Bad For Me

FALLON

I made my decision the moment I left the path. My life had got to a point where it was so full and repetitive that doing the tasks on my fun list sounded appealing. Even if I got one of them done, it would be a nice break from my current responsibilities.

I wanted to tell Kairos my verdict, but I did not see him over the next few days. He was nowhere to be found in school, and even the park when I checked one evening. Meanwhile, brunch with my Dad took place, even if he was on his phone half the time. I didn't understand why his lack of attention still hurt, since I was used to it.

Things between me and Luca were... awkward, to say the least. After I practically threatened to break up with him, I'd received his version of silent treatment. Essentially, no communication from his side except for in school, where we had to uphold our image as the school's golden couple. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to apologise, and even though I had no desire to, the anxiety caused by his silence was starting to emerge.

With words, I at least had an idea where we stood.

I woke up on Friday morning, ready for the day to be over. As I was going about my morning routine my phone pinged consistently. To my shock and horror a notification was on the screen:

SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY WITH LUCA <3

"I'm done for." I whispered, absolutely shocked and panicked. Sticking my head out of my bedroom into the hallway, I screamed: "Valentina!"

"Yes, Fallon?"

"Please, please quickly make the chocolate chip cookies Luca likes!" I shouted, and without waiting for a response entered my bedroom.

Today was going to be a lazy day but that plan was abandoned as I grabbed my straighter. He liked my curls but loved my hair straight, so I plugged in the device and got to work. Once my hair was silky smooth I got started on my makeup, making sure it was natural but noticeable. Finally I accessorised with his silver necklace, the 'L' hanging off the pendant gleaming in the sunlight.

As I ran downstairs my phone rang and my stomach dropped when I saw it was Luca. Maybe he already figured out I forgot our anniversary? Was he calling to end things?

"Hey." I answered the phone breathlessly, smiling at Valentina when she handed me the bag full of cookies.

"Morning, gorgeous." His voice was warm. "I've sent my driver to pick you up, since I'm still setting things up."

My throat felt dry. "S-setting things up?"

"Mhm. He'll be outside your house in a few minutes. And when you get to school, Perdita, Lincoln and Tay will be waiting for you." Luca instructed.

Setting things up? Oh dear. I'd spent my month's allowance on a watch he had his eye on, but that was all I got him!

"Uh, okay. See you later?"

"See you." He hung up and I turned to an amused Valentina.

I pointed at her accusingly. "Do you know what's going on?"

"Yes, and I have a feeling you are going to love it." She cackled before offering me a bowl of porridge out of nowhere. "Eat up before the driver comes, you have a long day ahead of you."

Sulkily, I spooned down my porridge whilst going through all the possibilities in my head. Most of them were either too nice of Luca or just unrealistic. I planned to interrogate his partner in crime, Lincoln, the minute I arrived at school to be prepared.

"How do I look?" I asked Valentina once I was done. If I was going to face public humiliation, I should have at least looked nice.

She smiled and straightened my blazer collar. "Perfect."

"Thanks." I grinned, heading towards the door. "Also, if I'm not back tonight, it's probably because I'm at Luca's."

"Okay güzellik, have fun!"

Doubtful.

****

"There she is!" Lincoln's voice rang out the moment I stepped out of the car. "Fallon-" He started to sing my name but I put an end to that very quickly.

"Yeah, yeah. Hi. What's going on?" I asked as I approached my friends where they were posed near the entrance of the school.

Tay looked up from her phone at my arrival, Perdita rolled her eyes and Lincoln simply smirked, sauntering towards me.

"Ah, my sweet, innocent Fallon." He exclaimed dramatically, throwing his arm around my shoulders. "Luca has gone full out this time."

I glanced at him, horrified. "He's not going to propose, is he?"

Linc threw his head back and laughed, whilst I mentally calculated how long it would take me to get back home. I didn't notice Tay glaring at his arm around my shoulder.

Digging in my bag, I brought out the chocolates Luca had left for me in the car. "Look, your favourite." I told LIncoln, shrugging his arm off. "Tell me what's going on and you can have a few, hm?"

Lincoln grinned, his brown eyes warm as he leaned into my personal space. "Bribery won't work on me, Fallon."

I rolled my eyes, turning to the girls. "Tay, help me out please. I at least want to be a little prepared for what is going to happen."

Tay continued chewing loudly on her gum whilst Perdita rolled her eyes again. "I don't see what big deal is, Fallon. Maybe you should-"

"-Maybe you should keep your opinion to yourself, because no one asked." I cut her off easily, my annoyance and anxiety getting the better of me. Tay let out a surprised laugh and Linc stepped between us.

"Whoa, girls, let's keep it friendly with each other, yeah? Or you can be extra friendly with me, anytime you like." He said, winking at Perdita and Tay fake gagged.

"You don't get tired of the sound of your own voice, Linc?"

His gaze turned to me. "Sometimes, yeah. But I never get tired of yours-"

"Oh my gosh, shut up, please!" I pleaded laughingly. "You're ridiculous."

Lincoln grinned at my laughter, clearly encouraged. "And it's ridiculous how good you look today. Why don't you ever put in that effort for me, hm?"

