Bad For Me

THE moment I woke up the next morning I sensed the shift in the air. Maybe it was the noise and chatter that filled the usually silent house, or the sound of rain drops hitting my window. I just knew today was going to be... different.

And not necessarily in a good way.

I was in the middle of staring up at my ceiling, trying to convince my aching body to start moving when there was a knock on my door. Valentina popped her head in with a sweet smile that did nothing to calm my nerves.

"Good morning, güzellik." She greeted me, making me smile a little. "Your parents want to have breakfast with you before you leave for school."

I sat up immediately. "Parents? I thought Dad is still in Ethiopia?"

She shook her head. "He decided to surprise you and come back early."

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face if I tried. My father, Ibrahim Kassa, was a successful man whose business had taken off a few years ago. One minute I was sitting on the stairs, listening to my parents argue about finances and the next we were packing our things to move into a mansion. Hard work was at the root of everything he did, even if it meant sacrificing time with his family.

With me.

I tried not to hold it against him. Money had brought opportunities I'd only ever dreamed of. But also changed some parts of my life into a nightmare.

Did I miss how things were? The council flat, arguments and barely enough room to breathe? I didn't miss those parts of it. But I missed having a daily dinner with my dad and brothers, seeing them more than once a month, and even if I went to bed hungry there was still a smile on my face because I knew things would get better.

When things were already better, when you were at the top, what was there to look forward to?

The elation I felt at the news of my dad being home slowly faded away as my thoughts progressed. I forced myself to complete my morning routine, showering, applying makeup and wearing my uniform. After washing my hair last night it had reverted to its curly state, which was thankfully tame. I eyed the necklace Luca had gifted me. It was pretty, a simple golden chain with a small heart at the bottom. It also cost the price of a cheap car.

I clasped it around my neck before I could dwell on it further. Any anger I felt towards my boyfriend had disappeared, mostly. It was not in my nature to hold grudges, especially towards him. Luca upset me every other day, so staying angry would be futile.

Descending down the stairs towards the dining room felt like I was approaching my doom. Sunlight obscured my vision for a second as I entered the spacious area. A high ceiling, white and grey colour scheme and minimalist furniture are all signs of my mother's touch.

The faint smell of her sweet perfume lingered in the air as I approached my parents sitting down. Only Dad looked up at the sound of my footsteps, and a contagious smile spread across his weathered face.

"Fallon." He greeted me, hugging me warmly. "How are you, my love? I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." I mumbled into his shoulder, which I just barely reached. I got my height from him.

He pulled back to look at me. "I hope you've been taking care of yourself? You look tired."

I put on a convincing smile. "I'm fine, Dad. How was Ethiopia? You've tanned so much."

"It was amazing, all your cousins were asking after you. Your āyati as well." At the mention of my Grandma, his mother, I immediately softened. She was such a wonderful and pure hearted lady that I barely spoke to enough.

Letting out a sigh, I told him: "I wish I came with you. It's been years since we last went."

"You have other commitments here, yes? Next summer when you're less busy-"

"My new clothing line will be released by then," my mother interrupted, standing up and approaching us. "So Fallon will be extremely busy, as my best model."

The smile on my face strained slightly as I faced her. Her eyes, so dark they appeared black, were trained on me. "How was New York, mum?"

As business owners, travel was a big part of my parents' lives. When Dad's company took off he was able to fund my mum's fashion business, a clothing line which gained popularity through social media and soon became mainstream. I was her guinea pig for a lot of her original designs, something I didn't mind as first as it meant we could spend more time together.

If I knew that came with the constant nit-picking and criticising features of myself I couldn't change, my excitement would have been less. Working with a perfectionist was draining.

After a few more minutes of polite talk, I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, signalling an incoming call. Only one person called me this early.

I shot my parents a smile, even though Dad's attention was on his phone. "Luca's on his way to pick me up, so I'm going to head outside."

That caught my dad's attention. "Ah, the boyfriend. Tell him to come inside, it's been a while since we've seen him."

"We'll be late for school if that happens, Dad. Mrs Courtney did mention arranging a dinner in the next few weeks, so you'll see him there. I have to go-"

"Wait, do you have any plans for the evening?" Dad asked quickly.

