without you. So, I don't have any option other than to bear you around him." Tears were rolling over Sujata's cheeks.

"I am sorry Mom." Swara ran out of the room.

"Sujata, how can you say this?" Ram dropped his shoulders looking at his wife.

"She needs this reality check, Ram." Sujata shared painful eye locks with her husband. "I don't want my son to live a life where he cannot expect support from his life partner. I don't want my son to have the same fate as me."

Sujata broke their eye lock covering herself with blanket, and she laid down on bed crying bitterly on her and her son's fate.

Ram got up from his seat to leave the room. He went towards the terrace where he saw Swara sitting on a swing. Her sobs gave a pang to his heart.

'Am I responsible for their pain?' He looked upwards towards almighty.

Taking deep breath he took steps towards swing. He sat beside his daughter in law.

"Dad" Swara tried to wipe her tears.

"No Swara, you don't need to hide it." Ram wrapped his arm around Swara, feeling his fatherly care, her pain burst out in the form of tears.

"You know Swara, when I was in school, I was a very carefree person. But, then my father met with an accident. He left us. Within 2 years my mother also bid bye to this world. All responsibilities came on Bhaisahab. He took care of everything. He sacrificed alot for my future and betterment."

It was for the first time, Swara was witnessing her father in law voicing out his inner feelings.

"I felt indebted to him for this life. For me his words were the final verdicts. But in the race to repay my debt, I forgot that I am someone's husband, I am someone's father. And when I realised it, it was too late. They stopped expecting anything from me." 

"That's not true Dad. Mom, Sanskar, Uttara loves you a lot..." Ram interrupted her with a chuckle and slight nod.

"I know. But love is at one place, whereas keeping your expectations, or trusting that your loved ones will support you no matter what happens is at the other side. They don't have any expectations from me, because they know I won't be there for them if they need me." Ram gulped audibly.

"It gives me a blend of mixed feelings when I see Sujata and Uttara depending on Sanskar for every little thing. I feel bad because it gives me a sense of my failure as husband and father whereas I feel proud of my son that he is not repeating my mistakes. He takes a stand for himself and his loved ones. He is ready to make this world upside down for the betterment of his relations. You only tell me a single incident when he did not take a stand for you?"

"I know, I did sin by leaving him... but Dad..." Swara cursed herself for her blunders.

"It was not only your mistake. You both were at fault." His words amazed Swara.

"He did not do anything." She defended.

"You both let others impact your relationship." Ram explained. "When you and Sanskar got married everyone thought you both are a perfect match to each other. We all thought you both love each other, you both are strong personalities but we overlooked the basic foundation of your relationship."

"What do you think is the foundation of your relationship, Swara?" Ram asked.

"Our love for each other."

"No, I don't think so. It's one of the pillars of your relationship but your friendship was the main foundation. You supported each other when the whole world was against you two. I still remember that night when Sanskar filled vermilion in your hairline without caring about anyone. All he cared about was your respect. That respect was the pillar of your relationship."

"When Ragini had accused Sanskar of molestation, you were the one to defend him like a wounded lioness. That trust was another pillar of your relationship." Ram reminded her about their past.

"Everyone considered you two as the foundation for this home, and you two obliged without a word. But in the process of becoming the foundation for this house, both of you destroyed the keystones of your own relationship." His every word was giving like a thunderclap for Swara.

"Swara, they say, a perfect husband and wife should always walk together on the path of life. But there is no perfect marriage. Marriage is the relationship between two imperfect people who refuse to give up on another. It should stay in progress. Every day you have to work on that relationship, every day something new comes in marriage. If one falls into a pit, the other should stay outside and try to get him out. But in your case both of you made a big splash and fell in the ditch." Ram dropped his shoulder.

"I oftenly see myself in you Swara. You also put forward your family in place of your needs. And when we do so, we hurt that person the most whose happiness means a world to us. So, what is the use of that family's happiness which you cannot feel?"