"Save this for your fan club, dummy." I shoved the chocolates into his chest.

"Flirting with your boyfriend's best friend while he's inside setting up things to celebrate your relationship?" Perdita cut in, stepping forward. "Tacky, no?"

I was too nervous to even take her seriously. "I bet you wish Luca was setting up things for you, huh Perdita?" I laughed when her face went pink. "I'll see you guys later." And with that, I entered the lion's den.

Nothing seemed amiss with students roaming the hallway as usual, except a few gave me secretive smiles which set me even more on edge. I cautiously approached and opened my locker, which appeared untouched except for a heart shaped paper.

My own heart started beating as I picked it up.

L is for the way you look at me.

I bit my lip to stop the smile emerging and glanced from side to side. There was another note.

U is for the way you understand me.

On the back was written: Come to classroom 86.

After keeping my bag in my locker, I followed the instructions, walking the short distance with my heart thudding against my chest. While he was physically affectionate, Luca had never really been the romantic type. I felt like I was in an alternate universe, dating a different guy.

And I liked it.

I entered the classroom to find it empty, bar a gorgeous bouquet of bright red roses with a note sticking out of them. After taking a quick picture of the flowers because I couldn't resist, I opened up the note.

C is for the way I can count on you, no matter what.

A is for the way I am undeserving of you.

I checked the back which gave further directions, this time to... the cafeteria?

"Lord, please help me." I prayed quickly, pocketing the note and grabbing hold of the flowers. A few cheers came from my schoolmates as I walked down the hall, and I smiled and waved in response, feeling like I was in a beauty pageant.

As I approached the large cafeteria, I could hear music playing. I leaned closer to the closed doors, ignoring the weird looks I was getting, and a gasp left me when I realised the song playing. It immediately took me back to a memory of when Luca and I first started dating.

"Are you a music person?"

Luca moved his gaze from the blue sky above us to the side of my face. He'd taken me out on a morning picnic and after stuffing ourselves we were sky-gazing. If that was a thing.

"I play piano?"

I giggled. "I know, but that's not what I meant. Do you like any specific genre? Do you listen to music often?"

He was silent as he thought. "Not really. Outside of the piano, music isn't really on my mind."

I hummed, but mentally I added another thing to my list of our differences. "There's this song my dad used to play for my mum. Whenever they argued, they wouldn't speak for ages. Just completely ignore each other, and speak through me. It made the house so tense."

"But whenever my Dad got sick of the silent treatment, he'd go to wherever my mum was, once she was at work, and start playing L.O.V.E by Nat Cole. One of the most romantic songs ever." I sighed whimsically. "She'd crack within a few seconds, and all would be fine again. Until their next argument."

I turned to look at Luca. "The funny thing is, my dad told me, at first he didn't mind the silent treatment. He thought it was better than her constantly nagging him. But later, he realised she hated it. My mum is the type to say whatever is bothering her, so bottling things up was hard. So, he only ever played the song for her, not because the silence was bothering him, but because he knew it hurt her, even if she initiated it. Selfless acts like that are the most romantic, I think. Though you're mad with the person you love, you still put them first, even if you don't want, or have to."

I turned back to the sky, unsure of how I was feeling. It was the delicate balance between happy and sad, an emotional area of uncertainty from a mixture of the two. "He always did small, intimate gestures like that, never the big and flashy ones. That's how my mum likes it, and I think I prefer those as well."

Luca took my hand with his own, squeezing it gently. "Play the song for me."

So I did. As we lay down side by side, holding hands and gazing up at the sky with Nat Cole singing in the background, I wondered if we would have our own song too.

"Fallon, what are you waiting for?" A voice broke me out of my trip down my memories. I turned to see one of my classmates, grinning at me. "Get in there!" She exclaimed, and graciously opened the door for me.

Someone, I wasn't sure who, practically shoved me inside. Cheers erupted and my gaze immediately landed on Luca who was standing on top of the centre table.

"There she is!" DId he have a microphone?

"Happy six month anniversary, Fallon." He was in his element, practically glowing as he stood on the makeshift stage. "I remember telling you I wasn't much of a music person, but today, for you, I will be."

My mouth dropped open. Luca remembered?

The next few minutes blurred by. I remember being ushered to a seat, taking in the live band that was performing alongside my boyfriend and my ecstatic classmates. He never looked away from me as he sang one of my favourite songs, and I swear, it was like we connected on a whole other level.

Luca was far from perfect. But so was I. He'd never shied away from pointing out my wrongdoings, while I wrote his down in my journal.

But we weren't meant to be perfect. Even if we appeared so to everyone else, it wasn't the case. And in that moment, I didn't want us to be.

If perfect meant there were only highs and no lows, only gain and no loss, only joy and no sadness in our relationship, then it was useless to me. While Luca had hurt me in the past, when he did things like this, signing his heart out to me at school, it reminded me of what we had.

A relationship that was messy and twisted, but in its own beautiful way. Like a wilted rose that had been abandoned for long, but with nurturing and care, could be brought back to life.

Maybe there was hope for me and Luca. Maybe one day, we truly would have our own song.