"Not that I can think of, why?"

He smiled. "I've missed you, yene fikir." My mum turned up her nose at the endearing term, which we ignored. "I was hoping we could have dinner tonight, just us two? You could catch me up on how your summer was and your plans for the year."

The feeling of elation spread through my body and my toes curled in excitement. It had been months since I'd had a conversation that lasted more than ten minutes with my father. I had so much to catch him up on. "Sounds amazing. Where do you want to go?"

He waved a hand. "You're more familiar with this area than I am, you choose a place."

I nodded, almost afraid my smile would split my face in half. Glancing at my stoic mother, I asked, "would you want to come?"

She shook her head, already moving away from the table. "I have no time for things like that, Fallon."

You mean spending time with your daughter outside of work? The bitter thought came to my mind immediately.

My dad shook his head at her jokingly and I cracked a smile, walking backwards.

"I need to go now, bye!" And with that I was out of the house, just in time as Luca's car pulled up.

As I opened the passenger seat a bouquet of roses greeted me instead of his face. I paused for a moment but accepted the flowers from a sheepish looking Luca.

"What are these for?" I asked, giving them a quick sniff. They emitted a smell too sweet to be real. A quick feel of the petals confirmed. They were fake.

"My apology for how I spoke to you the other day." Luca responded as I kept the flowers in the back seat. "I was out of line, Fallon."

"What made you out of line?"

"By talking down on you," He responded. "I'll support you with whatever you do, Fallon. You know that."

Did I?

"And that also means telling you when your thoughts are a bit..." He struggled to find the right word. "Far-fetched. You're so talented, but your strengths lie in business, just like me. It makes sense to stick with what we're good at, yes?"

To be honest, his words were going in one ear and leaving through the other. Luca's half-hearted apology-but-not-really-an-apology was something I'd had the pleasure of hearing many times before. Each time his recycled words lost their meaning for me.

"Wait..." He let out a breath. "I'm doing this all wrong."

Huh?

I turned to look at him and he met my gaze. "I am sorry Fallon, for speaking to you how I did. I was out of line, and I realise that now. When you walked away, hurt and angry, I knew I messed up. I never want us to walk away from each other on bad terms, even if we disagree." He let out a deep breath. "At the end of the day, I'm your boyfriend, not your boss. I want the best for you, but ultimately you know what is right for yourself. Do you forgive me?"

As I stared at Luca, it was like a glow from above shone down on him. I saw him in a completely different light, similar to the one when we first met.

Starting a new school, especially one like Durham Grammar, was extremely daunting. But as I walked down the hallway to my first class, I noticed a group of guys standing near the staircase. Out of all of them, Luca immediately stood out to me.

Somehow, he commanded all their attention. He could have been speaking about the weather, but everyone was listening intently. It was clear he was the leader of the group, the one who held the most confidence and authority.

I was immediately drawn to that, to his demeanour which bordered on being arrogant. I believed if I could act like that, or be associated with someone who acted like that, maybe I could survive being the new girl.

Then when we locked eyes, he didn't smile, but regarded me with an expression I still didn't understand to this day. It seemed to be curiosity mixed with something else... something deeper.

Despite his weird look, I'd offered him a smile. He approached me at lunch time the same day, and it was hi온라인카지노게임 from there.

My first ever boyfriend and friend in the school, Lucas Courtenay became a major part of my life. One that I had been starting to doubt, but this apology renewed hope within me.

Now, Luca regarded me with a hopeful yet vulnerable expression. He was never one for apologies, which made me appreciate this one all the more. How could I stay angry at him after those lovely words?

But words are just that. Words.

Ignoring the nagging feeling within me, I leaned over to kiss him. For a short moment, all my negative thoughts faded away as he embraced me. When we pulled away I eyed the roses once more.

"Why fake flowers?"

Luca started the car, glancing at the roses briefly before me. His blue eyes were serious as he took me in. "They were prettier than the real ones."

"First, I want to start with thanking you all for signing up to this year's Welcome Buddy scheme." Headmaster Mason stood at the front of the assembly hall, addressing the many students before him.

