Bad For Me

AFTER sipping the black coffee and gagging enough to concern Luca, I knew it would take a lot for today to turn out alright.

I downed more of the nastiest drink ever so Luca's money wouldn't go to waste. The two pounds it cost meant nothing to him, but the importance and value of every penny had been ingrained in my head since I was young. Another reason his friends weren't my biggest fans, my family's wealth was very recent.

At Durham Grammar, where we strived for excellence in everything we did, there was a hierarchy. The school was founded in the late 1700s after a bored, random Lord decided to change his abandoned castle into a school for boys. Eventually it became mixed, but only for a certain class of people.

The filthy rich.

Based on its hi온라인카지노게임, the hierarchy was as follows: old money students, who were the majority. New money students, which I was fortunate enough to belong in. Then the staff, including the cleaners and dinner ladies. Lastly, the scholarship kids.

Everyone avoided the last group, and if they weren't being avoided they were being picked on. It was very unfortunate, and their treatment was one the school turned a blind eye to. But some students, such as I, ignored the hierarchy and interacted with everyone because money was money and we were there to receive education, not flaunt our wealth.

As we arrived at the old, stone school I couldn't help but feel relief and excitement. Other than looking pretty, (which Luca constantly emphasised the importance of) learning was one thing I excelled at.

I walked slightly in front of my three companions, immediately smiling when I caught my fellow classmates' eyes. The hallway was packed as usual, students bustling around in a blur of dark blue and white. The shaded windows didn't provide much light, or ventilation, so there was a constant musky scent in the air. Murmurs and laughter filled the air as everyone caught up about their summer break.

"Hey Fallon! How's it going?" Someone called out. I turned to my left to see one of my classmates, Alice, walking with a friend. Lincoln and Tay immediately went ahead, mumbling something about morning assembly, but Luca stuck by next to me. I paid them no mind.

"As good as it can be this early. How were the Maldives?"

"My best holiday yet!" Was her eager response and the end to our short conversation, as Luca was nudging me to move on.

I smiled at Alice, waving as I walked past her. Catching the eyes of lower classmen, I nodded at them when they waved shyly, ignoring Luca's irritated sigh behind me.

"Hey, Fallon." The shorter Year 11 greeted with a small smile. I mirrored his expression.

"Tim, Jonathan. Good summer?"

Jonathon's eyes widened. "You remember our names?"

I gave him a funny look. "Of course, you two were my best Maths students last year-" They both groaned at the mention of the unpopular subject. "-And I'm planning to follow up your progress this year, so study hard."

"Yes, Miss Student Body President." Tim said sarcastically with a salute.

"Not yet." I replied to the title and with a wave Luca and I moved past them. I was stopped three more times before my boyfriend lost patience and dragged me towards the assembly hall. We found Lincoln and Tay already seated at the very back and moved towards them.

"Got held up?" Linc asked Luca but shot me a knowing, and slightly accusatory look.

"Fallon insisted on greeting practically everyone." Luca groaned, falling back into his seat. I shrugged delicately, lowering myself next to him.

"I'm not going to apologise for knowing my schoolmates," I said, before smirking at Lincoln. "Jealous that your fan club wasn't waiting for you by the entrance?"

Lincoln's retort was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. When I turned to my left the first thing I saw was a blonde bob. After a second I connected the hair to the person.

Perdita.

Her blue eyes seemed to glimmer as she took the three of us in. They rested on Luca and I immediately tensed up at his side.

"Perdita!" Tay was the one to break the silence, standing up to hug her with Linc close behind. With a nudge from Luca I begrudgingly stood to hug her too, getting a whiff of her flowery perfume.

"Fallon." Perdita said fondly once I pulled apart, resting her dainty hands on my shoulders. I looked down at her with the most pleasant expression I could muster. With her petite frame, soft features and light blue eyes Perdita was pretty and she knew it.

"Perdita. How was Rome?"

She sighed dreamily, before gesturing for us to sit down. "It was like a dream. Definitely in the top three of my holidays," Her eyes rested on Luca's arm around my shoulder. "You guys should consider travelling for your six months. That's coming up soon, no?"

Luca nodded, squeezing me slightly. "Yes, in two weeks. It feels like I've known Fallon forever though."

Perdita nodded with a funny smile on her face. "Love is funny like that. Makes you delusional, some would say."

My smile widened to stop me grimacing. "And how is your love life Perdita? Did an Italian boy sweep you off your feet over the summer?"

She scoffed. "You know I'm not the type for flings, Fallon. That's more Tay's style, so let's leave it to her."

I glanced at Tay who gave no indication that the words bothered her apart from her jaw clenching.

"How do you know our anniversary is coming soon anyway?" I directed the conversation back to me.

Perdita smiled in a way that made me regret my question. Her head tilted slightly. "Luca mentioned it when we were on the phone last night. It was quite late as I had trouble falling asleep so he was lovely enough to stay up with me."

In my peripheral vision I saw Tay shoot me a look, shaking her head slightly in disapproval. The boys were oblivious to the tension, beginning their own conversation as Perdita and I silently held eye contact for a while.

A lady never fights with her fists, my mother once told me. Only with her eyes.

Perdita had this annoying little habit of flirting with Luca. She wasn't interested in him, but in seeing how far she could push me.

I guess after all this time she still didn't get the memo. I was the queen of composure.

Which is why I flicked my ponytail over my shoulder and titled my head too. "You must have your dates confused, Perdita. Luca was at mine last night, and he was knocked out by nine."

