El ��ltimo paso: Alice

                                        

                                              
Reaper was a buried remnant, as far down inside Malcolm as he could manage to force the spectre of his past to go. He was a teacher now, a man with a purpose, a place to live and even a beautiful woman by his side. And none of that helped to keep the emptiness at bay. Malcolm knew that he should feel grateful for his lot in life. Spain was years behind him now, the lessons learned still strong but the pain and memories settling down in his mind. Salali and the pet shop helped him feel like he was once again a part of something greater than himself, those animals needed him and even more confusingly, they responded to his strange emotional states, forcing Malcolm to be normal, even when it was so much easier to feel dead inside. 
                              
His job as a teacher was a great stroke of luck, his duties as a substitude PE and English teacher landing him a fulltime position when the teacher he replaced got pregnant, went on maternity leave and never came back. Others would give significant parts of their anatomy for the chance he was given and yet... he barely felt anything on the matter. Though there was a moment of pure blooded surprise when Malcolm realized that one of his students was none other than West. His reunion with the Cuban was bittersweet because both men had changed from when they’d last seen the other. West had become harder and more like Reaper than Malcolm had ever wanted for him. And Reaper had tried to become a different man than his past had built him to be. There was still respect there, and a lingering brotherhood but there was the years spent apart and the life lessons learned in between them now. Malcolm knew that his hope for the Cuban to get away from the gang life had never happened, and West was grown to a man through violence and conflict. 
                              
And then there was Shawna. His girlfriend. A man like Malcolm, like Reaper, didn't deserve anyone with that distinction. Worse yet, he knew that although he said the words to her, he wasn't in love with the innocent red head. She was a good girl, nothing like the women he had taken to bed in Spain. Shawna never even swore, stubbed toes earned an ouchie, a cut on her finger only ever got a darn it. It was indearing and cloying all at the same time. She was perfect. She was so pure and innocent Malcolm knew he could never be Reaper with her or she would flee from him like the monster he knew he was. He wanted to give her the security a woman like that deserved and try to build a life where he was the man she thought him to be. Shawna had no clue of his past, no awareness at all that he was anything more than a teacher who volunteered at a pet store. He could pretend to be normal with her. But still, despite all that he gave to that relationship, Malcolm knew he held back. Because never once did he want his family to meet her. Part of it was her complete lack of Spanish, there were simply too many people in his family that still hadn't mastered the English language to bring Shawna around. Some of it was that he knew his family would look at her and know that he had not told her about his past, and they all detested secret keeping. Secrets ruined lives and there was simply no room in their tribe for that kind of fracture. But that last sliver of him kept her away because he knew, just knew that Shawna wanted more from him than he was willing to give. The part of Malcolm that was, and likely always would be Reaper couldn't be killed and she could never claim to love it. 
                              
"You're brooding again." Carlitos mocked Malcolm, his movements in the wheelchair graceful after years of adjusting to it. The ex gang leader had converted to Canadian well, his skin tone faded to match the lack of sun light, more laugh lines around his mouth than there ever had been before. And even a few wrinkles, signs of aging that Carlitos would likely have never lived long enough to earn back in Madrid. The wedding ring on his finger flashed in the light and Malcolm smiled softly, remembering the wedding between Maya and Carlitos well. 
                              
"Of course. I don't want to do this." Malcolm replied, crossing his arms over his chest. 
                              
"It's your birthday. Shut up and accept it. Besides, it's not like you've never been to a strip club before. I distinctly remember.." Carltios started to remind when Malcolm gave him the look. The 'stop what you are saying right now and we can avoid the violence' look. Ironically, it was Carlitos that had taught him that look almost ten years ago. When Carlitos shot Malcolm back the look with a dead emptiness in his own eyes, both men ended up laughing. It wasn't the mirthfilled laughter of joy however, instead an almost painful mocking of the good men they were trying to be. It was a heavy burden to carry, their own pasts, and Malcolm was just grateful to have Carlitos around so that he knew that he wasn't alone in the battle against the ghosts of his past.