"At Durham Grammar we receive students from all backgrounds. Making them feel welcomed and wanted is key. Each of you will be assigned with one or two new students in the same year group as you. For the first two months, you will act not only as they're schoolmate, but as their friend. You will help them get to their classes, offer them school advice to the best of their ability and encourage them to sign up for as many clubs as they can. Especially the swim team, Lord knows we need dedicated players there." A few chuckles rang out.

"So, when I call out your name, check the list to see who you are paired with. Some new students are already among us and know who their Buddy is, so don't be shy to approach them as they go towards the list."

With that the Headmaster began calling out names. I relaxed as I knew I'd be further down the list, watching everyone instead. About fifty people from each year group volunteered to become a Buddy, a larger number than last year. I had one myself when I first started at Durham, and although she wasn't the most pleasant, it was good having some form of support.

"Fallon Ibrahim." I was distracted out of my thoughts at the sound of my name. As I walked towards the list, I heard the Headmaster say, "who is lucky enough to be paired with our student body president?"

I cracked a smile as I passed him. "Not the president quite yet, Sir."

He waved a hand. "We both know there's no competition."

Holding back a pleased blush at the praise, I checked the list for the name of my 'buddy'.

Kairos Andino.

Looking at the crowd, no one seemed to be approaching me. I even called out his name for good measure, to be met with no response.

The Headmaster called out the next name and I shrugged, moving back to my seat. Guess I'd have to meet him another time.

My meeting with the school counsellor went according to plan.

Well, my plan.

He regretfully informed me that Business was full and taking on no more students. I'd pleaded, quite convincingly but there was no way I could start the subject.

What a shame.

It was hard to hide the bounce in my step as I moved towards Luca's car. But I had to do so in order to convince him this was the worst news I'd heard.

"Hey, L." I greeted as I entered the passenger seat. He looked up from his phone and regarded me with a smile.

"Hi, gorgeous. How was the Welcome buddy meeting?"

"Good, although my person was a no show." I shrugged. "I'll try and seek him out tomorrow."

"Him?" Jealous tone made a quick appearance.

I placed a hand on his knee in an attempt to sooth him and nodded. Luca's dark brows furrowed.

"What is his name?"

"I don't remember, but it was Greek and really nice." I couldn't forget that name if I tried.

He looked at me dubiously. "You don't remember the name but know its origin?"

"Mhmm." I nodded convincingly with a sweet smile.

He sighed and started the car. "I don't want you working with a guy. He's going to be all over you."

"Luca."

"You're a pretty girl, Fallon," He continued, reversing out of the parking space. "And sometimes too friendly for your own good. He'll feel comfortable enough to try it on you."

"What do you mean by 'too friendly for my own good'?" I asked, attempting to remove my hand but his large one covered it.

"I mean, half the school not only knows who you are but adores you. Those two year eleven boys you spoke to the other day practically had love hearts in their eyes."

"I'm involved in a lot of things, and I make an effort to know everyone, that's why I'm well known. Would you rather be dating a nobody?"

Luca heaved out a sigh so I continued. "Plus, what does your dad always say to you? 'There's no such thing as too many allies."

He couldn't help but crack a smile, glancing at me briefly. "Using my father's words against me, Fallon? Low blow."

I leaned over to kiss his cheek. "You have nothing to worry about, I promise. Anyway, I spoke to the school counsellor..." Cue the deep breath. "And unfortunately I can't take on Business. It's full."

Watching his face carefully for any sign of anger was futile as Luca kept it perfectly blank, eyes on the road. After a minute of contemplation he squeezed my knee gently without saying a word.

My gaze didn't leave his face. "You're not mad?"

He shrugged. "There's nothing you can do about it."

You didn't answer my question.

I directed my gaze to the window, watching the darkening clouds roam over the sky. Typical UK weather, raining every other day.

"Lincoln is having a party tonight, nothing major." His deep voice disrupted the silence in the car. "I told him we'd be there, it starts at 9."

"Party?" I frowned, not looking away from the sky. "It's going to be pouring."

"A pool party, his indoor pool is finished being built so he wants to show off, as you do." Luca chuckled slightly, pulling up to my driveway.