Her eyes widened slightly at her mistake but I didn't give her time to recover. "And I remember you gushing over a guy you met on the beach last week, and how you had to have your way with him," Pink blotches appeared on her cheeks. "So maybe flings are your thing too, no?"

Linc whistled, leaning over to twirl a strand of Perdita's hair around his finger teasingly. "Geez, Perdita. Never knew you had this wild side to you, I'd love to see more of it."

Perdita slapped his hand away, her gaze not leaving mine. "Trust me, you haven't seen wild yet."

The sound of a microphone turning on caught everyone's attention and signalled the assembly was starting. I once again smiled, hoping it told her what I chose not to. Perdita's glower didn't leave her face as her hands clenched into fists.

Not very ladylike of her.

****

The day passed relatively quickly, and soon I was leaning against Luca's car, waiting for him. Despite me having a driver he insisted we had to arrive at school together most days. He claimed it upheld our image and showed our unity as a couple. In our world, image was everything.

Luca soon exited the school with some of his football teammates, all rowdy laughter and wide grins, their presence expanding over the car park. I waved when his eyes landed on me, straightening up.

"Hey," Luca greeted, his dark hair brushing my forehead as he hugged me. "How did your meeting go?"

My face showed the confusion I felt. "Meeting?"

He brushed past me to enter the car through the driver's seat, gesturing me to get in. "Yes, your meeting with the school counsellor. To pick up Business as an additional subject."

I stood there for a moment, processing his words as he stared up at me impatiently. Then it clicked.

I walked around the car and got into the passenger seat, placing my handbag at my feet. Turning my body to face him, I spoke in my most pacifying voice. "Luca, we discussed this before and my answer hasn't changed. I'm not going to take Business along with three other A levels. The workload will be too much for me."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Yes, and I told you I can help you with it and you can hire a tutor, so that's not an excuse."

"I still wouldn't be able to handle it, four A levels along with my responsibilities on the student council, tutoring and photo shoots it's too much-"

"Then drop a subject." He interrupted sharply and I reared back slightly. If someone peered inside my body, they would see my stomach was reduced to a tight bundle of nerves. Whenever we had this conversation, it never ended well.

"Which subject would I drop?"

"Any of them," He shrugged casually, referring to Maths, Physics and Chemistry. "None of them are important for a business degree."

Here we go. "Luca, I told you I don't want to study business in university, I want to do-"

"-Engineering." He scoffed harshly, facing away from me. "Be fucking serious for once, Fallon." The words shocked me into silence but my mouth gaped open.

Luca started the car and the engine drowned out my response as he started driving. The hurt frown on my face refused to go away as I took deep breaths to calm myself.

The ride to my house was tense and silent. Focusing on passing scenery did nothing to slow my rapid heart beat or stop the shaking of my hands.

Despite my parents and boyfriend's wishes for me to pursue business, I had made it clear my interest was in something else. But God forbid I go against what they wanted for me, right?

I refused to have a ridiculous amount of debt from student loans due to a degree I held no interest in. Why was that so hard for them to understand?

Luca pulled up to my house and parked in the driveway. With the rumble of the engine gone, the silence was overwhelming, so quiet I thought he could hear my heart beating rapidly.

I kept my gaze focused outside even when I felt his on the side of my face. "We're in Year 13, Fallon. There's no time for jokes anymore, you have to be serious if you want us to both get into Oxford University."

"I am serious." My voice was no louder than a whisper.

"No, you're not." His voice was even. "Because you cling onto this childish, stupid pipe dream of studying engineering. A degree that not only has nothing to do with our family businesses, but you wouldn't be able to handle. You buckle at the thought of doing four A levels but want to pursue one of the hardest degrees." He paused. "Look at me."

I didn't move, except to tuck my shaking hands under my legs.

"Now."

I met his piercing blue eyes with my own, my face a perfect blank mask.

Apparently not blank enough. "Don't look at me like that. You know I'm pushing you because I love you." He claimed, frowning.

"If you loved me, you'd support me. I always support you."

Luca lightly grasped my arm and squeezed. "I am, by telling you to get your head out of the clouds and forget about engineering. We wouldn't want your mum to know you're not taking business as one of your subjects, would we?"

The shaking had escalated from my hands to practically my whole body at the mention of my mother, but his hold on me didn't loosen. "No." The word left my mouth reluctantly. "I'll make an appointment with the school counsellor next week."

He nodded, satisfied. "Good. I'll call you later, yeah?"

And that was that.

Crushing defeat sat on my chest as I left his car, making the walk up the asphalt road harder than usual. Bitter tears threatened to spill from my eyes but I held them in. I preferred to release my emotions into the pages of my journal, hasty writing filling up blank sheets as I put my thoughts on the page.

The shaking of my hands slowly ceased as I opened my journal once inside the house. The sound of pen on paper echoed through the house as I wrote in an attempt to soothe myself.

JOURNAL ENTRY #465

What are thorns without a rose?

What is a rose without thorns?

Both are intertwined. The thorns hold benefit for the rose, a symbol of protection and a threat to those who want to inflict it with harm.

But what is the rose to the thorn? Nothing but a vessel for it to sit upon, scaring away those who may have good intentions. Intentions of plucking it as a gift to a loved one, even if that act would kill the rose.

But would it be killing? Or would it be freeing? To cut off the thorns from the stem before presenting it as a symbol of love.

Is Luca the rose or the thorn?

It's unclear, but he must be one of them. And I, the other. Which means we are forever intertwined.

Until someone cuts... or plucks.

**

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