"You are right Dad, on that one dreadful day, I kept my sister, my parents and my family's needs ahead of Sanskar's request. I know he can never think of breaking our relation, it was his attempt to stop me but in my anger I walked out and it changed everything between me and him. He closed himself in his shell."

"Because insecurity, fear, uncertainty has started giving cracks to the foundation of your relationship."

Swara dropped her shoulder in defeat. Ram caressed her hair with assurance.

"I said cracks, these have not replaced the love, friendship, trust, care and respect you both shared. You need to repair your marriage. I know my son. He turns defensive when it comes to his loved ones. You need to light the spark of that old friendship."

"We both need to work on repairing our marriages. It's better late than never." Ram cheered her up.

"I have hurt Mom as well. She is upset with me."

"Don't worry about her. She will automatically get convinced when she sees your efforts to repair your marriage."

They both talked for some more time and left for their respective rooms.

Next day, Swara's eyes were checking the watch every single second. She had received a message from Sanskar when he had halted at London. Today, she took charge of the kitchen to make food from his favourite lists.

It was almost dinner time when Sanskar stepped back into Maheshwari house. His heart was thumping inside with the thought of seeing Swara after three long weeks.

"Bhabhi, Sanskar Dada has arrived." servant informed.

Swara ran outside to get his one glance. She stopped when she saw her husband bending in front of his parents, uncle and aunt. They were asking him numerous questions about his trip but his answers were limited to monosyllable or simple nods, but what captured Swara's eyes were his gaze, wandering around the living room to find her.

'I know, he missed me.' she closed her eyes for a moment taking deep sighs and when she opened, immediately they got locked with him.

"Hi Sanskar, how are you?" she blinked to push back her tears. But she observed dark circles around his eyes.

'He did not sleep well.'

"I am fine. How are you?" He asked with a small smile.

"Good." She took a step towards him to get his laptop bag. "Ramesh will bring your luggage. Do you want to freshen up?" She turned and started going upstairs. Sanskar followed her.

"How was your trip?"

"It was good."

"What happened with that issue? Did you sort it out?" she asked, hoping to extend their conversation.

"Yes" His short reply before entering the washroom for a shower.

Dinner time was filled up with family discussions where Swara and Sanskar's participation was minimal.

Both returned back to their room together. After small discussion Swara observed his drowsy eyes.

"You should sleep, Sanskar. You look tired."

Sanskar observed Swara today, there was something different in her behaviour. He was stunned when Swara followed him immediately after dinner, passing orders to servants to wind up the dining area and kitchen work unlike her regular routine.

Next day rose up with new hope and a new beginning. Sanskar stayed at home though he was busy working from home but his small gesture earned a beautiful smile from his wife.

"Sanskar, your breakfast." She entered with two plates filled with upma, some fruits, his dark roast coffee, and her masala tea on a tray.

She kept a tray on the coffee table.

"Why did you bother? I was coming downstairs."

"It's ok. You were on call, I didn't know how much time you would take so I brought it here." She handed one plate to him, taking another for herself.

'What is in her mind? Is she on her new mission of 'Husband ko Manao'?' He shook his head without a word when she joined him for breakfast in their room. Maybe for the first time.

"Swara, that bag has few gifts." he pointed towards his suitcase.

"Can I see?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Swara opened the bag and she could see three exactly the same LV bags, three apple watches and a few other gifts.

"Sanskar, why did you bring three exactly the same LV bags and apple watches?" Swara was baffled.

"One for Ragini and the other is for Uttu." he replied, staring at far for a moment before concentrating on his Mac screen.

Swara dropped her shoulder, understanding the hidden meaning behind his words. His words surfaced one moment from her memory line.

"Swara, how can you give that perfume to Ragini?" Sanskar had returned from his business trip.

"She liked it, Sanskar." Her casual reply frustrated him more. "It's at home only, I can use it whenever I want."

"I brought it for you."

And this time, he brought exactly the same gifts for her as well as for her and his sister as well so his wife would not give away his gifts in the name of selflessness. It was one more eye opener moment for her.

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