"As much as I would love to go," It was difficult to hide my sarcasm. "I already have plans for the evening, dinner with my dad." A smile spread across my lips at the thought. I'd already researched for a restaurant I believed he would live during my lunch and was excited to hear his thoughts.

Luca shot me a look and the car came to a stop. "That is, if he turns up."

I gave him a look of my own, unamused. "He will. And even if he doesn't, I wouldn't want to go to Lincoln's lame party anyway."

Instead of getting annoyed, like I wanted him to, Luca chuckled and unlocked his phone. He handed it to me with an amused smile. "You'll have to break the news to him then, I'm afraid. He asked me to make sure you come."

Reading the text messages between them left me feeling uncomfortable. I turned to my boyfriend. "Why do you let him speak about me like this?"

Luca's brows furrowed. "Like what?"

"Bro, make sure your girl comes, yeah? I'm dying to see her in a bikini." I quoted the message. Luca slowly smirked, leaning back in his seat.

"Linc always wants what he can't have. Those comments don't bother me because I know you're mine. So all he can do is watch from the sidelines longingly while I flaunt you in his face." Luca said this in a matter-of-fact tone, as if he was speaking about the latest car, not me.

Why would you expect something different? You let him treat you like his doll, always on his arm to be shown off.

Indignation burned within me and my fists clenched. "So what, I'm some kind of pawn in this sick game between you too?"

Luca looked at me evenly, his blue eyes betraying nothing. "Yes, and a very pretty one at that," Before I could respond he continued, patting my knee. "Go get ready for dinner. Let me know if he bails and I'll pick you up for the party."

"Don't hold your breath." I snapped, grabbing my bag and leaving the car. "Or actually, do."

I could hear his chuckle as I walked up my driveway. "You're so hot when you're annoyed!" He called out and I didn't bother with a response, trying to push down the disgust and anger I was feeling.

My phone chimed with a message as I was removing my loafers in the house.

Luca: You're too easy to tease.

Me: I don't belong to you. Stop treating me like I do.

Luca: Yes you do. And I, to you. That's how relationships work, Fallon.

Me: Don't patronise me.

Luca: Fucking hell, lighten up. Why are you being so irritable?

Unconsciously, I sucked in a breath. Luca swearing meant he was starting to get pissed off, which urged me to rectify the situation.

Even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Me: Not sure, maybe it's something to do with my annoying yet very attractive boyfriend, who is also hot when he's mad.

That should do it.

Luca: Flattery gets you nowhere, love. Send me a picture when you're done getting ready.

Me: As long as you don't show it to Lincoln.

Luca: If your dad's company doesn't work out for you, maybe try comedy.

Me: <3

Upon entering the kitchen I found Valentina wiping down the counter. She looked up at my entrance and smiled. "How are you, Fallon? You look upset."

I immediately forced a smile on my face. It was exhausting maintaining this perfect mask 24/7, but no-one wanted to hear me whine. "I'm fine, just relationship troubles. Is Mum home?"

She gave me a knowing look at my lie but accepted my change in conversation. "Yes, in the designing room. She said to not be distrubed for the rest of the night."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Shocker. Even when she was at home, she wasn't present. "That's fine, I'm meeting Dad for dinner anyway. I saw this West African restaurant I think he would like, it offers food from all the different countries."

The smile on Valentina's face slipped a bit and she moved towards me. "That sounds lovely, güzellik. But perhaps-"

At the sound of the Turkish nickname she frequently called me, something snapped within me. "Valentina, why do you always call me 'beauty'? Is that all there is to me? My looks?"

She looked taken-aback. "Of course not, Fallon. I'm sorry if I offended you."

A sigh expelled from my body and I lifted a hand. "No, you didn't offend me. It's just..."

Valentina placed a hand on my shoulder, her brown eyes earnest. "You know you can tell me anything, yes? And it will stay between us."

As I looked at the lady who cared for me more than my own mother, I was tempted to spill my heart to her. My anger at Luca and his weird friends, and the doubt about my Dad showing up for our dinner. The tiredness I felt about it all.

Whilst writing in my journal was a good outlet, it didn't speak back. It didn't tell me if I was overthinking, being irrational or right to feel the way I did. All it did was act as a distorted mirror, reflecting my various feelings back to me. Feelings I had to suppress every minute of every day.

Valentina had made it clear she viewed me as more than her boss's daughter. That I was like a daughter to her. But she'd never seen me at my lowest, at the verge of breaking down. No-one ever did, not because they couldn't but because they wouldn't want to.

Who liked the sight of a beautiful rose wilting?

In my silence, Valentina spoke. She gently cupped my face. "I call you beauty, Fallon. Not because of your outward appearance, but because of the inside. Because of your heart."

I swallowed hard, looking away. "You don't know my heart, Valentina." Putting some distance between us, I went to grab my handbag. "I need to get ready."

Out of my peripheral vision, I watched her nod and return to the counters. "Okay, dear. I left some lasagna in the fridge, in case..."

The unspoken words lingered in the air. In case your dad ditches you.

"Thank you. It can be tomorrow's dinner." Hopefully.

With that I headed upstairs and to my room. I'd already had an outfit picked out, a modest but flattering black maxi dress. It had a high neckline paired with the Gucci clutch my dad had gifted me and simple black heels. To complete the elegant look, I slicked my curls into a high bun, using minimal gel.

My clock displayed the time to be just after 7pm. We'd agreed he'd meet me at the house at 7:30 to make it for our reservation at 8pm.

"Have some faith, Fallon." I told my nervous reflection. "He has half an hour. He's not going to let you down again."

I decided to pass time by writing in my journal and listening to the low hum of my mums sewing machine and Valentina clearing the kitchen.

Valentina was out of the house by twenty five past seven. I decided to leave my clock facing down, it wasn't helping any matters. At the sound of my phone ringing I practically flew into the air, grabbing it and answering.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hello, yene fikir." His warm voice greeted me and I let out a deep breath.

"Are you on your way back?"

"Ah... no. I was just catching up with everyone at the office, and lost track of time. What time is the reservation?"

"8pm." My voice came out quieter than I meant it to.

"Okay, okay. Listen, I'm always finished here, alright? So I will meet you there, yes?"

I hated the feeling of hope that swelled in my chest. It immediately overpowered the logical thoughts in my brain. "That's fine."

"I'm sorry, I know it was meant to be a surprise. But you know how these things work, yes?"

All to well. "Yes-"

The sound of boisterous laughter suddenly exploded in his background. "Text me the address, Fallon." And he hung up.

Later on, as I sat in our family car, it took everything within me to not think negatively. But it proved to be a challenge.

"He did call me, so that's a good sign, right?" I asked Hugo, our driver ever since we moved to London. He was a man of few words, but whenever he did speak, they were wise.

I watched him glance at me in the rearview mirror. The dark shades covering his eyes gave away nothing but the frown pulling at his lips did. "It is a sign, Miss."

"Okay, so I'm worrying over nothing, yes?"

"One can't worry over nothing, Miss."

"Stop pulling my leg, Hugo. You know what I mean."

He lifted a broad shoulder, and that was that. If I was lucky maybe I'd get a sentence out of him in the next six months.

We arrived at the restaurant five minutes early, just as I'd planned. After sitting down at the reserved table that's when I allowed myself to worry. Looking around the dimly lit room I observed families and couples enjoying themselves. Calming music and chatter filled the atmosphere yet I was anything but relaxed.

A tall, dark-skinned waitress approached me with a polite smile. "Welcome to Enwe Nri, where you can enjoy the cuisines of West Africa. My name is Daluchi, and I'll be your server for today. Are you ready to order yet, ma'am?"

I shook my head. "I'm waiting for my dad, give me ten minutes please."

She nodded. "There's no rush, let me know if you need anything."

I need my dad to keep his word for once, Daluchi, can you do that?

The polite smile remained on my face as I watched her walk away, before directing my gaze to the doors. I felt my phone vibrate in my purse and surprised myself at the speed I whipped it out.

Dad: I've left the office, yene fikir, but traffic is bad. Order starters, so food will be there when I arrive.

My appetite had lessened significantly due to nerves, but I studied the menu anyway. I caught the eye of another server and watched him approach, the feeling of disappointment leaving me as I replayed my Dad's message in my head. 

Do you think her dad will show up?